


Play my game

by yamaneko19xx



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Blood, Canon Disabled Character, Falling In Love, Love Confessions, Love Triangles, M/M, Parasite Kaz, Skull!Kaz, Smut, Torture, big boss is a jerk, part 2 is full of angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-06
Updated: 2016-08-03
Packaged: 2018-05-11 23:23:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 34
Words: 104,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5645596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yamaneko19xx/pseuds/yamaneko19xx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part 1: Chapters 1~23: Ocelot plays a seduction game with Kazuhira Miller and Venom Snake. But when his and Kaz's feelings get in the way they'll have to make a choice.<br/>Quiet/Buffalo story only take 2 chapters and can be skipped, the rest are mainly Ocelot/Kaz with some venom/ocelot and venom/kaz<br/>Part 2: Chapter 24~36  : post TPP. The comeback of Big Boss threatens to break everything apart.<br/>Kaz has to accept his new body changes and learn to control his demons. He also needs to make a choice, will he stay with Venom Snake or will he try to win Ocelot back?<br/></p><p>*Chapter 34 Update*  “Show me then. Show me your loyalty, Adam.”<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Join my game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First part of this trash fic.  
> Ocelot tries to convince Kaz to help him hook up Quiet and Flaming Buffalo.  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First part of this trash fic.  
> Ocelot tries to convince Kaz to help him hook up Quiet and Flaming Buffalo. I was also interested in Quiet and Ocelot being best friends, so expect to see that on the next chapter. Also, there's some Kaz/ Buffalo kind of friendship.
> 
> Edit: the story changed from what I designed at the beginning so there's a lot of drama, lol, sorry.  
> mainly dialogues with poor descriptions, sorry I suck at writing, just wanted to get this idea off my head!
> 
> Deleted the description of the second part. The main ship is Ocelot/Kaz but there's vkaz, vosselot and vosselhira on its way.  
> Quiet/flaming buffalo centered chapter is "our shy game". You can skip it if you don't like this ship.  
> No beta tested.

“....What?” Kaz looked up at Ocelot from the pile of papers that he was working on his desk.

“What you heard, Miller. Do I need to repeat it?” Ocelot sat at the edge of the desk on Kaz’s side crossing his legs. He always did this when he wanted a favor from the Commander.

Kaz put his pen down and looked up at him.

“I thought I just heard that you wanted me to help you hook up Quiet with Buffalo.”

“Right.”

“No way” Kaz declined Ocelot’s proposal and turned his attention back to the orders of purchase he had to approve.

“Come on! It will be fun. Besides, aren’t you the expert when it comes to women? don’t you have a secret to drive women crazy?”

“Yeah, Ocelot. And that’s exactly why you are sitting on my desk, because you are crazy about me, aren’t you?” It was not his intention to say it with such a husky voice, Kaz would regret jumping into the older man’s game.

“Very funny, and I thought I was the one seducing you right now, Kaz.” Ocelot taunted him, taking Kaz’s hand and placing it on his thigh.

 

Kaz leaned back into his chair and focused his attention on the silver haired man. His hand was still on Ocelot’s thigh.

“Then why are you still here wasting my time? Go and play the love coach yourself.”

“I know that you’ll eventually say yes, but you want me to beg.” The older man gently brushed his gloved hand over Kaz’s.

“Quiet’s in love with Snake. You said it yourself a while ago so it’s gonna be hard for her to consider other options.” Kaz let go an angry sigh while he shifted his position on his chair, being so close to the Russian always made him feel uncomfortable.

“I think it’s more admiration than love. If she had wanted love, she would have already done something about it. Besides… She knows about you and Big Boss. She wouldn’t dare to lay a hand on him or you’d have her executed.” Ocelot sat on Miller’s lap while he talked, not giving him the opportunity to resist.

“Wait, what are you doing?” Ocelot was now kissing his neck, making it hard for Kaz to concentrate.

“The Boss is out of her reach. -he bit Kaz sensitive skin and smirked when he heard his Commander’s suppressed moan - come on Kaz, it will be fun.”

Kaz hated this. Hated how Ocelot could disarm him in less than a minute, leaving him exposed and wanting more from the man he hated.

 

But the thing he hated the most was that all this foreplay was for nothing, it was simply a tease, a game where they always left the other on the edge, waiting for the other to beg for something more, a game of constant teasing that he didn’t want to play anymore.

He felt his hair and head being pulled upwards and forced into a kiss. He didn’t resist and welcomed his tongue on his mouth, lazily playing with his own tongue. Kaz rested his arm on the Russian’s hips and started to involuntarily rock his hips against him. It would be so easy to give in, just one more moan, one more movement and it was game over. No, he was not going to give in. He grabbed Ocelot’s hair, pulling him off and breaking the kiss, even if he was dying to take things further.

“You’ll have to try harder if you want me to cooperate with you.”

 

Ocelot smirked and kneeled in front of him, placing his hands on Kaz’s inner thighs “I knew you would say that, _Commander_.”

 

Kaz could not stand watching him, he knew that if he grabbed him by his silver hair and pulled him to his cock, he’d lose the game. They always went so far as kissing as neither of them let the other advance further. But Kaz was becoming tired of this game and wondered if any of them would ever surrender to the other. It was harder and harder to play and he just couldn’t help feeling this intoxicating attraction to this man. He glared at him and waited for him to give up.  

It was a painful wait and he tried with all his might to think about something that could help him cool down.

 

Ocelot went back to his place on top of Miller’s desk and continued, as if nothing had happened between them.

“About Buffalo, everyone on base knows she’s your protegé.”

“I don’t have favorites. Every soldier is treated equally.” Kaz tried to regain his composure from Ocelot’s advance and distracted himself flipping the pages of a stack of contracts.

“But you do spend time with her.” Ocelot took Miller’s pen and played with it.

“Are you jealous?” Kaz focused on the pen, avoiding eye contact.

“No. She doesn’t do guys.”

“She admires the boss and wants to be like him. I see great potential in her so that’s why I encourage her to become the best soldier.”

“It’s cute that you are friends. Do you also talk about love?”

Miller grabbed him by his scarf and growled “Are you stupid or what? Aren’t you aware of what boundaries are?”

“Easy Miller. I thought you knew if she was serious about Quiet.”

Kaz let him go and tried to remember. “Well, she did seem eager on going on missions with her.”

 

“Why don’t you send them both on a mission? There must be something for them in all those mission requests.” Ocelot gestured at the stack of papers.

“Hey, I never agreed on this.” Kaz made an attempt to take the pen from Ocelot’s hand but the russian caught his hand with his free one. “Let me go” he growled, struggling.

“Look at you Kaz, you are a mess. I think I won this round.” Ocelot placed the pen on Kaz’s chest pocket, leaned down and touched Kaz’s pants, feeling his throbbing erection making him moan.

Kaz freed his only hand and pushed him. Then he shifted back on his chair, his erection was becoming uncomfortably bothersome. If only he could stop pretending nothing happened….

“Leave Ocelot, NOW!”

The Russian made his way to the door slowly, facing him and walking backwards. “Sure you want me to leave? We have unfinished business I can help you with.”

 

Snake entered the office and a flying book, which Ocelot dodged, almost hit his face.

“Fighting again you two? I was sure I'd see you on Kaz's lap Ocelot.” Big Boss closed the door and grabbed the book from the floor. For a strange reason Snake seemed to encourage their games, was he testing them? Ocelot did not want to take any chances for the moment.

“No, he just kicked me out of the office. You arrived right on time Boss, we need to talk about Quiet.” Ocelot turned back and sat on the couch, patting the seat next to him as an invitation for Snake to join him.

“Not this conversation again.” Snake threw himself on the couch and watched how his two best men were still engaged in one of their endless arguments.

“Ocelot, you were just leaving, weren’t you? so leave!”

“No Miller, I said we had unfinished business and I won’t leave until you say yes. If you have any objection, however, come here and face me. Say ‘no’ to my face.” He gestured a 'come on' gesture with his hand.

Kaz did not want any unnecessary bitching in front of Snake so he had no choice but to agree. “All right, I’ll cooperate with you."

He knew Ocelot was aware that Kaz could not stand up.

"Kaz you finally decided to give Ocelot a chance? I can leave you alone if you want, or I can stay and watch." Big Boss looked amused at both their faces go red.

"Stop it, Boss. This is not what you think, it's about Quiet and Buffalo. Ocelot wants us to play love coach. I’m only gonna do it because I know Flaming Buffalo’s feelings…”

“I knew it! I knew you were hiding something Miller.” Kaz felt Ocelot’s eyes on him and as strange as it may seemed, he knew that the Russian wanted to come to him and kiss him, but he didn’t want to give Snake ideas. 

 

“What are you up to?” Big Boss was still studying their movements and trying to tie the knots.

After Ocelot explained him his plan, Big Boss remained silent.

“What do you think Boss? Should we send Buffalo on a mission with Quiet?”

“Wait, what if she kills Buffalo? You are going too fast Ocelot.” Kaz wanted to stand up and face him to swipe his cocky grin off. But of course he was still hard. They both knew that.

“I think there’s not going to be a problem. They get along fine, Buffalo is always near Quiet. Don’t worry Kaz.” Snake had the final decision and Ocelot smirked at Kaz.

Both knew that the Russian had won again.

 


	2. How do we play?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, some Ocelot/Quiet interaction. 
> 
> Ocelot can be such a tease!

Quiet was laying on her cell's bed listening to music. There was one guard at the top of the stairs, no other staff member (except Buffalo) dared to come closer.

As soon as the guard saw the Tactical Instructor, he stepped aside.

 

“I have good news for you.” He commented while going down the stairs, his spurs ringing against the steel. She got up and looked at him anxious while she nervously grabbed the steel bars.

Ocelot entered the cell and sat on her bed next to her, then he whispered to her ear “It’s done.” before looking at her grinning.

She hugged him and then backed up feeling a little embarrassed. She wanted to know more, ‘tell me the details’ she meant by shyly pulling his shirt. The Russian crossed his right leg over his left and chuckled.

“I know that I made you a favor when I asked Miller about sending you and her on a mission, but it also helped me realize something. You know, about my relationship with him… today I sensed something changed in the way he looked at me.”

Quiet put her hand on her lips. “Yes, I kissed him and he kissed me back, can you imagine? He didn’t resist, I just hoped he didn’t pull me back, he did it eventually, but he took his time to do it. I… I felt he liked it.” Now the Russian evaded his friend’s eyes.

Quiet grinned and made a hand gesture for him to go on ‘you liked it too’.

“Yes, I liked it. That’s not good you know? I can’t allow it, Kazuhira is Big Boss lover, there’s no way I can.. I mean I shouldn’t have kissed him the first time-” She put her hand on his lips and he stopped speaking. Then she held his face with both hands.

  
  
“Quiet, is there anything you know that you are not telling me?”

Quiet smiled and gestured a ‘maybe’.

“Oh I can imagine. Your loved one, Flaming Buffalo is Miller’s friend, did she tell you something about it? Did Kazuhira tell her anything about his feelings?”

She shook her head and placed a hand in her chest.

“Right, women's intuition isn’t it?” He sounded disappointed. “I’m still trying to figure out what to do, this game we play is turning more complicated, sometimes I just want to… No, that’d be too romantic.”  
She gave him an encouraging pat on his back.

 

“You are right, maybe I’ll just go with the flow. So, about you and her” he shifted his legs’ position and faced her. 

“Have you kiss her? Not yet? But I see how she looks at you, don’t be afraid. Take my advice, just as I did with Miller, but please be more gentle, I tend to be a little rough” this time he grabbed her face with his hands and got closer to her lips as if he was about to kiss her “go slow and test her, if she doesn’t back up, then she’s yours.” She blushed and touched his hands.

He backed up and laughed. “I won’t kiss you, don’t worry. Unless you want to.”

Quiet grabbed Ocelot’s cheeks hard. “I know, I know, we are both playing different games, huh?”

She stared at the stairs, as if she would be waiting for Buffalo to come.

Ocelot stood up “She must be arriving in any minute. One last thing before I go. You will go on a mission with Buffalo soon, it’s up to you both to do a good job.”  
Quiet made an angry face and traced an invisible line with her finger on her neck.

“Right, if you screw up Miller’s gonna get angry… No, I don’t think I’ll be able to calm him. In fact not even Snake. What? Well, yes you know I can just go to his office, pin him to his desk and… Ok I better go.”

He waved her goodbye and went up the stairs. Just in time to bump into Quiet’s loved one.

“Hey FB, she’s waiting for you. I think she misses you.”

Buffalo made her way to the cell and as soon as they met, their hands touched. “Hey, I wanted to see you.”

 


	3. This is my game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ocelot talks to Snake about his game and he joins in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This week has been literally Hell at work so I distracted myself with this silly story. Hope u enjoy!

Kaz was sitting at a table on the Mess Hall playing with his food. He wasn’t hungry but Snake forced him to stay and eat lunch with him.

“The mission was faster than I thought. It’s weird to be here at lunch.” Snake placed a cup of coffee on the table and sat next to Kaz.

“You should get some rest Boss. I still need to go over a couple of things and wait for Ocelot to hand me his report about the interrogation of the XOF soldier you extracted.” Kaz placed the fork on the table without bothering to pretend he was eating and grabbed the coffee.

“You still think he will write the report today? You know him Kaz.” He grinned while placing his arm around the Commander’s back. Neither of them bothered that they were not alone, all motherbase knew how close they were.

“I know, but a man can dream, right? I’ve been dealing with him since you were in coma. Couldn’t you just had gotten yourself another kind of friend? Like, I don’t know…”

“Someone less ...wild?” Big Boss caressed Kaz’s blonde hair.

“Something like that.”

“We both know that’s a lie, that’s exactly what you love about him.” Snake whispered and that made him almost spill the coffee, but before he could say something, he spotted the man himself strolling to his table, Flaming Buffalo was accompanying him.

 

“Speaking of the Devil” Snake removed his arm from Kaz and leaned on his chair crossing his arms over his chest.

“Big Boss, Commander Miller!” the female soldier saluted them.

Ocelot took a seat in front of them and she sat next to him.  
“I know this is rather informal but since the Boss is here I thought it was best to discuss this right now. As Miller already informed you, you’ll be sent on the next deployment. Radio assistance will be provided by us, as this mission is rather ‘special’.” He took Kaz’s coffee mug and sipped, ignoring the mix of surprise and annoyance on the blonde’s face.

“Ocelot’s right. We talked it over and decided that it’s time for you to go on a solo mission. Quiet will be your partner. We’ll meet this afternoon with her so we can have a little training.” Snake continued speaking.

Buffalo’s face lightened up and she gasped. She couldn’t hide her happiness. “Yes sir!”

“I’ll be coordinating the radio support for tomorrow. You leave at 0500 so make sure to have some rest, ok?” Miller smiled at her and she went to hug him.

“Thank you Commander”

Kaz gave her a couple of pats on her back awkwardly and she released him. "A-alright Buffalo, you can go."

“I’ll be waiting your orders for today’s training Boss." She saluted them and left. Kaz thought she'd probably go to Quiet's cell...

 

Once she left, Kaz stood up and tried to rush to his office before he had the chance of hearing one of Ocelot’s remarks, but he felt arms grabbing his waist by surprise and dragging him into a hug, making him throw his crutch to the floor.

“No one has the right to hug you but me, Kaz. Or Big Boss.” Of course, Ocelot had to make a scene. Kaz breath stopped and he felt a shiver running through his back. The sole proximity of the older man made him nervous, just like a schoolgirl in front of her crush. Or rather two crushes, if he counted Snake.

Snake picked the crutch up and put a hand on Ocelot’s shoulder. “Come on, you’ll make him blush.”

Ocelot rubbed his face against Kaz’s and his lips almost touched. He pulled back and smirked “Too late Boss, he’s blushing.”

“I hate you both.” Kaz freed himself from the Russian’s hold and leaned on the table. Snake passed him the crutch, he knew that the look on his partner’s face meant ‘don’t fucking bother me’.

“You will regret this Ocelot. I’m getting tired of your stupid little game. Even you think this is funny, Snake.”

“I do. Ocelot’s seduction techniques amuse me.”

“Don't laugh. You fell for them too, years ago.” Ocelot looked at Snake with defying eyes and put one arm around his Boss' waist and a hand on his chest.

Kaz made a disgusting face. Or maybe it was a mixture of jealousy and awkwardness.  
"If that’s the case he'll probably have better luck seducing you, Boss. I have better things to do, like making sure Revolver ‘Matchmaker’ Ocelot’s mission to hook up my best soldier with a Cipher agent doesn't get screwed up.”  

Before Ocelot could do something Kaz left. He watched the younger man leave before sitting next to Snake on Kaz’s chair wearing a serious face.

 

“Boss, are you sure that you are OK with this? I know I told you this was just a game to make him mad, but if I continue I’m afraid he’ll end up in my bed. If you don’t want that to happen, let me know and I’ll stop before I start having feelings for him.” He stared at Kaz’s leftover food.

Snake lit a cigar and spoke.  
“Before you said? I think you already feel something for him. I told you I’m OK with this... that is, if you can actually take him to your bed. He’s grown cold but I don’t blame him, in his head the only thing that matters is revenge. If you can distract him that’d be good.”

“But don’t you distract him, I mean don't you-?”

“Yes we do and things between us are good. But honestly I never imagined Kaz to be really interested in you, I know you noticed it too. It'd be fun if we could help Kaz, together.”

Ocelot knew well what he meant by that.  
“Wait, are you suggesting that we do a threesome Snake?”

His Boss growled embarrassed. “You did have shame resistance training after all, huh?” 

Ocelot placed his hand on Snake’s thigh. “Let me win Kazuhira and we’ll see.”

 

He quickly removed his hand and poked at the food in front of him.   
“He is not eating well”

“I know." Snake gave a puff and looked at the food. 

"He’s been under a lot of pressure lately. I think he needs to relax more." Ocelot stood up, holding Kaz's coffee mug in his hand "I'll be at the Intel platform if you need me."

 

"Wait a second." Snake stood up and placed a hand on his shoulder. "I don’t forget that you asked me permission to do this but are you sure this is what you want? I’m starting to get tired of watching your game.”

“I almost have him, but he’s a tough prize.” He faced Snake while finishing the coffee from the mug.

Now it was Snake’s time to show him who was the boss. He took the mug from his hand and spoke in a low and dangerous voice.

“You have green light with Kaz, but if you hurt him..”

Ocelot frowned “I’m serious about it. Problem is, in order to win him, I’ll have to lose my game.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't help it but shipping Vosselhira, I can't leave Venom away from giving/receiving love from his two best friends haha


	4. Our shy game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flaming Buffalo remembers her talks with Miller and her first meeting with Quiet. Also, she has the chance of going on a mission with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now on some Flaming Buffalo's interactions with Miller and  
> Quiet.  
> I don't know why i got the idea of writing about Buffalo, it was not supposed to be this long but I had fun with her character.  
> Sorry no explicit Buffalo/quiet content.
> 
> Next chapter will have more Ocelot/Kaz trash

She couldn’t believe that she was actually going to have her first solo mission and with Quiet.

When they told her the news, Buffalo hugged Miller and felt the man tighten his body in surprise, but then he relaxed.

He was, after all, her commander and friend. Or at least he was her friend, to some extent. She was able to have talks with him about many topics.

At first they met by chance as Miller frequently went to the Combat arena to supervise the trainings. When the Tactical instructor was giving his lessons, Miller's visits changed to almost everyday. He would remain silent during the lesson, watching the recruits give their best and, when they slacked, he would be the first one to bark at them. The Tactical instructor would ignore Miller, however Buffalo catched each other exchanging intense looks sometimes, as if they would be taunting each other, or sometimes it was a subtle flirt between the two men.

When the class was dismissed, Miller would call her to point out things to work on, like her position when holding the weapon or just tactical advice. It wasn't that he wouldn't care about Ocelot's teaching method, on the contrary, Buffalo would catch a glimpse of flush on his face when talking about him. It was because she wanted to be the best, that her Commander pushed her to her limits. She wasn't the only one, he would remember each of the soldier's names and their skills, always providing the right advice on what to improve, making him a worthy commander, worthy of Diamond Dogs and Big Boss.

Before dinner they would bump into each other and talk about everyday stuff. As the time went by, the young soldier could witness Miller relaxing and laughing. She loved hearing his stories about Big Boss, the man was so passionate about him. But also, sometimes she listened to his commander complaining about the tactical instructor and Buffalo would just pat his back and offer him a piece of advice, though she still couldn't figure out what was happening between them.

She loved hearing his stories about Big Boss, the man was so passionate about him. She understood the reason because she also felt a huge admiration for her leader. But also sometimes she listened to his commander complaining about the tactical instructor, and Buffalo would just pat him and from time to time, when she thought it was appropriate, she would offer him a piece of advice, though she still couldn’t figure out what was happening between them.

The young woman volunteered to join Diamond Dogs adter witnessing Big Boss, the Legend, in action on the field. At first she had mixed feelings about Big Boss's XO, Kazuhira Miller, the former second in command of the legendary mercenary group MSF, but that changed one night on her return from one difficult mission.

A few months ago, Miller waited for her group to come back from a mission. They have failed, and she could not keep her head up.

She was left alone on the Command Platform, her teammates slowly retired to their quarters. It was going to be a hard night, 3 comrades had been killed in action. She fell to her knees and could not stop the tears running from her face. She felt a hand on her shoulder, she knew it was him.

“Commander, if only I was stronger, I would have been able to protect everyone. Sometimes I feel like giving up, like I’ll never be strong enough.”

“Flaming Buffalo, there’s a reason why you got that code name.” He walked to the bench and sat, smiling at her.

“I remember, Commander. It was a rainy night. Ocelot told me I looked at him like a wild buffalo, with flames on my eyes.” She gave him a weak smile.

“Yeah, you were pretty mad actually. Even he got scared when you arrived here.” He laughed as if he was remembering Ocelot’s face twitch in surprise.

“And you said I had flaming eyes…. I don’t feel like that anymore. Aren’t you mad at us for failing?” She remained on the floor, looking at her hands.

“Everyone fails, if you don’t think so then look at me.” Miller talked softly to her.

She raised her head and stood up. For one moment she thought she catched a glimpse of sadness on the man’s eyes, but as he had his aviators it was difficult to tell. She sat next to him and Miller continued.

“But honestly? Every time you fail, as long as you don’t die, you must go on and become stronger. If I hadn’t failed back then in Colombia, I wouldn’t have met Big Boss. He defeated me, yes, but I never gave up.”

Buffalo didn’t realize that she had stopped crying. “Commander, I didn’t know that…”

“ _Nanakorobi yaoki_.” He spoke in Japanese, as if he would be talking to himself while he held his coat’s right sleeve. Then Miller looked at her.

“Fall seven times, stand up eight. I haven’t given up so you shouldn't give up neither.”

“Thank you sir! I won’t give up.” She smiled and gave him a kiss on his cheek, a new look of determination and willingness on her face. He looked surprised but smiled back at her.

 

That night she promised to herself that she would become stronger, just as Big Boss, in order to protect her comrades and loved ones. Also, she wanted more than anything in the world to hear a praise from her commander, she couldn’t let him down.

 

\---

Flaming Buffalo stood on the Command Platform, on that very same spot where she heard Miller’s words. She had tried so hard, mission after mission, and now she was finally given the chance of going on a Solo mission to probe herself,well, actually she wouldn't be alone, she would have Quiet at her side.

Big Boss was talking to Miller and Ocelot, she assumed they were discussing her situation as she was well aware of her Commander’s opinion on Quiet.

She watched Miller’s face soften the moment Big Boss placed his hand on his shoulder and whisper something to him. Sometimes she envied them because she dreamed of being with someone who could understand you with only one look.

Then Ocelot turned his attention to her.

“Well Buffalo, ready for your first mission? I talked to Quiet, she’ll be here in any minute.”  

Buffalo nodded and gripped her weapon. Miller showed Ocelot away and reminded her “If something goes wrong, let me know ok?”

She nodded again as she watched Ocelot grabbing a surprised Miller by his waist, pulling him closer to him “Don’t worry Miller, nothing will happen to her. She and Quiet make a pretty good team.”

Buffalo couldn’t help but wonder if the rumors about them being together were true. The Commander said nothing, but he didn’t move until the Tactical Instructor himself released him.

The moment Quiet appeared in front of her she couldn’t take her eyes off the Sniper. Quiet smiled at her and made a gesture to go to the chopper.

Buffalo saluted at their superiors and jumped into the chopper with her.

 

As soon as they were on air, Buffalo listened to Miller’s instructions once more. The mission itself was to rescue one prisoner who could be a great asset to the R&D team.

“We received intel that the prisoner is located on the second floor of the main building at Da Shago Kallai. The building is heavily guarded so you’ll have to be extra cautious.”

“It’s your chance to build up your bond girls, good luck to you both.” There was a tone of amusement in Ocelot’s voice through the radio. Buffalo smiled and looked at Quiet, who smiled back.”

 

\---

She then remembered how they met.

Buffalo was aware of all the rumors that were said about the silent Sniper, but who was she to judge someone without reason, without knowing the other person?  
That’s why one night, tired of watching a group of soldiers insult the Sniper by calling her freak, she stomped between them and stood at the edge of the stairs which lead to Quiet’s cell.

“We are all mercenaries and killers who did terrible things but we are here, because we believe we can do something better with our lives and fight alongside Big Boss. We come from all over the world and each of us is different. But we all have one thing in common. Big Boss.

Why are you here bullying a woman, who if she wanted to, may just kill you all before you know it? She believes in the Boss, just as we all do.”

“Step aside Buffalo, she’s a freak!” One of the men faced her, a knife ready on his hand.

She didn’t think it twice, CQC’d him and took his knife off. She could see the rest of the men disperse as they heard the Tactical Instructor’s spurs. That only meant trouble. “Okay everyone, back to your positions. If I see someone else starting a quarrel there will be consequences.”

Ocelot could inspire fear when he was angry, this time they all knew it was just a warning but no one wanted to take a second chance to make the russian angry.

 

Once they were alone, his light blue eyes met mine for a moment “FB, make sure no one causes any trouble here, if not report it to me immediately. Remember that no one can go downstairs, as long as I’m watching.” He turned on his heels but not before she caught a glimpse of his playful smile, slowly walking away as if he was giving her free rein to go downstairs.

She felt an adrenaline rush and made her way downstairs.

Quiet looked at her with curiosity. Buffalo thought she would attack her or ignore her, but when she saw the look on her eyes, she lowered her guard. Quiet knew she was the one who stood up for her.

Buffalo didn’t know why, but she started talking to the sniper, even if she didn’t talk back, they somehow understood each other. It was as if Quiet came into her life to give her all the understanding and love she needed. Buffalo felt Quiet’s actions meant more to her than all the meaningless words she had to heard throughout her life.

She would visit Quiet everyday and they would exchange playful smiles, shy touches and silent words.

It was a game they played and she loved it.

She wished it never ended.

  
  
\----

Back to present, as soon as the chopper landed and they touched ground, Buffalo spoke.

“Okay, as we practised we’ll be in touch by radio. Let’s meet at this point so we can have a better look.” She pointed at the mark on her idroid and Quiet nodded, disappearing into the night.

Buffalo made her way to the village, sneaking and avoiding enemies. She thought she reached a blind spot on the back of one abandoned house but an enemy grabbed her and put a knife on her throat, threatening her. She couldn’t use the radio, and the man was wearing a riot suit, making it harder to hit. She struggled but could not free herself from the grip and thought this was the end. She felt lighter and saw the enemy falling in front of her eyes.

Quiet had appeared and with a quick movement, kicked his head, removing his helmet and creating an opening. Buffalo slid his throat without thinking it twice.

Quiet smiled at her and returned to her post.

 

With her help, Buffalo could reach the prisoner and fulton extracted him. After confirming that the mission was completed, she ran as fast as she could, Quiet running at her side.  
On their way to the chopper she could hear Commander Miller’s voice congratulating her, and, to her surprise, she hear her Boss’s deep voice. “Good work Buffalo.”

She high fived with Quiet and they returned to  Mother Base.

 

They got off the chopper and were greeted by Mother Base’s top 3. Big Boss was wearing a pleased smile while Commander Miller and Ocelot seemed to be in the middle of an argument about Quiet.  
“I knew you could do it Buffalo.” Big Boss patted her back.

The argument was over and Ocelot gave a thumbs up to her “The prisoner is all right, he’s at the medical platform for check-ups, sends his regards.”

“Thank you sir”

She was tired, but happy. Miller was frowning but she could see the Boss telling him something that made him soft again. She knew the rumors and the bets the staff would make about the three of them.

But she knew commander Miller and Big Boss were partners. But what about the charismatic but dangerous tactical instructor? Was he going for the Boss or Miller? Buffalo would say he was interested in the Boss, but why was he always picking on Miller? She made a mental note to try and talk to Miller about it, in case he hadn't noticed.

 Miller congratulated her.  
“Hey Buffalo, good job. I have to admit that you and Quiet really make a good team. Have some rest, we’ll talk tomorrow about your next assignments. And yes, they may include her.” He finished nodding with his head at Quiet.

  
Buffalo left for her quarters, but somehow ended up at the medical platform visiting the rescued prisoner. On her way back, she stopped by Quiet’s cell and she saw her watching her as if she had been waiting to see her. She went down the stairs and was surprised by a hug, and a kiss.


	5. Mind games

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When feelings get in his way, Ocelot finds it hard to play his game

It was 7am and Kaz heard a knock on his door. Yesterday he stayed again till late with the excuse of going over reports. Snake had to carry him to bed and he remembered Snake's body against his, kissing him and fucking him, his Boss probably got tired of watching his game with the Russian and made him remember that he was still his. He liked it of course, but Kaz felt that there was still something missing, he still wanted someone he couldn't have and it hurted.

He woke up naked and alone. He was used to his partner’s early habits and he’d probably be already training or something. He covered with the blanket and continued sleeping.

The knocking stopped and the door opened, filling the room with faint rays of sun. Kaz closed his eyes again and buried his head on the pillow. He heard the spurs and knew who the intruder was, but he didn’t move, he was too sleepy and thought it was a dream.

“Hey Miller, wanna hear the news?” Revolver Ocelot sat in his bed and waited for the blonde to answer.

  
“What news?” He didn’t bother in opening his eyes and Ocelot suspected he was still asleep. He paused for a moment and decided to play his theory.

  
“Are you happy to see me?”

  
“Yeah…” kaz answered, he was definitely asleep and murmured “why… Why you are not in bed? Let’s get some sleep.”

  
Ocelot removed his boots quietly and lied down on Snake’s side. He felt Miller’s arm around him while he got closer and realized that he was naked, but before he could do something Kaz kissed him and trapped his thigh with his right leg, entangling both of them in the bed sheets.  
Ocelot kissed Kaz’s neck and smelled his skin, he and Snake had sex last night, he could tell just by the sweet scent of Kaz’s skin mixed with Big Boss’ characteristic scent, Ocelot knew it too well.

He wasn’t expecting Snake to give Kaz away to him like a christmas present, but still he felt a mixture of arousal and jealousy. He topped Kaz and kissed him softly on his lips so as not to wake him up and put his hand on his neck, putting a minimal pressure. He wondered how could the XO be so deep in his sleep that wouldn’t notice his hand on him. He wished he could just kill him and get over this painful feeling of not having what he wanted, of not having Miller. If he could just make Kaz love him, even if it was by force… But that wasn’t fair, Kaz wasn’t some random guy he could just have casual sex with and then do what he pleased with them, either kill them or toss them away.

He lowered his hand under the sheets and reached his lower stomach. He was warm and soft, even with his few scars which decorated his body.

Ocelot has seen Kaz naked many times as he used to help him shower and get dressed when Snake was not on base. But lately, even if Snake was not here, he wouldn’t ask for his help anymore. The Russian should not be bothered about this, after all it was a task that was cancelled, but he couldn’t stop wondering if Kaz did not like him anymore.

‘ _Come on Adam, concentrate on your game_ ’ He put his feelings away and removed his glove, licked his hand and took Kaz’s cock, then slowly began to stroke him. Kaz moaned and hid his face on Adam’s neck, and he couldn’t help but exhale the air he had been holding and caressed the blonde’s hair with his other hand.

“S-snake”

  
Ocelot stopped and removed his hand from the hard cock, whispering “Enough”

He tried to slid away from the bed but Kaz’s lips trapped him and pulled his body back on the mattress, kissing him hard. ‘ _This is not for me, he wants Snake, not me_ ’

He hated his own mind games, they made him lose his coldness. And his cruelness.

He shifted on top of Kaz and decided to bring him back to reality. “Sorry Miller, Wake up already. Snake is not here, you’ve been enjoying yourself with me. How do you like my handjob?”

“You? What are you doing here?” Kaz’s eyes were now wide open and he was pushing the older man away from him, though his body still ached the close contact and his cock ached for release.

Ocelot got up and put on his boots, giving him a playful but cold smile.  
“Oh you wanted me to make you come? Sorry, I came here to give you a free sample.”

“Why the fuck did you touch me in the first place? You won’t finish what you started? Then it’s a free sample of something I won’t buy” Miller barked at him, his cock in full view and his body flushed. If Ocelot was not in control of himself, he would have taken all of Kazuhira’s length in his mouth until he had swallowed the last drop of his cum.

“If you are that needy, jerk off yourself. Or call Snake to do it, but maybe he already did that last night, didn’t he? Did he fuck you hard Kaz? I bet you still have his cum on your ass.” Cold, too damn cold and cruel.

“You are right. I should call Snake to fuck me again. Go away Ocelot, I never thought you would be up to this job, you are only a tease after all.”  
Kaz was also being cold. Eye for an eye.

“Kazuhira Miller, you clearly don’t know what I’m capable of. But yes, I shouldn’t be wasting my time with you, I’ll look for someone else, after all this place is full of dicks. Anyone will do, right?”

  
With this he left and closed the door behind, not waiting for Kaz to strike back.

 


	6. A game for two?

Kaz watched Ocelot leave his room. He couldn’t believe what had happened. It was all still fuzzy and he remembered waking up for a moment and noticing Snake was not there, then the sound of Ocelot’s spurs coming closer and his gloved hand touching him. He was different than Snake, his movements were more precise and calculated, as if every touch had a purpose.

He heard him speaking with a tone so low and husky that he really thought his mind was playing tricks, what if it was Snake?

“Why are you not in bed? Let’s get some sleep” he said without thinking, wasn’t it time to get up already?

He felt a weight on him and his body moved to cling on his partner. He was not Snake, or so he thought. He could feel it was Ocelot but his brain kept on playing games, what if I kiss him now? I have to make sure it’s him. He thought.

Before doing it he felt the other man kissing his neck, in a surprisingly tender way, not something that one would think the Interrogation Specialist would do, this tenderness was unlike him, or was this how he really was?

Was it Snake then? No, his lips were softer and he had less facial hair.  
Kaz tried to open his eyes but he felt trapped in the man’s grip. He then felt his gloved hand on his throat, putting a little pressure. He was clearly showing him who was in control, he was claiming he was his. And Kaz needed that, needed to feel overpowered, it turned him on.

A part of him struggled to wake up, he couldn’t give in to this man, but then again, was this even real?

The hand left his neck and trailed down his body, then he felt a wet hand stroking him. He moaned, it was so good, as if the man knew exactly what and how he wanted to be touched, Ocelot could never be this gentle. The hand was making him go crazy, touching him just the way he wanted as if it was his own hand, it had to be Snake. No one else could possibly understand Kaz better than him.

“S-snake” it didn’t sound like a question, he sounded too sure.

“Enough”

The hand left his cock and Kaz felt the man moving away. He needed to kiss him now, he wanted to confirm who he was, though he still didn’t understand why he couldn’t open his eyes.

He kissed the man. His lips were soft and he didn’t taste like tobacco but tasted  
sweeter and moved softer than Snake’s kisses. But he noted the kiss was somewhat short and distant, as if he wouldn’t want to be kissed.

“.... enjoying yourself with me. How do you like my handjob?” He opened his eyes and reality hit him hard, this was not a dream after all.

And then it happened, they argued again and Ocelot left.

Now Kaz was left surprised, pissed and hard. He didn’t want to jerk off, he would not give Ocelot the pleasure of knowing that he had to find release by himself.

 

He growled and took the radio.  
“Snake, are you busy? Could you come here?....No, I’m ok… Well in fact no, I’m not ok, can you come? … Yes, I’ll be waiting for you.”

Kaz put the radio back on the nightstand. What was wrong with him? Instead of touching himself he would unload his fury on his partner?

Snake entered and locked the door. Kaz was on the bed naked and hard. The older man didn’t say anything, he just threw on top of his body, grabbing his face with his hands, kissed him and rubbed their bodies together. Kaz moaned a ‘please’ and Snake lowered his head to his cock, taking him in, going up and down. Kaz put his hand on his head, pushing him further into his hot mouth. He touched his horn, just to make sure it was him and not Ocelot. No, he shouldn’t be thinking about him so he looked at his Boss, who was running his tongue through all his length while he put one finger on his ass.

“More, please Boss” Kaz begged. He didn’t mind telling Snake how he wanted to be taken, so he felt two, then three fingers up his ass fucking him while he thrusted into Snake’s mouth.  
His mind played him another trick and he fantasized about Ocelot. What if he was the one fucking him, while Snake had his mouth on his dick? The two of them using him. That was too hot, unreal even. He let himself enjoy his crazy fantasy before coming on his partner’s mouth.

He was still panting when Snake sat on the bed, wiping some rests of cum from his beard and chin.  
“Why were you so horny? Not that I don’t like it but still...”

“I just needed this” Kaz didn’t look at his partner, he felt ashamed because his fantasy with Ocelot was the trigger to make him come.

“Let’s shower, you need it” Snake caressed the younger man’s legs. Kaz sat on the bed and noticed the bulge on his partner’s pants.

“Let me take care of you first, I want to suck you.”

His Boss made no objection.

  
\----

When they both left the room it was already 10 am. They went to the Mess Hall and Snake went to the counter to grab breakfast for both.

While waiting for him, Kaz distracted himself with exchanging small talks or salutes with the staff, until his eyes met the man of his fantasy.

Ocelot was talking to a group of rookies from the combat team. When their eyes met, the Russian just looked away, ignoring him.

The Commander felt as if he was pierced by a sharp sword.

“Come on Kaz, you need to eat.”  
Hopefully Snake sat next to him and brought him back to reality. He was his shelter, there was definitely no one else in the world for Kaz. Though that was partly true, partly denial because he also felt the same for the man who had just ignored him.

Kaz pulled Snake into a surprise kiss. It wasn’t as if the staff didn’t know about Big Boss and his Commander’s close relationship, but this kind of demonstration of love was risky. His Boss kissed him back, caressing his cheek.  
After they broke the kiss Kaz rested his head on Snake’s collarbone “Snake… I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to be. If there’s anything you want to talk about, then let me know.”

Kaz let go a forced laugh “Why? If you already know.”

Snake said nothing, they remained closer until Kaz pulled out. His aviators were hiding the tears from his eyes.

“You just have to give me the order.” Snake’s face was serious but Kaz could tell he was mad. “Just give me the order and I’ll talk to him.”

“No, this is between me and him.” A game for two, he thought.  
The commander now faced the table and grabbed the coffee, slowly going back to his usual self.

“I know. But if he hurts you, I’ll jump in for you.” Snake grabbed his lover’s chin and made him look at his blue eye.

 

“And you won’t stop me Kaz.”

 

 

 


	7. Cold War

  
After that morning’s incident, the rest of the days went by as usual. The only difference was, that Kaz did not set foot on the Combat Platform, nor on the Intel Platform. He knew it was out of his own selfish whim and cold war between him and the Tactical Instructor, so unless it was extremely necessary he decided to avoid any chance of bumping into him. Radio assistance to Snake during missions was made separately, each one on their own platform. Even Snake himself complained that things would be running out smoothly if they were to be on the same room when giving support, but neither of them wanted to make peace with the other.

Buffalo noted Kaz’s absence, and also saw that Ocelot was colder than usual. The instructor would sometimes stay and share a small talk with the group, but these days he’d just dismiss the class and leave without any further word.

Kaz was aware of this too, because lately mother base looked like a tv drama where everyone would be gossiping but no one would have the guts to actually do something. What was even stranger, was that DD would come to his office and sleep at his feet while he worked. The dog was always with either Snake or Ocelot, but lately he had attached himself to Kaz.

Once Ocelot commented that animals sensed when their human was not feeling ok and would stay closer to them. They had the ability of draining the bad energy from your body to make you feel better, and they stayed with that human until their energy was balanced again.

  
‘ _That’s bullshit_ ’ he thought at the time and whenever he had the chance he pushed the dog away, but now he was tired and had to admit that he enjoyed his company.

 

It reminded him of his trainer.

 

 

There was a knock on the door and Kaz knew that it wasn’t him. He sighed and put on his angry face. “Come in”

The door opened and Buffalo entered. “There you are!” She looked mad, Kaz’s experience with women told him he was in trouble.

She strolled through the office and made her way to his chair and pulled his tie “Miller what’s wrong with you? You have me worried about you.”

The dog lifted his head to look at her and went back to his position as he felt his human was not endangered.

“Buffalo, calm down...” Kaz held her arm and she softened.

“Sorry, I overreacted but I haven’t seen you lately and I thought something happened. I missed you, idiot.”

“Idiot? Do you know that we are on duty hours?” Kaz wanted to sound angry but he was grinning.

“See? I almost made you laugh!” She smiled at him and sat on the floor to touch DD, who shifted his belly up and let himself be spoiled.

“Buffalo, would you take a walk with me? I need some fresh air.”

“But of course, that’s what I’m here for. Tell me everything.”

Kaz stood up and grabbed his crutch. It was still a sunny afternoon so he left his coat hung on the chair. “I will tell you everything, but first you tell me what happened.”

“Deal!” She put an arm around his waist and they went out.

 

DD followed them while they walked. “Hum you shouldn’t be holding me like this.” Miller felt awkward but today he didn’t want to argue with anyone so he decided to spoil her a little, after all they haven’t seen each other for days.

“Yes, I need to. I just hope we bumped into that jerk, I’ll show him how you should treat your boyfriend.” She frowned and lifted a fist into the air.

“There’s nothing wrong with how the Boss treats me, you know?”

“I’m not talking about the Boss.” She winked at him.

Kaz shut his mouth up until they reached the baranda of the Command Platform’s rooftop. From there they had a view of all the platform and the sea.

“So, what’s up?” Kaz leaned on the baranda and waited for her to talk. DD stood right next to him and looked at the landscape, his eye following the movements of the guards on duty.

She blushed and hesitated at first, but then she talked “well, we kissed. Actually more than once.”

So that was the news that Ocelot came to tell him that morning, Quiet must had let him know, Kaz thought. He couldn’t help it but give her a defeated smile “You know I don’t trust her, but if you.. like her then I’ll have to accept it.”  
  
“She’s not who you think she is. But I will let her handle this with you and Big Boss. Anyway rest assured that she won’t do anything which may endanger Diamond Dogs.”

“Well, that may be true. Now that she likes you… She used to love someone else though…”

“I know, but what she feels for him is different. It’s definitely love, but not the kind of love you think.” She leaned on the baranda too, and stared at the sea.  
“I think it must be difficult to be torn apart by two people. I envy you… you and Big Boss are meant for each other. I wish I had a bond like that.” She kept on talking, what was her point? Kaz made a serious face and stared at the floor, as if she had hit a nerve. ‘Torn apart’ he thought and felt a knot on his throat, he could not speak. She continued.

“We are not on duty, you asked me to drop the formalities, remember Miller? But, let me know if this is not OK, it’s just that I need someone to talk to… And I can see that you need someone to talk to as well. I know there are things that you can’t tell him, I’m here to listen to you. Just as I know I can tell you things that I can’t tell no one else.”

Kaz shifted his weight and looked at her. “No relationship is perfect. Me and Snake… I’m lucky to have him, though we did have our fights back then.” Now he was smiling as if he were back in Costa Rica.

 

“How do you know that person’s the right one?”

“You are asking the wrong person, my love life is pretty fucked up right now.” Kaz let go a bitter laugh.

Buffalo paused and thought for a bit, then she took courage to ask what had gotten her curious for weeks.  
“Is it because of him? The sexy but jerk Tactical Instructor.” Buffalo grinned and gave him a pat, making Kaz coughed in embarrassment.

“S-sexy tactical instructor? I don’t know what you are talking about.”

“Come on, I see the way you look at each other. You should talk to him.”

“It’s complicated. Besides I can’t betray Snake. I’ve been hiding my feelings for many years because I’m loyal to him. But lately he’s been pushing me towards Ocelot. Snake and I understand each other so well, that there’s no need for words. He knows it.”

“If he knows it and hasn’t done anything maybe he’s ok with it. Like a game for 3” she laughed until realizing she had just said it out loud, straight from her head.

“Buffalo, you are terrible” Kaz gave her a pat on her shoulder and laughed.

“I’m not supposed to tell you this but Quiet won’t mind as long as it’s for a good cause… But Ocelot told her that he saw you and the Boss kissing the other day and he got pretty mad. He tried to mask it with a cold speech, like what kind of example were you both showing to the staff and that the XO couldn’t be making out with the Boss in front of everyone. Quiet laughed and wrote him a ‘you are jealous’ message on a paper. He grabbed the paper and toss it to the trash can. I arrived just then, so he just hissed and left. I never seen him so mad.”

Kaz laughed, part of him wanted to believe that Ocelot was actually jealous because of him.  
“You DON’T want to see him mad, believe me. Anyway that doesn’t mean anything, everyone knows how he stares at the Boss, so he probably is jealous because he can’t have him. I can’t stop thinking he only messed around with me just to tease Snake, or because I was the closest he could get, like if I was some consolation price… there’s no other reason for him to be interested in me. It’s just not possible, he hates me…. And you know what’s the worst part of all? That I don’t actually hate him, in fact I… I have feelings for him. So it’s best if our paths don’t cross.” Kaz voice lowered and he was struggling, he didn’t remember that unrequited love hurt this bad.

“Wow, Kaz Miller, have you just listened to yourself? You admitted that you love him!”

“Shut up! Don’t say it aloud!” Kaz put his arm around her shoulders, bringing her closer to him. They would sometimes allow themselves to play like schoolkids. “If you say something about this you’ll end up in the waiting room”  
D Dog barked, stood in two legs and put his paws on Kaz’s waist. He wanted to play too.

Buffalo laughed and hugged him “okay, okay, I won’t tell anyone. But…” She looked a little worried, Kaz released her and waited for her to continue.

“There’s something more. It’s just a rumor but… One guy from the Combat team is saying that he made out with Ocelot. I don’t think that’s-”

“Give me his name now Buffalo.” Kaz gripped on his crutch.

  
‘ _Any guy will do, right?_ ’ Ocelot’s last words came back to haunt him.  
If he didn’t do something, someone else would snatch him away from him.


	8. Hell Master

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This whole story was supposed to be only one chapter long, but well, now we're on chapter 8 and I'm enjoying it!  
> Thanks for reading!

It was a hot morning, even at 7am the temperature was already at 27C. Kazuhira Miller stood at the shooting range with his gun on his left hand. His usual coat and jacket were tossed to one of the chairs and he was wearing his shirt and tie. He looked mad.

The first group of soldiers arrived, they were chatting and laughing, Buffalo was among them. They all froze when they saw the Commander facing the shooting targets, gun on his hand and his back to them.

“I have a bad feeling about this” thought buffalo while she loaded her gun. It smelled trouble.

Miller shot all the targets with an unbelievable speed and precision. Few people had the privilege of witnessing such show.  
As a demon possessed, he shot every target, they kept bouncing back and forth until he ran out of ammo.

He hissed and faced the group. He put his gun on his pocket and grabbed more ammo. They didn’t see how the gun was charged again at such a speed and with only one hand.  
“Good morning soldiers. I see that you are all cheerful and radiant today. Good to know, because today I’ll be testing your shooting skills.” Everyone looked at each other confused. “I’ll pick one or two of you randomly, and if you lose against me, well, let’s say you won’t need to come back tomorrow for Ocelot’s lesson.”

He put his gun back on his pant’s back pocket and grabbed his crutch. Then went soldier by soldier, looking at their faces, reading nothing but fear. He stopped and faced Stalking Panther, who was taller and bigger than the commander. He was one of the best shooters of Ocelot’s class.  
‘Really Miller?’ Thought Buffalo. She was the one who told him of Panther's little adventure with Ocelot.

“Well, come on what are you waiting for?! Grab your gun and come to the front.”

  
The soldier couldn’t help but grin, it was going to be so easy to beat him. “Commander, are you sure you want to do this? Ocelot says I’m top of the class, I don’t think it’s necessary for you to… “ humiliate yourself against me, he meant.

Kaz threw his crutch to the floor. “What did you say Panther? I thought Ocelot taught you plenty of things… Including how to _grab a gun_ , right?”

The air carried so much tension that everyone was speechless.

“The charger has 20 bullets, you have to aim and hit every shoot at the center of the targets. Not one centimeter more, nor one less. You go first, on the count of one, two, three!”

Panther shot all the targets, he hit them all but they didn’t all hit on the main tiny circle of the targets.

“Fair enough.” Miller reloaded his gun.

“I trust you can surpass my score, commander?” Panther wore that cocky smile again, Kaz felt like blowing his brains off.

 

Kaz shot again, hitting every target on the right place. But he was still mad. No one spoke, but the sound of spurs and lazy claps from the Tactical Instructor made everyone turn their attention to him.

“Well, well, Commander Miller, I’m impressed. You’ve just made a fool of my best soldier.”

Kaz threw the gun to the floor and faced him. “Panther will be reassigned, today is his last day with you.” Kaz grabbed his crutch and whispered to the russian “If I were you, I’d give him a proper goodbye after class, it’ll be the last time you see him so you better enjoy your fuck.”

Ocelot catched him by his waist and their eyes met.

“Let me go, the men are watching us.” Kaz growled, anger and fire in his eyes. Ocelot pulled Kaz away from the watching eyes and cornered him in one of the platform’s blind spots.

 

  
“You amuse me to no end, Miller, you just came here to claim me? How’s that?” Ocelot removed Kaz’s tie and unbuttoned his shirt, making him shiver. Then before he could make a remark he trapped him into a brutal kiss.

Kaz felt his knees weakening and held onto the older man’s body. This kiss was fast, strong and messy, as if they couldn’t take it anymore. All these days ignoring and lusting each other were the triggers.  
  
“I love it when you show them that I’m yours Kaz.”

  
“What are you saying? You idiot!” Kaz blushed and stared at him. Ocelot removed his aviators.

  
“Tell me that you want me, and I’ll take you right now.” He was serious, there was no taunt in his words.

  
But the fact that Ocelot had something to do with that cocky soldier came back to haunt Kaz to remind him to back off. “N-no, stop. Stop. We are just gonna hurt each other again. I’m tired of your game Ocelot.”

  
“Then let’s stop this game Kaz” Ocelot’s expression was a mixture of loneliness and determination. But Kaz was not prepared for this, he still did not trust him.

  
“Leave me, you need to give a class, they are waiting for you.” Kaz buttoned his shirt and arranged his tie. “Would you hand me the rest of my clothes?” He felt a faint blush on his own face.

  
“I’ll take them to your office later.” How convenient, thought Kaz while he watched Ocelot put his glasses back, caressing his face.

  
“Okay… But don’t forget that today is Panther’s last day. He’s too problematic for the group.” He was now back to his usual self.

Ocelot escorted him to the vehicle while the group of soldiers watched them curiously.

Buffalo came running towards them. The three of them understood, there was no need for words. She turned the vehicle on. Ocelot gave them a soft smile and went back to the shooting arena, spinning his revolver.

 


	9. Don't mess with me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ocelot remembers why he shouldn't get involved with subordinates....

Buffalo drove through the base, Kaz’s face was very different from when he faced the class. She definitely didn’t want to make him mad. Not only he made a fool of Ocelot’s best shooter, Panther, but also faced him and treated him like garbage. The men would talk about this morning’s incident for months. The day Commander Miller humiliated Panther, who thought he was an elite. Kazuhira Miller was becoming her new hero.

“Hey, are you alright?” She asked him shyly.

“I’m mad” he simply replied.

“What you did back there, shit, that was amazing” she stopped the car and Kaz got off.

“Buffalo, did I cross the line? Was it alright to fuck up his stupid adventure? I don’t want to see him with anyone else, but when we are together we hurt each other.” Kaz arranged his tie and touched his pants’ back pocket. “Great, I forgot my gun there, as well as my coat.”

“I can get them for you, unless… Ocelot gets them first.” The girl gripped the steering wheel and bit her lip.

“Tell him that I sent you to get my clothes. I don’t want to see him.” Kaz went back to his bitter and angry self.

Buffalo nodded and drove back to the class.

  
\---

Ocelot walked slowly while he spin his revolver, cursing at his old self for having ever touched a subordinate. But of course, Panther was blonde. It was so easy to seduce him that night after class and have him on his knees sucking his dick while he grabbed his golden hair.

Then he made him stand up, giving his bare back to the Russian. He lowered his pants, put on a condom and fucked him hard. No kisses, no romantic bullshit, he just wanted to fuck this guy because he was blonde. Just like Miller.  
But it was not the same, so he closed his eyes and tried to picture Kaz’s defying eyes, his soft skin, lips and sweet scent. Only then he came inside him, then tossed the condom to the trash and zipped his pants.

Panther was still trying to catch his breath, but he stood up and tried to kiss his instructor.

Ocelot shot him a cold look and pushed him away.  
“Don’t take the wrong idea, this was a one time fuck. Don’t expect anything else soldier, is that clear?”

“Sir, I thought I could see you again-” it was incredible how Ocelot could dominate one of his best soldiers. Panther was slightly taller than him, usually wore an intimidating look and low voice, one could say he was a real man. But he was on his knees with his pants off and his ass flushed from having been fucked by Ocelot.

Everyone was so easy, he only needed to seduce them giving them a sample of what they wanted, and then he would fuck their bodies and minds, dominating them and taking everything he wanted, until he was satisfied and could toss them away, just like the condom he just used.

But his technique had been useless against Naked Snake. And now it was useless against Kazuhira Miller. Worst part was that it was Miller the one who was fucking with his mind.

"I like you" the soldier confessed.

Ocelot placed a finger on Panther’s lips and got closer to his face. “Sorry soldier, I’m not interested in love. You are dismissed.”.

He didn’t need worshipping.

\--

Ocelot returned to the shooting arena and there he was, Panther, his one night stand, his one time fuck, bragging about how Miller had apparently tricked him.

“It’s not fair, I bet he was all night practising so he could show off. Everyone knows he wants to fuck Ocelot, he didn’t pick me up randomly, he wanted me because he feels intimidated by me.” Panther was complaining while he shot randomly at the practice targets. Not even once he hit the small circle.

And that was exactly why he never fucked subordinates. Or fans.

“Panther, who gave you permission to shoot?” Ocelot was getting furious, this was not going to end well.  
The rest of the group moved away and the Instructor made his way to the front. He grabbed Panther’s gun and loaded it. Then he placed it on the blonde’s left hand.

“If you are still complaining about Commander Miller, then show me what you can do.” He crossed his arms over his chest and waited.  
The soldier gave him a confused look and took the gun with his right hand.

“No, do it with your left hand.”

Buffalo arrived just in time to witness the scene, everyone was surprised and didn't want to even breathe.

“Ocelot, sir, I’m not a lefty.” He admitted showing his hands in the air and grinning.

“Oh, so you can’t do it because you are a righty? That’s tough luck, soldier.” Ocelot’s voice was sexy and low. Just like a lion seducing his prey before the lethal strike.

The soldier laughed nervously “okay so I just do it with my right hand?”

Ocelot stood behind him and touched his right arm, “Did I put your gun on this hand?” He trailed the soldier’s muscles with his glove.

“N-no..”

“Then, are you deaf?”

“S-sir, no sir!” He felt Ocelot’s breath on the back of his neck.

“Good” he purred.

In one sharp movement he grabbed his right arm and bend it behind his back, just a little more pressure and the arm would break. The man gasped in pain.

“Just for the record, Miller is not a lefty.” He raised his voice so everyone could hear well. Then he released his grip on the taller man and pushed him forward. He tripped but remained on his feet, rubbing his right arm, the gun on the floor.

“I wonder how well can you all shoot, if you had the pleasure of spending 10 days being tortured and your limbs chopped from your body. How many of you would be able to shoot like he did?” The coolness which was always present on him was gone, his voice was full of raw emotion and anger.

Buffalo gasped and regretted calling him a jerk. So it was true, Revolver Ocelot did had a heart after all, and Kazuhira was the owner.

Panther looked at the man he desired humiliate him in front of the class. Anger invaded him and he launched his attack at Ocelot, who CQC’d him and he ended up in the floor. The rest of the soldiers were pointing their guns at him.

The Instructor crouched and whispered “don’t mess with me, or I’ll shoot you down.”

Ocelot contacted the security team and they took Panther to the brig. He'd have a talk with him later.

“Okay, for next class I want you all to start practising with your less skillful hand. Dismissed.”

Everyone left, whispering about what had happened. Ocelot knew that all this would reach Snake’s ears, but he didn’t care.

He spotted Flaming Buffalo grabbing Kaz’s gun and clothes.  
“Hey, FB, let me take these to Miller.” His expression now softened.

She hesitated “Commander Miller asked me to pick up his things. He… I think it’s best if you don't see him, he’s kinda mad at you.” She shouldn’t be talking to him, he was not her friend.

“I know he’s mad. And I know he trusts you. Can you answer me just one thing?” He looked a lot softer now, but slightly cautious.

“It depends on what you wanna know.” She felt a shiver running through her spine, this man was definitely dangerous when he wanted something.

“Do you think I’ll have a chance with him?”

She looked at Miller's clothes on her hand and thought her answer. “Yes."

"Then let me take this to him" Ocelot slowly took Kaz's things from her arms.

"God he’s gonna kill me, but don't go right now, I’d try approaching him sometime later.”

“Right, once he’s cool down, thank you Buffalo.” He put his hand on her shoulder for a moment and turned on his heels, leaving.

She sighed angrily and overreacted a little not knowing that she was raising her voice.   
“Why can’t you two just fuck already! For God’s sake!” 

“Don’t you think that’s what I’ve been trying to do this whole time? Tell Miller that I’ll see him soon.” The Russian shoved his arms to the air in defeat and smirked at her.

“Shit, he heard me.”

Buffalo left for Miller’s office. She had to tell him the news before someone else did.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was the kinkshaming too much? I kinda feel sorry for Panther... 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	10. The game master

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Big Boss shows them who's the Boss. He just wants his two boys to be together, but will his own feelings jeopardize their game?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've made this story enter a dangerous zone and there's no way out. So... let Big Boss step in!

That afternoon Ocelot made his way to Kaz’s office, he was 100% sure he’d find the man there. He had Miller’s clothes on his hands, and had the impulse of smelling them. Now that was foolish, he told himself but he did it anyway, feeling his perfume which made him become slightly aroused.

“Enjoying yourself, Ocelot?”  
Snake stood in front of him smirking, his horn shone with the sunlight and he looked rather intimidating. Both knew he didn’t need to ask why he was holding his lover’s clothes.

The Russian lowered his hands and blushed. “I was checking if they needed to go to the laundry.”

“I’ll take them to their owner” Big Boss made a gesture for Ocelot to hand the clothes to him.

“No, I’ll do it.” He didn’t mean to sound so determined. There was a defiant look on his icy eyes when he faced Snake.

“Come with me, we need to discuss something.” His Boss put on a stern face and placed his hand on Ocelot’s shoulder, escorting him to Kaz’s office.

 

Snake knocked three times and entered. Kaz was going over an intel file and looked over his aviators, his eyes met Ocelot for a moment before going back to the file.

“Boss, are you sure you want to do this now?” He commented while putting the file down. He was dressed like this morning. His shirt and tie made him look younger, and  without his coat he looked a lot thinner. Or maybe he really lost weight.

 

Ocelot tried to read their movements and body language to find out what this was all about. Was this just a business talk or were things getting personal? He left Miller’s clothes on the couch and then got closer to him, handing him the gun, their fingers slightly brushing.

Snake sat on the chair in front of Kaz, watching Ocelot’s flirtation with interest and chuckled. “I’d love to watch you seducing each other, but we have some urgent business to talk about.”

Kaz growled and adjusted his aviators. Ocelot was expecting Kaz to deny everything, like always, pretending that nothing happened between them. But that remark never came. Instead, he started talking about Snake’s next mission.

After a rather technical and tactical conversation, going over files, maps and target’s faces, the business meeting was coming to an end. The only thing left to hear was Snake’s approval.

“Boss, here’s the landing zone. If you want we can go over the alternative routes to enter the building, what do you think?” Kaz looked at his Boss, waiting for his opinion.

They were all silent, as if they were watching each other’s reactions. A silent game, no doubt about it.

 

“Kaz, your shirt is buttoned wrong.” Snake stood up and went to touch his lover’s chest.

“What? Snake, just what-?”

Snake unbuttoned his shirt while the commander locked eyes with the tactical instructor awkwardly.

Kaz felt a shiver, even on this hot day, as Snake opened his shirt and exposed his bare chest.

“I don’t remember giving you this” his prosthetic hand trailed his chest and pointed at a hickey just below his collarbone.

They all knew what had happened, there was no need to talk it over.

 

“What do you think Ocelot? Tough morning, huh?” He trailed his lover’s body with both hands and touched his nipples.

“Ok Boss, stop it, this is awkward!” Kaz shifted in his chair trying to put his Boss’s hands away from his body.

“It was a tough one for me, I had to send one recruit to the brig.” Ocelot tried to sound as natural as possible. But had no better idea than to bring the matter into discussion. Then he stood up abruptly. His sixth sense warned him that he needed to get away. For the time being, he stood there waiting for Snake to end the meeting so he could escape.

“I know that. News spread fast. You shouldn’t have provoked Kaz, he gets pretty fired up when he’s jealous.” Snake grabbed his lover’s chin and kissed him. For once in his life, Kaz felt like pushing Snake away from him, he couldn’t have Ocelot watching this.

Snake had him pinned to the chair and grabbing his face with both hands deepened the kiss. Kaz was about to surrender himself to his lover, who was kissing him slowly but his grip was strong, he was clearly letting them know who was in charge. Then he lowered his hands and grabbed Kaz’s belt. Was he really going to go this far? No, Kaz didn’t want this, not like this.

He broke the kiss and pushed his lover away from him rather abruptly before he had time to think.

His Boss looked at him with a surprised expression. This was bad, this was fucked up.

 

“You really are serious, aren’t you? This is what happens when your game gets too hard to keep” his voice was low and dangerous, this was a message for both of them.

Big Boss now faced Ocelot, who was standing next to the desk with his arms closed on his chest, trying to maintain his composure while wearing a poker face. He surprised him by grabbing the back of his head and kissing him while he pushed him to the desk.

Ocelot was too surprised to think, he felt adrenaline rushing through his whole body as he kissed Snake back. His lips were harder and his kiss rough, disarming him completely. He tried to fight it, but a moan escaped his lips as Snake broke the kiss to remove his scarf with a quick movement and attacked his neck, biting him so hard that he made him groan. Big Boss backed off and wiped the blood from his lips, leaving Ocelot panting and confused, gripping the desk’s border in fear he would just slip and fall to the ground.

“Don’t you forget who’s in charge here. I’m letting you play your little game but I’m getting a little impatient.” Snake took his cigar and lit it, watching his two men speechless and disarmed.

Ocelot didn’t dare to turn around to look at Kaz, nor he didn’t dare to look at Snake either so he touched his aching neck and looked at the stain of his own blood on his glove.

 

“Kaz, the landing zone is OK, I’ll go make the preparations and will be waiting for both of your radio support. And please stop bitching like two teenagers and stay together while I’m on this mission. It’s useless if you are in different platforms when you can.. Team up. Don’t be shy, I know you aren’t.” He smirked and watched them.

They didn’t talk nor look at each other.

Ocelot now looked at Kaz. His face was serious and he could not tell what his eyes looked like as the shades of his aviators seemed to be covering his expression.

“Ocelot, still feeling like fooling around with subordinates?” Snake took a puff, a hint of annoyance in his voice.

“No Boss, it won’t happen again. I’ll go get the Intel reports.”

“Wait.” Now Snake softened his expression. “Why don’t you kiss him? I know this is what you want.” He gestured with his head at Kaz.

“Boss?” Ocelot felt all his defenses fall in front of one of the men he loved. “I can’t do this.”

“I thought you liked Kaz.” Snake grabbed his chin and made him look at his blue eye. “But I’m wrong, there’s more than a simple ‘like’, right?”

Kaz stood up and grabbed Snake’s arm. “Boss, come on stop it. We need to talk.”

“Come on, show me Kaz. Show me how you kiss him.”

 

Kaz breathed hard and felt a knot on his stomach. “Boss, you don’t have to do this.”

Ocelot took Kaz’s face with his hands and kissed him. A soft and cautious kiss with no tongue. It was so hard to control himself and not to drown in this kiss. He could feel the blonde’s sweet scent and warmth, too intoxicating.

He pulled back and looked at Snake. “Satisfied?”

 

“You call that a kiss?” Snake taunted him and kissed Kaz again. This time he was gentler and sweeter with him, there were no bad intentions, nothing else to probe but the love he felt for his partner. He deepened the kiss and Kaz pulled him closer, caressing his neck.

Ocelot looked at them and felt both aroused, curious and jealous. It was kind of awkward so he decided to leave, accepting his defeat when Snake pulled him in and he met with Kaz’s tongue slipping into his mouth. The Russian held Kaz by his waist and they both got closer to each other while their kiss continued to deepen. As if they had forgotten Snake was there their kiss grew hotter and they had to pull off to breathe.

“Now that’s what I’m talking about. See how well you can get along?” Snake patted their backs.

“I-I’ll go get the Intel reports.” Ocelot needed to leave, he got hard with that kiss Kaz had given him and the fact that Snake was watching, probably getting hard too, was just too much for him. He needed to cool off before the mission.

Snake smirked at him and watched him leave.

“We’ll talk later by radio. Gather your stuff and come here, stay with Kaz ok? Don’t leave him alone.”

Ocelot nodded and left the office as fast as he could.

\---

Kaz grabbed Snake’s clothes and faced him.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Kaz was confused, mad and flushed.

“I’m just giving you two a little encouragement.” Snake kissed his neck. “But tell me Kaz, you wouldn’t leave me for him, would you?”

“I won’t leave you, Boss, you know that.” Kaz rested his head on his lover’s shoulder and wished he just hadn't fallen for the Tactical Instructor too.

Snake placed a kiss on his forehead and left.

 

\-----

 

The Commander stood on the same spot for what it felt like forever. He never expected a simple game to turn this complicated. Snake was encouraging them but he didn’t know how far he would let them go. At first it was just a game of teasing, of allowing themselves to share some kisses, but nothing else. Things like fucking each other, or worse, having feelings for one another were not part of the game.

The door opened and Ocelot made his way to the desk with a couple of files and folders on his hands. He got closer to Kaz and stopped, hesitating. The desire to just forget about the mission and fuck him right there was getting stronger. The worst part was that Kaz seemed to want the same.

“If I stay close to you one more minute I’ll have to fuck you, Miller.” he tried to make it sound like a joke, though neither of them believed it.

Kaz leaned to him, grabbing his shirt and whispered closer to his lips “I hate you.”

  
They both knew that was a lie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's getting complicated when there are feelings in the middle, how's this gonna end?
> 
>  
> 
> You can follow me here! http://yuki2305.tumblr.com/


	11. Time out!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trash duo take distance and Ocelot bumps into an unexpected individual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end of Part 1. I'm still thinking if I should continue Part 2 here or as a new work. (I'm more inclined to just put everything here)  
> As always, sorry for the typos, grammar mistakes, etc. I kinda of rushed this chapter as I had a shitty week at work  
>  
> 
> BTW I've made up a new mix, it will fit the chapters to come :p
> 
> http://8tracks.com/yuki2305/room-101-hate-sex-power-mix

Two weeks passed since that awkward moment when Kaz and him made out in front of Snake and then they had to provide radio assistance to their boss. After the mission was over, they both returned to their daily duties, not even daring to even argue, just treating each other as complete strangers. Instead of giving them green light, it seemed Snake’s _friendly warning_ was just too much for them to even dare to try something.

 

Another day was coming to its end. It was dark and the guards were beginning to change shifts. The days were going by very slow, so slow that it was almost painful. Adamska wished he could at least sleep well at night so his mind wouldn’t have to dwell on thoughts about both Miller and Big Boss. He had no escape nor choice but to keep up playing his role, he knew there was something even greater that hasn’t been revealed yet, and he just knew he had to keep on going.

 

It was easy to deal with the feelings he had for Big Boss, because the man was never truly his to begin with, so the feeling of longing never left. But with Kazuhira Miller it was definitely more painful. Contrary to what he felt for Big Boss, the feeling of hatred was mutual at the beginning. and when their feelings started to change he was surprised and angry. He tried, of course, God knew how much he tried to stop having these romantic feelings for the man he hated. He sometimes found himself going back and thinking what the hell happened, and why the hell did he dare to kiss Miller that night while they were having one of their endless arguments. He thought it was going to be funny and would scare him away. But he wasn’t expecting the man to actually push his tongue inside his mouth gaining control of the kiss. Damn he was a good kisser, he had to admit that it surprised him and somehow left him wanting more than just a free sample.

Miller had definitely won the first round, but after that their silly games got bigger and bigger, just like an unstoppable snowball which had just crashed into him leaving him K.O.

 

Ocelot wanted to distract his mind from all these stupid feelings and wandered through Mother Base looking for D Dog. But after asking some of the staff members, they all agreed on the fact that recently the dog has been following commander Miller.

‘ _Well played Miller, you get to have both Big Boss and D-Dog, what’s next, Quiet?_ ’ he mumbled and tried to picture Miller trying to have a civilized exchange with Quiet and that made him laugh, but his thought played him a trick and ended up imagining Miller with his shirt open and his face flushed, just like the other day when he pushed him against one wall of the Combat Platform and assaulted him. He was so busy cursing to himself that suddenly bumped into someone.

 

“Instructor Ocelot, sir, sorry I got a little distracted” The man laughed nervously. He was carrying a six pack beer and tried to hide them from his Instructor's field of vision.

“Pequod, where are you going?” Ocelot ignored the fact that the staff shouldn’t be drinking alcohol, but then again he wasn’t technically drinking.

“I-I was on my way to my room.” that was one hell of a lie.

“You shouldn't lie to the Interrogator Specialist.” The man smirked and put his hands on his hips.

“Yeah, sorry Sir. I was actually going to meet with Buffalo and Quiet..” the pilot knew it was no use lying so he told him the truth.

 

“Have an extra beer to share with me?” Ocelot asked in a friendly tone, surprising Pequod who nodded and they both went to Quiet’s cell.

“The mission went pretty good.” Commented Ocelot while seeing the cheerful expression on the pilot’s face.

“Definitely, we could leave the hot zone in time. The Boss had to rush in order to jump into the chopper though. He was like half of the flight back here trying to catch his breath. Now he’s-”

“With Miller I presume.”

“Well, yeah, Commander Miller was waiting for him. He was pretty pissed off, don’t know why. I think the Boss’s gonna have a rough night.” He joked and laughed but he stopped abruptly. “S-sorry Sir, I shouldn't have said that.”

Ocelot’s expression hardened for a moment but he then went back to his poker face. “You shouldn’t apologize for something that everyone on base knows. Though it’s their fault for being so affectionate towards each other in public.”

“I wasn’t apologizing for that…” That comment slipped from his mouth and then he cursed. “Shit! Sorry!”

So was he really apologizing for talking about them in front of him? What was he? The third fucking wheel?

 

He grabbed the radio and made a gesture to Pequod to go ahead without him. “Snake? How are you? …. Okay, tell Miller to stop being a bitch and let you get some rest. Me? I’m actually going to have some beers with your pilot. … Making a scene? Who, me?.... If you two can have fun why can’t I? … No, Miller doesn’t want to see me. I won’t go…. Well, maybe that’s thanks to your ‘friendly reminder’ Boss… See you tomorrow, have fun.”

And since when exactly Adamska had to resort to these kind of taunts? He was getting desperate and this should stop. He suppressed the urge of smashing his radio into pieces and instead growled and punched the wall, facing it trying to calm down. When he turned around he saw Pequod looking at him with a surprised but scared expression.

“You didn’t see anything ok.” He walked past him and reached the stairs of Quiet’s cell.

 

He went down the stairs and found her making out with Flaming Buffalo.

“Well, at least someone’s having fun tonight, huh?” Ocelot sat at the stairs at the bottom and watched them, resting his elbows on his knees and his head on his hands.

Pequod followed him, smiling awkwardly and sat on the floor next to the Tactical Instructor.

“So Pequod, how about we do a double date?” He joked and grabbed the six pack beer, took one and passed it to Buffalo.

Pequod’s face went red and laughed. “I prefer the company of a lady, but anyway if I were into guys I’d definitely had a fling with you, Instructor.”

“Too bad.” Ocelot winked at him.

“Too bad that Commander Miller would throw me out of the base if I did it.” Pequod opened a can of beer and sipped the cold drink.

“Why do you think that?” Now Ocelot's full attention tuned to the pilot, making him touch his neck nervously. 

“Because everyone knows that you and Miller wanna bang each other.” Buffalo remarked and Pequod almost spilled his drink.

 

“Do they really think that?” Ocelot's eyes opened slightly in surprise.

“Well… Everyone started tying the knots after the incident with Panther.” She grinned.

“That Miller's a hypocrite. All this time preaching about not messing around with stupid drama and he’s the one who got us caught in all this trouble.” Ocelot took a sip from his beer and frowned.

Quiet gave him a mild punch on his arm and looked at him like saying ‘you know you screwed up too’.  
She saw Ocelot’s grim expression. He wasn’t sleeping well and she knew why. Then looked at her girlfriend, Flaming Buffalo with a concerned look.

 

Buffalo was Miller’s friend and she couldn’t tell him about her friend’s feelings, but anyway there wasn’t anything new to tell as he had been avoiding her as well. But then she looked at her girlfriend’s pleading eyes, please help him, she meant.

“Ooook I’m not supposed to tell you this Ocelot, but are you aware that Miller is avoiding you for only one reason?”

 

He looked at her with questioning eyes. Pequod also joined him and they waited. 

“Haven’t you guys ever watched a tv drama? If he’s ignoring you it means he can’t get you out of his head.”

“Then he doesn’t hate me.” Ocelot pointed his hand at her. It was more a question than an announcement.

“I get it. Listen Instructor, when a woman ignores you, you don’t have to stop, she wants you to keep on insisting. That’s how I seduce the ladies.” He now was bragging, smirking at the girls. Quiet stuck out her tongue at him.

 

“That’s interesting but we are talking about Commander Miller, though he may be a bitch sometimes.” Ocelot grinned.

“It’s the same! You have to insist!” Buffalo shaked Ocelot’s shoulders, making him chuckle.

“All right, so, you suggest I send him flowers and invite him to dinner?” Of course that was a joke, but it would be priceless to watch Miller's face when a bucket of flowers got delivered to his office with a stupid cute card. 

"I can be the delivery boy Instructor" Pequod gave him a thumbs up and Quiet grabbed his cheeks and squeezed them, meaning ‘you can’t be serious’.

 

“Continue with your fun, I think I’m gonna go get some sleep. I’ll do things my way.”

He finished his beer and waved them good night.

Feeling the fresh air of the night he made his way to his room, though he knew he wasn’t going to sleep that night either. And to be honest, he didn't have a fucking clue about how to handle this situation.

 

\-----

 

Kaz had been avoiding any possible chance of meeting Ocelot, unless it was strictly necessary or for Radio Support. Even if they tried to keep it professional, they couldn’t help but stare at each other or keep a close distance. At first they would sit facing each other, but on the last missions’ radio assistance they sat next to each other. 

Snake’s last mission took place overnight. Ocelot left the office for a while to check on the enemy commander his boss had fultoned back to mother base and once he made sure he was put in the brig for the time being, he went back to Kaz’s office with two cups of coffee.

 He placed the coffee in front of Kaz, who was resting his head on his arm.

“Hey Miller, are you asleep already? Where’s Snake?” He gently touched his head and the blonde touched his face, removing his aviators.

“He’s heading for the landing zone. Everything went fine.” Kaz took the coffee and smelled it.

“I didn’t do anything to it, I think we are past the pranks.”

“You never stop surprising me.” He smirked and took a sip. “For a Russian, I have to admit that you do know how to brew coffee.”

“I didn’t know Japanese people knew how to appreciate a good cup of coffee” he grinned at him.

Ocelot didn’t know if they were just too sleepy, or mentally exhausted after being almost 10 hours locked in the office doing radio support and trying not to make a move on each other… or because they’d been ignoring each other for 2 whole weeks, or because they were just tired… but this was the first time in these two weeks that he saw Kaz smiling at him.

 

They were sitting next to one another, so Ocelot took Kaz’s face in his hands and frowned. “You look like hell, Miller.”

“You obviously didn’t look at yourself in a mirror, Ocelot.” Kaz smirked and placed his hand on Ocelot's right cheekbone, softly touching the bag under his eye.

“It takes one to know one.” Ocelot purred.

“Don’t look at me like that.” Kaz’s voice was almost a whisper. He closed his eyes and felt Ocelot’s lips on his.

It may be the lack of rest, but Kaz was tired of this game and kissed him back. The last thing he remembered was Ocelot carrying him out of the office, sneaking through the guards and then, entering into a room, being kissed, undressed and thrown to a bed, was it his bed? he didn’t remember, but it’s been months since he’d slept so well.

 


	12. The sleeping beauty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaz woke up naked  
> And Ocelot was next to him
> 
> Naked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so TBH this was the beginning of the whole story and it was gonna be a one shot, then I began adding more and more content and it transformed into this monster.  
> I had to change it a bit in order to keep the storyline, hope there are no mistakes. 
> 
>  
> 
> Feel free to follow me on Tumblr for more Ocelhira/BBkaz/MGS stuff http://yuki2305.tumblr.com/
> 
> Thanks for reading!

Kaz opened his eyes slowly, it’s been months since he hadn’t slept so deeply and well. After almost a 12 hour radio assistance to Snake on a critical mission, exchanging some words with Ocelot and…wait a moment,  did they kiss? He didn’t remember but he was sure that he went straight to his room and threw himself on the bed… he even remembered having a hot dream about Ocelot. He was sure it was a dream but...

He felt a little cold and realized he was naked. _What the hell?_ He thought trying to focus his eyes on his room. His gaze went through the room… it was smaller and there was less furniture. This was definitely not his room.... He felt a knot in his stomach and got worried.

Then he felt a movement on the bed and realized he was not alone, as he tried to distinguish the silhouette sleeping next to him. Actually he had his left arm on the waist of his bed partner and was almost spooning him/her. Was it Snake? Definitely not, the figure was slimmer and softer. Kaz couldn’t distinguish if the person was male or female and he blamed it on his poor eyesight and darkness of the room and besides the person was giving her (or his) back to him.  

 _At least I had a good time last night, look at that ass my god_ \- He thought while checking the person out. Though he was quite happy with what he was seeing, he couldn’t help but think about the consequences of having slept with a subordinate.

 _Snake’s gonna kill me…. and Ocelot’s gonna torture me for sure,_ he thought. But why was he thinking about him? he frowned and shook his head, trying to focus on the sleeping beauty next to him. But how the hell did he get himself into this mess? He felt dissapointed for a moment, he had betrayed the two men he loved the most.

Still, his blood started going right to his dick and he had to think on something else to distract himself, but couldn’t help looking at her silver hair….. _silver…_ _hair…_ Kaz’s hand travelled from the person’s ass up to its chest, touching carefully the sleeping beauty’s body and moving her body so he could look at her face and….

“SHIT!” Kaz almost jumped out of the bed, but he just limited to grab the sheets and cover his body.

 

The silver haired man opened his eyes slowly and lazily stretched his body up.

“Good morning to you too, Miller”

“What’s the meaning of this?”

“What does it look like?” Ocelot turned around and now faced Kaz, placing his elbow on the pillow and resting his head on his hand. He didn’t bother covering himself, on the contrary he seemed to be pretty pleased with showing his naked body to his bed partner.

“We.. we did it?” Kaz couldn’t believe he was actually saying those words out loud. He and Ocelot together on the same bed? naked? what the hell was happening? And why the hell was he staring at Ocelot’s dick? He quickly rolled his eyes and looked at his face. The bastard had a smug grin.

“Let me describe what I see. - Ocelot lazily pointed his finger at him- You just woke up in my bed and we are both naked. What do you think it happened?”

“I don’t believe it! This can’t be happening…” Kaz threw his head into the pillow and covered it with the sheets.

He heard Ocelot’s low laugh while he also sneaked under the sheets to face him. “Are you disappointed that you are here with me?”

“That’s not what I… -Kaz felt his face going red while his dick started to wake up. He had to leave. Now. - Forget it. I’m leaving.”

He made an attempt to move but Ocelot placed a hand on his chest, slowly touching him. Kaz felt his hand was soft and warm.

“Wait. So you don’t remember anything, huh? You disappoint me Miller.”

Kaz shot him an angry glare and Ocelot continued. “Okay calm down. I’m gonna tell you the truth.”

“I don’t know if I want to know the truth” Kaz made another attempt to leave but Ocelot placed himself on top of him, their faces (and their dicks) just inches away from each other.

“Wait, are you hard? Already?” Ocelot gave him a soft bite on his neck. Of course he felt Kaz’s erection, his body was too damn obvious.

“I have to go!” Kaz pushed the naked Russian away from him, sat on his side of the bed and quickly put on his prosthetic leg and began dressing as fast as he could. He didn’t mind if he still had bed hair, a boner and that his clothes were all wrinkled, he just had to get the hell out of Ocelot’s room before he did something stupid.

 

Ocelot remained silent while he watched the whole scene.

“Sure you don’t… Need help?” Ocelot laid on his stomach on the bed, still showing off his rounded ass.

Kaz couldn’t help but stare at Ocelot’s naked body, dumbfounded. He quickly put on his aviators and, still blushing finished getting dressed.

“It’s a pity that you leave now Kaz, let me at least help you with your tie, after all, I’m the one who helps you almost every morning.” The Russian got out of the bed slowly, cat-like and walked to Kaz, adjusted his red tie and purred on his ear “Isn’t this what you always wanted Miller? To have me on a bed, naked?”

Kaz was having a hard time breathing with Ocelot so close to him. He had to admit it that he found the older man hot and had fantasized about him more than once. Every day that passed his feelings for the man grew. But this scenario… the Russian giving himself away to Kaz like a Christmas present, was too good to be true. Feeling his face going red, he put Ocelot’s hands away from him and evading his icy blue eyes managed to bark “We’ll discuss this later” before getting out of the room as fast as he could.

 

What was that? How would he look at Ocelot’s face again? Had all of these been a joke? He didn’t feel any difference in his body so he didn’t know who topped who. Kaz could not fall for this, it was just too easy. He knew that the man was such a tease that he may be just playing with his feelings.

If this was another of his jokes, it went far more than their usual games... If this was true, it meant that Ocelot finally managed to take Kaz to bed, making him the winner of the game. 

  
And Kaz was just fed up with Ocelot playing with his feelings.


	13. Food to win a man's heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ocelot wants to apologize to Kaz and ends up cooking something for him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this whole story is so silly and possibly out of character, but I needed something nice for Kaz (I'm still crying over BBKaz, and VKaz is also kind of sad) 
> 
> So let the Mother base tv drama continue...

It’s been 3 days, 2 hours and 15 minutes since Miller has been avoiding him…. AGAIN… Ocelot could not stop thinking about him and how he screwed things up. That night they were both tired and sleepless. He took Miller to his room, closed the door and they kissed while they undressed each other. Ocelot thought that at last he could claim him but when he pushed Miller to his bed and finished undressing him, after a long kiss which left him hard, the younger man fell asleep. Miller was so deeply asleep that didn’t even flinch when Ocelot bit his neck. It was useless, he thought. He didn’t want to fuck a doll so he didn’t insist. But he did jerk off by touching Miller’s naked body and would carry his dirty secret to his grave.

  
At first making Miller believe than they had sex seemed funny but then he wondered what if they really would had ended up fucking? What could he had done? Force him to wake up and dominate him? Seduce him to have sex? Tell him the truth or a lie about what really happened?  
And what if Miller rejected him? But hadn’t he already done that the moment he slipped out of bed and left? Wasn’t he rejecting him now? 3 days, 2 hours and what? 20 minutes ago?

No, no one rejected Revolver ‘Shalashashka’ Ocelot and lived to tell the tale. Except for John but that was a different story. Thanks to his hard work he was even able to take Snake to bed, so what was stopping him from winning Kazuhira Miller’s heart? _I will have Miller on my bed again for real, and I’ll make him mine_. He decided.

 

  
It was said that one would win a man’s heart through his stomach, and truth was, Kaz needed to eat more. Contrary to what everyone would thought, he had lost weight. He could see it the other night, and could see it back then when he would usually help the commander with his clothes or even helping him taking showers, he thought that the lack of training would made him gain weight, but even if Miller was playing the fast food game with Code Talker, it was only an excuse so Snake wouldn’t bother him about his eating habits.

Ocelot made his way to the Mess Hall kitchen, curiously going through the food. He opened the lid of one of the main pots and examined what was inside . Suddenly he felt someone poking him with a wooden spoon on his back.

“Instructor Ocelot, do you need something?” Vile Panda asked him. She was in charge of the main kitchen and she didn’t like it when people (being staff members, Ocelot or even Big Boss himself) messed in her kitchen.

“Oh Panda, I was just passing by. What are you cooking today?” The Russian turned on his heels to face her, smiling and playing it like he just happened to be there by chance.

But he underestimated women’s sixth sense. She laughed and pointed her wooden spoon at his nose. “You never come here without a reason so there must be one… Or someone maybe? Will you ask me what the Boss ate for dinner again? Or is it someone else this time?”

Realizing he had no escape, he decided to go straight to the point. He leaned on the kitchen table and prepared to use his charm.

“Can you prepare japanese food?”

“Sir?”

“You know Panda, those stupid cute little things Japanese people eat. Like rice, fish… eggs…” he made a gesture with his hands and then put his hand on her shoulder. “I know you are Chinese but I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.”

“Sir, you need japanese food? We happen to have some ingredients, Commander Miller requested them this week.” She blushed when she felt Ocelot’s hand on her. “Did Commander Miller sent you?”

“What? Yes, yes he wanted a… How does he call it?” He slowly removed his hand from her shoulder and walked around the kitchen.

“A bento?”

“That’s right!” He shot her his trademark gesture with his hands.

“I’m actually busy, we are preparing lasagna for today.” She commented while taking a notepad to check her team's workload for the day.

Ocelot could not hide his disappointment. “Commander Miller will be very upset. And worst part is I’ll be the one who’ll be punished.” He walked around the kitchen, one finger trailing the kitchen table while he looked at Panda. “Too bad, huh?”

Panda’s team arrived so they could resume their work. She gave them instructions and turned to Ocelot, who was now sitting at the table playing with an orange.

“Okay, tell me what Commander Miller wants and I’ll help you with it.”

The Head of Intel looked up at her surprised “help me? Aren’t you gonna do it yourself?”

“I say I would help you. I’ll show you how and then you do the rest. I have work to do or else lunch will be late. And Commander Miller will be really angry.”

She got me, thought Ocelot smirking. “I see. Okay, you help me with this bento thing and we’ll forget that I was ever here.”

“I’m sure he’ll like it. I mean, if my boyfriend gave me food made with his own hands, I’d marry him.” She laughed while she gathered the ingredients and Ocelot tried to wear his best poker face.  
“Here, put this on” she handed him a piece of cloth.

“What’s this? Oh… Ok” Ocelot put the apron on and wished Miller would not decide to show up at the kitchen. “Panda, uhh Commander Miller does not come here, right?”

“Nope, unless he feels like supervising our work” commented the head of the kitchen while she was preparing the rice.

“All right if he sees me like this I’m ready to take it.” Ocelot snorted

“Sir, you are forgetting your cooking hat, sanity issues, you know.” Oh great, thought Ocelot. _The things I do for love… No, to get laid…_ He corrected himself.

 

  
After the rice was cooked, it was time for making the cute stuff.

“Pass me the sausages, I’ll show you a trick that would make your special one cry of happiness.”

Ocelot handed her the requested item and growled. “Look Panda this is a mistake, he’s not my special someone whatsoever, I’m just making him a favor because he’s overloaded with work.”

“Okay" she didn't seem convinced. " I’m impressed. I never even saw you cooking for the Boss.”

“No, because he eats anything and is not being a fucking assh-, I mean workaholic as Miller. He needs to eat well.”

Panda remained silent but smiled and continued “Okay so you cut the sausage in two half, and then turn one half on its flat side and cut it. Then you cut it like this… And voila!” She handed him a tiny octopus-like sausage.

“T-this is…. Too cute….” Ocelot frowned making a weird face and could not hide his surprise. “But do you really see Miller eating this?”

Panda put her hand on her soft round chin, thinking. “Definitely. The commander needs some love. Okay let me show you the rest.”

After Ocelot received all the instructions he concentrated on cutting the remaining sausages and finishing the rest of the meal. He was so focused on his task that didn’t realize the cooking team had gathered around the main kitchen and was staring at the Russian.

The bento had a cat shaped rice ball with octopus-like sausages, vegetable salad and fish. There was enough food to make three bento so he made one for himself and another for Snake. He didn’t want everyone to gossip on the fact that Revolver Ocelot, head of Intel and Interrogator Specialist made a bento box for Commander Miller. Once the bento boxes were finished, he let go a sigh and the cooking team applauded him.  
He did felt ashamed but it wasn’t so bad after all...

 

\--

 

It was almost 11 am and he knew his Boss was not on a mission so Ocelot asked to meet him at the Command Platform. By the time he arrived, Snake was already waiting for him sitting at the stairs patting DD.

When the dog saw Ocelot he ran to him wagging his tail.

“Hey buddy, how are you?” Ocelot saluted the dog while balancing the bento boxes careful not to drop them. He placed them on the upper steps of the stair, far from DD’s paws and sat next to his Boss.

Snake took a cigar and lighted it. “So, what’s on your mind?”

Ocelot pat DD’s head and spoke, not looking at Snake but to DD. “Lately I’ve noticed Miller has been skipping meals. He’s overworking himself and I know we don’t have many mission contracts this month, so definitely there must be something going on with him.”

DD curled at his boots.

“Are you feeling bad because of that joke you played to him? Aren’t you the reason he’s not coming to the Mess Hall?” Snake of course knew everything.

“Boss how can you be so cruel”

Snake made him a gesture to stop and continued “Kaz told me about it. I didn’t believe him at first but knowing you I had no doubt about it. So, did you two actually..?”

“No.”

“Recently your jokes have been escalating. Both you and Kaz’s. If you don’t stop, someone’s gonna get hurt, and not by a gunshot or a whatever, you know what kind of wound I’m talking about ” He pointed a finger at Ocelot’s chest. “The kind of wound we can’t heal easily.”

“Did Miller tell you anything about me?”

“I understand that you are worried about him but I can’t tell you, you will have to face him yourself. I just want to know if you are serious or not.”

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean. You have two options, either you admit your feelings for him and do something about it, or stop bugging him and leave him alone. We had this conversation before, I told you already not to hurt him.” Snake grabbed his silver hair on the back of his neck and shot him a cold glare with his eye, sending a shiver through the Russian’s spine. “ I know you didn’t fuck him, what happened? Was it too much for you Ocelot? or do you need me to teach you how to fuck Kaz?”  
Ocelot smirked and grabbed his Boss’s neck, pushing him into a deep kiss.  
“You are too easy for me Boss” he taunted him, breaking the kiss.

Snake pushed him against the wall next to the stairs, making him growl in pain.  
“I’m just letting you win the game. Don’t take me for granted.”  
Then he grabbed his chin with his prosthetic arm and made Adam look up. “But we both know what you want , or more precisely who.”

Snake released him and softened his expression.  
“Don’t look at me like that, I’ll have a talk with Kaz about this later and it’s not going to be any different from this conversation. I don't know why you can't be straightforward with him, just as how you were with me years ago when we first met.”

“I thought you didn’t remember” Ocelot looked away a little angry and ashamed. He felt Snake’s flesh hand on his shoulder .

“Go and show Kaz how serious you are.”

“You sound as if I had a chance with him.”

“Maybe you do.”

The Russian stood up and grabbed one bento box.  
“Right, I’ll take this to Miller and I’ll talk to him. There’s another box there for you, don’t get jealous”

“Good luck with Kaz, you’re gonna need it.”

Ocelot stopped, he was having second thoughts “Is he mad?”

Snake chuckled and grabbed his box, trying to avoid DD jumping into his lap “Go and find that out by yourself”.

Snake was acting weird lately, as if he was two different people. Snake… Venom Snake was definitely a man who went down to Hell and came back for his revenge. Though sometimes Ocelot wondered if he was still in Hell.

He faced Miller’s office. And then it happened, for the first time in years, he felt butterflies in his stomach. Why now? He was an expert in reading between the lines, he figured out that Snake confirmed him that Miller had feelings for him. But why hadn’t he realized it later? Had he been so blind? The problem was that knowing that he may have a chance with Kaz, made Ocelot feel extremely nervous and all his self confidence felt apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So apparently all mother base is getting tired of the back and forth between Snake's two right hand men.  
> Would Kaz accept his bento?


	14. Decisions and Indecisions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is kind of rush, I'm having a shitty week at work and no time to think. Thanks for reading!

Since that incident 3 days ago, Kaz had been almost all the time locked in his office. Keeping himself busy with work was only a lame excuse, he knew it and probably Ocelot and Snake knew it too. He just couldn’t face Ocelot and his jokes. Not now, that Kaz, even after the incident, couldn’t stop dreaming and thinking about Snake’s Russian friend. His body had betrayed him by making a fool of himself. How could he explain that he was so aroused by seeing Ocelot’s naked body? How could he explain to himself that he just wanted that man to take him and fuck him all day long? When he had him on top of him he thought he was going to die, he wanted him so bad it hurt. It was also unbearable the feeling of guilt he was feeling for having these thoughts about someone who wasn’t Snake. Now that Snake was back, Kaz’s heart was torn apart.

The games they played were more and more intense. Starting with stealing kisses to making out. No one dared to advance. Well, Ocelot probably would have done it ready, but every time Kaz ran away.  
What if he surrendered, let Ocelot seduce him and then when it was time to do it, he would laugh and leave Kaz hard, naked and with no more shame?

Would Ocelot be really playing this far? A part of him believed that the man could be so twisted and evil that he could be just playing the tv drama boy trying to seduce his loved one at any cost. Nothing mattered. Once Kaz allowed him to fuck him, would he then brag about it in front of Snake? Was he just trying to get Snake jealous?

After all, Kaz was there when Ocelot confessed his love for him. “ _She’s in love with the legend_.” He remember Ocelot speaking about Quiet and Kaz asked him “what makes you so sure?” And then he admitted that he was once in love with him too.

  
Snake said nothing about it, of course. But then again, Kaz would remember Ocelot’s face when he asked Kaz “ _let’s stop this game_ ”. He seemed really serious and if Kaz would agreed, would this be different now?

And what about that morning when he found himself on Ocelot’s bed, naked and with his arm and leg entangled on his body. That was the first time he’d slept the entire night without waking up.

But had it been only a painful tease? Did they really have sex? What would have happened if that morning he would have just let himself go and surrendered to him?

 

Speaking of the devil…

“Miller, it’s me. Can I come in?”

“Go away!” But deep inside he thought, don’t go.

“I brought you some lunch.”

“I said go away, I don’t need anything from you.” The only thing I need is what you are not giving me.

“Come on Miller don’t be such a pussy, let’s talk, let me-”

“GET THE FUCK OUT!”

Maybe he overreacted. Every time he heard Ocelot talk he just wished he would just kick the door open, come closer to him, hold him into his arms and kissed him deeply. He hated himself for having these high school like fantasies, for the love of God he was almost 40…

The door opened suddenly and Ocelot stepped into the office, walked straight to Kaz’s desk and placed the box. He had a stern expression.  
“Miller I brought you lunch. Eat!”

Kaz was speechless looking from Ocelot to the box and from the box to Ocelot.  
“Ocelot… J-just w-what…?” He stuttered out.

Ocelot felt his throat closed and for the first time in a long time he was nervous and speechless. “I gotta go. See you later.”

Kaz could barely look at the box, he thought it was another joke and ignored it.  
But he thought he saw a slight of red on Ocelot’s cheeks.

He smiled at himself, sighed and focused on his work again.

 

 

**\---**

20 minutes later he heard another knock on the door.

“What is it?” He growled.

The door opened and Snake popped his head in.  
“Kaz, I just wanted to check on you since you didn’t show up neither at breakfast or lunch. Can I come in?”

Snake made his way in without waiting for Kaz’s approval, not that he needed one anyways. He sat at the desk in front of him.

“I don’t have time to eat Snake” his XO grabbed his temple and took off his glasses. He was really tired.

“I understand that we need to expand Diamond Dogs, but if you overdo it you'll risk your health. I wouldn’t know what to do without you Kaz.” Venom spoke softly.

“Boss….”

“You should eat something.” He gestured the japanese lunch box.

Kaz took a better look at it “is that a bento?”

“Yeah”

Kaz’s expression softened and he took the box. He had to admit that he was hungry and the bento food looked awesome. It even had octopus sausages, they reminded him of his childhood… And… What was that? A cat or a rabbit like rice ball?  
“Woah Boss, I’m impressed the Mess hall could come up with this, I thought today’s menu was Italian food.”

“Actually it was Ocelot the one who made it for you. He thought that you would like eating something japanese.”

Kaz slightly opened his eyes in surprise but then frowned “If this comes from him, take it back I don’t want it.”  
It was a lie but he was too stubborn to take the food.

“Still mad at him? Is there something I should know?”

Kaz realized that he shouldn’t have snapped at Snake like that. Okay. Answer but keep it professional he said to himself.  
“Recently we’ve had some differences and … I’m kinda mad at him.”

Really, was that professional?

 

“He spent all morning preparing lunch for you. I can’t just give it back, you’ll break his heart.” Snake grinned and softly pushed the box to Kaz.

“Does he have a heart to begin with? Okay, leave it here I’ll eat it.” He made a gesture with his hand and sighed, feeling defeated.

Snake smiled but abruptly got serious and his tone was rather threatening “Kaz, you know how much you mean for me, right? If Ocelot has done anything to hurt you, let me know.”

“No, no Boss he…. He…didn’t do anything.” That was the problem precisely. He needed to take this off his chest, and Snake was not only his partner, but his best friend.  
“It’s just that I don’t understand him. You are his friend, you know him better than I do. I just don’t know what he wants from me.”

“I uhm… I’m not good at giving advice about love, you know me Kaz.”

“Love? Boss wait a second, this has nothing to do with love.”

Snake stood up and went to Kaz, placing a soft kiss on his lips. Kaz kissed him back and felt Snake’s prosthetic hand brushing his cheek.  
“I know what you feel for him, Kaz. I think I made myself clear that don’t mind sharing you if it’s with Ocelot.”

Kaz was aware that Snake was no fool and was the first one to notice where was his strange relationship with the Russian going, and he knew how it was going to end even before any of them would admit it. Maybe that’s why he had been so possessive with Kaz and made him and Ocelot kiss in front of him, was he trying to prove anything at that time? Can someone tell just from watching a kiss, if the two people kissing are only looking for sex or love?

“I guess it’s pointless for me to hide it any longer, right Boss?… This … was not supposed to happen. I was not supposed to fall for that bastard.” Kaz hid his face in Snake’s broad shoulder and felt Snake stroking his blond hair.

“Kaz… I never saw Ocelot cooking for anyone, not even for me, or at least not that I remember. I think he’s serious about his feelings for you. Why don’t you talk to him? if you want I can set up a meeting for you two so you can talk… In your bedroom.” Kaz felt snake’s arms going to his waist while he kissed his neck.

  
“Fuck Boss… Just let me handle it myself.”

“Roger” Snake kissed him one last time and left.

 

 

This was unexpected, Kaz thought. Now that he had Snake’s approval, things were starting to become clear.

He tried Ocelot’s food, it was really good. First he had to thank Ocelot for the bento and then apologize for yelling at him. Or maybe first apologizing… Kaz decided it was time to get serious.

He couldn’t help but imagining Ocelot cooking for him everyday, but he stopped that. Age was making him feel soft and foolish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kaz you are a JERK!


	15. Round 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ocelot has to deal with his friend's love tips, silly girl talk and lastly, his decision about how to deal with the Miller situation. Will it be Kaz's time to get serious finally?

Ocelot left Miller’s office and went downstairs. Snake was still eating while he sat on the stairs. “Well that was fast. Did Kaz threw you out of his office?”

Ocelot sat again next to Snake trying to keep his self composure but failed. Growling he withdrew one of his revolvers and shot at a “ _warning - do not swim_ ” sign.

“I was about to tell you that actually it was better not talking to Kaz but you were so determined that I couldn’t stop you.” there was a grin on Big Boss's face while he ate, Ocelot assumed he did it on purpose to fuck his plan to win Miller.

“Thanks for the heads up Boss.” He commented being sarcastic. “If Miller throws my bento to the trash or gives it to someone else, then I’m officially quitting the game.”

“I don't believe you'd actually quit something. Anyway, let me talk to him to see what I can find.”

Ocelot made a defeated gesture with his hands and stood up, putting his revolver away. “You sound as if this was a mission…. Okay Boss, whatever. I tried.”

\---

 

Feeling defeated, Ocelot escaped to the only place he'd never find Miller: Quiet’s cell. He went downstairs and saw the sniper hugging Flamin Buffalo while they were sitting at her bed. There were two other girls sitting on the bench next to the cell and they were discussing which was the hottest guy of Diamond Dogs.

 _Great, just silly women talk and women hugging each other_. This would be perfect to forget about Miller, he thought.

“Can’t keep your hands off each other, huh? at least there are happy couples on this base, how cute.”

“Ocelot, sir!" The girls stood up and saluted him.

“Now now, you can leave the formalities” he frowned and sat on the bench, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. He just had a deja vu.

Ocelot and Flaming Buffalo were becoming friends. It was natural as she was his best friend’s girlfriend.  
“What’s up with that face? Definitely is not the Boss” Buffalo left the cell while Quiet leaned on the cell’s bars.

Ocelot said nothing and sighed. “Nothing’s wrong with the Boss, that’s the problem.”

Quiet made them an angry gesture and touched her eyes as if she had glasses.

“Another fight with Commander Miller?” Buffalo asked.

Ocelot’s face changed and annoyance reflected on his face.

“Nailed it.” Buffalo high fived with Quiet and the Russian stood up, feeling intimidated. “Ocelot come back here.”

“Keep on with what you were doing.” He wanted to run away, the least he wanted is to talk about his love life.

Quiet appeared in front of him, blocking the exit and made him an angry face.

 

“Okay, I know that look. You win girls, it’s about him.”

Ocelot sat on the bench, resigned. Shining Zebra and Black Raven sat next to him smiling curiously. They were part of the Intel team and part of his personal unit, so they were close to Ocelot.

“So, tell us.” Raven leaned so she could hear Ocelot.

The Russian felt cornered. That’s why you should never underestimate women, they smell your fear, he thought.

“Tell you what?” He smirked and put his best poker face, trying to act cool .

“Did you and Miller really..?” Zebra was the first one to talk.

Quiet put her hand on his shoulder and stared at him, moving her closed lips making an angry gesture. Of course Ocelot knew her well, it meant ‘come on, start talking.’

 

“So you all know that I slept with Miller?” Adamska couldn’t place if he was annoyed at the fact that his personal life was the talk of Mother Base, or if he had to be amused because this would probably annoy Miller more. Was the commander ignoring him because of the rumors? did he really want nothing more with him? why was he ignoring him?

He had no choice but to tell them his version of the facts. And besides, all base knew already what happened.

 

**\----**

“And… That’s what happened” Ocelot finished his story closing his eyes and resting one hand on his chin.

The girls looked at him confused. Flamin Buffalo spoke first “Okay, if this is a joke, please tell us so we can laugh our asses off.”

“Joke?” Ocelot looked serious and confused.

The girls looked at eachother, this was serious.

“Let me see if I understand. You got Commander Miller naked, put him on your bed and then told him that you two’ve had sex? And then you gave him food as an apology?” FB could not believe what she was hearing.

“No, I told you girls that _he_ kissed me first and _he_ undressed me first. The coward fell asleep when we were getting serious…He left me… upset.- he made a gesture with his hands and pointed at his crotch-. When we woke up I was determined to fuck him but he ran away like a rat.” Ocelot had no shame, he grinned while he watched the girls’ faces twist in shame at hearing his story.

 

“Girls we have an emergency.” Zebra spoke. They gathered in a circle like if they were discussing some sport’s next strategy.

“I’d better leave…” He sighed and tried to stand up but Zebra grabbed his arm.

“You stay right here” As she was part of his personal squad, she was well aware of the whole Ocelot vs Miller situation.

They all faced him again. 

“Okay, you men think you can win anyone with sex. You don’t realize that sometimes it’s the small things that make the difference.” she continued.

“Small things?” Ocelot was confused. For him it was seducing someone and have sex, he liked to be pretty straightforward with that and paid no attention to small silly details, that sounded too romantic. He shouldn’t have gone so far as preparing food for Miller, how could he be so weak?

Ocelot touched his temple and frowned... these things were getting too complicated, it was worse than fighting a war...

“You did one thing good. The food thing, but it didn’t work, right? That’s weird, even with Panda’s instructions, the food must have been awesome!”

 

“The bastard didn’t even try it out and kicked me out of his office.” He crossed his arms over his chest while Black raven pat him on his back.

“Girls, this require desperate measures.” Zebra continued “cowboy, are you familiar with ‘ _kabe don_ ’?”

 

“What?” Ocelot glanced at the exit, if he could only sneak and escape…. “Is that some kind of kink I have to be interested in?”

The girls laughed and Flamin Buffalo stood in front of him and made him stand up. She was a tall and well built woman, one of Diamond Dog best soldiers. She spoke while cornering him to the steel wall.

“It’s the japanese way of flirting. It is the best possible romantic situation that could happen. It’s done when someone leans over someone else who is against a wall with one arm or both … then DON!- Flamin Buffalo hits the wall hard making a ‘don’ sound -This causes your loved one to be struck by your love. Guaranteed.”

She leant over and kissed his cheek, then pulled away grinning at Quiet who gave her a thumbs up.

Ocelot tried not to blush but felt cornered.

“Oh, huh, Let’s say I already did that to him… Many times.”

“And did you kiss him?” Zebra asked.

“Zebra, come on we saw him many times cornering Miller and they both backed off, what are you talking about-” Raven snapped, revealing that they knew more than just rumors.

“I guess I wasn’t as sneaky as Big Boss… Well, as you could see, of course we kissed, and he likes that… ‘something-don’ thing, must be a Japanese thing then”

Ocelot touched his chest, smirking while he remained against the wall and leaned his weight onto it, then he withdraw one of his revolvers and started spinning it. He tended to do that when he was either bored, nervous or wanted to show off.  
“But you are forgetting that he’s not like you girls, he always runs away from me…”

“You follow him and kiss him again” commented Raven.

“It’s not that easy.” He continued to play with his revolver.

“You guys are too complicated” Snorted Buffalo. “Have you tried something else?”

“What, like fuck him? Blow him? No unless I wanted to be murdered by him,.. Or by Snake…” He put the gun away.

“You didn’t need to be so specific…” Zebra blushed and covered her face with one hand.

“When a woman says no, she means yes. Most of the times and with some exceptions of course.” Raven commented as if she was in a love coach show.

 

Ocelot couldn’t stop laughing “Ladies I know that Miller can be a bitch most of the times but he’s a man. I’m very aware of it... ”

“Okay focus cowboy stop fantasizing about Miller’s dick.” Zebra mocked him.

“Remind me again why you are my friends girls.” Instead of being ashamed, he grinned and pointed his finger at Zebra as an approbal. 

“At least tell us he’s ok down there” Raven pushed the subject.

“You bet. He’s pretty good.” Ocelot grinned and made a gesture with his hands indicating how long was his loved one’s sexual attribute.

“Hey! stop talking about dicks.” Flaming Buffalo made a disgusting face.

Quiet grinned at Buffalo and hugged her from behind.   
“Buffalo it seems Quiet is going to make you forget about dicks soon” Ocelot pointed at them while standing up.

“I know what I have to do girls, I’m tired of playing the nice guy. I’ll do things my way.”

He left Quiet's cell and leaned on the baranda, looking at the landing zone. The sun was up and he still had a lot of things to do. 

 

 _Let him come to you. You already played your part_ , thought Ocelot. He already gave Kaz plenty of chances.  
“Now show me what you can do, Kazuhira Miller. Play my fucking game.”

He knew that Snake would sit and watch the game too, so he was curious as of what would he do. He had two options, jump in or leave.

 

\---

That night, Ocelot waited for Kaz to leave his office so he could tackle him.

“Miller, there you are.”

Before Kaz had time to say something, or move, Ocelot grabbed him and pinned him to the wall. Their bodies were close and the russian put his right thigh on Kaz’s crotch, feeling his cock and pressing it with his leg while Kaz tried to escape. Then he whispered to his ear.

“Let me tell you the reason why you woke up in my bed naked. After the radio support was over and I brought you coffee we kissed, if we wouldn’t have been so exhausted I’d had ended up fucking you there, but instead I took you to my bed. What a gentleman I am, huh? But you were the one who started kissing and undressing me so I did the same with you. I thought that my chance had finally come."

“Wait… I kissed you and undressed you?” Kaz voice trembled as if he were ashamed. 

“When humans are tired and sleepy, they tend to show their real intentions.” Ocelot continued to grind him to the wall, making sure to put extra pressure on his cock.

“That’s bullshit. So you say we fucked-”

“No. I threw you on my bed to fuck you, but you fell asleep.” Ocelot interrupted Kaz and his voice was cold, but with a hint of anger.

Kaz looked at him confused and ashamed. “I… Fell asleep?”

“I confess that I would have so much enjoyed being inside you, but you would've freaked out and all the base would have woken up because of your bitching. After all, it’s useless and boring to bang a sleeping man, and I want you wide awake looking at me while I enter in you.”He now looked into his eyes, he knew that behind Miller's shades, his eyes were wide in surprise. He smirked and licked his neck.

“So we didn’t…” The blonde tried speaking while he was feeling the older man’s hot tongue on his neck. This feeling was intoxicating, feeling trapped, being kissed and pushed to the wall, feeling Ocelot's scent, was making Kaz feel dizzy and horny.

“Nothing happened.” Ocelot released him and stepped back.

Kaz was leaning on the wall, holding to his crutch and staring at him, with his face flushed and both his neck and crotch throbbing.

“Are you happy? Now you can go back to ignoring me. Good night, _Commander Miller_.” He pointed out his cold voice on those two last words, it was painful, but he wanted to make him feel the distance.

And he left, leaving Miller confused, hard and annoyed. Again.

 

If Miller was going to play the ‘ignore’ game, he would play it too.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know there's a popular headcanon on the MGS fandom of Kaz having a small dick and becoming chubby, well it's not my case. I totally see Kaz not eating at all as he doesn't have time to waste on eating... and about the small dick, given his "womanizer" past I assumed that he actually was popular among the ladies haha so ...
> 
> As always, you can follow me and message me at [My tumblr](http://yuki2305.tumblr.com/)


	16. Spit it out!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Ocelot 'broke up' with Kaz, he ends up mad and upset. That's when Snake decides to play with his mind.

That night Kaz couldn’t sleep. He laid in bed, Snake sleeping next to him. He tossed and turned until he decided it was useless to be wide awake without doing nothing so he slowly got up, trying not to wake Snake up. It surprised him that he could sleep so profoundly at times like this, he was so different from the Snake he met back in Costa Rica, when the simple humming of a mosquito would put him on combat alert. He smiled to himself, remembering one time when he couldn’t sleep and tried to slip away from the bed, but Snake’s arm kept him glued to his body and wouldn’t let him go.

_It was a hot night in Costa Rica, but then again, almost all nights were hot and humid. But no matter if it was hot or cold, they'd still sleep with their bodies locked, even if it was hot, they desperately needed to feel the other's body. Just like a drug. Kaz tried to slip away from Snake's body but he was pulled back to the matress, blue eye staring at him._

_“What’s the matter, Kaz?” Snake was already awake and his blue eye was fixed on his eyes. It was as if he could see right through his soul…_

Just like how Ocelot looked at him. It was no coincidence that he fell for the Russian as well…

_“N-nothing, I wanted to get some fresh air.” Kaz smiled awkwardly and avoided eye contact._

_“I know you, something’s up.” Snake’s strong arms embraced him and he kissed his forehead. “I’m here for you, you know that.”_

_“Glad to have you Boss. I don’t know what I’d ever do without you, you know how much I…” he stopped and felt a lump in his stomach. There was a delicate, thin line and one word could change everything. He was not ready. Cursing at himself he buried his face on Snake’s chest and then he heard the three words that changed his life forever._

_“I love you, Kaz”_

 

Kaz left Snake’s warm body and put on a coat. He went outside in his pajama pants and a coat, even if it was summer, Seychelles’s temperature descended at night, especially at the sea.

He wished Snake would have pushed him back to the bed and maybe make love to him, so he could forget everything. From his memories of Costa Rica to the incident last night. ‘ _Nothing happened’_ he recalled Ocelot’s words, so cold and distant.

Was it worth it? He couldn’t trust him, but maybe that was just an excuse, he was not ready to face neither Snake or Ocelot, but if he didn’t do anything Ocelot would just slip away from him, like when he fucked that asshole, Panther, who did he think he was anyway? Did that soldier really thought he could win Ocelot’s heart? He thought of himself as the best soldier of Ocelot’s team and he had failed a simple shooting test… Though Kaz had to admit he was harsh… Kaz just hated him and his stupid looks, he thought he could win anyone just because he had good looks and was one of the few ‘exotic’ ones as he was blond like him… but… Panther was blond. Was it a coincidence?

He felt something in his leg, DD was looking at him while he wagged his tail. Kaz sat at one of the benches and DD jumped into his lap.

“Hey watch it buddy, you are already a grown up dog” he smiled at the dog and patted his head.

Kaz leaned back and watched how the rays of sun began to appear on the night sky.

“Another sleepless night went by…”

 

**\-----**

DD made him feel so comfortable that he calmed down, so he closed his eyes… But he was still thinking about Snake and Ocelot….

He fell asleep with DD on his lap, and he thought he dreamt.

**\-----**

“Kaz, wake up.”

“W-what? What happened??!” Kaz jumped at the touch of the cold prosthetic hand against his cheek.

“You fell asleep” Snake was looking at him with a serious expression. DD was now running in circles around his master, waiting to be fed.

“I.. I’m sorry Boss… I was planning on going to the office but I sat down and somehow I fell asleep.” Kaz felt dizzy and touched his eyelids to force him to wake up.

"You planned on going to your office like that? In your pajamas?"

"Shit, not really..." Kaz blushed  

“Is it about him again?” Snake’s voice was soft but with a hint of annoyance, his XO could tell.

“Why do you always have to ask about him anyways? He’s not the only one playing with me at the moment, Boss. Stop mentioning him or I’d think you are the one interested.”

Kaz shoved his Boss's hand away from him, he just woke up and he had to be reminded of that bastard….

“You were calling _his name_ on your sleep, that’s why.” Snake was standing next to him and shot him a cold look. Kaz thought he was going to leave but he remained on his spot and lighted a cigar.

“Just what I needed to start my day… Snake, I didn’t mean it, it’s just that yesterday he… ” Kaz stopped. How could he say that Ocelot broke up with him if they weren’t even dating to begin with?

Snake faced him and that made Kaz more nervous. Having Snake’s full attention could be dangerous, the man knew how to read between the lines and he probably knew Kaz better than himself.

“What are you going to do?” Snake puffed his cigar and  looked down on him while DD continued to demand food.

Kaz distracted himself petting DD again.

“Nothing. I’ll let things be as they are. If he had the balls to break up with me then fine by me. Jesus what am I saying, we are nothing to begin with. Not even friends. It’s better this way… I suppose this makes you happy?”

Kaz was struggling, he had mixed feelings, for one hand he wanted to leave everything as it is and go back to neutral grounds… but had it ever been neutral? He and Ocelot had known each other for 9 years.. how could Kaz possibly go back to hating the man? The other alternative was to stop being stubborn and show that stupid Russian how he could make him fall at his feet. After all, Kaz had been very popular among both women and men back in his youth… before meeting Snake. That Snake back then, and the Snake now, Kaz sometimes wondered what happened to him, it was as if he were two different people. This Venom Snake he had in front of him was waiting for an answer. Was he going to move forward and seduce another man right under his nose or would he quit?

“Kaz… listen to me. - Big Boss sat next to him and put his arm around his neck, pulling him closer. He talked closer to his mouth, like he always did. It somehow calmed Kaz, to have this intimacy, but also wanted to kiss him. No matter how many years passed, no matter if his heart was being torn apart, Snake was still Snake. The love of his life. - “Do you remember when, years ago, we had that fight at the sauna?”

The XO looked at Snake and blushed. “I thought you didn’t remember…”

“What happened back then is different from what happens now. I understand that you and Ocelot have a history together, you remained together when I was in coma all those years. The same happens with me and him, we’ve known each other for so long, and I know you are aware that we were lovers.”  
Snake made sure to keep eye contact while he spoke. Kaz felt too intimidated but could not look away, as if he was being hypnotized. He realized that Snake was expecting him to read between the lines and it somehow pissed him off.

“Snake, if you want to fuck Ocelot, why didn’t you tell me earlier? I think he wants to have you back too. After all, there’s no reason for him wanting to be with me, so go ahead. I-I don’t mind.”  
Kaz looked away and leaned down so his head was now buried on DD’s fur, who was now rubbing his body against Kaz legs. Snake wanting to have Ocelot back was the most reasonable excuse, the other excuse was that Snake wanted the three of them to be in a relationship, but that was just crazy, wasn't it? He couldn’t hold it any longer and tears started to run through his face.

“Liar. You are in love with him.” Snake talked, throwing the truth to his face.   
Snake’s expression softened, however, did not change so much and he continued to smoke while he watched Kaz. He knew exactly what his partner was going through, but he had to force him to open his eyes and admit it.

 

Those words were sharp like a dagger which was stuck to his heart many times. He felt the biggest son of a bitch of the world, but he couldn’t lie to Snake. Not when Snake himself was throwing the truth at his face.

He felt his Boss’s arms around him, embracing him and making him feel safe. He let go DD’s head and kissed his lover’s lips. Both knew their love was strong, but now it was up to Kaz to make a choice.

Snake ignored the fact that Kaz was crying so he wouldn’t feel more ashamed than he already was. But he could taste the salty tears from his face he kissed him.

“This game Ocelot wanted to play with you, he asked my permission first, so I knew from the very beginning. That day when both of you came to me on different occasions to confess that you kissed, I already knew where this all was going to end. I know you two well. Ocelot, who was my lover and you Kaz, you can’t hide your feelings. At first I was kinda mad though, I wanted to believe this was just sex…”

“We never-” Kaz was evading him and looked down.

“I know. But I’m part of the reason you didn’t do anything. The other part is because you are too afraid of the morning after.” Snake puffed again while he continued to watch his partner.

“There’s no way we-”

“Come on Kaz, admit it that you love him.” Snake pressed the subject and Kaz knew he has no choice.

“B-But I… I love you Snake... And I love him too.”  
There it was. He covered his face with his hand and wiped his tears.

“Good, that’s what I wanted to hear… -he remained silent for a couple of seconds before speaking-  He loves you too.”

 

“ What?” Kaz didn’t know if he should be surprised or happy, or worried.

“He told me that he loved you and that he was pretty serious about you. I had to admit that I may have pushed his confession a little but as you can see, my persuasion skills are pretty good.”

Snake grinned and caressed Kaz’s cheeks, going over the tears and wiping them.

“Now that you know this, you are not going to quit, aren’t you? I want to see you seducing him Kaz, now it’s your turn to play your game” Big Boss got closer to him so that their lips almost touched.

“Why? Why do you want to see me seducing another man? What do you really want?”

Snake put the cigar away and held him by his waist with both hands.  
“I want you to be happy.” 

“Bullshit. You still love him, don’t you?”

“That’s true. I love him, just like I love you”

Snake grabbed Kaz’s hand and lead him to their room, to their bed. He closed the door leaving poor DD outside.

 

“Snake wait” Kaz could not react and his partner pulled his pajama pants down with one movement.

“You are still in pajamas, let’s get you changed. But before that, I’m teaching you a lesson.” Big Boss voice was husky and low, and Kaz knew what that meant.

He threw Kaz on the bed and kneeled before him, grabbing his dick and slowly licking it.

“B-Boss-” kaz put his hand on his shoulder.

“No, grab me by my hair and pull me to your dick. That’s what he likes.”

Kaz removed his hand from Snake’s shoulder and tried to sit. “Wait, are you gonna tell he how he likes doing it? I don’t think I… Need… It… gggrr” he wanted to pull Snake off but he couldn’t.

“You are similar to him Kaz, you both like giving and taking.” Snake put one finger on Kaz’s entrance. Only one.  
“He likes this too, just like you.” 

“Aaahh Boss…” Now Snake was bobbing his head while he sucked him. “P-please…” Kaz wanted, needed Snake to take him. He wanted to show Snake that he was still his.

But Snake continued his steady and precise movements exactly where and how Kaz liked, making him feel on the edge. So fast that he was struggling not to come in his mouth, but it was too much pressure and he exploded, trembling and grabbing the sheets while he watched Snake’s lips gripping his cock and swallowing all his cum.

He let himself fall on his back on the mattress and tried to catch his breath. Snake was still licking his now rather flaccid but still sensitive dick until Kaz pulled him by his clothes and they kissed while Snake jumped on top of him, pressing his hard bulge on his now worn out cock.

“You really don’t want to know what does he like in bed?” Snake removed his dick from his pants but did not make any attempt to top Kaz.

“What are you waiting for? Fuck me Boss.” Kaz was getting impatient and horny again. He pulled his shirt up revealing his chest so Snake could have a better view of his body.

Snake stood up and made Kaz sit on the edge of the bed so he grabbed his head and pushed him to his cock.

“I’m not gonna fuck you, I want you to be very tight for Ocelot.”

Kaz wanted to protest but his mouth was filled with Snake’s dick. “Now Kaz, imagine I’m him and suck me.”

Kaz said nothing but moved his tongue on the tip of his cock and then he admitted “I suppose I can tease him more than you, you couldn’t handle the teasing without fucking my mouth. I prefer to find it out myself once I’m with him.”

 

“Then that’s a yes? You are still on the game?”

“Yes Boss, I’m in” he answered with a tone of defeat on his voice, sighing. After all, what other choice did he have?

And with that said, he took Snake’s dick and sucked him fast and hard, just as he liked it. Of course Big Boss was impatient and grabbing Kaz’s hair he grinded it to his cock, fucking his mouth until he came inside.

 

Snake left Kaz on the bed and when he opened the door he found a pretty pissed off Ocelot crouched on the floor patting DD.

“You can’t leave him here Snake, DD needs-” he looked up and saw how the older man was wiping his chin. He didn’t need any explanations.

“I see why you didn’t let him in. Come on DD I’ll feed you.” Ocelot shot a cold glare at his Boss before leaving.

 

Snake smirked while he watched Ocelot leaving, he was clearly upset. He knew the Russian catched the message.  
  
The game was not being easy because Snake definitely was not being easy on any of them. He just loved to give them free reins and when they were closer he’d just pull them apart again. That was his own game. 

What would they both do? When would they just let themselves go and just fuck already?

Definitely he'd continue to watch their seduction game.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love writing Venom as if he has a dual mind, big boss's thoughts and his own thoughts. He can be as cold as BB but also he has his warm side. This confuses both Kaz and Ocelot
> 
> Next chapter I'll try to write about Kaz seduction techniques, let's see what I can come up with hahah


	17. Pocky Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two different times Snake and Kaz play with Ocelot , in two different ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, the sillyness and OOC continue, but I had much fun writing the last part of this chapter, hope you enjoy it too!
> 
> And again sorry for typos, grammar mistakes and all that stuff. Will eventually edit and correct them if I find anything out of place.

Ocelot was pretty mad. He walked through Mother Base’s command platform with DD following him. How could he be so fool? He thought he had the upper hand but he was only being played with by Snake. How could he had sucked Kaz when last night he was in his room giving him a blobjob. And he thought that Big Boss only cared about war… But no, he was playing with him and Kaz.

If he could just… have Kaz for himself just for one time… And without him messing around… not that Ocelot didn’t want him, Snake was Snake, the love of his life. He’d gladly sacrifice his life for him…. But somehow he wasn’t so attracted to him lately...he couldn’t place why… had Miller something to do with this? or was he just attracted to Miller because of the feeling of wanting something he could never have? 

\----------

He remembered how yesterday night Snake forced him to confess his feelings, and then tried to have sex with him. All that on the same night. 

After he himself pushed Miller to the wall and told him the truth about what had happened, Ocelot was entering his room when he was grabbed from behind. The door closed and he knew the man grinding him from behind was his Boss.

“Snake, what is it?”

He was pushed against the door, just like Ocelot did with Kaz a couple of minutes ago. “You know why I’m here. Your time’s up, I told you not to hurt him Ocelot. I saw what you did to him, and I’ll now ask you for the last time. Are you serious or not?” Big Boss was definitely pissed off. 

Ocelot was trying to keep his cool but could not do it with Snake so close to him and his hand gripping his shirt. He could tell Big Boss was furious, had something happened to Kaz after he ‘ _talked_ ’ to him?

“Is Kazuhira alright?” Wrong question.

“No. He’s not alright, thanks to you. I’m really wondering what’s your real objective, are you after him, or are you doing this to piss me off? is this some kind of payback?”

Ocelot let go a forced laugh “wow, you are so venomous today, _Venom Snake_. No, this isn’t about you and me, I’m afraid to tell you. Did you want me back? Then why are you letting me have my way with your lover?”

Snake slowly brushed his prosthetic hand through Ocelot’s neck. “But you are not really having your way, are you? What happened?”

“I think I made myself clear already” Ocelot tried to dodge Snake’s grip but he ended up being caught.

“No more games with me, I want the truth. Start talking.” Snake’s voice was dangerous.

“What truth? Isn’t ‘ _I wanna fuck your boyfriend_ ’ enough truth for you?” Adamska was getting aroused just thinking about it.

“That’s not enough, if you wanted sex, you’d have already taken him. But there’s more than a simple fuck. You are in love with him, you can’t hide it from me.”

Ocelot tried to escape but the more he tried the more restrained he ended up. Snake was using his whole body to keep him pushed to the door.

“Why you keep on following him and picking fights, why do you kiss him and tease him. And the food thing, that was unexpected. I realized this wasn’t just a simple fucking game”

“You want me to cook for you too, Boss?”

“I want you to stop fooling around and admit that you love him.”

“He’ll never leave you so you don’t have to worry. I don’t stand any chances.” Now he was being honest, there was no taunt in that.

“But you want something more.”

“Maybe” maybe yes. But being forced to confess what he didn’t want to admit was hard. He knew what happened when Snake commented that he may have a chance with him, Buffalo had also said that… He got so nervous in front of Miller that he lost his composure and coolness

Accepting that he had feelings for Kazuhira Miller was hard, but there were just ‘feelings’ , generally speaking. Still, Snake was now pushing him to say the L word.

“That’s not what I want to hear” Snake looked at his eyes and pressed his hand on his throat, while his other hand went to his crotch.

 

“Okay you win, I-I’m in love with him…but he’ll never-” he’ll never love me, he thought. There was bitterness in his voice.

“He loves you.”

Ocelot looked at snake and frowned. There could be nothing more but hate between him and Miller. And after all he’s done to him…

“No, he hates me….”

“Mr Interrogation Specialist, it’s been awhile since you noticed he loved you. But one thing is noticing, another is acknowledging, am I right?” As always, Big Boss hitting the nail, disarming him.

Ocelot closed his eyes in defeat. “Ok, I’m in love with him… what do you want me to do Boss? I can stop this right now, you just have to give me the order.”

He tried to speak as neutral as possible, but there was a hint of sadness and anger in his voice. Only Snake would notice it.

“Don’t stop.” Now Snake was touching his face with his flesh hand. “I won’t stop you if you love him, because I still love you.”

That was unexpected and definitely Adam was not ready for this. Nor he was ready when Big Boss kissed him softly, and he kissed him back. He was different from Kaz, rougher and stronger. When he kissed Kaz, his lips were soft and the man would melt at his kiss, but that didn’t happen with Big Boss, who was in control of all his movements. He broke the kiss and looked down at the floor.

 

Snake kissed his neck and unbuttoned his pants, pulling them down to his thighs and grabbing his cock.

“Boss what are you-”

“Relax, I’m giving you a little reward. I believe it’s been a long time since you had a man, right? I wasn’t pleased when I found out you fucked a subordinate.” Snake continued to talk while Ocelot felt his hot breath on his neck and his warm hand in his cock. “‘I’m the one who decides who you can fuck with. And at this moment the only one I’m letting you take is Kaz. Don’t forget that you are mine Ocelot.”

“Easy for you to say so, when you have Miller every night for yourself.” Ocelot removed Snake’s hand from his cock. “What did you expect me to do? Jerk off?”

“No, I’m expecting you to seduce us. We can have fun the three of us.” Snake grabbed his cock again and was now facing him.

“Then wouldn’t it been just easier if you had us three locked in a room naked and let the ‘magic’ happen?” Ocelot said ironically while chuckling.

“No, because Kaz would have kicked you out, you had to gain his trust. It’s good that you came to me asking permission to fool around with my lover and then with your silly matchmaking game with Quiet...I just couldn’t stop you and Miller. I wanted to see if you would really fuck without me acting as your matchmaker.”

“I have to admit that I underestimated him, he’s stubborn.”

“No, you both are, because you are in love.” Snake finished his sentence and kneeled at Adam’s feet. “Fucking without feelings is easy, you know it more than anyone. But when feelings get in the way, well… We come down to this…” He started licking the tip of his cock.

Adam put both of his hands on his Boss’ head.

 

“Boss, why are you doing this…” Ocelot’s voice was low and confused.

“Because you need this. Too bad I’m not Kaz, huh? He’s better at this than I am.”

He took Adam’s cock in his mouth up to his throat and then bobbed his head slowly. Ocelot couldn’t help but moan, his mind was blank. It has really been a long time since he was with someone he truly liked and not with some random man. He decided it was ok to let himself go and enjoy this moment. After all, Big Boss’s blobjob wasn’t too bad, he definitely became skilled at this, he was very different from the young Naked Snake who gave his first blobjob ever to a man and the chosen one had been Adamska himself. That first time was terrible, but he would cherish that memory in his heart forever, no matter how broken his mind was.

Venom Snake was not bad, not at all. He seemed to enjoy sex just like he enjoyed war. Did Miller had something to do with this? Clearly the Commander was doing a good job at leveling up Snake’s skills on this, he thought and smiled to himself.

He moaned and caressed Big Boss’s hair and horn. His knees trembled and he was close to come. Snake removed his cock from his mouth “So, should I fuck you now or just blow you till you come in my mouth.”

That was tempting, but … He really, really wanted Kaz to fuck him, not like he didn’t want to be with Big Boss…

He took too long to answer and he felt Snake shoving two fingers in his ass while he blowed again non stop, brushing a little his teeth on his sensitive skin and then rubbing his hard lips, licking his dick and balls, to then taking him again fully in his mouth.

Adam growled and pushing his head deeper into his cock he came, breathing hard as he felt his Boss sucking every last drop of his cum till his cock was dry and uncomfortably over sensitive.

“Ah… B-boss…” he grabbed his horn and then lowered his hand to his face.

Snake stood up and held him by his waist so he wouldn’t fall and kissed him, making him feel his own taste.

“I know you are saving yourself for Kaz, but I’m curious to watch you topping him.”

“… I don’t think so, at this rate we’ll just end up doing nothing, like always.”

Snake gave him a serious look and let Ocelot continue speaking.

“I want to see him, but at the same time I don’t…”

Snake backed off and waited for the other to move from the door. “If I were you I’d wait and see what he does. Aren’t you tired? Let him come to you now.”

“He’s an idiot. He keeps pushing me away so I don’t see how he loves me as you said.”

“You’ll have to have patience then. I can’t wait to see what you’ll do. Good night Ocelot.”

 

**\-----**

After thinking about last night while he watched DD eat, he stood up and went to grab some coffee at the mess Hall, but no matter how carefully he searched, he couldn’t find Miller there and ended up sitting on an empty table, mad and pining for the Diamond Dogs XO.  
  
  
**\-----**

Kaz was sitting on the bench next to the shooting range. He wasn’t expecting Ocelot to come, but he just hoped he would show his face around here, after all he still had a class to give.

Flaming Buffalo sat next to him.

“So?” She asked.

“So what?” Kaz was mad, she could tell.

“I see you haven’t spoken with him. Or you did speak and that’s why you are mad… Or he’s still ignoring you.”

Kaz did not answer straight away and poked a little stone with his crutch. “I suppose you are now talking to me again? What happened Buffalo, weren’t you and Ocelot the new best friends?”

Buffalo blinked and put her hand on her mouth to not burst out laughing but she failed. She jumped to Kaz and hug him. He automatically put his body rigid as a stone and tried to push her away.

“Kaz Miller are you jealous?? Was this the reason you weren’t talking to me? How adorable you are!” She was strong so no matter how hard Kaz wiggled, he couldn’t escape, so he just relaxed and let her hug him.

“Let me hug you Kaz, you need some love.”

“I thought you too left me for him. He has a thing for women.” Kaz snorted.

“Yeah because he sometimes behaves like one” she whispered to him and grinned, pressing her cheek to his cheek. “Just like you, you are both behaving like schoolgirls” she let him go from her hug and laughed.  

Kaz looked around and as no one had arrived to the training class, he whispered to her.

“I told everything to Snake, he knows everything.”

“And what did he say?” She whispered back

Kaz swallowed hard and looked at the floor “He told me he knew that I.. I had feelings for him, and he told me that… Ocelot loved me.”

Buffalo didn’t seem impressed. “I knew that. He told Quiet that he was in love with you.”

Kaz now raised his voice, mad. “What? You knew all this time and you didn’t tell me? Who are you, my enemy?”

 

“Miller if you have something to talk with my trainee, wait until the class is over.” Ocelot was walking towards them.

Kaz growled “I’m the Commander here, don’t you dare tell me what I can or cannot do with my staff, understood?”

Ocelot sat next to Kaz and whispered something to his ear, Buffalo couldn’t hear.

“What are you doing here, Commander? Waiting for me or gossiping?”

Kaz grabbed his scarf “What I’m doing here doesn’t concern you, Instructor, now why don’t you go back to your class? I think I’ll stay here and supervise you.”

Buffalo blushed, she was still sitting next to Kaz and could feel the sexual tension. But it was not her place to speak so she stood up and went to grab her weapon and get ready for the class.

Ocelot smirked and Kaz leaned forward as if he was about to kiss him  
“Will you give me a good show, instructor?”

 

“Just sit and watch me Commander”

Kaz released him and leaned on the bench, checking him out as if he was on a strip club. “Show me how you use your gun then”

Ocelot laughed slowly but he was very conscious of what was Kaz trying to do. “Is this your way of flirting with me”

“Who said I was flirting with you? Now get going I don’t have all day.” Kaz changed his voice to the grumpy Commander giving orders and Ocelot turned his back and walked slowly, moving his hips and his ass. It made Kaz chuckle.

  
“Is that your way of flirting with me, Instructor?”

Ocelot faced him while he walked backwards, gestured a gun with his hand and shot him. “Bang!”

 

They were indeed two fools.

 

Kaz followed him and sat on another bench next to the group of trainees, who looked a bit nervous at having Commander Miller supervising the class, especially because last time he did it he humiliated Panther, who was allowed to return to the class, but he wasn’t cocky anymore and behaved like a good soldier. Kaz thought Ocelot corrected his mistake and put him in his place, but still he couldn't help hating him.. and he knew the subordinate hated him as well.

The commander just limited himself to watch, without making any remarks. The trainees were surprised, because they were expecting at least one remark or disagreement between him and Instructor Ocelot, but nothing happened. No one noted, that Miller didn't take his eyes off the instructor for the entire class.

\----

 

After the class was over, Ocelot wanted to go straight to Kaz, he wanted to see if he would continue flirting with him but his path was blocked with three soldiers who wanted a piece of advice.

He watched Kaz talking with Buffalo, Zebra and a couple of other women. Kaz had a small box on his hand, what was it? After a couple of minutes of answering questions he could get rid of the soldiers and got closer to them.

 

The women were are all amazed, looking at Kaz.

“Well ladies, these are the rules.” Kaz was using his charming voice and Ocelot got a little jealous. He never used that tone of voice with him.

“What kind of silly game is this?” Ocelot popped in with his arms crossed on his chest and a skeptical look on his face.

Miller ignored Ocelot and continued “You put one end in your mouth and the other person puts the other end in their mouth. Then you bite the Pocky till it gets smaller. If you continue you’ll end up kissing. Whoever breaks the kiss, loses the game.” He smirked and glanced at Ocelot.

 The girls laughed and started talking, deciding who will try it out first and with _whom_.

“And this is how you Japanese have fun? How boring, I thought you were more… _Wild_ , Miller.”

 

“Say everything you want, you are not included in the game anyways.” Kaz didn’t let him continue with their usual back and forth remarks to each other. Apparently he found watching the staff do the pocky game more interesting that exchanging remarks with him. Ocelot got mad, of course. 

 

Kaz took a Pocky stick out of the box and gave it to Flaming Buffalo.

“Okay I’ll try it!”

“The idea is that you have to kiss someone, not eating the stick yourself.” Kaz growled at her while watching how Buffalo had already swallowed half the stick.

She and Zebra decided to play.  
Ocelot got closer to Kaz and watched attentively, Kaz was doing the same, smirking. 

They bit each one one side of the stick and trying not to laugh they bit until their lips touched. Buffalo backed off and the rest of the staff who were watching whistled. “S-sorry guys, I’m a taken woman.”

 

“Even if you are taken, that doesn’t mean you can’t have fun.” Zebra smiled at Kaz and Ocelot.

“Z-zebra! Will you play with me?” One of the male soldiers was blushing.

 _How cute_ , thought Ocelot sarcastically. Miller’s game was beginning to turn to a rather awkward side.

“I don’t see why you can’t, here, take this Lizard.” Kaz smirked at the man and handed him one Pocky.

“Thank you Commander” it seemed as if Lizard had just won the lottery.

“Well. You know the game rules. Come forward.” Kaz spoke as if he were the host in one of those shitty variety shows. And he thought that was sexy?

Ocelot put his hand on his eyes for a moment, feeling shame, but then he looked again, he didn’t want to miss the show.

 

The two soldiers bit the stick until their lips met. They shared a passionate kiss and they embrased each other. The girls cheered on them and the boys clapped.

“Commander Miller isn’t this going a bit too far?”  Ocelot stepped forward, even he had his limits. What was Miller aiming at? This would end up in an orgy if they didn’t stop.

“Calm down Ocelot, this is just a game. And you like games, don’t you?” Kaz took the chance to… Seduce him in front of the staff. Ocelot felt his face going hot.

Buffalo and another girl exchanged looks and she said “Commander Miller, how about you playing?”

 

“What? Me? Hmmm let me think…” Kaz was expecting this and tried to look surprised and thought about it for a couple of seconds. He intended to present the Pocky game for the staff and he wanted to test it before presenting it as an alternative to play for the occasional Mother Base’s parties. But his inner motive was playing with Ocelot of course, and see how far he'd dare to go. But frankly, he wasn't expecting too many staff members to be interested, and there were just too many curious eyes... 

He rolled his eyes to Ocelot and grinned. It was the perfect opportunity. “Ocelot come here, let me show you how fun this game is.”

“I’ll pass.” He replied coldly.

“I didn’t know Russians were such party poopers.” He shrugged and pouted his lips. 

“No. Besides you told me I wasn’t invited.” Ocelot remained firm on his answer and Kaz felt rejected. He shouldn’t be feeling like this.

“You tend to invite yourself into my office all the time even when I tell you not to come and now you are complaining about this silly game? I expected a challenge here, how boring.” Kaz taunted him with a low and sexy voice. That had an effect on the Russian.

 They exchanged looks for some seconds as if they were about to fight against each other in the finals.

“Alright, Challenge accepted” he smirked while he stood next to him.

 

The staff turned their attention to them. Were they really going to play?

Kaz felt kind of intimidated, he was some inches taller than him and seemed bigger than usual, maybe it was his imagination or his mind playing him tricks because he was nervous.

 

Raven whispered to Buffalo “I bet this was Commander Miller’s true intention. To mock Ocelot.”

“Who do you think is gonna pull out first?” Zebra joined the gossiping.

“Let’s bet” Buffalo suggested.

“Miller will pull out first” the three said at the same time.

 

“Okay Ocelot, come and kiss me.” Kaz put the pocky in his mouth and waited for Ocelot with a cocky smile on his face.

“I’ll wipe that smug grin off your face when I win, Miller.” He leaned closer and bit the other end.

Two bites and they lips were almost touching. At that moment Ocelot regretted having accepted this game because he felt butterflies on his stomach, but why? Hadn’t he kissed Kaz many times before? Why was this time different? Just because he was conscious that he loved him?

Their lips were so close, he could already feel the kiss coming. No one spoke either.

 

“What are you doing?” Snake showed up and they both looked away, breaking the chocolate stick in two.

“B-boss!” Kaz adjusted his aviators and was rather surprised.

Ocelot took the chance to step off . “As I told you, Miller. This is pretty boring. Now that Big Boss is here, why don’t you play with him? Come back to me with a real challenge. I’ll be waiting.”

Kaz could not believe it. He got so pissed off that he wanted to throw the box of pocky to the sea. But he couldn’t make a scene in front of Snake.

Big Boss approached Ocelot, who was now giving his back to them and put a hand on his shoulder.

“What’s the matter, Ocelot? What are you afraid of? You are the one running away, aren’t you?” Snake talked for Kaz, as if he knew the words Kaz would say.

Ocelot turned back and faced Snake. “I'm not the one running away and you know it.”

“Leave him Boss, he’s afraid. Come on, play with me.” Kaz made his best 'I'm the winner' face and tried to look confident, pulling Snake away from Ocelot with his hand on his waist and the soldiers cheered on him.

 

 _It’s now or never._ Thought Ocelot.

Suddenly, Ocelot grabbed Kaz’s face with his two hands and kissed him.

Snake was not expecting it but chuckled. The staff remained speechless.

The kiss was soft and slow with no tongue, Ocelot only wanted to win this silly game and waited for Kaz to pull out.

Snake patted Kaz’s shoulder  “Come on Kaz, show him how you play”

 

Kaz’s lips curved into a smile and grabbing Ocelot’s nape he pushed him even closer and slid his tongue inside his mouth. Ocelot tried to back off, this couldn’t be part of the game, but he wasn’t going to lose. He could feel all the staff’s eyes on them, so he just closed his eyes.

Since when was he feeling ashamed anyway?

If Miller wanted to play dirty, he would regret it. While he kissed him back and let his tongue slid into Miller’s mouth, he lowered his hands and grabbed his ass, pushing their bodies and crotches closer  

He could feel Kaz trying to back off but neither of them were really willing to give up.

For a moment they seemed to have forgotten about the audience and the kiss grew hotter and deeper.

Kaz glanced at Snake before moaning into Ocelot’s mouth. He knew the Russian loved hearing him moan.

 

That’s enough, thought Ocelot. He couldn’t hold it any longer, he was getting hard and could not hide his arousal inside his coat like Miller. Okay, you win this time.

Ocelot broke the kiss and backed off, giving his back to Kaz, Snake and the audience which gathered to watch their kiss. He was breathing hard and was flushed, his lips were swollen, how much time did they kiss anyway? He could still feel Kaz’s soft tongue on his mouth so he covered his lips with his hand.

“Well Kaz, that makes you the winner of the Pocky Game.” Said Snake grabbing Kaz by his waist, who smiled but was in the same condition as Ocelot, breathing hard, lips flushed… And aroused. Ocelot could see Kaz through the corner of his eye but had to look away. God he was hot.

 

The staff didn’t know if they had to cheer or remain silent. Snake gave Kaz a clap and the staff followed, together with whistlings.

Ocelot lose this game. He growled and decided to get away as soon as he could. After all, their main game was still on, but he couldn't help but face Kaz and the crowd again and complain.

“But there was no Pocky stick so it can’t be part of the game.”  He really hated losing. Again, all the attention was focused on their argument.

“Then you just felt like kissing me? I know I'm hot, so I don't blame you.” Miller started with his flirting again and gave him that smug grin ocelot hated so much... it was like a drug for him.

“Well _Commander_ , what can I say? It seems you are the one who enjoys kissing me more, huh? Can’t keep your tongue in place? and what about your pants?” A cold remark was all he needed before going away,

“You could have just broken the kiss whenever you wanted, _Instructor_. No one forced you to stick your tongue in my mouth after all.” Kaz just shrugged, acting cool.

“Well played then,” Ocelot threw his hands in the air in sign of defeat and walked away.

 

Kaz watched him leaving and, if he had all his limbs, he would have definitely ran to him and hold him. But he stayed right there next to Snake, with his fist closed and his knuckles almost white. His head full of anxiety and anger

 

The day Commander Miller and Ocelot made out in front of the staff definitely became the top 1 gossip of the base, for months.

 

But Kaz wasn’t done yet. His seduction game had just started.

 


	18. 15 days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaz and Ocelot continue their back and forts.
> 
> special thanks to CoreBlooddrinker for cheering on me to finish this chapter xD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> back and forth continues, this is getting unbearable! This chapter is... a calm before the storm?
> 
> Sorry for the rush I got anxious, expect typos and grammar mistakes to be corrected soon

 A few days went by, and of course all the staff heard about the Pocky Game. But the problem with gossip was that as words spread fast, the story changed and facts tend to get bigger than they really were. The last Ocelot heard was that they almost ended up fucking in front of everyone… which was in fact, closer to what really happened anyway.

That day after the incident, he spent the whole day on the highest building of the Command Platform, trying to cool his head and calm down.  He could think it over and concluded that it wasn’t so bad as he imagined. And after all, Miller would have to take the worst part as he had to deal with the staff every day. He had to be there, it was essential to Diamond Dogs, not like him. He was an important part too, but no one would dare to go and look for him, and not even now after he lost. They'd probably knew he would be pissed off.

And Miller... he wondered if he would be thinking about him and wondered what he would do now. Would he continue to do stupid things like trying to seduce him in public? Clearly he had done his homework well, when it came to feelings, Ocelot’s weak spot was his shyness, even if he acted as if he didn’t have any shame at all. On that case, he may be the opposite to Miller, who seemed to be shy but still had the balls to do stupid things… and he didn’t have any shame at all.

After that incident, he was aware that Miller had been trying to catch him alone but Ocelot hadn’t given him that chance. He used all his skills to evade any possible contact with him, and it had been a success so far: he hadn’t seen his face in 5 days. This made him feel like the unlucky ones who ended up in Room 101. The truth was that not seeing him was a torture.

However, he was still forced to talk to him because of work. But for most of the missions they would split and give support each one from their Platform, much to Snake's complaints.

Kaz was not happy either, of course. He had been trying to approach Ocelot in many ways with no luck.

 _"Let's see what you can come up with Miller, I'll give you 15 days to try and seduce me_." He thought.

**\-- Day 6 --**

The 6th day, Ocelot exchanged looks with Miller while he talked to Buffalo. Ocelot was going to Room 101 and he heard Miller _meowing_ at him.

Miller, _meowing_.  
What kind of human would actually use that as a seduction technique? Oh wait..

He just answered “I thought puppies could only bark” before entering the room with the red lights.

He was wondering if Miller would follow him, and had already thought of all the ways in which he could actually made him sit at his chair and play with him, but just as he thought, there was no way the puppy would enter into the wolf’s den.

 

**\-- Day 7 --**

On the 7th day, he was ambushed by Miller’s guards asking him to go to his office because the commander was so pissed off that no one seemed to calm him down. After thinking it over while studying the guard’s body language, he decided to go. They were not lying so Miller would be really pissed. He prepared himself for the worst scenario.

Once he arrived, he knocked the door.

No reply.

He knocked again.

Nothing.

He put his ear on the door and tried to listen but nothing.

“When did you last see him?” He asked one of his guards, Lizard.

“Well… He yelled at me to come and get you, he said it was important.” The man sounded insecure.

“Miller it’s Ocelot, if you don’t say something I’m coming in.”

Ocelot opened the door and prepared to face an angry dog, but Miller was sleeping over the desk. Adam watched his calmed expression, he actually looked younger and less intimidating when he was sleeping. He sat at the desk next to him and wondered how to proceed, and asked himself why he was still mad at Miller. After all, they just kissed. He leaned closer to him and saw he had been writing something. It was in Japanese. Ocelot slowly took a pen and paper and copied one phrase which was repeated all over, then he put the paper in his pocket.

He looked around the office and spotted a book under Kaz’s arm. Its cover was in Russian and it catched Ocelot’s curiosity. With all his stealth he slowly grabbed the book, it was a phrase book with common Russian phrases. The first thing that came to his mind was that Kaz wanted to understand what the Russian staff talked about when they talked in Russian… Also it could be helpful due to Snake’s current missions and too many Russian staff.

He went over the pages and stopped at a piece of paper used as a bookmark. ‘ _Talking about love’_  it said and the word “I love you” was underlined. He put the book on the table and he didn’t want to think, but his brain didn’t stop. ‘ _This is for me_ ’ he thought and at the same time he dismissed it. Maybe he didn't even noticed it, or the book was not his... or maybe... 

 _Stop Adam_.

He decided to leave Kaz sleep and went outside, closing the door quietly.

“He’s alright” he commented at Lizard, who was worried. “He’s sleeping”.

“Oh, I see. Okay Instructor.” He wasn't 100% convinced.

“Don't look at me, I didn't do anything.” Ocelot smirked and left. The two guards shrugged and remained on their positions.

**\-- Day 8 --**

He didn't see Miller. According to Snake, he was still pissed about something that not even Snake knew.

 

**\-- Day 9 --**

Ocelot was told that there was a fight taking place at the Medical Platform and rushed as fast as he could. When he arrived, almost catching his breath, Kaz was leaning on a wall, alone. He looked as if he was in pain and Ocelot wondered if he had been hurt or if this had to do with his phantom pains.

He got closer but Kaz grabbed his chopped arm and yelled at him. "Don't come near me!"

Ocelot got paralysed. He didn't know what to do but his guts told him he needed to get closer. He took a step forward but watched Snake running to Kaz and holding him in front of his eyes. "What happened Kaz?"

Kaz looked surprised and he first glanced at Ocelot, who looked down at the floor and bit his lip. 

"Nothing Snake, what are you doing here?" Kaz was still surprised, Ocelot didn't know if Miller was struggling because of fury or pain.

"I was worried about you, you dropped this." Snake held a bucket of white flowers. "What are these for?"

Kaz pushed Snake away and started walking towards the main building. "Nothing, it's nothing."

Snake gave Ocelot a warm smile and watched Kaz leave.

"Ocelot, take these."

"Why are you giving them to me?"

"Aren't these your favorites?"

Adam said nothing, but held the bucket of flowers and left. He didn't understand what happened and if the fight had been real or not, but he still had work to do.

 

**\-- Day 10 --**

That day, Ocelot was on his office again for Snake's mission.  He heard a knock on his door and when he opened it saw a small box with a note. He still had his radio on and could hear Miller briefing Snake about the mission's objective, so he wondered who else may have left a strange package on his door.

He took it, still listening to Miller’s voice on the radio and opened it. The box contained rice balls and tuna, and a small folded note was attached to the box.

He smiled because he guessed who was behind this and wondered what kind of prank would he find. He opened the note...

“ ** _I miss you_ **.” was written with a crappy handwriting. Of course, this was the result of having only one functional hand …

His heart stopped.

“ _Ocelot are you there?”_

Snake was talking to him and he hadn’t even noticed it. He put the note on his pocket and sat at his desk with the lunch box in front of him. He couldn’t speak and wished he could just rush to the Command platform and punch Miller on his face for making him feel this way.

He heard Miller’s voice this time, answering the technical question Snake had asked Ocelot.

He took a deep breath and talked, while grabbing one rice ball. “Sorry Boss, I was eating something my wannabe boyfriend sent me”

“Be careful not to choke, Ocelot” Miller’s remark arrived in no time and Adamska could almost picture his pissed off face.

“We’ll see, I hope I don’t get poisoned by eating this.”

“Shut up, it’s a family recipe, you’ll soon come to me begging for more.” Kaz was now showing off.

“ _Hey guys, I’m still here remember? On Afghanistan, in a mission?”_ Snake complained but he laughed while talking. “ _If I stop hearing you, I’ll assume you finally decided to bang each other.”_

“Shut up Snake” “Shut up Boss” his two radio assistants said at the same time.

Snake laughed and ordered Quiet to scout the area while he crouched and scouted the area from a high cliff.

“ _I’m looking at the objective, but it seems I’ll have to wait a bit till they change shifts…. If you want to continue your flirting, go ahead, I could use some entertainment, but please no phone sex, have some mercy on me.”_

Kaz snorted but continued speaking. “Boss you ate my onigiri, right? You know what I’m talking about”

_“They are good. But what I really love is your curry Kaz. When are you going to cook for me?”_

There was silence on the line.

“Boss are you talking about those vegetables cooked with curry sauce and rice? I remember Miller once cooked it for me, while you were still in coma. I was sick and he said it had magic healing powers or whatever.” Ocelot talked with his mouth full of rice.

“Hey! You did get better, you can’t complain!”

“ _So you did have an affair at my back after all, how cute._ ” Snake was really having fun teasing his two lovers while he took his time to reload his sniper rifle.

“ _If neither of you answers me back I’d assume you did.”_  
  
  
After some uncomfortable silence, Ocelot confessed. “No…. but I wish we did.” 

“What the hell are you saying?” They could hear Kaz slamming his fist on his desk.

“I mean, I could have used a wife cooking for me all these 9 years, why the hell didn’t I ask you to marry me, Miller?”

“ _This is getting interesting._ ”

There was silence.

“Kazuhira Miller are you still there?” Ocelot was enjoying this.

Silence again. Kaz didn’t know what to say, and Ocelot was now beginning to regret his comment.

“ _I have the objective on my sight, talk to you later._ ”

“Good luck Boss.” Ocelot was the only one who answered.

After that, everything went smoothly. Snake had to take down the target and was flying back to Mother Base and Ocelot went to the landing Zone to greet him, bumping into Miller.

“Hey…” Kaz said and looked at the sky, trying not to look at Ocelot.

They stood side by side looking at the sky. There was an awkward silence.

“You know… I… I really meant what I said earlier.” Ocelot adjusted his scarf and put his hand on his pocket, touching Kaz’s note.

“I hope you didn’t feed my rice balls to DD.” Kaz joked and looked at the dog who sat next to him.

“No, I ate them. They were good…. - Ocelot crouched and patted DD’s head. -He’s grown very fond of you, I’m beginning to feel jealous.”

“Actually your japanese food was not bad. I think I never had the chance to thank you” Kaz voice was now softer and continued to pat DD.

“I-I can cook for you anytime.” Ocelot blushed and felt Kaz’s hand on his head, patting him as if he was DD.  
“Miller, you are patting me as if I was your dog.” He frowned but smiled, trying to look pissed.

“Right, you are not my dog. You are my ocelot.” Kaz was talking more to himself than to Adam, maybe he didn’t realize he actually said that aloud.

Adam stood up and watching Kaz's surprised expression he grabbed his hand, placing it in his own face.  
“Kazuhira Miller, what are you doing to me?”

“Ocelot, what are _you_ doing to me?” Kaz managed to speak.

“ _Adamska_ ” said Ocelot and Kaz looked confused. “My name is _Adamska,_ remember _Kaz?_ ”

“ _Adamska_ ” Kaz tried to pronounce the word which sounded still weird. It carried a heavy intimacy and made Kaz shiver.

A group of 4 soldiers who were chatting loudly turned around the corner and headed to the LZ. They spotted the commander and the instructor together and they stopped.

Kaz removed his hand from his face “N-No definitely you don’t have fever, what are you talking about, Ocelot?”

“I thought I had temperature. Thanks for checking it out Commander.” Ocelot of course followed Miller’s act.

The group of soldiers walked slowly towards them,  looking at their superiors with suspicious eyes and Kaz decided it was time to put on his Bitchy Commander act. “Where are you going? Are you here to greet the Boss or you are just taking a leisure walk?”

“S-sir we are here to greet Big Boss.”

Kaz glanced at Ocelot who was also looking at them with a serious face.

“Then stop behaving as if you were strolling through the streets, or at a bar.”

“Yes sir.”

The staff positioned themselves in front of the LZ spot. Their superiors were behind them.

Ocelot smirked and couldn’t stop looking at Kaz.

“Don’t look at me like that” Kaz whispered, he was now angry. Ocelot moved behind him quietly, so stealthy than his spurs didn’t make any sound.

“Kazuhira, I can’t stop staring at you.”

“You are making me blush, asshole.” Kaz whispered more louder.

Ocelot chuckled and went back to his spot. Just in time, one of the soldiers turned around to glance at them.

 **\--** **\--** **\--** **\--** **\--** **\--**

The following days Ocelot decided to continue keeping distance with Miller, what he was feeling for him was tearing him apart and making him become stupid, he concluded. Love was the worst that could happen to humans. He already loved Snake, loving Miller was not only unexpected but bothersome too. He couldn't get him off his head and couldn't think of anything else, it was too distracting. 

And why the hell did he tell him his real name? That was so stupid... So intimate... 

It was logical that the next missions were almost a failure due to their poor communication. But Ocelot was just not ready for Miller's seduction game. 

 

**\-- Day 15 --**

Snake went on a mission this day too, and radio support was needed. It was a rather easy one so Ocelot didn’t want to be on support, but he couldn’t let his Boss down, so at last he agreed, on the condition that he stayed in the Intel platform. Both Miller and Snake agreed without complaining and that seemed weird, especially coming from the XO. Ocelot thought that Kaz would leave him alone, and just when he was wondering if he had really given up he heard a knock on the door of his office at the Intel Platform.

“Yes?”

“Sir, May I come in?”

It was one of Miller’s guards, he could tell by his voice.

“Come in Lizard” he answered while he was looking at some locations in maps and had his headphones on. The guard carefully left two cups of coffee on the desk and this caught his attention.

Then, another soldier entered the office with some reports, followed by Miller. The man was wearing his beret and shades, but only his shirt and tie. It was still hot so he supposed that was the reason, unless he wanted to try something else… He wouldn’t go easy on him, even if he was dying to, he was still trying to process these past days' events... they were far too emotional for him. 

Kaz sat on a chair opposite to him, facing him. Ocelot saw the guards exchanging funny looks between them, what were they expecting? See them banging or something like that?

He took off his headphones and glared at his visitors.

“Miller please tell your guards that I won’t give them a show, I have a mission to supervise.”

“Too bad, the men wanted to see you stripping your clothes for me, tough luck Lizard, maybe next time.” Kaz grinned at one of his guards, who blushed and say nothing.

“If you want me to get naked that badly, say it to my face.” Ocelot answered back with a smirk.

Kaz looked up from the report he was reading and slammed it onto the desk. “Okay, strip your clothes for me.”

“Who do you think I am? I’m not your whore.” Ocelot blushed but removed his scarf.  
“And I don’t remember telling you to come here. You know perfectly well how disrespectful it is to invade one’s workspace. You often make sure to remind me of that.”

“Snake asked me to come. Last mission was close to be a failure…  we almost made him screw up because of our …’ _lack of communication_ ’” Kaz waved his hand in the air.

“You were the one with the wrong information.”

“Yeah, because you didn’t have the _fucking_ _courtesy_ of telling me that the hostage was in fact a _She_ instead of a _He_. Snake almost rescued a random civilian who was carrying a goat.”

“If you didn’t hear me when I stated that the target was a woman is not my fault.” Ocelot closed his arms over his chest and leaned on his chair.

Kaz growled and moved the pile of reports of the table so that they were in front of him. He glanced at Lizard who was still standing there sweating nervously while looking at his teammate.  
“See those folders over there? Put them on this pile in front of me.”

The soldier did as his Commander asked and Ocelot raised his eyebrows.

“Hey, those are my reports! Watch it Miller” he stood up and went to face him.

“Look Ocelot, I know you don’t want to see me, I'm not stupid, alright? and I’m not in the mood either. So let’s finish with this mission assistance quick so we can go back to ignoring each other.” Kaz talked while he piled things over.

Kaz was mad. He came to Ocelot in an attempt to what exactly? seduce him? But he got extremely upset at the arguing. He didn’t know why… Was he just tired and stressed? Why didn’t he have the courage to tell Ocelot to stop fooling around and bang him? Watching Ocelot pushing him away was too harsh for his heart today. A single word could make him snap.

He continued to pile reports while he was deep in his tormenting thoughts.

“Are you building a fort so you don’t have to see my face?” Ocelot was also pissed and faced him while he stood up in front of him, both Miller’s guards backed off and stood at the door exchanging scared looks.

“That’s right Sherlock, I don't want to see your face.” he barked while he was finishing his fort of files.

Ocelot sat on his lap “How about I give Snake assistance like this?”

Kaz was speechless. He looked up at him and he forgot to breathe. Ocelot leaned and placed a soft but wet kiss on the back of his ear, then he stayed there breathing on his neck, feeling his skin scent, long enough to make Kaz feel pleasantly uncomfortable and then he whispered “No, I was joking”

He stood up and went back to his chair.

“I… I hate you!” Don’t come near me ok?” Kaz barked and made sure his fort was high enough so he didn’t have to see his face.

Lizard received a radio call from his Boss.  
“Boss? Yes, Commander Miller is with me…. He’s building a fort...no, really Boss. Instructor Ocelot is… They are arguing… Ok, roger Boss.”

Then he cleared his throat “Commander Miller, Big Boss asked me to tell you to turn on your radios, he’s reaching the hot zone's LZ.”

“Okay Lizard, thank you.” Kaz shifted to his Commander role and Ocelot did the same, ignoring the fact that they were separated by a pile of reports.

\---

The mission took 3 hours but was a success. Snake had even been able to extract the XOF Commander, so both men were pleased.

“Amazing Boss, mission complete! we’ll talk later on your arrival.”

Kaz felt relieved once he heard Snake was Ok. He wanted to check on Ocelot but the pile of reports was blocking his view. He stood up and went to his side. Apparently he had long forgotten to care about privacy and paid no attention to his two guards who were gathering the files to carry them back to Miller’s office.

He removed Ocelot’s headphones and touched his face.

“Give us a moment” he ordered the two soldiers who got surprised at the soft tone of voice of their Commander and left the office, rather reluctant and curious.

“What are you doing?” Ocelot said in a low voice, almost whispering.

Kaz continued to touch his face and sat on his lap. “What do you think I’m doing?” He said in a husky voice while leaning to his face and giving him a soft kiss on his lips.

Ocelot of course kissed him back, holding him by his waist. It was a slow kiss but they couldn’t keep it slow and the kiss turned rather messy. They both needed it.

The radio call interrupted them and they broke the kiss abruptly. Ocelot grabbed the radio with one hand while he was still holding Kaz with his other in his lap.  
“Boss?... I’m on it, leave it to me. - He exchanged looks with Kaz, who was now waiting for him to deliver the news - I have work to do, the XOF Commander Boss extracted seems to know more than what he looks like.” Ocelot smirked while saying so, he was already savouring the interrogation.

“You are going to interrogate him.” It was not a question, it sounded more like an order. Kaz voice was hard.

Ocelot smirked. “Anything for you commander”

Kaz stood up, helped by the Interrogation Specialist and opened the door where his men were waiting. They had been talking about the scene and betting if they would made out again or have a fist fight.

“Lizard, go with Peacock and make sure our guest is ready at Room 101.” Kaz was barking orders again.  
  
  
His two guards obeyed and walking away Lizard said to Peacock “How's that dude? there was no fight so I won the bet.”

The Commander watched them leave and snorted “Apparently the men keep on placing bets on us.”

Ocelot put on his scarf and got closer to Kaz. “You… Can come to supervise if you want..”

“I… I have to stay on guard if Snake requires additional support.” He blushed and straighten Ocelot’s scarf.

“Right.”

They both knew that was a lie. They wouldn’t be able to stop themselves if they remained another minute together. And Ocelot had completely forgot about his 15 day deadline.  
  
Obviously Miller had already won his heart with the **'** _ **I miss you** ' _note.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Onigiri: Japanese rice balls
> 
> I got inspired by some ocelhira Tumblr posts that I can't recall right now


	19. Playing with FIRE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaz attempts one last trick and succeeds. But does he win? 
> 
> Will this be finally it???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> VeroSev and Alice_aka this chapter is for you. Sorry to keep u waiting :p

Two days passed since then and Ocelot didn't have the time to meet face to face with Miller. Truth is, there was a lot of work to do and they didn't even have time to think about their feelings. He feared Kaz would take it wrong, he wasn't ignoring him, it was just that they haven't found the right time to meet. He didn't know how to approach him... Until Snake contacted him by radio asking him to meet Miller at his office, they needed the Interrogation report asap.

 

Ocelot opened the door to Miller’s office. He didn’t know what to expect. A part of him thought it was serious, the other part of him thought this was another of his seduction attempts… and he was not complaining. But if Snake said it was urgent, he had to believe him.

“Snake said you wanted to see me”

“Come in.” His tone of voice was soft.

The Commander was leaning on his desk, half of his butt rested on some reports and his legs were slightly opened. He was not wearing his aviators, nor his beret or jacket and glared at him with lust in his eyes. This was too good to be true.

“I finished with the interrogation, just as you wanted. It’s on this tape so you can have fun listening to it while doing something else….Side A contains the prisoner’s side of the story while side B has the XOF commander’s side, though I wouldn’t advice listening to it while eating, it gets kinda grouse.” Ocelot smirked and checked Miller out, there was a slight shade of pink on his cheeks.

“I know you can get pretty excited when you are interrogating someone.” Kaz’s voice was low and sexy.

“I think this isn’t the real reason you wanted to see me.” The Interrogator Specialist now moved with caution.

“Tell me Ocelot, did you whisper in his filthy ear too? Did you seduce him or you just tied him to the chair and cut him?” Miller’s naked eyes gave him a piercing look. 

“Next time why don’t you come and watch the show? It’ll be more fun than just listening to the tape, unless you have any… _Special requests_ on how I should deal with them. I may be open to suggestions.” He smirked at him while showing him the cassette tape while his icy eyes scanned his whole body, stopping on his crotch.

“Come here and give it to me.” Miller spoke in a low soft voice, extending his hand to grab the tape.

Ocelot faced Kaz, tossed the cassette tape on the desk and grabbed his wrist.

“What do you want, Miller?”

“I want you.” Kaz purred with his best sexy voice, Ocelot could see his tie was slightly loose, revealing a little of his chest.

“Don’t play with fire _Commander,_ think you can handle me?” Ocelot’s voice was low and threatening.

“Ocelot, what would you do to me?” Kaz continued. Apparently he decided to be straightforward.

Ocelot took his time to read his movements and body language. Was this a tease? A payback? Was he really serious this time? He decided to play along.  
“Want me to show you?”

“Please” he was almost begging. Had he finally gave up?

Ocelot invaded his personal space and trapped him against the desk. “First I’d bite your neck then grab your hair and kiss you.”

“Do it”

 

And he did exactly that. Kaz didn’t break the kiss but pulled him closer while he took his time to explore his mouth. He licked his lips and purred brushing his lips with his.  
  
“Would you fuck me here against my desk? Or do I need to beg first?” Kaz could feel Ocelot going hard. He bit his own black glove and removed it, lowering his bare hand through the russian’s body until he reached his crotch. He unzipped the fly and grabbed his cock, slowly stroking it while they kissed.  
“You are already this hard?”

“Miller s-stop…”

Instead of stopping he continued, moving his red scarf aside with his nose and burying it on his exposed neck, biting and sucking it.  
“Do you still have Big Boss’ mark on you?” 

Ocelot groaned and rocked his hips against Kaz’s hand while he bit his shoulder.  
“Don’t make me do this. You don’t know what you are getting into.”

“Shut up and kiss me” kaz ordered and he obeyed.

If Kaz continued like that he’d make him come. But the sensation of feeling Kaz’s hand stroking him while he moaned into his mouth was too much.

Suddenly the Commander stopped and pushed him, breaking their contact. Both were breathing hard and the room was filled with the smell of sex.  
  
“Wow you are big. I don’t think I’ll be able to take you in my ass…but that will be another time. I forgot to tell you that Big Boss will come here in any minute for our meeting so I suggest you put yourself together.” He had a smug grin on his face and licked his fingers.

That moment Ocelot realized that Kaz tricked him and he fell into it like an idiot. How could he been so stupid? He said he’d get his revenge, didn’t he? But recently he longed for his kisses and any type of close contact he could get from Kaz. Definitely humans became stupider when they were infatuated. Or more precisely, in love.

 

“I don’t mind, I can fuck you right now for all I care. Big Boss can watch if he wants.”

Ocelot grabbed him by his waist and forced him to sit on the desk, watching Kaz’s eyes widen in surprise at the sudden assault.

“How’s that Miller? Your little prank didn’t work?” He kissed him while he untied his tie and felt Kaz removing his scarf.

“Fuck, I need you to stop but I don’t want to.” The blonde moaned into the kiss.

“Then don’t stop me” Ocelot unzipped Kaz’s fly and pulled his hard dick out of his pants.  

“I… L-let me call him and tell him I’m busy. I-I really need you to fuck me right now.”

“So impatient”

“I’m tired of waiting for you.” Kaz whispered. He was finally being honest.

Ocelot crouched and took Kaz in his mouth. He’d teach him a lesson.. He wondered if Kaz would be able to hold his moans. But to be honest, he was longing for the moment when he could suck Kaz so this pleased him to no end. He held Miller’s waist with a strong grip while he played with his cock stroking it before shoving it deep into his throat. He decided to follow Big Boss’ advice and finger him, but first he licked his entrance while Kaz gripped his hair and gasped in surprise.

“Sh-Shit! Stop!” Kaz whimpered.

Stop meant don’t stop for Ocelot.

Once his hole was wet he shoved one finger while he bobbed his head gripping his lips around his cock.

He was so close, he could feel it. He wanted to taste Kazuhira Miller so badly, he was also so hard he couldn't stand it, it was as if he would cum without even touching himself. What was this? Was he really so desperate?

 

The door opened.

Kaz was looking at Big Boss and noticed two or three soldiers with him. Ocelot was giving them his back, thank God because that way they didn’t see the complete mess they were into. But there was no way they could think of an excuse, not in that obvious position. 

“Humm, wait outside, and don’t talk to anyone.” Big Boss instructed them and they stepped outside.

Miller was right, thought Ocelot. Big Boss came to the office but he was not alone. Had this been on purpose? By the mix of surprise, anger and fear on Kaz’s face, he wasn’t expecting it either. Big Boss was playing his own game with them .

“Well that was fast. I wasn’t expecting it.” Snake leaned on the closed door with his arms closed at his chest. “Couldn’t you have just locked the door Kaz?”

“Boss, listen, this was not supposed to happen…”

“Shut up Miller, you wanted this.” Ocelot frowned, he was pissed because he was hard and wanted Miller so badly that he didn’t care if Snake was there. But he just limited to stand up, still tasting Kaz’s precum in his mouth and fixed the blonde’s clothes with a softness that surprised him.  
He decided it was best to calm down and, avoiding Miller, tried to come up with a plan. “Who’s at the door?” 

“Buffalo and Panther… And another recruit I forgot his name.”

“My trainees from the shooting class? Excellent.” Ocelot let go a false laugh and raised his hands, being sarcastic.

Kaz handed him the red scarf but Ocelot ignored him and evaded his look, he couldn’t look, or else he wouldn’t stop. No matter if Snake was there, he was just so pissed and horny that he’d just fuck Kaz right there.

Snake took the scarf and placed it on Ocelot’s shoulder. “Better luck next time, cowboy.”

“Very funny. Thanks for the scarf, I have to cover your lover’s hickeys on my neck.”

Snake walked past him and grabbed Kaz’s chin, lifting his head up. “Then you wouldn’t mind explaining these bite marks on my partner’s neck, huh?”

“You are enjoying this don’t you Boss? Too bad you interrupted us or I’d have fucked him at last. But I guess this is as far as we’ll get.” Ocelot hissed and adjusted his pants.

 

There was an uncomfortable silence in which the two men glared at each other.

"Why don't you finish your work here? Or should I do it?" Big Boss opened Kaz’s shirt, revealing his flushed chest and grabbed his lover's hard dick while he watched Ocelot’s cold stare. 

“Get on your knees” Big Boss’s voice was low and cold as well.

Ocelot obeyed and let his boss lead him to Kaz, putting his dick in his mouth and he resumed his job.

Snake then held Kaz and before kissing him hard he warned him “don’t make a noise or they will hear you.”

Ocelot looked up and watched Kaz’s chest trailing with saliva from the wet kiss he shared with Snake.

Then he felt Kaz’s hand on his hair, entangling his fingers on his hair and caressing it. He was somewhat sweet, comparing to the violent grip that came afterwards by Big Boss’ hand.

“How do you like him sucking you Kaz? Is he good enough?”

Kaz did not answer and held his breath, trying hard not to moan but he was already panting. Big Boss continued

“I bet he is. I never saw you speechless.”

 Ocelot stopped and removed Kaz’s dick from his mouth. He looked at Kaz and their eyes met.

“We don’t have all day, if you are not gonna do it then step out” Snake threatened him while keeping his hold on his lover.

Ocelot stood up and kissed Kaz “You’ll be mine soon” he whispered to his mouth while stroking his cock.

“Just… Take me now, please” Kaz felt defeated and leaned his back on Snake’s chest, feeling his beard brushing his neck.

“Boss, what do you want me to do?” Ocelot now locked his gaze with Snake.

 

There was another uncomfortable silence. Snake didn’t answer and just smirked at him, letting him decide. Nothing more painful than that.

 

Fuck it, he was fed up with waiting. Ocelot opened his own shirt and lowered his pants a little, pulling his cock out. Snake licked his fingers and grabbed Adam's dick.

“Good choice. Just fuck already.”

Ocelot smirked. “You enjoy seeing me taking him, don’t you Boss?”

“Remember, don’t moan too loud or they’ll hear you. Unless you don’t care.”

He watched Snake go down on him and lick his cock, making sure it was wet enough for Kaz, who watched them surprised. He never saw Snake with another man, and found the scene just too hot. Maybe because it was Ocelot. No one else but him was allowed to be with his Snake.

“Do it now” Big Boss ordered while standing up, without bothering to wipe the saliva from his chin. 

Adam had second thoughts about it. He wanted this so bad and now that he had Kaz waiting for him was unreal. He put his cock in his entrance and slowly pushed inside. Snake held Kaz from behind and covered his mouth with his metallic hand.

Ocelot began thrusting deeper and watched Kaz’s eyes widen in surprise while Venom was gripping his mouth. He removed the metallic hand and replaced it with his mouth, watching his Boss glaring at him surprised because he was slowly taking possession of his lover.

“Possessive, aren’t you, Ocelot?” He smirked while he continued to have his grip this time on Kaz’s waist with his prosthetic hand and his flesh hand caressed Kaz’s bare chest which was now all sweaty. This would definitely leave bruises later...

“How does it feels like to be inside my lover?”

“He's my lover too.” Ocelot growled on the kiss and tried to slow down because some files and objects from the desk were falling to the floor due to his thrusts inside Kaz.

“Well no need to remain silent anymore, they must already know you are banging at last.” Big Boss continued to tease them while he grinded his own dick in his lover’s back. 

“H-how do you like the show Boss?” Ocelot managed to talk giving him a defying look.

“A little messy but it’s a start.”

“Shut up you like it… And I’m coming inside him” Ocelot’s voice was husky, low and dangerous. He continued to grind Kaz against the desk and didn’t care about the noise they were making. Kaz bit Ocelot’s neck and said nothing, he was too overwhelmed to say something, feeling his cock being rubbed against Ocelot’s bared chest. The rubbing was unbearable and he couldn’t help it but cum between their two chests.

Snake grabbed his still aching cock and jerked it, making it spill some more cum. “Kaz you are shameful, did you just come without touching yourself?” Kaz couldn’t even say yes, only groaned and closed his eyes.

Two more thrusts and Ocelot came inside him, a little reluctant because he wanted to keep on going, but the wait had been too long and he craved this release so badly. He definitely would have time to fuck him again, even if he had to seduce Kaz himself, with food, silly romantic stuff or just by taking him by force, he'd like it anyway.

Kaz bit him so hard while trying to keep quiet that he tasted his blood. 

“Tell him something Kaz, come on, how did you like it?”

 Kaz just answered by kissing Ocelot and holding their bodies together. He felt he couldn’t let him go and hated being so emotional. But he couldn't help it, he couldn't believe he had Revolver Ocelot panting and leaning on his body, still inside him.

 

“Ocelot, remind me to call you if I need you to shut him up. But I'm dissapointed, you both came too fast, I guess you were ...extremely needy." Big Boss grinned.

 

then he went through the room gathering all the objects which were on the floor. “I haven’t forgotten we have a meeting… But it’s impossible to do it now. I’ll go to the Combat platform with Buffalo and the rest, do as you please but lock the door.”

 

Snake stopped and watched them kissing again as if they couldn’t get enough.

“Still feel like another round? What did I get myself into?”

“No, next time I’m having him on my bed, and you are not invited Snake” he answered while he still was inside Kaz.

He chuckled and grabbed his neck “It’s thanks to me that at this moment your dick is inside Kaz, don’t forget it.” 

Ocelot shivered and removed himself from Kaz’s warmth.

“Good boy.” Snake talked to his ear before releasing his neck and watched them get dressed quickly.

“This room stinks” Kaz was still breathing hard.

“Seems you found your voice Miller. I’m dying to make you shut up again.” Ocelot grabbed him by his waist and Kaz blushed.

Snake sighed and chuckled. “I guess I won’t be seeing you two for a while …. I’m opening the door, behave.”

He opened the door and peeked outside. The staff was still standing near the door and when they saw their Boss they stopped gossiping and their faces went red. 

"Something’s come up. You can go back to your positions, we’ll talk later.”

“Y-yes sir..” They looked at each other and reluctantly obeyed their boss.

 

Once the staff left, Big Boss faced his two lovers

“I don’t mind you fucking but don’t be so reckless. Look at you, you look like two horny teenagers who don’t think before you act.”

Snake took Kaz’s aviators and put them on his face, covering his milky eyes. Then he helped him put on his jacket.

“I’m only doing this so the marks are not that evident.”

Kaz growled in defeat and lowered his head. “Sorry Boss. It won’t happen again.”

“Ocelot, the same goes for you.”

“Sorry Boss” he gestures with his hands up in defeat. “I’ll lock the door next time.”

“What makes you think there’s gonna be a next time?” Now Kaz was back at his old self. His flush slowly wearing out if his face.

“Come on Kaz, stop lying and admit that we are not done yet.” Ocelot gave him a cocky smile before Snake pushed him against the door and shot him a warning glare, leaving him speechless. Then he kissed him deeply, knowing that Kaz was watching them.

 “I’ll be watching what you do with my lover, Ocelot. Make sure you don’t wear each other out so much… I still want to claim my prize too.”

Once Snake left the office they looked at each other.

 

“Lock the door” Kaz ordered.

 


	20. Knock knock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Now it’s your turn to get down on your knees"
> 
> Will they finally have some time alone?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And another chapter, this is rather short but I had fun writing it.
> 
> Thanks for all your comments so far! I love hearing from you. You can leave me comments here or on my [Tumblr](http://yuki2305.tumblr.com/) Are we closer to the end? See you next chapter!

Kaz was pinned to the couch while Ocelot fucked him. He clung to his neck and panted, trying not to be loud.

Everything happened so fast that they didn’t have time to think.

 

After Snake left, Kaz ordered Ocelot to lock the door. Once it was done Kaz pushed him against the door, kissing him while he unbuttoned his shirt and pants again. But Ocelot wouldn't let Kaz have the upper hand and pushed him to his knees, then he grabbed his cock with one hand while he pushed Kaz’s head to it with the other hand. 

“Now it’s your turn to get down on your knees, Commander.”

Kaz said nothing and licked his cock while he used his left hand to hold on Ocelot’s right thigh.

“You are good… but don’t tease so much, I want to see if you can take me in your mouth…” Ocelot held Kaz’s head and pushed him deeper to his cock. Kaz didn’t complain.

“You know what they are gonna say about me? That I sucked your dick. But what if they saw you are now the one enjoying this so much you are going hard? - Kaz just frowned and kept on sucking, pressing his lips against his cock. Ocelot pushed him deeper and held him there, with his entire length in Kaz’s mouth, not allowing him to move. 

“ _Bozhe moi,_ Commander, you are gorgeous” Ocelot whispered.

Kaz pulled out abruptly and panting, his lips and chin wet with saliva. Ocelot didn’t need to insist, Kaz just let him grab his head and grind his mouth to his cock, but just a little… He pulled out because he’d cum if he didn’t focus. Definitely he had been holding for too long. Cursing at himself he grabbed Kaz and shoved him to the couch.

“W-wait!” Kaz wiggled trying to escape from Ocelot’s grip but eventually he let himself be defeated and just relaxed while he felt the Russian biting his neck. He was not used to these kind of assaults as everything with Snake just happened naturally and they were both used to each other’s bodies and movements. 

But **_this_** , this was wild and desperate. And needy, so fucking needy it was like when he first started his encounters with Snake, but the difference this time was that he wasn’t the one who approached but the one being seduced, this wasn't his game but Ocelot's. Maybe with the time if he could overcome his shyness  he’d be the one to overpower Revolver Ocelot, but not now. He wasn't complaining either, he didn't want to admit that he loved being overpowered by him.

Trying to cool down, Ocelot sat on Kaz's thighs and removed his shirt and scarf.

 

“Leave your gloves on” Kaz ordered while his hand touched his chest, trailing down until he stopped at his waist.

The other man said nothing, but smirked and moved from his position just to remove Kaz’s pants.

“A-are you going to..” Kaz was breathing hard, but he couldn’t tell if it was because he was tired or horny.

“I want to fuck you again” the Russian said while rubbing his cock on his asshole. More than want, it was a need.  
“You still have my cum” he commented, more to himself than to Kaz, as he would use his own previous cum as lube.

Kaz opened his legs and waited, feeling a shiver run through his body when he felt Ocelot’s tip slowly making its way deeper until all his dick was inside him. He growled and his eyes watered. At least he had his aviators on, to hide his embarrassment but he didn’t understand why, after all, Snake was bigger than Ocelot. Maybe it was just the way he did it, how he could push inside him and touch his weak spot in only one thrust. Was this coincidence? Or had he really guessed it just by fucking him just once?

He began moving faster and faster while he bit and licked his neck  Kaz felt a mixture of pain and pleasure and with each thrust he felt he was going to lose his mind.

“Y-you are gonna break me, idiot!” He complained but at the same time he spread his legs even wider, allowing Ocelot to continue his assault on him.

“You just need to relax Miller.”

“I-It’s not easy if you keep pushing!”

 

Ocelot stopped and kissed him softly, passing his tongue all over his mouth. Kaz also took his time to enjoy the kiss, now there was no rush, nothing to prove, or maybe there really was something to prove.

“Move” Kaz ordered while their lips were still locked and Ocelot grinned, resuming his thrusts.

Their lips were almost touching but were connected by a trail of saliva. Kaz could tell that Ocelot liked getting things wet. One more kiss before breaking contact and pushing his lips to Ocelot’s neck.

“You can bite me if you want” Adam breathed.

“You like that, huh?” Kaz gave him a small bite, breathing on his neck as well.

“And what do _you_ like, Kazuhira?” Even while fucking, he had the guts to keep talking, as if he was interrogating him. This man was so annoying. Why wouldn’t he shut up, thought Kaz. But then again, he just loved when he talked dirty to him, though he didn’t answer his question... He just couldn’t understand why he felt so exposed and ashamed, Kaz was not a shy man after all.

He bit him once and then twice, hearing Ocelot moans getting louder.

He did know what he liked but he was not ready to admit it. He loved Ocelot taking complete control over him, telling him what to do. He was tired of being always the one who decided everything, even Snake seeked for his approval most of the times.

But when he was with Ocelot, he didn’t have to worry anymore about being in control. Still, being like this with someone like Ocelot  was reckless and dangerous. There was no way Kaz could tell him the truth.

“Why… Why do I… like you so much?” That wasn’t supposed to come out loud, but it was too late.

“I’m surprised it wasn‘t an ‘I hate you’” Ocelot tried not to laugh but couldn't help it.

“Don’t be so cocky about it.”

“I can be cocky, Miller. I’m the one making you moan right now.” He was close, so fast again. He wanted to be inside him for a longer time but his body was desperately asking him for release. He dig his nails in Kaz’s back, keeping a strong hold on the commander’s body as if trying to mark him completely.

“Come inside” Kaz realized he was close and tried to relax his body letting Ocelot take it all. He felt the hot cum filling him and the man on top of him relaxing, but still breathing hard.

 

Ocelot removed his shades and looked at him. Kaz’s eyes were damaged but he could see him. He wasn’t looking at him like always, he was different and he couldn’t recall why. Different but true.  
Maybe this was the real Kazuhira Miller, the one that hid behind his many layers. Adam’s own expression softened and parted his lips a little in awe. 

“This is how you look like when you are with him?” 

Kaz opened his eyes a little in surprise “I don’t know…. But I guess this is what I am when I’m with you.”

They both took their time to try and read their expressions, as if they were trying to read their minds. Ocelot removed himself from Kaz, making him growl a little. 

“Now it’s my time to get on my knees Commander,” he purred while he left the couch and kneeled down, taking Kaz’s cock in his mouth and moving up and down, hungrily. He couldn’t taste him before as they were interrupted but this time he’ll get what he wanted. He felt Kaz’s hand on his hair while he sucked him and made him moan. Even if he tried to suppress his sounds, the pressure on his cock and the scene of seeing Ocelot on his knees sucking him was too much for Kaz, who came inside Ocelot’s throat.

The Russian made sure he took every last drop of his lover before pulling it out of his mouth.

”… you are mine, Kaz.”

“You know that’s not entirely true” there was a hint of lament on his voice while trying to breathe.

“At this precise moment you are.” 

Just when Kaz was about to answer, there was a **knock** on the door. He mumbled a curse and tried to normalize his breathing.

 

Ocelot leaned closer to his face and whispered “Come on Miller, do your little ‘ _Angry Commander_ ’ act for me and kick them out of here.”

Kaz held Ocelot’s body closer and gave him a small grin. “So you like the ‘Angry Commander’?” 

 

There was another **knock**.

“What is it?” Kaz was not happy about the interruption but still his anger hadn’t escalated so he tried his best.

“ _Sir, the Intel team guys are wondering if you know where Instructor Ocelot is, they are trying to find him._ ”

“And why would I know that? I’m busy, go ask the Boss”

There was silence and neither Miller nor Ocelot dared to move one inch.

 

“ _But Big Boss sent me here_ ”

“I knew it” whispered Ocelot grinning. 

“I don’t know where he is, try his radi-” he didn’t finish because he saw Ocelot sneaking and looking into his stuff for the radio and turning it off.  
Kaz let go a laugh. Ocelot with his pants down, his hair messy and no shirt, on all fours… He definitely needed to cool himself or else he would jump at him and fuck him.

“If there’s nothing else you need go away I’m busy!” Kaz barked and hoped whoever was at the door left.

“Next time I want you like that Ocelot.” Kaz grabbed him by his hair and the older man smirked.

But for today was enough. They started to get dressed slowly and Kaz mumbled something about needing a shower desperately.

 

No more than 10 minutes after the first **knock** , there was another one. This time a female soldier.

“ _Commander, we can’t find Instructor Ocelot and the class’s about to begin_.”

Ocelot just shrugged and gestured a ‘ _no_ ’.

Kaz got closer to the door, he was now angry.

“I just said I didn’t know where he is. Ask Buffalo who’s the top of the class to supervise training.” 

“ _I thought Panther was-_ ”

“Just do as I say, or go find Big Boss!”

He heard footsteps going away.

 

“Shit what does everyone want with you anyway?” Kaz sat at the couch again and Ocelot placed his hand on his thigh. 

“Are you jealous?” 

Kaz didn’t look at him. He was now mad and was frowning.  
“So what now?” He asked while yanking on the sofa.

“What now?" Ocelot repeated.

“It’s just… ” Kaz was ashamed and Ocelot noticed it. 

“Feeling ashamed all of the sudden?” 

“Maybe”

Ocelot cleared his throat. He looked at Kaz and got a little closer. It was so much easier when they argued… Being this exposed made him uncomfortable.

 

Another **knock.**

 

" **WHAT THE HELL?!** " Kaz yelled.

 

" _Uhmmm… Commander, Big Boss wants you to supervise the class..._ " The soldier's voice was weak and he sounded scared. 

"Tell him I'm _busy_! If he is unable to supervise the class himself, then just cancel it!" Kaz was yelling while he slowly walked to the door without his crutch. Ocelot crossed one leg over the other and watched, amused. 

He slightly opened the door and glared at the soldier. "Tell everyone that the next person who dares to knock at my door will be automatically thrown to the brig, now get the FUCK away and stop bothering me!"

The soldier shivered, said nothing and quickly turned on his heels, leaving as fast as he could.

 

Kaz slammed the door closed and locked it. Then he threw himself on the couch again, almost yanking over Ocelot.

"Calm down Miller… though I have to admit that you are turning me on..."

"Fuck you" 

"Okay, if you want...”

 

Neither of them moved, Kaz rested his head on his chest. "What now?"

Ocelot never thought his day would take these course of actions. “Nothing. We just go back to our duties.”

 

“I still have to listen to that interrogation tape…” Kaz said unamused and tired.

“I have a question for you Miller.” Now Ocelot was looking at him with a serious face, and Kaz looked at him surprised and a little scared at the same time.

 

“Can we just get a nap before going back to whatever we were doing?” Ocelot's expression turned into a wicked grin and didn’t wait for an answer, he just yanked Kaz again on the sofa and laid on top of him, neither spoke and they fell asleep.

 

There were two more **knocks** on the door, but neither of them heard them.

**\-------------------------------**

Snake got off the chopper and was greeted by some of the staff, but neither Ocelot nor Kaz were there. He checked the time, almost 11 pm. The soldiers gathered around him nervously and no one dared to talk.

“What's up?” Snake asked while slowly walking towards the shower.

“We can’t find Instructor Ocelot, Boss”

“Did you ask Commander Miller?”

“He said he didn’t know. We tried contacting him by radio but it seems it’s turned off.”

Snake watched his men, they were genuinely busy. “I’ll go find him”

“N-no it’s ok Boss, we just needed his approval for something, we can wait until tomorrow."

  
Snake decided to take a shower before deciding how to deal with his two right hand men... he didn't mind if they wanted to fuck each other all day, as long as their actions didn't affect staff morale... Once he got out of the shower, he decided to go straight to Kaz's office. He knew that was the only place where they would still be, and they better have a good explanation for this. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bozhe moi: "Oh my god" in Russian


	21. I quit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can a misunderstanding end things so quickly?

Snake put his ear on the door to Kaz’s office and tried to catch any sound. Nothing. It was almost midnignt and Mother Base was quiet peaceful.

He had his ways of sneaking and a locked door wouldn’t stop him so he quietly unlocked the door, entered the office and closed the door.

There was a dim light coming from a small lamp but Venom could see them perfectly well.

The two men were sleeping on the couch. Actually they looked cute. Ocelot was sleeping with his head resting on Kaz’s crook of his neck, Kaz’s left hand over Ocelot’s gloved hand. They were fast asleep so Snake assumed they had a good time. They were dressed but their clothes and hair were a mess.

It’d been a long time since Snake saw Kaz sleeping so peacefully. It must be either because Ocelot wore him out or just because his presence did Kaz good.

Who would have thought that these two would really get along? And not only that but… Fall in love as well.

Snake felt at peace too, it must be their energies. He sat at a chair and closed his eyes, his body relaxing. But deep inside he wanted to be with them, holding them to his body, kissing and caressing them. He opened his eye again to watch them sleep, but Ocelot’s eyes, who watched him from his position on top of Kaz.

“Boss…” He started, low enough so Miller would not wake up. Snake crouched next to Ocelot and touched his cheek.

 

Definitely now it was not the time to talk about staff morale or work related stuff. He knew he had pushed them to their limits and had defied them enough.

“It’s late. Let’s go to bed, help me with Kaz” He whispered.

Ocelot nodded and slowly, almost cat-like, got up. He watched how Venom put his arms on Kaz, his movement so careful and full of love, as if he was worshipping him. He carefully carried him in his arms, and Kaz instinctively clung to his neck, a little smile on his sleepy face. This must be their own routine, after all, Ocelot had seen his Boss carrying Kaz in his arms, taking him to his room several times.

“Follow me” he asked Adam and he obeyed, opening the door for them.

Ocelot locked the office door and followed Snake. What was he thinking? On one hand he felt guilty. He had been almost all day having his way with Snake’s partner. His assault was so _absolute_ that he felt, even for a few hours, that Miller was only his. But seeing them like that made him feel the outsider.

He wondered if the expression he caught on Kaz’s face while they fucked was true, or it was just his mind playing tricks. That expression which seemed to say ‘ _I’m all yours_ ’ and a possible _‘I love you_ ’, written in his face. Was that really how he felt?

They remained silent all the way to Kaz’s room. It was on the same platform just 2 or 3 minutes’ walk. Snake said nothing and waited for Ocelot to open the room.

“I know you have a key to Kaz’s room, open the door, quickly.”

 

Ocelot gave him a weak smirk and took the key from one of his pockets. Of course Snake knew he stole the key from Kaz and was waiting for his chance to sneak into his bed someday. There was no way to fool Snake, he may even be aware of what Ocelot was feeling now. If there was someone who could tear his mind apart, that was him.

Once the door was unlocked, Ocelot turned the small lamp on and locked the door once Snake entered with Kaz.

He watched how he carefully placed Kaz on the bed, starting to undress him. Ocelot wondered if he would just put him to sleep or fuck him in front of him, just to prove he was Kaz’s owner. But Venom’s movements were far from sexual, it was just like watching a husband caressing his wife with soft and tender movements.

“If you don’t need anything else from me, I’m leaving.” The Russian admitted his defeat, Kaz had been snached away from him again and he wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight anyways, so he was already thinking how he could kill time until sunrise.

“Ocelot, come over here” his Boss voice was soft, it sounded more like a plead.

Adam got closer to him, it wasn’t as if he’d have a choice anyway. Once he got closer enough, he felt his Boss embracing him, one hand wrapping his waist while the other caressed the back of his head, and he kissed him.

There was no fight for power, nor forceful movements. It was a passionate kiss, full of emotion and loneliness. Just like the kisses he shared with Kaz. Big Boss’ tongue was soft, but his lips were strong and rough, not like Kaz’s soft ones, but that was the thrill of being with two men so different and so alike at the same time. Their kisses were different, but the feelings they made him feel were the same. There was no way Adam could get enough of this. He put his arms around his Boss’s waist, pulling their bodies closer.

Adam felt him pulling his shirt open and his metallic arm caressing his back, sending shivers through his spine.

Venom broke the kiss and spoke, while his prosthetic hand traveled down to his ass. “Thank you for loving him.”

Ocelot’s lips were flushed and he still longed for Snake’s kisses “Now it’s my turn to love you, Boss.”

“I still love you.” Snake continued to hold him while looking at his face, however he wasn’t as close as when he talked to Kaz. There was still that intimate closeness that Ocelot could never reach, he knew that Snake loved him, but Kaz was and would always be the number one for Big Boss.

“I know, I love you.” _Even if I’m your second_ , he thought. And then he realized he possibly was also the second in Kaz’s heart, that was, if he really had a place there. He could never have them completely, he couldn’t choose either, and definitely he couldn’t break them apart. Would it be possible to have them both at the same time?

Ocelot kissed him again, this time the kiss was slower and wetter. He pulled Snake’s pants down and made him sit on the bed next to Kaz. “I trust you can be quiet? I don’t want you to wake him up, he needs to rest.”

For a moment both of them felt uneasy, maybe because Kaz was oblivious to this. But they were already horny that Snake held Ocelot’s head and guided him to his aching cock. After all, he had to watch his two lovers fucking in front of him while he didn’t have his proper release. Truth was, he didn’t want to interfere, maybe he did, but just a little to spice things up, or just because he felt a little jealous.

But now, feeling Ocelot’s mouth on his cock, sucking him just the way he liked it, it was perfect. He and Kaz knew how to drive him mad, but their styles were unique. Ocelot liked to take his time to tease and give just a little. He was now spilling saliva on his cock and moving his lips slowly, preparing him for what Snake imagined, a face fuck. He chuckled and caressed his hair, moving it away from his face while he buried his face on his crotch, taking him deep inside his throat.

“Ocelot…”

The Russian now speed up his movements and grabbed Snake’s legs for support. Until now, no sound came from his Boss, even when he was thrusting his hips, fucking Ocelot’s mouth. But he couldn’t help letting go a suppressed moan while he came into his mouth.

Adam remained with his Boss’s cock in his mouth and slowly sucked it a little more so as to drink everything. He removed the cock and wiped his mouth and chin. He smiled a little to himself remembering Kaz’s taste, sweeter than Snake’s. He hated to admit that he liked Kaz’s more, though Venom Snake tasted as if you weren’t convinced that you liked it but couldn’t help but wanting more of it....

 

“Consider this your reward for letting me borrow Kaz” Ocelot now stood up, ignoring his own erection.

“You are wrong. I can’t lend you something that’s not entirely mine.” Big Boss gave him a weak laugh while he adjusted his pants “and I think this time I’m the one borrowing you from Kaz, isn't it right? I know you belong to him now.”

 

Ocelot said nothing and remained in his spot, thinking if he should leave now or not.

“Pass me those shirts” Snake gestured at a pile of shirts which looked like pajamas. “It’s been so long since I used one of these… And I’m sure you and Kaz too.”

He placed one shirt on the bed and handed a white shirt to Adam. “That’s Kaz’s, try it on I think you are the same size.”

Ocelot smirked, grabbing the shirt  “What do you want Boss? Are you letting me sleep with you?”

“Don’t you wanna cuddle Kaz?”

Ocelot blushed and gave his back to Snake while he undressed, trying to hide his erection.

“Unless you want me to…” He suggested with a husky voice, of course he noticed Ocelot’s bulge, it was an invitation difficult to decline. But he had other plans and it was worth the wait.

“I’m fine, I just want to sleep” he lied, he really wanted to have sex with Kaz, but he just finished changing his clothes and got on his boxers and Kaz’s shirt. Big Boss was undressing changing the shirt of the sleeping man for a clean one.

“You should have taken a shower” Big Boss commented, he could definitely still smell Ocelot’s perfume, and probably his sex, on Kaz.

The Russian said nothing and took one side of the bed, next to Kaz. The moment he placed his back on the mattress he felt the blonde cuddling onto him and he couldn’t help it but hold him in his arms. Kaz buried his face in his neck and Ocelot felt his heart was about to jump out of his chest.  Big Boss smiled and laid next to Kaz, so now the blonde was in the middle. Snake wrapped one arm around his partner's waist and turned off the lights.

* * *

 

Kaz woke up feeling Ocelot’s perfume and Snake’s breathing on his neck. The memories of the day before suddenly came to his mind. He trying to trick Ocelot, and failing completely because he was fed up with the teasing game. Wanting him to fuck him, kissing him and almost begging him to take him…  
Big Boss entering the office with more people, shit, he had to deal with that today… but then he remembered Snake covering his mouth and letting Ocelot have his way with him. At last, he had longed for the moment feel Snake’s Russian friend even since they worked together while Snake was in coma. But at that time, just being with him felt so wrong… but now it was almost unreal, after the recent events, God, they fucked in front of Snake, and Kaz enjoyed it so much that when Snake left he threw himself to Ocelot, so desperate and needy…

He was in love with him, and he hated feeling this way. Specially after waking up in his bed at night and hearing Snake and Ocelot confessing their love for each other. Ocelot told Snake that he loved him, and then… he didn’t want to remember what they did.

 

He tried to get off bed but he was trapped between them. He felt like crying, but tried to focus on his anger. All his sadness and insecurities escalated into an uncontrollable anger, it was easy this way, he was used to this. He tried to slip away but Ocelot held him closer and kissed him.

Kaz tried not to kiss him back but it was impossible, he kissed him as if this would be the last time he would kiss him, and he didn’t want to let him go, but Ocelot did not belong to him.

No matter if they had their fun, Kaz decided to **quit** the game.

 

Snake woke up and the first thing he saw was his two lovers making out.

“I guess some of us are having a good morning” he kissed Kaz’s neck and when they broke the kiss, Kaz kissed Snake but decided to stop fooling around and go back to his workaholic life. He wasn’t in Costa Rica anymore. And Snake wasn’t his anymore.

 

Before Snake could top Kaz, he broke up the kiss and sat at the edge of the bed, trying to find his prosthetic leg.

“Kaz, where are you going?” Snake looked at him confused.

“Some of us can’t stay until late _sucking dicks_. I have to work or this base will go bankrupt.” Kaz found his prosthetic leg and crutch, and locked himself in the bathroom.

Snake exchanged looks with Ocelot and went to the bathroom door. “Kaz, let’s talk about it.”

Kaz didn’t answer and the sound of the shower could be heard.

"I think he heard us" Big Boss quietly said and Ocelot tried not to get mad, but his face transformed for a moment before going back to his poker face. Big Boss noticed it. 

“I’m going to shower and change these clothes, not that I want to, but I don’t think I can go over the base with Kaz’s sex scent all over my body.” Ocelot forced a smirk while  he changed back to his clothes.

Big Boss was getting dressed too. “Come on, we both know that rather than washing those clothes, you’ll treasure them and get another set of clothes.”

“Don’t kinkshame me Boss.” this time they both laughed but quickly their expression changed. “What about Miller?”

“If you are going to… be involved with him… I’d say you try and fix this since you are better at talking, but it was my fault, yesterday I was the one who started this.. so let me try talking to him first. Let’s meet at the Mess Hall in one hour.”

“Boss… can’t I just… Nothing, see you in an hour. “ Ocelot wanted to kick the bathroom door open and just tell Miller how stupid he was. But it was not his call and he had to trust in Snake, who else than ‘Kaz's number one' would know best how to deal with him?

But Kaz didn’t want to talk to Snake either, and no matter how many times he tried to explain, he didn’t want to listen.

 

* * *

 

That morning Big Boss and his two top advisors arrived at the Mess Hall and sat at the farest table in order to avoid curious eyes.

Big Boss forced Kaz to have at least breakfast as he was skipping meals again . Kaz grabbed a knife with his hand closed in a fist and was glaring at Ocelot from the other side of the table. .

“Okay Miller, stop it. Can you tell us what are you so pissed off about?” Ocelot tried to sit next to Kaz but he was stopped with the knife.

“Stay in your seat Ocelot, I don’t want you near me.”

Ocelot glanced at Snake, who cleared his throat. “Kaz, will you talk to us? I thought you two were finally getting along ”

Kaz placed the knife on the table and got up, without touching his breakfast. “This was a mistake, I can’t believe I let you guys play with me.”

Then, grabbing his crutch he began walking to the exit “I’ll be at my office. Snake I’ll contact you later for your next mission assignments.”

 

Ocelot stood up and stopped him by grabbing his arm. Some of the staff turned their heads to watch. It was too late to pretend.

“Ocelot, get your hands off me, now.” Kaz barked with his 'Angry Commander' voice.

“No, you listen to me Miller” Ocelot’s voice was dangerous, he was getting mad but he tried to control himself.

Kaz shoved his hand away in a quick movement and hit him with the crutch.  
  
Snake stood up, all the staff were watching them.

Ocelot glanced at Snake and as if both had understood, he grabbed Miller by his waist and he struggled trying to get off. Ocelot didn’t want to overpower him in front of his men so he tried to restrain him, but he had to admit that Miller was strong, and if he had had a prosthetic, Ocelot would have probably ended up in the floor by now.  
As he couldn’t force him, he decided to go the easiest way he knew to disarm Miller. He grabbed his face and leaned his face to him, watching the commander paralyse at his touch, their lips almost touching  

“We need to talk, let’s go outside.” he almost whispered, his cold-ice eyes met his fire eyes.

 

Grabbing him by his waist with one hand and holding the crutch on the other, Revolver Ocelot took Commander Miller out of the Mess Hall. Since Big Boss was there, no one dared to talk, only whispers could be heard.

Big Boss raised his hand and everyone stopped. “I know there are some rumors going around, I assure you that everything’s fine and Diamond Dogs are as strong that ever. You know Commander Miller has a strong character and well.. sometimes arguments about personal stuff happen. But everything’s fine. _”_

That was what the staff needed to hear. Diamond Dogs : ok. Commander Miller arguing with Ocelot about personal stuff: interesting. They went back to their duties but the gossiping of what was going on between Miller and Ocelot continued.

 

Ocelot took Miller where no one could see or hear them, on a corridor behind a couple of containers. Kaz's body was hard and rigid while he tried to push Ocelot away.  
“That the hell is wrong with you?” Ocelot demanded an explanation.

“What the fuck do YOU care about me? You know what? This is not a game anymore, you messed up with my feelings so I'm officially _quitting_. I don't want to see your face anymore unless is strictly necessary, understand?”

Ocelot knew Miller was hot headed and would spit his venom without thinking, so he tried his best to not to be affected by his words. They were so close, and now everything was falling apart.

“Then tell me, what do you really feel about me, Kaz?” his voice was soft now.

“What difference will it make? You love Snake after all, and he loves you. Did he also fuck you while I was sleeping or did you just suck his dick?” Kaz was mad, he wasn’t planning on being so emotional but he couldn’t help it. His heart was broken and he didn’t care about anything else.

 

“You didn't hear the whole conversation and no, he didn’t fuck me” Ocelot wondered why was he dealing with this… was this what they called an argument with your partner? He and Snake never had any fights before so he was surprised Miller was reacting this way.

  
He could read his feelings clearly on his face, at this moment, he was a man with his heart broken. If it was someone else, Ocelot wouldn’t even care, but it was _his_ Kaz the one who was feeling that way, and he felt as if his heart would also break. He just wanted to fuck his pain away, simple.

But Kaz was expecting a fight with words and not with force. He was more complicated than Snake and somehow that thrilled Occelot to no end. He could never get bored of Kazuhira Miller.

“I know what I heard. How could I have ever thought you would be different?” Kaz followed the argument.

“Will you stop bitching and listen to me?” Ocelot got closer to Kaz and he backed off.

“I don’t need to listen anymore, I’ve heard you clearly. You love Snake, not me. I don’t want to be in the middle so I’m stepping away.”

“No, you just listened what you wanted to listen so you could go back to feeling self pity. Or because you are just afraid." Ocelot’s words were harsh.

“Don’t ever talk to me again.” Kaz’s voice was breaking, he had to get out of there.

 

Kaz walked out of the corridor so Ocelot could not ambush him in public. But suddenly his phantom pain betrayed him, and he fell on his knees while he grabbed his missing right arm. What a timing, he thought and his mind couldn’t think of anything else but the physical pain he was feeling. He spotted two.. or three? soldiers running to him but someone else lifted him to his feet and grabbed him by his waist, then he gently but firmly, placed his head on the crook of his neck. Kaz could feel his perfume, that idiot, whatever he did it always seem to calm him... He could barely concentrate in his words.

He seemed to be speaking in Russian and he didn’t understand but the words seemed to calm him. Kaz relaxed and let go his grip on his phantom arm, and placed his left hand on Revolver Ocelot’s waist. How he hated this man, but just for that moment, being held by him while he was struggling with his pain, he imagined that he was the only one for him, and that those words in Russian would actually mean something like _I love you, don’t you ever leave my side._

Or maybe that's what Kaz wanted to say to him  

“Miller look at me”

He didn’t want to look at him, he had his aviators as a shield but his eyes were filled by tears, and they weren’t precisely because of the phantom pain.

 

“He’s fine leave us alone.”

He heard Ocelot’s voice now harder than usual, he was probably trying to be alone with him and just as Kaz thought, he carried him again to where the containers were and just held him. They didn’t talk, but he could feel his hands caressing him, his body closer to him and his lips on his neck, placing soft kisses. It somehow was making the pain go away, but without physical pain, he'd be only left with his emotional pain. He felt like an idiot for wanting Ocelot to never stop holding him like that.

But the words Kaz was so desperate to hear did not come.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Too much fluff and feelings on this one, it gets complicated hahah  
> It literally broke my heart but I needed things to come to this for next chapter (Room 101 anyone?)


	22. To be your number one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ocelot tries to cool Kaz down...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This got rather long so I split it into two chapters "To be your number one" + "Shalashashka's Game"
> 
> I hope you enjoy it! 
> 
> This chapter is just like the Mexican Dramas I'm sure Kaz watched back in MSF (and forced Big Boss to watch in order to learn Spanish lol), thanks for laughing with me about this Alice! lol

After his phantom pain betrayed him, and Ocelot held him in his arms, kissing his neck and whispering words in Russian, Kaz thought he would lose his mind. He even let Ocelot kiss his lips once, then twice until Kaz kissed him back. It was strange but Kaz felt the kiss was special and that the other man really felt something for him, if not why would he do it with such tenderness? He never thought Ocelot could kiss him like that.

“Stop, please. I need to go to my office.” Kaz whispered to the other man’s lips, not really wanting to let go.

Ocelot held him tighter, still closer to him. “Right, let me walk with you.”

Kaz decided it was useless to continue fighting him, after all Ocelot would always get what he wanted.

Ocelot grabbed Kaz’s crutch and then held his waist with the other hand, grinning at him “Come on, let’s go. Unless you want me to carry you.”

Kaz growled and held onto Ocelot’s body with his left hand. “I’m not your fucking girlfriend, I don’t want any more shows.”

“But weren’t you the one who started the drama show on the mess hall? I’m sure everyone is wondering what happened. Last rumor I heard was about you leaving Big Boss for me.” Ocelot smirked while he joked.

“Well, now they must be wondering why did I break up with you”

“Did you really break up with me?”

“It’s not like we were dating or something…” Kaz face went red.

“Then it’s my chance to win you again and ask you out.”

“Don’t even try it, why would you want to be with me anyways? You never liked me to begin with.” Kaz felt Ocelot stopping abruptly and forcing him into a kiss. Kaz tried to fight back but was pushed to a wall while Ocelot took control over the kiss, shoving his tongue inside his mouth and grinding his leg to his crotch. Then he broke the kiss and talked, not caring that there was a trail of saliva on his lips.  

“What do you want from me Kaz? Do you want me to hate you, or love you?”

“Shit Ocelot, the men are looking at us, what’s gotten into you?”

“I don’t care if they look, I want to know what is it that you want. Would you like to leave Snake out of this? I know you can’t because you are also in love with him, then I wonder if you are really the one who’s playing with us, Kazuhira Miller.”

“I just want to be your number one, you idiot.” Kaz mumbled.

 

Ocelot smiled and held him to resume the walk, passing through a group of curious guards who could not believe what they had just witnessed. When they reached the office Kaz gritted his teeth and his body shook a little. Ocelot said nothing and helped him sit on the couch.

“Are you OK?” Ocelot was a little worried and looked at him with a serious face, studying his movements.

“I’m fine” Kaz said, trying to sound casual. But Ocelot knew he was lying as he did not miss anything, like watching his left hand trembling in order to bear the pain.

“Don’t go anywhere Miller, I’ll be right back.” He ordered while gesturing at him as if he was D-Dog. Kaz just snorted and tried to relax on the couch, trying to make his pain go away.

 

His office was full of papers and intel files, and for the first time in his life he felt unable to concentrate on working instead of thinking. He was still haunted by the recent events, and cursing at his own stupidity he wondered why did he ever dare to mess with Revolver Shalashashka Ocelot, after all the man was a mind freak, there was a reason why he was the Interrogator Specialist. How could Kaz be so fool that he let himself being dragged into his game?

And Snake… He had already told him that he loved Ocelot too, but Kaz never thought this would bother him that much, he even saw Snake kissing and even sucking him, that day at his office. But Kaz didn’t mind, because he was so fucking horny that he didn’t give a shit.

What he did mind, and he didn’t want to admit, is Ocelot telling Snake that he loved him. But hadn’t Kaz known that from the very beginning? The man almost breathed and lived for Big Boss, why did he think he could be his number one?

All the years they spend working together, Kaz thought Ocelot really hated him because Big Boss chose Kaz over him. Was this his revenge? Would Ocelot be that fucking wicked to orchestrate a revenge? Making Kaz fall in love with him, play with him and once he could fuck his body and mind, he would toss him for his real prize: Big Boss.

 

He didn't know how much time he spend pining over his current situation and the sound of the door opening made him come back to reality. He smiled in surprise as he watched Ocelot placing a box with sandwiches and a large cup of coffee, then the Russian grabbed one and handed it to him, while he held the coffee in his other hand.

“If you want me to leave you in peace, you’ll have to eat. I’m not leaving till you do.”

“You manipulative bastard, I’ll eat everything so you can get the hell outta here.” Kaz grabbed the sandwich and stopped, he really had his stomach closed and was not in the mood for eating. The other man noticed his uneasiness and sat next to him, a little too close, and passed one arm around his back, pulling him even closer.

“If I can show you that you are my number one, will you eat?”

Kaz remained some seconds dumbfounded. He had forgotten that he actually confessed that to him. On his inside, he was thinking ‘ _Come on Kaz, don’t believe him, tell him to fuck off_ ’’ but nothing came from his mouth.

 

“I’m not good at relationships, what I have with Snake is different, I don’t think it can be considered a relationship, or maybe it does in some way, but it’s different from what I feel for you.” While Ocelot talked, Kaz didn’t notice he was already finishing his sandwich. He tried to clear his throat but Ocelot handed him the coffee. “Watch it, it’s hot.”

After he drank some sips, he felt better. But he didn't feel like talking about his feelings, he was still hurt.  
“Don’t tell Snake about the pains, he’ll get worried.” Kaz talked while he watched Ocelot grabbing two more sandwiches, one for him and another one for Kaz.

“I won’t tell him if you don’t want to. But he needs to know eventually.” He chewed on the sandwich and they remained in silence.

“I know, just I don’t want him to worry… But to be honest I don’t think he’ll really care… After all he-”

“Stop, stop it right now Miller.” Ocelot grabbed the coffee and gave it a sip, while Kaz was watching surprised. He handed him the cup as his left hand was now free and continued -”You know that he chose you over me, I know that I’ll always be the second, he only has eyes for you and the only reason he let me seduce you is because he knew you… He knew you’d like me. So stop saying nonsense and put yourself together. Just be like when you are barking orders to the staff, full of confidence. That’s how you should really feel.”

Kaz almost spills his coffee. “Did you just say I bark?”

“Yes.- he smirked at him - And I wonder if you can really howl.” Ocelot got closer to him and kissed his cheek.

“I'll bite you if you come closer so watch it.” Kaz threatened him while Ocelot took the cup from his hand and placed it on the floor.

“Then bite me”

“You wish, get the fuck out I need to work.” And Kaz barked for him.

“I will make you admit that you love me Kaz, you’ll see.” Ocelot smirked and left the office.

Kaz blushed and said nothing, but went to the desk and grabbed another sandwich.

 

* * *

 Snake was still at the Mess Hall looking at his iDroid when Lizard approached him.

“B-Boss, I wanted to know if Commander Miller was alright.”

Snake finished his coffee and looked at the soldier, he was one of Miller’s personal bodyguards. Apparently the man saw the argument and did not dare to follow them.

“He’ll be alright.” Snake was a man of few words.

Buffalo approached Snake too, and sat next to him. What he didn’t expect was Quiet to appear there as well. Some of the staff still feared her, so it was good to scare away whoever wanted to eavesdrop the conversation.

Pequod and Zebra sat opposite to Buffalo, and now Big Boss felt intimidated.

“Lizard, you can stay but promise not to talk about this to anyone, ok? Then I’ll tell you the plan.” Zebra put her arm around him and he nodded. They began dating thanks to Miller’s pocky Game. “Boss, did Commander Miller dumped Instructor Ocelot?”

Big boss coughed nervously and put the iDroid away.

Buffalo made a facepalm “Sorry Boss, but I wonder why did we ever spend time trying to get those two assholes together?”

“How should I know? You were the ones who insisted into this. I told you before it was worthless, after all they always do things their way.” Snake talked while Quiet placed her head on his shoulder. She felt really protective of her Boss and wanted things to be alright.

Zebra put on a serious face “But Boss… what if Miller really decides to dump Ocelot?”

“He won’t do it.”

“You seem confident.” she continued.

“Because I know those two better than myself.” Snake smiled and stood up “I advise you to stay out of this, let them.. handle themselves. What I’d appreciate, is if you can help me with the rumors, things are getting complicated and well.. this looks like a Mexican TV Drama.”

“You watch Mexican drama too, Boss?” Buffalo asked grinning.

“Hummm.. Let’s say Kaz and I used to watch whatever that was on TV back on MSF days.” Snake admitted slightly blushing.

“Sorry for my comment Boss, but if Commander Miller was able to seduce both you and Instructor Ocelot, then his secret must be in the TV Dramas.” Pequod’s eyes lighted at the possibility of finding a girl by watching a romantic show.

“Pequod, I’ll let you watch the new drama with us if you want” Zebra was grinning while she looked at Buffalo for approval.

Snake decided it was time to check on the rest of the base, but he was really wondering what happened between his two lovers. Had Ocelot succeeded?

“Woah, look it’s Instructor Ocelot.” Lizard pointed at the silver haired man who was running to the main counter. All the eyes were on him.

He leaned on the main counter. “The biggest coffee you have and… jesus what else?” he had no clue about what to bring Miller.

“Instructor Ocelot, I believe this answers your question” Panda placed a box with sandwiches in front of him. “If you are going to bring him food, this is what he always orders.”

Ocelot smiled at Panda. “So, you say this time the food’s gonna work?”

“Go for him cowboy”

The staff at the kitchen whistled and one of them shouted “Ask him out already, Instructor!” and then a girl from his Intel team also cheered on him “He’s right, ask Commander Miller out!”

Ocelot put his hand on his face and laughed. Snake and Miller were worried about staff morale? He grabbed the coffee and the box with the sandwiches and walked to the exit.

“Right gentlemen, I’m not responsible if you win or lose your bets but do as you like.”

Revolver Ocelot strolled through the hall and his eyes fixed on Snake, who used him to escape from Buffalo and the rest who were asking/ ambushing him about his two best men’s relationship.

“Boss, I don’t think we need to have that _staff morale_ talk anymore, sorry I can’t stop the rumors but the men seem really eager to place bets on us.” Ocelot shrugged while carrying the coffee on one hand and the box on the other.

“I can see that… so what happened? did he kicked you out already?” Big Boss crossed his arms at his chest and tried to put on a serious face but failed and smiled a little.

“Just give me one day, and I’ll have him at my feet like a puppy.” Ocelot whispered to his ear.

“You mean, you’ll be at his feet like a kitten.”

Ocelot smirked and turned on his heels “We’ll see Boss.”

 

Snake went outside, leaving the Mess Hall staff chatter and gossip about what had happened. Some of the girls went to the main counter to try and interrogate Panda about what did she tell Ocelot. She laughed, feeling the girl of the hour but waved her hand saying "No comments" while she hid back at the main kitchen. Pequod and Lizard were still at the table and they were getting already bored while the girls were now discussing the latest chapter of the drama they were following. Quiet seemed a little uninterested as well, as she leaned over Buffalo and closed her eyes.

DD approached Snake as he resumed his walk through Mother Base. If Ocelot succeeded, Snake would have to take care of the base for a couple of hours... 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any comments or suggestions?  
> Find me on [Tumblr](http://yuki2305.tumblr.com/) :)


	23. Shalashashka's Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Revolver 'Shalashashka' Ocelot's way of making Kaz admit his feelings...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alice_aka I hope you enjoy Room 101! (even if there's too much fluff, sorry! )
> 
>  
> 
> This got too long! Sorry if there's any mistake in context or grammar mistakes, etc. I will eventually go over it again and review/correct it.

 

That afternoon Kaz sent Snake on a mission to extract a possible VIP commander who was planning on selling information about Diamond Dogs to Cipher. This was caused by the kidnapping of two Diamon Dogs' Intel Agents who fortunately, Snake could rescue in time. But some information got leaked and that’s why now they needed the commander, dead or alive. 

The Intel team did a good work to point out the exact time the target would be alone, so Snake decided to extract him in order to get more information. As soon as the enemy Commander arrived, Ocelot got his hands on him.

 

It was almost midnight and Snake was still on its way to Mother Base. The prisoner has been at Ocelot’s playroom, Room 101, for at least 3 hours now. 

Kaz pushed the door open and entered Room 101. One of Ocelot’s men asked Miller to go there immediately because he had to witness the questioning of the VIP individual. _‘It’s imperative that Commander Miller is here_ ’ he ordered the soldier to tell Miller.

The room was, as usual, darker than other rooms, its characteristic red light lightened the room and made it look like it would just swallow you. He removed his coat and hung it on the chair where he usually watched the Interrogator Specialist’s show. It was hot in here. Just too hot.

“Miller, you are here.” The man himself was giving his back to him, holding one knife on each hand. Kaz spotted stains of blood on one of the blades.

“I don’t have all day Ocelot, what’s the urgency here? I don’t see you playing with anyone” He scowled at him.

Revolver ‘Shalashashka’ Ocelot was cleaning his instruments like a boy caressing his toys. He turned to face the Commander leering at him, his cold eyes glimmering.

“He had nothing interesting to share with us so… he was dealt with.” Ocelot’s features were highlighted with the red light, making him look like a vampire.

Kaz knew what ‘ _dealt with_ ’ meant and he tried to stop the images appearing in his mind. Room 101 was where the Interrogations Specialist, Shalashashka, bared his fangs and claws, and it made Kaz shiver.

 

“Then tell me _why_ am I here?” Kaz made a gesture with his hand, he was slightly mad at the idea of losing his time here.

Ocelot had a wicked smile on his face. Kaz sometimes forgot who he was dealing with and actually, he had crossed the line with this man by going so far that people would be surprised he was still alive. He looked so different from the 'calm, cool, and collected' man he seemed to be on Mother Base.   
But his sadistic nature combined by an animalistic way of luring his preys was worth watching. He’d give them a taste of what they wanted, not always what they needed. And exactly what they deserved.  Anger, pain, lust and, Kaz was sure, sex too. Just pure raw human desires.

He had the sinful pleasure of watching the man in action several times. First it was Emmerich, just because he himself had a score to settle with the son of a bitch. Then there were other enemy soldiers, prisoners and volunteers who had to pass through Shalashashka. Kaz made himself sure he was most of the times available to supervise that the man didn’t lose himself too much and eventually end up killing the victim, but every time he watched the man in action, he felt paralyzed, and, he hated to admit, aroused.

“Come closer Commander, don’t be shy.” He heard the man calling him. His seduction game had started.

Kaz noticed the chair was not the usual one, but a bigger one which had straps and other accessories, just to restrain the victim.  
“You are dying to tie me to that chair, huh? I bet you jerk off thinking about it, you sick fuck.” Kaz taunted him, a dangerous thing to do when he was playing for the visiting team. Nevertheless, he walked to him with caution. 

Ocelot laughed slowly. With one quick movement he tried to grab Kaz but the commander was expecting him so he slipped from his grip and hit his leg with his crutch. Ocelot backed up and hunched down, so Kaz hit him with his right knee and the Russian fell to the ground. Kaz was in a defensive pose, Ocelot laughed and stood up.

“Fuck Miller, _this_ is what I love about you. How you dare to defy me, it turns me on.” As he spoke, he got closer to Kaz, who backed up and used his crutch as shield. “With only one arm and one leg, you are putting up more fight that most of my guests.”

"Revolver Ocelot, don't you _dare_ underestimate me." Kaz's eyes were now on fire.

Shalashashka charged against Kaz again. This time he grabbed his crutch and threw it to the floor, far from his reach. He then grabbed Miller’s waist with one hand and his and head with the other.

“Yes Commander, you are so _wild._ ”

Kaz used his only hand to push him away but he dis-balanced and got trapped in the older man’s grip, who grabbed the back of his neck and gripped his hair. Kaz growled and grabbed Ocelot’s hair on the same way. They stared at each other as if they would just crash their lips together, but Ocelot then moved his hands and grabbed Kaz’s body, pushing him to the interrogation chair.

And now, having been forced to sit down , he was finally in Shalashashka’s game. He tried to move his hand but Ocelot tied it to the chair with a quick movement. He heard the clicking sound of a strap holding his chest to the chair too. Not only he couldn’t move his only arm or upper body, but he saw how the other man sat slowly on his lap. Kaz felt his weight on him, their cocks, only separated by their clothes, pressing together. He wondered which one of them would be the first to wake up.

 

“So, am I the VIP prisoner?” He didn’t sound impressed. Deep inside him he knew this was going to end like this.

“I won’t do anything you don’t want” he whispered to Kaz ear first touching his cheek then going down and grabbing his neck.

“And how do you know what I want?” Kaz’s voice was far from broken, it was like a taunt.

“I’ve known you for 10 years, give me some credit would you?” Shalashashka sounded serious, almost nostalgic.

The sole mention of how much time passed made Kaz realize that even though he’d known Snake for more years, he had spent more time with the man he had on his lap right now than with his partner. Kaz’s expression softened for a moment when he looked at him from his aviators, but then he remembered what they were currently into.  
“I think you meant, I had to put up with you for 10 years.”

“A 10 year long seduction game, huh? Isn't that just too much?” Ocelot continued to hold his neck and he licked his lower lip. “But soon I’ll have you begging, Kazuhira Miller.”

“T-try me you idiot”

“Let me show you how much I love you.”

Kaz wasn’t expecting to hear a possible love confession in _these circumstances_. Being tied up to the interrogation chair, at the mercy of Revolver Shalashashka Ocelot, and hearing the word ‘ _I love you_ ’ coming from his mouth, definitely this was not what he expected, or maybe this was really what he should be expecting coming from Ocelot.. and somehow he liked it. But he was not ready to fall for the man yet, not after hearing him confessing his love for Snake. What the hell was Kaz for him then?

“I don’t believe you love me.” Kaz made sure his voice sounded as cold as ever.

“Want to play a game?” There was a playful but evil smile on his lips and the hand on his neck pressed his grip further.

“Do I look like I have an option?” Kaz made sure his voice sounded uninterested but he had a hard time speaking when Ocelot’s gloved hand was pressing, closing his air supply.

“I could kill you right now. But you seem to be so confident that I won’t do it, then you do believe that I love you.” Shalashashka’s expression hardened while he put more pressure on his neck.

“You c-can’t k-kill me, and y-you you know it.” Kaz tried to shout but the hand pressing him didn't let him.

“No. Not now…” Revolver Ocelot whispered. Not after they started playing this whole game. Not after 10 years went by. Not after these recent events… _and definitely not now with your feelings Adamska_. He thought while he watched Kaz getting nervous as he gripped his neck.

“S-stop”

“What did you say?” He looked directly into the glasses of his aviators and saw a glimpse of anger in those eyes. But no fear.

“Stop it!” Kaz pulled out strength and shouted, so high than Ocelot released him making a gesture that Kaz could not tell if it was out of hate or pleasure.

The Interrogator Specialist laughed and licked the right side of Kaz’s lip, then his lips went to Kaz’s lower lip and bit it. This made Kaz moan and throw his head backwards in his seat.  
“The first one to go hard will have to suck the other” he finally revealed his game.

“Then I guess it’s my lucky day, you will get there first” there was a cocky smile on Kaz’s now swollen lip while he cleared his throat.

“We’ll see. If I kiss you now would you get hard like always?” Ocelot kissed and sucked Kaz’s neck, making sure he’d leave him hickeys. Then he bit him and Kaz growled. “You will have more marks made by me than by Big Boss. Let me tell you a secret Kaz…” He paused and waited for his reaction.

“A-Another of your secrets?” Kaz wanted to sound uninterested again, but he was unsuccessful.

“Between you and me” he now faced him, his light eyes had a tint of red and that made Kaz shiver. “ _I want you all for myself._ ” He now caressed Kaz’s hair and removed his beret, throwing it to the floor and placing his aviators carefully on top of it.  

Then, he removed his red scarf and threw it on top of Kaz’s things.

“Mark me” he ordered with a husky voice. “I want you to bite me too, leave me a mark. Make me yours.”

Kaz blushed and watched how Ocelot unbuttoned his shirt, revealing his chest. The times when he saw Ocelot shirtless had been a few, namely when he woke up in his bed naked and the other day at his office.. It had always been a mystery to him, as if the man was either holding a collection of scars, or if he was saving himself for someone, naming it Big Boss.  
When Kaz saw his chest, he could see several faint marks probably done by Kaz himself at his office, but the only strong mark on his skin was Big Boss bite on his neck. His muscles were marked a little and, like Kaz himself, he didn’t have much body hair. It must be the genes, he thought. He was tired of denying the fact that he found Ocelot attractive and this whole situation seemed to have an effect on him, more precisely on his cock.

“But I’m not yours to begin with.” Kaz let go a fake laugh. That hurt him more than he thought. “And you will never be truly mine, that mark is a reminder, we both belong to him.”

“Forget about him now, we are just the two of us here. We can pretend we belong to each other.” Ocelot’s words seemed to carry a bit of sadness but his face was hard and expressionless.

Kaz leaned on and kissed his neck. His skin was soft and cold. The older man tilted his head to give him full access and Kaz bit him hard. He heard his growl and softened his bite, but Ocelot grabbed his head and pushed him into his skin.

“Go harder, make it hurt.” It was an order, but it sounded more like a plead.

Kaz then bit him harder until he felt the metallic taste of blood on his mouth. Not satisfied with that, he bit him again on his neck, just under his ear. It would be difficult to hide that mark even when wearing the scarf. Now Ocelot moaned and entangled his fingers on his blond hair. With both hands he made Kaz look up and he kissed him, tasting his own blood. The kiss was deep, their tongues moved slowly tasting the blood and then tasting each other.

Kaz broke the kiss and attacked the other side of his neck, biting him again, next to Big Boss’s mark.

“I love it when you are possessive. Let’s see if you are ready to tell me the truth.” Ocelot took a syringe from his back pocket and watched Kaz’s face go from aroused to surprised.

“You are mad, Snake will not allow this.” He barked.

Ocelot clicked his tongue “I didn’t allow you to bark, puppy. Relax, it’ll be quick, I promise.” He grabbed Kaz’s head and injected the liquid into a vein from his neck. Kaz struggled but finally he decided it was useless to resist, it was done.

“I can’t believe this. You are sick.” Kaz sounded defeated.

Ocelot watched Kaz’s eyes and with one hand he moved one of his eyelids up, watching his pupils.   
“Tell me Miller, what pissed you off the most? The fact that I fucked a subordinate, or the fact that Big Boss claimed me as his own?”

Kaz didn’t answer and glared at him.

“Or are you pissed off because I sucked Big Boss’s dick while you were sleeping next to us?”

Kaz’s expression transformed.   
“Shut the fuck up! You are _mine_.” The words came up suddenly, he should have not say it.

“Then what do you feel about me?” Ocelot touched his face and was still looking directly as his eyes, it was intimidating, as if he was looking straight into Kaz’s soul.

“I… I think I….” He whispered, getting tired of his inner struggle.

“Do you hate me?” Shalashashka's voice was cold and collected.

“No” his answer was quick.

“Were you jealous?”

“Yes”

“Did you wish you could blow Panther’s brains off that day at the shooting range?”

“Yes!” Kaz's voice continued to raise.

“Do you love me?”

“Yes!" Kaz breathed hard and then blinked "Wait, what is this, a mind game?”

“It’s only you telling the truth. You just admitted that you loved me.”

Kaz snorted and moved his head sideways “You are just playing with my mind”

“What’s wrong with admitting your feelings?” Ocelot's voice was still unperturbed.

“If I tell you that I love you, you will hurt my feelings, so I won’t admit it, I won’t… _shit_ I love you, but that’s not gonna change anything.” Kaz was feeling confused and for a strange reason, he did not feel any pain. He couldn't look away from those cold eyes.

“I can be yours if you want to.” Now Ocelot was seducing him by holding his head straight so he could look right into his eyes while he purred, and his other hand moved to touch his crotch.

“I want you to be mine.” Now Kaz was seducing him with his husky and strong voice.

“Then take me.”

 

There was another silence in which the only sounds which could be heard were Kaz’s heavy breathing.

“If you love me, then I want you to take me Kaz.” Ocelot insisted, his voice becoming weak and needy for a moment.

“Feeling submissive all of a sudden? who would have thought that the Interrogator Specialist would be such a slut?” Kaz was still restrained, but suddenly felt over confident. He could just taunt like always, after all, he was used to this game, to push and push and get nothing more in return. Yes, maybe that day they spend in Kaz’s office was only an exception. He knew Ocelot’s real objective was Big Boss and not him, but as he watched Ocelot move, his mind liked to play tricks and he tried to pretend that he was the number one in his heart.

Ocelot removed both their belts and they fell hard to on the floor. Then he stood up and unbuttoned his pants, his boxers slightly showing and his bulge clearly visible. He was not serious, was he?

“Untie me.” Kaz now talked to him as if Ocelot was one of the recruits he usually gave orders to.

“Getting serious, huh? Not so fast Commander.”

He removed Kaz’s tie and teared Kaz’s shirt open with such a force that all the buttons were scattered on the floor. Then he blindfolded him with his own tie and walked to the table where he had his instruments.

“You’ll have to pay for the shirt you know.”

Ocelot didn’t respond.

Kaz felt a lump on his stomach, he didn’t know if it was because of nervousness, anxiety or fear. A part of him knew that he was screwing things up by trusting this man, but the other part of him, for some odd reason, trusted him completely. This stupid part of him was gonna get him killed someday, but now he didn’t give a damn. He heard the spurs, the man was walking towards him. He sat again on his lap and his now bare hands went all over his chest as he began to lick him, giving him bites first randomly, then up on both sides of his neck and then biting slowly his nipples. Kaz couldn’t help but groan.

“I want to hear you. Now it’s your time to scream.” Shalashashka bit his neck hard and sucked his blood.

Kaz let go a suppressed cry and cursed.

“Fuck you!”

Ocelot tugged his hair and tried to kiss him but the younger man was gripping his teeth and shutting his mouth not giving him access.

“Open your mouth and stick out your tongue.” Now the order was given by the Interrogator Specialist, but his tone was low, cold and dangerous. It made the commander shiver under his control and obeyed, a little reluctant since he couldn't see anything.  
  
Once again they were fighting for power.

He opened his mouth and once his pink tongue stuck out of his mouth he felt Ocelot suctioning it and making him have a taste of his own blood. Once his tongue was free Kaz tried to bite him but he got bit on his lower lip instead. As he couldn't see he had to rely on his other senses. He was still too proud to submit and beg for Shalashashka to remove the tie from his eyes.

“You look gorgeous Miller, a real piece of art. I wouldn't let Big Boss see me naked if I were you, not with all those marks. And we are not finished yet.”

“I bet you are so hard by now that it hurts. Who’s gonna win?” Kaz ignored his remark and taunted him back.

“Change of rules. The first one to go hard gets his dick sucked.” He stood up and Kaz heard the sound of Ocelot’s pants.

“You are a cheater. And a cocky little bitch on heat.” Kaz wanted to sound angry but couldn’t help slightly grinning at his own insult.

“You told me I have a big cock, remember?  And you seemed to enjoy it both on your ass and mouth,  what if I make you shut your up with it?” The temptation was too much so he pulled his dick out with one hand while the other gripped Kaz’s cheekbones, making him open his mouth.

“I don’t mind if you bite me” he taunted him and placed the tip of his cock on the blonde’s pink swollen lips. He didn’t have to force himself in as Kaz licked the tip before wrapping his lips around him and started to suck him slowly. Now it was Ocelot’s turn to moan, entangling his fingers on Kaz’s hair and tugging himself deeper into his mouth.

  
“You know.. I wondered if you were a good cocksucker, I guess you keep on surprising me, this is even better than your first time… You took all my dick without complaining. Is this what Big Boss likes? For you to take him all the way in? Oh right, you can’t talk. Don’t stop now.” He felt Kaz humming and trying to pull him out but he pushed with force and fucked his mouth. Then he felt Kaz’s teeth brushing his length and giving him a small bite.

Ocelot felt he was about to come if Kaz continued like that, but it wasn’t part of his plan so he pulled out of his mouth and both men breathed heavily.  
“Not even a gag reflex, I’m impressed Commander.”

“Y-you are not that big, that’s why.” Kaz smirked while licking his lips.

Ocelot laughed, he knew that men tended to turn to basic insults when they didn’t have any real excuse to defend themselves. “I do remember you telling me that I was breaking you while we fucked, was I too much for you? I’d like to fuck you again, just to prove your point...”

He watched as Kaz shifted his weight on the chair uncomfortably and nervous.

 

“But today’s not your ass’ lucky day.”

Ocelot got on his knees and moved Kaz legs, spreading them and touching his inner thighs.  
“You were born to have a man between your legs Miller. You look magnificent.” He really was, and under Room 101’s red light his skin shone with a mixture of red and gold. It was definitely a sight Ocelot would remember.

Kaz felt Ocelot’s hands caressing his inner thighs and then he felt the weight of his head resting on his left thigh. If he would have had his arm free, he would have caressed his silver hair. He sighed.  
“Hey… Getting emotional already?” He whispered in a husky voice and it made Ocelot react. He was right, he didn’t realize that he had been clinging to his leg. Hissing, he pulled Kaz’s cock out of his pants and got closer enough for Kaz to feel his breathe on him.

“You are not as big as Big Boss either.” He knew that remark would made him snap. “Unlike his cock, I’ll be able to take it all easily in my mouth.”

“How about you shut up and suck me?” He ordered.

Ocelot let go a laugh and trailed his mouth and tongue through all his cock and balls as if he were a lollipop. Teasing him very slowly, making him rock his hips forward.

“I knew you would do that. I wish I could actually see you on your knees with my cock in your obnoxious mouth.” Kaz’s voice was low and defiant.

“You want to see me like this so badly? Tell me that you jerk off fantasizing about me like this and I’ll let you have it for real.” He was talking to him brushing his lips on his cock while he lazily stroke it. He wondered if Miller would actually say something or would continue to be a stubborn prick.

“I want to see you on all fours sucking my dick.” Miller’s voice was confident and powerful.

“Is that one of your fantasies?” Ocelot pushed the subject further. 

“Yes, and sometimes I fantasize about you when Snake is sucking me. I’m a fucking jerk, I know it.” He was not ashamed as he spoke about his kink and after all he thought it was the _truth serum_ ’s fault.

This confession turned the Russian on and made him blush. Thank god Miller couldn’t see him. He never saw that coming.

 

There was silence and Ocelot’s hand stopped moving. The next Kaz felt was being pulled in a slow and passionate kiss while the tie fell to the floor. The older man broke the kiss and looked at him with lust in his eyes.

“Then watch me blow you, Commander.” He purred and took Kaz’s whole cock in his mouth. His movements went faster and his lips gripped him, putting pressure while he went up and down. Kaz was enjoying it so much that he didn’t notice that his hand had been untied, so when he got aware of that he placed his hand on Ocelot’s head tugging deeper.

“Fuck, you are doing it better than my fantasy”

Ocelot’s lips curled into a smile and he removed the cock from his mouth. “You mean, that I give you better blowjobs than Big Boss." 

Kaz blushed and let go a nervous laugh. “I trust this will be between you and me.”

“Of course” He replied and stood up. For one moment Kaz thought that this was it, their extreme foreplay being over and he’d have to resort to jerking off. He never knew when the game would stop. He remembered quitting, but maybe this would be the last time he’d play with Ocelot. As he was thinking, he saw Ocelot removing his boots, pants and boxers.

 

Then grabbed a tiny jar and opened it.  
“I trust this will also be between you and me. Give me your hand.”

“What’s that?” So that was the object Ocelot went to pick up at the table, thought Kaz.

“You know what this is, don’t play it cool.”

“So you are gonna fuck me” 

“No”

“Just do it! Are you just gonna keep playing?” Kaz was beginning to get annoyed, he wanted something else now, he was too horny to wait.

“This is not the way I want to fuck you. I told Snake that next time I’d have you on my bed, only then I’d do it. And as I told him, he is not invited, it's just the two of us.”

“I’m not a goddamn girl waiting for her boyfriend to fuck her, you know? What’s really stopping you?”  
Now he frowned and his voice had a demanding tone.

 

Ocelot chuckled and pulled Kaz’s pants and boxers down.

“The more I wait, the more I want you. I just want to make sure I can fuck you all night. And having you in my bed naked, flushed with your dick hard and begging for me it’s what turns me on. But this also turns me on.” Ocelot put some lube on his own entrance and on Kaz’s hand before jumping to his lap.

“You know what I want. _Ride me_.”

Kaz couldn’t believe what was happening. He had the cold Revolver ‘Shalashaska’ Ocelot on his lap, all naked except for his open shirt and he was asking him to fuck him. The dim light enhanced Kaz’s love bites on the pale skin of Ocelot’s chest and made Kaz shiver.

Kaz’s hand went to Ocelot’s hole and cautiously shoved one finger inside, watching his reaction.

“I want to know how many men and when.” Kaz was truly interested in knowing, but his voice was hard and demanding.

Ocelot breathed hard and thought his answer.  
"Big Boss.” 

“When?” That was important, Kaz knew his voice sounded desperate and jealous. He had Big Boss for himself but the thought of his lover and Ocelot together made him feel uneasy. He was an hypocrite, he had no right to think that. The worst part was that he knew that he wanted Ocelot all for himself.

“It was a long time ago” the older man gave him a soft kiss on his lips and then licked them. Kaz found it hard to concentrate.

“So that night you didn’t..”

“No”

“Anyone else?”

He let go a long sigh. “No one important. But it’s been a long time since I let someone fuck me.” He knew that his remark would have an effect on Kaz.  “Don’t let that stop you, don’t go easy on me. I know you won’t.”

He moaned when Kaz shoved two and then three fingers, moving them slowly, making their way inside him by thrusting deeper.

When he felt his body relaxing at the finger invasion Kaz removed them and grabbed his own cock. Ocelot helped him positioning it into his entrance, and let him push through his tight muscles with short and hard thrusts until he was all the way inside. Both moaned and they share a kiss with their mouths open, both gasping. Ocelot began rocking himself while Kaz pushed him deeper, his hand gripping his butt.  
“You are s-so deep inside me. Is this another of your fantasies?”

“Fucking you on your own playroom? I never thought we could come up this far, but I’ll definitely remember this. It’s your kink after all, huh?” Kaz’s voice was strong and deep, and now it was Ocelot’s time to shiver. 

The Interrogator Specialist let go a mixture of laugh and moan “You are right Miller, this is one of my kinks. You are n-not disappointing me.”

The Commander’s hand went to his back, touching his skin and pulling their bodies closer while they fucked. Ocelot felt Kaz licking and biting him again, harder but not enough to make him bleed, that’d be a complete mess. He did the same with the blonde’s neck and ear, licking and biting him while his own cock was rubbing on his partner’s chest with enough friction to keep him fired up.

 

“I have one request” Ocelot breathed and Kaz stopped. “I want you to mark me with this knife” he grabbed a knife which was hidden on the back of the chair. “What do you say Kaz? Will you leave a scar on my chest?”

Kaz blinked and thought about it.

“Come on, I know you are possessive like me. You'd love to mark me, I can see it in your eyes.” Ocelot continued to have his eyes fixed on his

“Yes, I want to mark you, so you’ll never be able to forget about me.” Kaz took the knife. "You’ll never forget that you belong to me _Adamska_.” He said while he made a small cut on his chest. 

“Go deeper, or it won’t leave a scar.” Ocelot breathed hard and gritted his teeth while he watched the knife going deeper into his skin. Being marked by Kaz while he felt his ass being filled by his cock made Ocelot so horny he almost cum.

Once the cut was done he took the knife. “Good boy, now it’s my turn.” He tried to mimic the same scar so they could have a kind of bond. It was too tragically romantic but he didn’t care. He pushed the knife inside Kaz’s chest and he screamed “quick, get on with it quickly.” He had less pain resistance so Ocelot did it fast.

Then he licked the blood from the fresh cut. “You are mine. Now will you continue fucking me? Come on Kaz.”

Kaz grabbed Ocelot’s ass and grinded him deeper into his cock. They both kept on moving until Kaz was about to explode.

“Fuck Ocelot, just _fuck_!” Kaz was close to come and he buried his face in Ocelot’s neck.

“Come inside me.” Make me yours he wanted to say but the words got stuck in his mouth.

Kaz bit his neck hard and came inside him while pumping his partner’s aching cock for release. He only needed a few pumps to come on Kaz’s chest.

They didn’t say anything and remained like that for a while, just breathing.

“I.. I wish we could just… Hey, It was good, huh?” Kaz spoke first, caressing his partner’s back shyly.  


“For being your first time fucking me, it was pretty good.” He smirked and slowly removed Kaz still half hard cock from his body. “Jesus Miller, are you getting hard again? How old are you, 17?”

“Too bad that you didn’t meet me back then. I’d have fucked you all night.” He had a cocky smile which brought Ocelot back years ago when he met a younger version of Miller, who was angry and broken, but not so bitter and laughed more often.

“That’s what I’m gonna do to you soon, Kaz. I’m gonna fuck you all night.” He said and kissed him one last time before standing up. But when he did it, he felt his knees tremble and he had kneel on the floor.

“W-what?” Was he really that worn out?

“Guess you wouldn’t last another round with me now, huh cowboy?” Kaz shifted on the chair, now feeling uncomfortable and trying to stand up but his legs weren’t responding.

Ocelot crawled to his lap and rested his head on his shoulder. “Let’s give us some minutes to recover. What time is it?”

Kaz glanced at the wall clock and slightly raised his eyebrows in surprise.  
“Shit. We’ve been here all night. It’s almost 5 am.” 

They would have to find a good excuse to justify the lack of sleep of their faces. Or maybe not, as they both suffered from insomnia as a consequence of thinking too much.

“Does Snake have any mission today?” Now the Tactical Instructor stood up slowly and put on his clothes, not bothering that his ass was leaking Kaz’s cum. He then grabbed something to treat the cuts. He wasn’t going to let anyone treat these wounds but him.

“Not that I think of, unless something comes up.” Kaz watched him get dressed while he tried to pull his pants back up.

 

Ocelot sat on his lap again, both men now fully dressed and he began to treat the cut.

Kaz complained but did his best to stay still.

“Do you want me to help you?” He offered, though he couldn’t do much with one hand.

“Yes, put your finger there.” The Interrogator Specialist instructed Kaz while he worked on his own cut. Once it was done, he stood up and cleaned his knife.

“We are not going outside like this.” Kaz grabbed his shirt and touched it, feeling the lack of buttons with an look of annoyance on his face.

“I won’t leave until you bring me another shirt.” Kaz was now being the 'Angry Commander' again.

Ocelot watched his lover with a smug grin “I didn’t remember you complaining about it while we fucked. Go outside like that, you will increase staff morale with your current look.” He was not going to bend to his whims, he was not like Snake. 

“Snake’s gonna kill you if you give me away like that you know”

Ocelot grabbed Kaz’s chin and looked straight into his eyes.  
“They can look, but they can’t touch. You’re _mine_.”

Kaz broke eye contact and looked away.  
Tell that to Big Boss then.”

 

They finished fixing themselves in silence, not mentioning the subject again. It was too painful.   
Ocelot put on his aviators and stood next to Kaz. He suddenly kissed him, holding him and not wanting to let him go. “You're number one for me Kaz, even if I know Big Boss is probably your number one.”

Kaz faced him and placed his hand behind his neck, pulling his faces closer just like when Big Boss and he talk. “Adamska, _you_ are my number one.”

Now it was Adam’s turn to blush, he wasn’t expecting Kaz to overpower him by saying his real name twice this night. To be honest, since Big Boss woke up from his coma he never called him by his real name, and Adam didn’t want to push the subject further. There was something strange but warm about hearing his name coming from Kaz’s mouth, and something painful too, because those words didn’t come from Snake’s mouth. But he knew he wanted Kazuhira to say his name again. 

“Kazuhira, please, fuck me again.” Yes, he was begging, and he didn't care. They both went to the floor, removed their clothes again and Adam let himself be disarmed, fucked and loved by Kaz.

 

* * *

 

“I was expecting a mature solution for this.” Kaz complained while he rested his hand on the russian’s chest while they laid on the floor. Then he gripped his lover’s shirt. “Ok. Give me your shirt Ocelot.”

“Don’t be a punk Miller.”

“No, you don’t be a punk. It’s your fault I’m like this how could you think that th-” Kaz’s complaints were stopped by a kiss. He softened and wrapped his arm around Ocelot’s waist. “I hate you”

“I hate you too." Ocelot didn’t let him go.

The night’s events were still fresh into their memories and they couldn’t help but stick together like two horny teenagers who had just began dating. It was kind of dangerous.

“Buffalo or Quiet can bring you a shirt.” Ocelot tried to fix Kaz’s whim of not having a decent shirt.

“Yeah, and then we’d have to tell them what happened.”

“It’s not as if they didn’t know about us. If you don’t want to, you have two options. Either you go out like that and play it cool or we ask Snake… never mind ” of course, after what they did, Snake was kind of out of the question, Ocelot thought.

Kaz snorted and tried to get away from Ocelot’s grip but the man was behaving like a child. Well, technically they were both behaving like brats. Kaz complained about their constant arguments but he had to admit that he loved them. Just as he loved playing hard to catch. He relaxed in his lover’s embrace and this time it was him the one who grabbed the back of his hair and pulled him into a deep kiss.

“What’s up with you?” he heard the older man asking him.

“I… Nothing”

“Now you have to tell me” Ocelot’s features were soft and, Kaz’s thought, genuine.

“I.. I love you” he managed to say, looking away knowing that Ocelot could read him even with him wearing his aviators, and even on the faint light of Room 101. “I don’t know how things are going to be like now.”

“Like always. But the game’s still on... if you still wanna play. I haven’t taken you to my bed, and if we continue like this I’ll have to take you now.”

“You wish, Shalashashka” Kaz broke the contact with the other man and sat at the chair used for interrogations.

“You too. I know you want it badly Commander.” Ocelot got on his knees and wrapped his hands around the commander’s waist.

Kaz knew all this teasing would end by either of them fucking the other. There was no way of going back to their previous game, as if all the lower levels had been locked and you were only left with the hardest but most rewarding ones.

“We could say that a prisoner tore my shirt open before the interrogation.” He changed the subject.

“Impossible. With me here that’d never happen. We can either fuck now or go get some breakfast, aren’t you hungry?”

“Want me to fuck you again Ocelot? Too bad that I really need to work. Mother Base won’t run on its own.”

“Let the Boss handle it”

“Last time I left Mother Base at the Boss’s supervision we got interrupted like 10 times by the staff.”

Ocelot chuckled.

“We can’t stay here.” Kaz continued to complain.

“Then don’t be a brat Miller.”

 

* * *

 

The sun was already up when they decided to leave the room. Kaz was gripping his tore shirt closed and Ocelot acted as if nothing had happened,  walking next to him and showing all the marks from last night highlighted in his pale skin.

“How are you gonna explain this?” Kaz growled, feeling uncomfortable. 

“You worry too much Miller. They all know about us.” Ocelot.

Kaz unlocked the door to his office, he was now mad. “Don’t follow me Ocelot, can’t you see that the staff sees us together all the time?”

Ocelot let go a wicked laugh and, closing the door he watched Kaz sit at his desk. “Okay, now that we are here, let me tell you a **secret**.”

Kaz was not amused and definitely was tired of Ocelot’s ‘tricks’.

“I give you 1 minute to say whatever you want to say, I have work to do” Kaz was tired and sleepy but tried to look angry. He couldn’t help but yawn and had to wipe off the tears from his sleepy face while he looked for the papers he needed to review today.

“You remember me injecting you something… right?” Ocelot tried to keep his poker face but he was grinning.

“Of course, you have no respect for boundaries and you’d better thank me that I won’t tell Snake about this.” The sole mention of that made Kaz mad, he had been tricked and forced to speak his mind until he confessed his love for the Interrogator Specialist. He was waiting for Ocelot to continue talking while he pretended he was reading something.

Ocelot continued to grin while he placed both his palms on the desk and leaned on, watching Kaz’s face. “What did you think I give you?”

“You injected me truth serum, did you really think I’d be that stupid not to notice it?” Kaz put one file in front of him, yes, he'd review this once he was done with Ocelot.

“There are many ways to get a man to tell you their secrets. And no, I didn’t give you truth serum.”

Kaz, who was resting his back on his chair thinking he had the upper hand while looking at the folder, now leaned forward to meet Ocelot’s eyes. “What?”

“Now you feel like giving me your full attention, Commander?”

“What-the-fuck-did-you-give-me?” Kaz grabbed Ocelot’s shirt and pushed him closer.

“It was just a _mild painkiller_ for your phantom pain.” Now Ocelot touched his cheek while he leaned his weight on the other hand.

“Y-YOU…..” Kaz stomped to the other side of the desk and threw himself over him, trying to hit him with his fist. Ocelot knew Miller was in rage so he grabbed him and threw him to the couch with him. “You are a fucking liar!”

“No, I never lied to you, I never told you I was going to give you truth serum. You need to admit that all the things you said to me were real, no one forced you to talk.” Ocelot was on top of him and grabbed his wrist.

Kaz struggled and tried one last attempt to win “I knew it wasn’t truth serum, I was the one who lied to you.”

“No, tonight was the first time you were really truthful to me, there were no lies. Now tell me that you love me and I’ll release you.”

“You are a pain in the ass Ocelot!"

"Say it" Now his voice was low and dangerous. This could have been the reason, his trick to disarm Kaz. His enchanting eyes.

Kaz sighed. " I love you. But don’t expect me to say it again, ok?” Kaz's face was red and Ocelot kissed him. 

“Fine, now why don’t we close our eyes and sleep for a while…but first.. let me do something” Ocelot grabbed his radio, much to Kaz’s surprise. “Boss? are you awake? …… Yes, problem solved in less than a day as I told you..... I think you owe me something, I won this time..... No, don’t bother us, I need to make Kaz sleep…”

“HEY, did you just bet on me! Boss, don’t listen to him he-” Ocelot placed his hand on his lips.

“Boss.. please don’t send anyone to his office… no, we need to sleep… no Boss, really, we’ll sleep… I’m tossing the radio to the floor Boss, good night.”

“You mean good morning”

“Shut up Miller”  
  
 

There were some glances and whispers, the rumors, like always, would spread fast. Some said that Commander Miller and Ocelot finally beat the crap out of one another, some would say they banged, and some others would say that they spent all night torturing a VIP prisoner.

  
These kind of things were becoming normal routine at Mother Base.


	24. Go with the flow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that they started this new phase in their relationship, it's very hard to keep their hands off each other. Would they succeed in cooking something for Snake or go with the flow and let themselves get 'distracted'?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the small hiatus, I'm having some personal issues and they are affecting my writings (and my daily life basically) . I've been writing as a therapy, but lately not even this is helping me.. I guess we all have shitty moments right? Anyway, I'll continue to do my best!
> 
> There's too much fluff on this one, sorry! (tbh mostly is self indulgent lol, I needed to cheer myself up)
> 
> One or two chapters more to end this!

Commander Miller and Instructor Ocelot entering the Mess Hall together was a view all the staff wanted to see, though they still wondered if they were friends, lovers or just colleagues. Kaz was walking slower and Ocelot was keeping with his pace. There was something strange about their expressions. Ocelot seemed more relaxed than usual and Miller didn’t seem so mad. Nobody dared to say something and they just watched them.

Ocelot gave Kaz a pat on his shoulder, but didn’t remove his hand and slightly dragged him closer to his body. “See Miller? This is not so bad after all.”

“Aren’t you a little impatient? You are practically pushing me to the main counter” He complained but relaxed his body into the Russian’s hold.

“You are wrong, I’m not impatient...” Ocelot left his hand on Kaz’s shoulder while walking. The commander frowned a little but didn’t mind his touch.

When they arrived, Kaz mumbled softly so Ocelot was the only one who’d hear him. “I know what you are trying to do.”

“And what’s that?” Ocelot asked using the same tone of voice.

“You are being possessive.” Kaz mumbled, half angry, half amused.

“I am.” The Russian answered while lowering his hand to Kaz’s waist.

Panda couldn’t hide her surprise when she saw Ocelot and his love interest together.

“Good morning Panda” Miller was the first one to salute her while he leaned on the counter. Ocelot was still with his hand on Miller’s waist, keeping a close distance.

“M-morning commander” She was still surprised and curious, after all the rumors which were spreading, they would actually show up together.

“Mind if we join you at the kitchen? I need to ask you a favor.” Kaz continued while he put his best charming voice. Ocelot smirked at him, amused at Kaz’s tone of voice.

Panda nodded and lead the way to the kitchen. She wasn't used to see Miller come to her workplace and just act casually without supervising her team. Or maybe she was wrong, he was going to supervise another person actually.

“I’m all ears” she said cleaning her hands on her apron.

“We want to cook curry for the b-.” Ocelot spoke in a tone too friendly and Kaz nudged him, interrupting his request.

“Ocelot- Kaz grabbed his shirt, pulling him closer to whisper in his ear - don't be so obvious, no matter for whom, just let her give you the shit we need so we can finish with this asap.”   
Kaz was not going to have any more unnecessary drama to feed to the staff.

 

Then, he turned to Panda with a more collected and calm voice “we just need you to provide us with the ingredients and elements and we’ll deal with it ourselves.”

“You mean I will be doing all the job myself” Ocelot raised his eyebrows while he crossed his arms at his chest.

“Think you can’t follow my cooking class? Do you want to learn or not?” Kaz tone of voice was the same one he used when giving lectures to the staff.

“Don’t challenge me Miller. You know I always win the games we play.” Ocelot smirked and talked to him with a husky voice, very conscious that he was flirting with the commander in front of the staff.

This time Kaz felt his face going red but tried to continue as if nothing had happened. He took a folded piece of paper from his pocket and handed it to Panda.  
“Okay, here’s the list of what we need.”

“Commander Miller I know how to prepare curry.” Panda gave him a skeptic look, after all she was the Head of the Mess Hall team.

“I know that, but this is a special recipe. It’s like the standard one but with some extra ingredients.” Now Miller was slightly smirking, there was pride in his voice.

“I thought for a moment that you were questioning my abilities to cook.” She took the note and winked an eye at him.

Kaz glanced at Ocelot for help but he just shrugged.

“Wait here Commander. I’ll get you the ingredients.”

 

They watched her go to the storage until she was out of sight. Ocelot placed a hand on his lover’s shoulder and joked “And I thought you were the expert on women, I guess I was wrong.”

“You never saw me in action. But anyway that was a long time ago.” And Kaz did no longer had any interests in having casual affairs or flings with anyone. Not since Snake kissed him back on MSF days… and he had to admit that Ocelot was the exception too. Kaz didn’t know who started the seduction game, had it really been Ocelot the one who gave the first step? Or had Kaz involuntarily showed any sign that he wanted to be something more than mere allies with Snake’s friend? That didn’t matter anymore. He had already fallen for him, and hard.

“With the only one I want to see you in action is with me, Kaz.” Ocelot’s voice was uncomfortably arousing for Kaz and he had to sit down to try and ease the sensation he felt on his crotch.

Ocelot went behind his chair and placed his hands on Kaz’s shoulders, gently massaging them. “I know what you are thinking, your body language doesn’t lie. I’m having the same thoughts…”

“How can you know what I’m thinking?” Kaz tried to relax under his touch, but he realized that he was breathing hard.

“Even if you don’t want to admit it, we are so alike that it thrills me.”

“I’m not like you.” Miller answered raising his own hand to shove Ocelot's hand away from him, but he just touched it lightly, resting his palm on his lover's hand.

“We’ll see that. I’m patient but I wonder how long will you be able to bear with the ‘ _hard  situation_ ’ in your pants.”

 

Kaz then grabbed his hand, pulling him forward and making him turn his body to face him, his voice low and threatening. “Don’t forget that I’m still the Commander here, don’t try your luck.”

“I like it when you think you can _overpower_ me. It’s very arousing.” Now Ocelot answered Kaz glaring at him with the same fire in his eyes and a wicked smile on his face.

Kaz said nothing this time and backed down, leaning on the chair with his hand on his forehead. He was too busy trying to cool down. 

They heard the footsteps and sound of bags, Panda and two other members of the kitchen team were carrying ingredients and placing them on the table. Panda, grinning, placed two aprons as well.  
“Commander Miller, Instructor Ocelot knows that for hygienic reasons we should wear these.” 

Ocelot was now having second thoughts about this whole 'cooking with Miller' idea.

 

Kaz wanted to remain serious but it was impossible, he was enjoying the disgusted face of the Russian. “Come on Ocelot, put on the apron. You’ll look very sexy I’m sure.”

“Would you prefer that I wear nothing but the apron? I think that’s a very popular kink you Japanese people have.” Of course, the argument couldn’t be avoided.

“You wouldn’t dare. Besides who’d want to see your pale ass anyway?” Kaz tried so hard to sound annoyed but he couldn’t help but twitching his mouth into a half smirk.

“Wanna bet Miller?” Ocelot stood in front of  Kaz and placed his right hand on his belt while he placed his left hand on Kaz’s right shoulder. If the Chinese girl from the staff would had not been there, Ocelot would have definitely undressed and tried to make a move on Kaz.

Panda was confused already with thinking Instructor Ocelot would actually get naked on her kitchen, she blushed and stopped them.  
“You can’t get naked in here! There are hygiene standards we have to maintain Instructor!” 

Ocelot smirked and gave a charming smile to the woman. “My apologies Panda.”

She nodded awkwardly. “I’ll leave you alone. Call me if you need anything.”

 

* * *

 

 

Once they were left alone, Kaz stood up and glared at Ocelot while he walked to the table to check on the ingredients.

“What the hell is wrong with you? Can’t you cut it with your taunts? Did you see the look on her face? She thought you’d actually undress.”

While Kaz continued with his bitching, Ocelot was inspecting all the ingredients on the table. Then turned to face Miller and kissed him. It was actually a sweet kiss and Kaz could not do anything but stare dumbfounded at him.  
  
“W-what was that for?”

“Stop bitching and tell me what to do.” Ocelot now was looking serious while he rolled up his shirt’s sleeves and put on the apron.

Kaz had to think the instructions for a moment because thoughts about what he and Ocelot could be doing instead of cooking flooded his mind, he was still distracted, staring at the man in front of him.

“It actually doesn’t look bad on you.”

“Don’t tell me this is really one of your kinks” Ocelot grabbed a bottle of soy sauce while he glanced at Miller, he didn't know if he should laugh or be surprised... 

“Why do you have to relate everything to sex?” Kaz was also like that and they both knew it.

“Because sex with you is all I can think of.” now he was facing Kaz again and made him shiver with anxiety.

This time was Kaz the one who grabbed him by the back of his neck and kissed him slowly, letting the other man push him to the countertop and grind their bodies together. 

Why was it that lately they had so little self control over this? It was like a drug, thought Kaz. The more he tried to push him away, the closer he got. The more they kissed, the more difficult it was to pull off. This was not a fight for power anymore, was it still a fight anyways? Maybe now it was a fight for self control, which both seemed to lose.

Snake was probably not aware of what he had done when he decided to encourage this relationship, it was like mixing fuel with fire, the explosion could not be avoided.

Eventually they had to break the kiss to breathe. Ocelot stared at Kaz’s swollen lips and his flushed face. Slowly he led his hand to his face and touched his aviators, waiting for any sign of discomfort in Kaz, but there wasn’t any so he removed them and stared at his nude eyes. This picture was the consequence of their kiss, and was definitely one of his favorite views of Miller.

“I love it when you get like this, just because of a kiss.” he had a weak smile and his voice was low.

“Just because of _your_ kiss.” Kaz gave him a small smile and took the aviators from his hand and put them on again. He somehow knew what Ocelot was thinking, but they had to stop fooling around.

 

“Take off your gloves… We are going to cook now.” Kaz was still leaning on the countertop and raised his left hand. “Also, take off my glove and help me roll my sleeve.”

Ocelot smirked while he did what Miller wanted. It was so hard to focus on cooking when he had a hard on, but if he just followed the instructions he’d hopefully cool down.

Kaz’s bare hand picked the vegetables “please wash these, then we need to cut them. And we need to cook the meat first”

Kaz’s voice was not the one he used when he barked orders, he seemed to be really affected by the kiss. Who would have thought that he could get hard just by it?

 

The minutes that followed where Kaz giving instructions and Ocelot obeying.

 

"Cut these vegetables into bite size pieces." Kaz was now serious while he supervised everything, but he frowned when he heard Ocelot's low laugh.

"What did you say? want me to bite you?" Apparently he couldn't stand being 10 minutes without saying something stupid.

"I'll just gonna ignore that comment… unless you want _me_ to bite you." Kaz tried not to follow his game.

"That'd be interesting."

"Don't try your luck Ocelot."

"I could use more marks on my skin."

Kaz continued to ignore his remarks but couldn't help but grin. Since he wasn't following him, Ocelot decided to shut up and cook, but he was pleased because he made Kaz grin.

 

“So Miller, what’s your secret?”

“It’s a combination of the order in which I cook the ingredients and the amount of spices I sprinkle.”

“That’s it?”

Kaz grinned and took a bottle of sake.  “And this”

"Why I'm not surprised."

After two hours, everything was done and they had to wait for the curry to cook. Kaz sat on a chair and watched Ocelot stir the preparation. Actually it wasn’t so bad, the Russian was skilled at cooking, who would have thought? Kaz wondered with a smile on his face.

There was silence for a while and they were enjoying each other’s company.

Then Kaz decided to speak as he had been apparently dwelling on something.  
“Do you remember when we had that talk about the curry with the Boss?”

Ocelot, who was stirring the mix of vegetables and meat in the pot, stopped for a moment at hearing Kaz’s soft tone of voice.  
“I do remember. What about it?” He continued stirring without looking at him. 

“I was wondering if what you said was true…” Kaz was trying to get somewhere, but Ocelot was not sure if he was following Kaz’s thoughts, was he meaning what he thought he meant...?

“Everything I say to you is true, Miller. Why would I lie?”

“Even that strange comment that you wanted to… To marry me?” Kaz’s voice was low and clumsy, like a teenager talking to his crush.

Ocelot removed the wooden spoon from the pot and turned around to face him. “Yes. Even wanting to marry you is true.”

“Don’t make me laugh. We both know that’s not possible. Besides why would you want to.. To marry me” Kaz grinned nervously and gripped his crutch, his body was rigid and he didn’t understand why such a silly comment would made him feel so nervous, as if he were on the edge of an abyss.

“I’m not lying, and I can show you.” Ocelot left the spoon on the countertop and walked towards him.

Kaz felt his heart racing and closed his eyes as he felt he was being pulled into a kiss. He instinctively let go of his crutch and grabbed Ocelot’s waist. The kiss was different. In fact, the last kisses they shared were different, more passionate. It was difficult to pull apart, as if their distance was not close enough, Ocelot grinded his body against his while he took control of the kiss, Kaz letting himself melt into Ocelot’s touch.

“We need to keep stirring or we’ll ruin it.” Kaz managed to speak, a little lightheaded from the kiss. Ocelot lead him to the countertop and Kaz grabbed the spoon, resuming the stirring.

 

Adam watched how Kaz worked while he held him from behind and rested his head on his shoulder. He felt the younger man was smaller under his embrace, maybe it was because he wasn’t training his body like he should. He’d definitely needed to bring the subject of prosthetics back as it was no use for the commander to bear not only the phantom pain but the pain of having to ask for help. Not that Ocelot would mind, on the contrary, he was pleased with being there for Kaz, and also it was somewhat easier to bend his will and dominate him, but he knew that Miller was not easy to surrender, after all he spent 10 days being tortured and bleeding, just for Snake's sake. Definitely, if Ocelot was able to break his will, was because Kaz himself let him do it, deep inside Kaz wanted Ocelot to dominate him, but he would never admit it.   
It had really been a long way for them to be like this now, 10 long years since they met, and a couple of years at his company was enough for making him love him. Yes, he really started to have feelings for Kaz while they were working together to rebuild MSF, now Diamond Dogs. No need to tell lies to himself anymore.

He never thought he would be sharing a moment like this with him, it made Adam feel strange and wondered if this was how a couple would behave. He’d never been in a romantic relationship with anyone before and it was funny, almost ironic, that from all the people he’d crossed paths with, he would actually end up cooking curry for Big Boss with Kazuhira Miller, Big Boss’s lover and now his lover.

It was like being on a dream and he didn’t want to wake up. He kissed Kaz’s neck and smelled his body scent which was mixed with the curry. How he loved this man.

“Don’t fall asleep Adam.”   There was a little silence while Adam tried to process what he had just heard.

“How did you call me?” Was he still daydreaming or did Miller say his name?

“Adam.” Kaz repeated with a soft voice.

Yes, he realized he was sleepy. Or maybe it was Kaz who was taming his soul...

“Kaz… You can’t imagine how you make me feel.” Even himself was surprised at his soft and husky voice.

For a moment he felt Kaz holding his breath.

“Right now I’m feeling your cock on my butt.”

“You ruined the moment, I was trying to be romantic for once.” Ocelot grinned and moved his hips forward so Kaz could feel him better. He was satisfied when he heard a moan and remained in that position while he kissed his neck.

“Do you want to l-learn or not?” Kaz was trying to distract himself with the cooking, he was also aroused and they still needed to finish the curry.

“I’m listening.”

“No, you have to look.” Sometimes the commander had such a strong tone of voice that could ever make Revolver Ocelot shiver. It was always like this, a power struggle where both of them were equals and only if the other felt like either dominate or letting himself be dominated, or made a move which would cost him to either lose or win the game,  it was always a challenge and Ocelot just loved their dynamics.

“This actually requires at least two days of cooking and stirring the mix, but as we can’t afford that, cooking this for a couple of hours will do.” Kaz was focused on cooking until Ocelot spoke in Russian to his ear.

 

“Я тебя люблю”

“What?”

“Weren’t you learning Russian?” Ocelot grinned.

“H-How did you know?” Kaz turned around to face him even if he couldn’t hide his embarrassment, but quickly he tried to justify his decision. “It’s because we have staff that speak only Russian, it’s bothersome to rely on a translator.”

“Who’s teaching you?” The Russian rolled his eyes, curious while he still kept his hands on Miller’s waist. He knew that Kaz had a notebook and a 'Teach yourself Russian' book, so he faked surprise.

“I.. I’m just reading a stupid book with phrases.”

“So that’s why… Я тебя люблю” he looked at Kaz and repeated his phrase, watching him frowning.

“You know I don’t understand you, why do you keep on insisting.”

“Try to pronounce it at least.” He should know that, thought Ocelot, after all that word was the only one which was highlighted on his book, but maybe he really didn't know the pronunciation so it was possible that Kaz didn't know they were talking about the same phrase.

Kaz looked at him with caution, he did not trust him. “How do I know this won’t be used against me? making me say some shit like ‘I’m a dicksucker’” for example.”

Ocelot kissed his neck and breathed, trying to be sexy but he ended up laughing “But Miller, you are a dicksucker.”

“I bet you wish I sucked your dick now”

“Right” he continued to kiss him “But I want to hear you say my phrase first”

“言えたくない。まだ、あなたのこと信用できないん。でもどうしてあなたのことを…。”  
Kaz whispered. 

Ocelot now left his neck and looked at him “Now you got me." 

“Let’s make a trade then, one Russian phrase for one Japanese one.” 

“Deal.” Ocelot was having much fun with this exchange and he was actually flattered that Kaz went all the trouble to learn some Russian. He didn’t know what turned him on the most, Kaz speaking in his mother tongue, Japanese or in his own mother tongue. 

“Don’t waste your chance making me say something shitty or I’ll know.”

“Repeat yah tee-byah lyoo-blyoo”

“Yeh tee-Byah… this is stupid” Kaz snorted.

“Come on, it’s not that hard. yah tee-byah lyoo-blyoo”

 

After a couple of minutes Kaz could prononunce it. ”yah tee-byah lyoo-blyoo. What does this mean?”

“I love you.”

“No, really, tell me the truth.” Kaz face couldn’t be more red.

“It means what you Japanese say Dai  _Suki... ?_ ”

“It seems I wasn’t the only one doing some homework, huh? Actually you look cute saying _dai suki_. But you can also say _Ai Shiteru_ , though that's stronger than _Dai Suki._ ”

 

“Come over here Kaz” Ocelot pushed him again against the countertop while he grabbed his ass.

“Wha-what are you doing? At least lock the door, remember what happened last time?”

“No, it won’t be fun if we lock the door.” 

He pinned Kaz to the edge of the table and while he kissed him. Kaz opened his legs and felt Ocelot’s crotch rubbing his own. He couldn’t help but moan. “This is fucked up, we shouldn't be doing this here.”

His voice said something but his body did the opposite. He just pulled Ocelot closer, his hand on his back slowly going down to his ass while he let the older man kiss him again while he attempted to unzip his pants.

“Stop, stop.”

“What now Miller?”

“We can’t do this here.”

“You will pay if you leave me like this. I can't hold it any longer”

“We can't fuck here.”

 

Panda entered the room just in time to hear Miller’s last sentence and faked surprise by checking the curry. It was the best as it looked like they had just been making out in her kitchen. 

“wow this is looking good and smells yummy!” She inspected the preparation, much to Kaz’s protests. She approached the pot and Kaz followed her.

“The cooking’s done. We need to let it rest now.” Kaz answered while trying to shoo her away from the pot. 

“Okay, I’ll be in the Mess Hall if you need anything. There are extra bento boxes on the storage room over there.”

 

Ocelot studied her movements and voice. She wasn’t a shy woman and he definitely caught a fast wink at him. The storage room, of course….

 

* * *

 

Once she left, Ocelot pushed Miller to said place. So fast that he didn’t have time to react. The room was small and dark, but still big enough to fit up to 3 or 4 people, enough for a quick fuck. He closed the door and bit Kaz’s neck. This time he didn’t say a word and just clung to Ocelot’s body.

“What do you say Miller? Are you up for a quick fuck?”

“I can’t see a shit.”

“You don’t have to, you only have to feel me.” He breathed close to his mouth while he worked on pulling his pants down.

“I should be the one to put you in your place Ocelot... I should be the one fucking you while you wear that stupid apron just to punish you for bringing that stupid kink up.”

Kaz protested but at the same time clinged to Ocelot’s neck. The older man grabbed Kaz’s legs and held him, lifting him up against the wall. Kaz kept a strong grip to his body using his legs and Ocelot could free one hand. He made Kaz suck on two of his fingers. Of course Kaz knew he lost and he was going to be the receiving part, he didn’t complain and made sure the fingers were wet enough or it’d hurt.

“Come on Kaz, I know you love this.” - Ocelot lowered his hand and felt Kaz relaxing his muscles so he fucked him with two fingers. - “Too bad I wanted to fuck you so bad today, I promise next time I’ll be a good boy and let you win.”

“D-Don’t fucking-underestimate me.” Kaz’s voice was breaking and he was breathing hard. He couldn’t keep the ‘grumpy commander’ act any longer in this situation. 

After a couple of minutes Kaz was already anxious. “Are you gonna fuck me or not?”

“Impatient, aren’t we?”

“You started this, stop pretending you are in control because you aren’t.”

“You know what I want to hear”

“N-Not fair..”

Now the fingers were removed completely and Kaz felt empty.

“Shit, just fuck me, do it now.”

Ocelot grinned, he loved hearing those words come from Miller’s mouth. He kissed and sucked his neck, leaving new marks while he slowly entered him.

 

It’s been a long time since Kaz had these kind of encounters. Last time it had been on a storage room at the old mother base in Costa Rica. He really missed the thrill and excitement of fucking in a semi public place and the fear of getting caught was something that always turned him on.

Once he felt Ocelot’s cock inside him he growled and gripped his shirt.

“I see you still haven’t gotten used to me being inside you. Am I good enough for you, Kazuhira?” It seems he still needed to hear that he was as good as Snake, he just needed Kaz to tell him that he was worth it.

Kaz felt his breathing stopped. He didn’t know if it was because Ocelot lifted his legs and was holding him while his dick was buried inside him, or it was because of the whole situation, or it was just because it was Ocelot the one taking him…. He just felt overwhelmed.

“Y-you, you are… just perfect… Adamska”

If there was any doubt left in Ocelot about Kaz’s feelings, what he heard was enough. He wasn’t expecting it since his question had a tone of provocation so he decided to go along with his lover’s mood and whispered to his ear before start moving.

“Kaz, to me you are perfect”

He neither expected his own voice to sound so fucking romantic, but that was what Kaz made him feel lately. It was strange how their mood could shift with only one look, one word, one attitude. They could go from emotionless wild and rough sex to almost… Making love was what it was called when you have sex with someone but you are loving them at the same time? He heard Kaz’s voice again.

“Aren’t you gonna show me how it’s done then?”

And there he was, changing the mood again. His husky and low voice was now calling his codename. “Come on, Ocelot. Don’t you keep me waiting too.”

“You want me to fuck you so badly.”

Ocelot let go a small, low laugh before gripping Kaz’s thighs and starting going inside and out him, first slowly and then gaining rhythm. He could hear Miller’s moans and his breath on his neck while he felt him slipping his hand under his shirt, sinking his nails on his back.

“Let me show you how I won this time” he breathed into Kaz’s lips and then licked his lips while fucking him slowly. Kaz whimpered and captured his mouth. Ocelot may be fucking his ass, but Kaz made sure he fucked his mouth instead. He wouldn’t let him win so easily.

Their movements continued until Ocelot felt he was about to come, and he loved talking dirty to Kaz while on it.

“I’m coming inside you” He growled and sank his teeth on the blonde’s neck, tasting his blood.

“A-adam” 

That was the trigger to make him come. So hard that he was speechless.

Once he was done he put all his strength on keeping his grip on Kaz’s body with one hand, helping him balance Kaz’s weight with a knee as well… After all Kaz wasn’t so heavy, and licking his hand wet, he took his partner’s aching cock and pumped him. Just as he liked it.

 

If Kaz had to admit something, it was Ocelot’s skill to remember every movement that turned him on. Even if it was the slightest flick of his wrist, and even if that movement had first been as a test, the man would just remember his body reactions. It was like a perfect machine, reproducing all the movements that drove Kaz crazy. Definitely, sex with Revolver Ocelot was overwhelming. The man was a fucking perfectionist and Kaz was sure that he’d learnt a lot of new things on this encounter and he’d definitely use those moves on their next time. 

Because there will be a next time. No doubt about it. And maybe that next time could just be the same day, as if one fuck wouldn’t be enough to calm the thirst they felt for each other.

Kaz growled and just came all over their stomachs. He could hear Ocelot’s low laugh in his ear while he continued to touch his sensitive cock and could not help but emit incoherent sounds close to whimpers.

“Shit, Ocelot stop.”

“I love those sounds you make.”

In the darkness of the tiny room, Kaz could not distinguish if Ocelot was smirking or smiling. Either way was expected.

He removed himself from Kaz and helped him stand up much to his reluctance as he was still clinging to his body.

“I won’t let you fall.”

He knew that their previous position wasn’t comfortable enough and probably Kaz’s knees would fail soon. He felt his left arm hold him by his waist and his head resting on his chest. Ocelot breathed out a long sigh and they enjoyed the silence.

 

“Well… That was … pretty good” he said grinning and knew Kaz would notice by his tone of voice. Neither seemed to be willing to move, so Ocelot closed his eyes for a moment. "This is good but I wish we were in my bed"

"We can't sleep, we have to get out of here” mumbled Kaz, now that the afterglow was wearing off, he suddenly remembered that they had just fucked in a storage room, on the kitchen of the Mess Hall. How did he not evaluate the risk of this?

“I’m gonna turn on the lights so we can first fix ourselves.” Ocelot talked, holding Kaz with one hand while he searched for the lights switch with the other.

 

They never expected to see what they saw when the lights were on: messy hair and clothes, bite marks and hickeys on their skin. 

“Okay, I think we have a problem.”  Kaz said with annoyance on his voice. His cum was all over his and Ocelot’s shirt.

“Let me fix it.” Ocelot wore a playful smirk and Kaz didn’t want to know what he was thinking. He watched him search on the shelves and cupboards until he found what he was looking for.

“Here”

Kaz’s face would had been priceless because Ocelot was grinning widely while he put the white apron on Kaz, who was getting pissed but at the same time he couldn’t help but laugh at the whole situation. After all he couldn’t get angry at Ocelot. They were both responsible for this mess.

“I don’t think you can walk.” It was strange, coming from Ocelot, who was trying to act like a gentleman and help his partner. Or maybe he was still feeling possessive and didn’t want to let him go.

Kaz decided to accept his defeat and gave Ocelot a sweet kiss while he let him held him again. No use hiding his emotions anymore. No more reading between the lines. At least for now.

“This was fun, huh?” Kaz finally admitted while their lips were still locked.

“I’m impressed. It seems you are beginning to like me after all.”

 

* * *

 

Once they left the room Ocelot prepared the lunch boxes following Kaz’s instructions. Then he tried on the curry and remembered the first time he tried Kaz’s curry.

“This is definitely how I remembered. Back then I never thought you’d ever cook for me again.”

“And here we are. I never thought we would actually fuck either…” Kaz had a strange smile on his face, Ocelot couldn’t tell if he was tired or happy… Or both.

“And here we are, Miller.” Ocelot made a hand gesture with the spoon on one of his hands. 

"Yeah, _cooking_."

They both laughed for real this time.

 

The curry left was stored because Kaz was sure Snake would want more. Snake... He was so focused on the missions and hardly returned to base that Kaz was beginning to worry this has something to do with his new infatuation with Ocelot. This or there was something else that Snake didn't want to talk to them about. Either way, he was sure next time they see each other, he'd have the chance to surprise him with the curry. After all it was one of Snake's favorite dishes back on MSF... He and Medic used to fight over Kaz's curry.   
Kaz smiled at remembering that memory... after everything that happened... There was still something odd in the way Snake acted after their reunion, but Kaz knew that having him (and Ocelot) at his side, would definitely bring the revenge he was so eager to get. Though he had to admit that sometimes, being with Ocelot made him forget about his anger and revenge...

"Just one thing, I'm ok with telling Snake that we cooked for him… but don't tell him what we did while cooking… I don't want him to get… jealous or something." Now Kaz was beginning to feel guilty, even though Snake was OK with their romantic affair.

"You know he isn't. Snake's objective goes far from having a romantic relationship." Ocelot shot him a serious look while he helped Kaz clean the kitchen.

"And what is it that you want, Ocelot? What do you want with me? If you are going to just fool around, now that you got what you wanted, if you're gonna walk away… Let me know, don't give me false hopes."

Ocelot finished cleaning and removed his apron. "This is unexpected, and you know it. I'm sure you don't even know what you want yourself."

Kaz knew Ocelot was right. What did he want anyways?   
  
"We shouldn't have fallen for this, there's no way we can keep this relationship when we are in the middle of a war." Kaz gripped his crutch and looked at the floor. He didn't want to cry, and cursed at himself for being so emotional.

"Why don't we just…- Ocelot hesitated and waved his hand, trying to find the right words- How do people call this? Go with the flow?"

"That's fair enough." Kaz admitted trying to show he was being strong, then he pointed his finger at Ocelot, poking him on his chest. "If you ever fuck with me Ocelot, you'll regret it."

  
"That's Ok, I only want to fuck _you_ , not fuck _with_ you."

And that was all that Kaz needed to hear for the moment. 

 

* * *

 

Once Kaz was alone in his office, he decided to contact Snake through radio before reviewing the stack of reports on his desk. After trying to reach him several times with no luck, he began to worry. He was just about to contact Ocelot, when the man himself entered his office. 

"The Intel team received a report that one of our choppers was attacked by the enemy.. Snake was in there. We're still trying to contact him."

 Kaz stood up and cursed. "SHIT I told him not to stay too long out on the field, that this would happen! If only I'd paid more attention to him..."

"Don't blame yourself Miller, we'll contact him, he'll be fine. I'll go with the Intel team to supervise the search."

 

Kaz sat down on his chair again, and watched how Ocelot left the office. What the hell was he doing? Was he putting Ocelot on first place over Snake? Would he have to take a decision? He didn't want to think about this....

He took a deep breath before playing the angry and strong Commander Miller act, he needed to contact every mother base team and alert them to start searching for Snake.... 

"Kaz Miller? Are you there?" 

It was Buffalo on the radio. Maybe she knew something. 

"I'm here, what is it?"

"Quiet is gone, I think she went to search for the Boss." Her voice was broken. 

Great, just great.

"Meet me at the Intel Platform and tell me everything you know."

Kaz didn't want to admit it, but he needed to be with Ocelot again. Even if he tried to push him away, he hated himself for feeling like this... and he hated himself for letting Snake be alone too much.... What was he going to do with his feelings? He laughed alone, feeling like those characters from the Mexican dramas he used to watch with Snake.

"Mierda, que haras ahora Kaz?" Better to laugh than to cry...

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note:
> 
> 言えたくない。まだ、あなたのこと信用できないん。でもどうしてあなたのことを…。: I made this up but I'm not sure if it's correct. It means something like "I don't want to tell you, I still don't trust you but why do I... (love you)"
> 
> "Mierda, que haras ahora Kaz?" : "Shit Kaz, what will you do now?"


	25. Hide and Seek

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Sorry, lot of things happening on my life recently and I don't have time to write as much as I'd like D:  
> I heard from some of you that you didn't want this to end so I kind of imagined what would happen if... I continued the story after TPP?  
> You can consider chapter 23 to be the real ending. (After all the purpose of this story was to make them bang xD )  
> From chapter 24 you can consider this an AU so this will have a different ending from the canon (this story wasn't canon to begin with but...) .  
> I'm still not sure how to end this, I want everyone to be happy but can't make them all happy so I have a couple of possible endings that I'm considering for this.

Kaz arrived at the Intel team’s main office. Everyone was running with reports on his hands, some were with headsets on and others looking at a map with Ocelot.

The mood was gloomy, Kaz could feel it. Big Boss gone, and now Quiet too. He spotted Zebra and Raven, who were Buffalo’s best friends. They were also worried about Quiet. And, as Kaz could hear, about Pequod.

“Why didn’t I tell him to ask me out?” Raven lamented while she hugged Buffalo.

Lizard was there too and when he saw Miller he stood by his side, waiting for his orders. Kaz nodded and gestured him a ‘everything’s ok’ so he relaxed a little.

“She left to find the Boss… I don’t understand, we didn’t have any fight, everything was alright…” Buffalo’s voice was broken, she sounded disappointed.

He remained silent, frowning and thinking… Kaz knew what she was fearing, but she wouldn’t tell him. He just watched her talk to the other women, and she didn’t turn to look at him. Then he saw how Ocelot approached them and they talked, but Kaz couldn’t listen to their conversation as one of the members of the intel team was showing him the latest reports on the search.

“.... we are still searching on this zone of Africa but we can send an extra chopper if needed.” The Intel team member was waiting for Kaz to give the order.

“Send the extra chopper. Once we know his location we’ll send the best men to aid him.” Kaz advised, and was also considering going himself. But… would he be of any use to Snake?

He glanced at Buffalo, it seemed she was having a heated discussion with Ocelot. That was weird, she wasn’t one to lose her mind over stress. She was, Kaz knew, really in love with Quiet, and he could tell she was hurt. He knew her well…

“No, you don’t understand!” Buffalo quit the discussion… well, not really a discussion since the one who had lost her temper was her. It seemed Ocelot had been trying to calm her down and she was the one who argued with him. Kaz’s eyes met Ocelot’s and he understood that this could cause trouble.

Buffalo was about to exit the Intel main office when Kaz followed her and grabbed her hand. He should have known better than to try to reason with an angry and hurt female.

 

“Wait! Where are you going?”

“Miller, are you really asking me that?” There were tears in her eyes and Kaz was regretting this.

“Yes, I’m asking you because I want to know, what’s up with you? Why did you argue with Ocelot?”

Buffalo faced him and waited until Miller let go of her hand and leaned on his crutch. She looked to the floor while she talked, softly so no one else could hear them. She was mad, but he was still her friend and she wasn’t going to make a scene in front of everyone.

“You know Quiet always had feelings for Big Boss, and you gave Big Boss away while you were busy with… him… you know who. You didn’t notice, but Quiet and the Boss got closer. And neither you nor Ocelot were there for Big Boss, you two were too busy with your ‘ _stuff_ ’…”

She was hurt and was attacking Kaz, even if she tried to moderate her words she was putting the blame on him and his 'lover'. It really was no surprise that he was all the time with Ocelot and hadn’t seen her for a while. He didn’t realize how infatuated he had been until now.

Kaz grabbed her arm and took her away from the door where no one could hear them.

“Are you accusing me of being responsible for Quiet running away with Big Boss? Are you listening to what you’re saying? What happened with all that ‘ _I love her she loves me_ ’ bullshit you’ve been telling me?”

Kaz did not want to argue, but he was upset and tired,... _and_ stressed… _and_ fed up.

Buffalo continued “I thought she loved me, but she left me to search for him, I’m sure! And you weren’t there to stop her! You were too busy with Ocelot!” now she was raising her voice.

“Watch who you are talking to, soldier. Don’t forget I’m still your Commander.” He gave her a piercing look and gripped her arm. His tone was hard, he couldn’t let her have her way and diminish his authority, even if they were friends.

“I’m sorry Commander Miller. I.. Shouldn't have said that.” She changed her tone of voice, probably she realized she had over reacted in front of a superior. But she couldn’t stop the tears from running through her face.

Kaz softened his expression and voice… What if she was right? Had he let Snake slip away to find comfort on Quiet because Kaz was too damn busy with his new lover?

“You told me she wasn’t in love with him.”

“I did. But now I’m not sure anymore.” Her voice was breaking and she was crying again.

“Look I know you are upset. We are all. There’s no news so we can’t let our anxiety consume us.” He was saying those words to her, but truly, he was saying them to himself.

“Easy for you to say so, you still have your boyfriend with you.” She didn't mean to, but her words were still sharp as blades.

Kaz had to think twice before starting an argument with her. He knew she was hot headed, just like himself. She wasn’t seeing the bigger picture and she was just accusing Kaz of being guilty of this…

“You know perfectly well that Big Boss is my…..- He stopped for a moment. No need to hide it anymore, Big Boss was not the only one for him - You know that one of my two most important persons in the world is missing. I know what you feel but you need to have patience. That’s what I try to do.” He finished his sentence in a whisper, as if he was reassuring this to himself.

“I’m sorry Kaz… I just… I didn’t mean to… vent my anger at you, I don’t know what else to do...”

She wiped the tears from her eyes and finally hug him. Kaz touched her head and caressed her hair. “We’ll find them, both of them. Go get some rest, I’ll let you know when we have any news.”

“If they find them, I volunteer to go with the rescue team. Please, Commander Miller.” She looked at him with a determined new look in her eyes.

Kaz let go a sigh… she was going to go either by his approval or by sneaking in, so he better agreed on that.

“Okay, you are in, soldier.”

Kaz let her go. She smiled at him and saluted. “I’ll be waiting for your instructions then. Good night, Kaz Miller.”

Kaz let go a chuckle. “You can’t be serious just for one minute, can you?” 

Buffalo followed her commander’s advice and went to have some rest. She wanted to be ready when the time came for her to go and rescue Quiet and Big Boss.

 

 

Kaz leaned on the baranda and smiled, he knew he wasn’t alone tonight.

“Good one Miller, I was ready to jump in any time, expecting this to escalate… but I’m glad you could calm her down.” Ocelot made himself visible, he had been hidden in the shadows, waiting to intervene the moment both Kaz and Buffalo argued aloud and all mother base would have something else to talk about.

“She has a strong temper.” Kaz answered, not surprised at hearing Ocelot. He knew the Russian could sneak his way to eavesdrop any conversation, just like Snake. But Kaz heard him, and could even sense he was there even if he hadn’t spoken up. Maybe because he was now so used to be around him.

“Just like you. That’s why you knew how to calm her down.” Ocelot grinned and leaned on the veranda, next to Kaz.

“I had to think it twice before snapping at her. She _accused_ me of being responsible for Quiet’s disappearance.” Kaz said staring at the dark ocean.

“I know. She told me something harsher though, that I _stole_ _you_ from Big Boss.” Ocelot let go a short laugh.

“I knew you were a bad guy but stealing another man’s lover? That’s low, huh?” Kaz turned to him with a weak grin. "This is supposed to be a joke. No, wait, it’s a terrible joke.”

“I let the Boss know my intentions the moment I started feeling… I mean... I asked him if he was ok with me fooling around with you and he agreed. That’s all I needed. And regarding her, even if our relationship with Flaming Buffalo has become rather _informal_ , you know that her behavior could have gotten herself put on the brig.” Now Ocelot was serious, and he was right.

“I know. But she’s hurt and she’s trying to find someone to blame. If not she’ll have to blame herself, and that’s even more painful than to blame the others… I know that.” Yes, Kaz knew that perfectly well… When they heard Snake was in trouble, the first thing he thought was that it had been his fault.

“Miller, you…”

“I’m responsible for Big Boss’s disappearance. He wanted to have some time alone and asked me for new assignments to take, so I gave him the list of all the short missions he could do in Africa… But then before jumping into the chopper, he asked me what would I do if I had to choose between him and you, can you believe that?”

Ocelot did not interrupt him and for a moment he broke eye contact and looked at the sea. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to hear Miller’s answer.

“I told him that I wasn’t sure. I took too long to answer and he noticed that, of course, he’s Big Boss after all. Then he told me he already knew my answer and that it was ok. I didn’t tell him otherwise and he left.”

Kaz did not look at him and turned around to head back to the office. Ocelot stopped him.

“What would you do Miller? Who would you choose?”

“We shouldn’t have fooled around and you know it. We are fighting a war against Cipher, there’s no time for this. Did you forget about our objective? What about it? I feel like I had been living in a dream, but we need to wake up.”

Ocelot pushed Kaz to the baranda. “I haven't forgotten for one minute about Big Boss's objective. But unlike you, I can do two things at once. Tell me you want to stop and I will. Say it, but say it to my face.”

Kaz pushed him away and did not answer. Ocelot then continued.

“If you really want to stop this, I give you until tomorrow. And if you don’t say anything to me, I’ll consider us done for good.”

Kaz didn’t look back and left him standing at the baranda.

 

* * *

 

It was nearly midnight and there was no news.

 

“What do you mean by ‘still nothing’? You are not searching enough.” Kaz had been barking orders for nearly an hour. Ocelot, who had entered the office a while after Miller,  approached him.

They hadn’t talked after Ocelot’s ultimatum.

“Miller, listen to me” The Russian put his hand on his shoulder, his voice was calm and collected, but soft. “Nothing’s gonna change if we are here or not, not until we have any news. Why don’t you get some sleep, we need to be ready.”

Miller shoved his hand away.

“No, you go to sleep if you want. I’ll stay here.”

Ocelot’s expression changed from soft to hard, he grabbed Miller’s wrist and grabbed his waist, pulling him closer to him. “You are coming with me, you need to rest Commander.”

Kaz couldn’t object to that. It seems that all his problems just disappeared when Ocelot pushed him closer.

Without expecting an answer, the Tactical Instructor asked the staff to contact him immediately when they had any news and took Kaz out of the main Intel office.

They walked in silence until they reached the door of Kaz’s room.

Kaz hesitated while he unlocked the door and opened it. He stood at the doorway but didn’t advance.

“Well, this is where I leave you Miller. Have some rest and I’ll contact you by radio if we have some news.” Ocelot adjusted the cable of his radio and moved away from Kaz.

“Wait” Kaz suddenly said.

“Do you need anything?” He asked in a neutral voice.

Miller did not talk so he turned to leave.

“Stay with me.” Kaz’s voice was betraying him, he was too emotional.

Ocelot watched him with a serious expression on his face and Kaz continued.  

“You… you don’t need to wait until tomorrow to hear my answer, you already know it anyway.” He leaned on the doorway and looked at the floor, feeling his face going red.

“I do.” The older man answered but remained on the same spot, hesitating.

Kaz pulled him inside his room and just… Hug him. There was so much tension, anger, frustration, too many emotions mixed inside his head and no one else but Ocelot could understand and know how to calm him.

“Don’t leave.”

“Let’s get some sleep Kaz.”         

 

Ocelot took off his holsters, guns, scarf, gloves and boots. He wouldn’t dare to take anything else off, he had to be somewhat ready for what may happen. He helped Kaz remove his coat and holster and then watched him remove the prosthetic from his leg. He kept his shirt and pants and they jumped into the bed. 

“I never imagined my first night sleeping with you on a bed would be like this… and with our clothes on.” Ocelot stared at the ceiling while he leaned next to Kaz on the bed. They didn’t move.

He never imagined this, both laying on the bed waiting for Big Boss to come home. He hated to admit that he wanted to have sex with Miller, no matter if Big Boss was missing or not. What the hell was happening to him?

“What? You wanted to have rough wild sex?” Kaz joked as if he had read his mind.

“Just as much as you do.”

Kaz frowned and placed his aviators on the nightstand. He hated being so emotional and dependent of the man lying next to him on his bed.

“Even if I try to push you away, I feel I can’t be without you and I hate you for that.” Kaz didn’t look at him and stared at a random spot of the room.

“What a strange reason to hate me.”

 After some awkward silence, Kaz continued talking. 

“I know we are both thinking the same. This is just the reason why we let Snake go away.”

“You are overthinking Miller.”

“You think so? I think we have something to do with his decision”

“No, there must be something else. He was the one who insisted on us being together, remember? Now I’m wondering what is his real motive…”  
Ocelot was now thinking that maybe this was more than just a 'hide and seek' game. And definitely, Big Boss was not one to waste time on games. Then what was it? Something else? But, what?

They didn’t speak further, neither of them dared to come closer to each other. If they did, they knew they wouldn’t stop. And with those things in mind, they fell asleep.

 

Ocelot thought he dream about him and Kaz fucking, just doing it on the bed while they were half dressed, his lips and skin felt so real… he ever thought he reached his climax and came.

Then he had another dream where he pictured Big Boss, telling him that the time had come for him to wake up. Or was it someone else’s awakening?

 

He woke up at his iDroid beeping. He grabbed it and, still sleepy, opened the message. It contained coordinates.

Kaz was cuddling him, his left arm resting on his chest, touching his skin. Ocelot had his arm around Kaz who was sleeping with his head on his chest. He realized he wasn’t wearing his shirt and his scars were visible. Kaz’s clothes were also messed, his shirt and pants opened. So he did have sex with Kaz after all. He wasn’t sure who started it but either way he realized he couldn’t even trust himself, not even in his sleep….

He thought it had been a dream but it was evident that they did something. But why did he picture Big Boss without his shrapnel? he felt dizzy, as if the room was spinning around.

He knew this feeling. Something he thought forgotten would come to light soon and suddenly he felt his heart racing.

“Ocelot, can you hear me?” Big Boss talked to him through the radio.

"Boss"

“I sent you the coordinates to your iDroid. Send me a chopper, I’m here with Pequod and Quiet, we are all right but we couldn’t make it to our chopper”.

His voice was different, what happened?

“Are you ok Boss?”

 

There was some silence until he spoke again.

“Yeah, I’m Ok. I just want to go home, see Kaz.. see you.”

"I'm on it Boss. Glad to hear you are alright."  Ocelot smiled relieved, but couldn't help but feel uneasy about this.

 

Kaz woke up and asked, still with his face buried in Ocelot's chest. “Where is he?”

Ocelot showed him the iDroid. “He just sent us these coordinates. It’s quite far from here, something must have happened.”

“That place is…”

“Zanzibar.”

“We don’t have any contracts there. What is he doing there?” Kaz went over Ocelot’s iDroid, looking at Snake’s mission list.

“That’s what I want to find out.”

Kaz watched Ocelot getting out of the bed, getting dressed and grabbing his holsters and revolvers. He looked at Kaz and his expression softened.

“I’ll go get him.”

 

Kaz remained on the bed while his brain was flooded with worries and fears. He couldn’t convince Ocelot to stay, that’d be too selfish. But he felt a sharp pain in his heart, somehow he knew someday it would come down to this. Whether Snake was in danger or not, Kaz was always waiting for Ocelot to leave him for Snake. But also he knew that not long ago, Kaz could had also left Ocelot for Snake.

Then he realized that something happened while they slept. It hadn't been a dream.

“Did we…?” Kaz looked at the messy sheets.

“I… I’m sorry Miller. I don’t know why I couldn’t control myself… I’m not always like this.” Ocelot showed his hands in defeat, he was ready to take the blame.

“No, it was me the one who kissed you first. I was sleepy too… Don't know why I did it, but you reacted to my kiss and we went on with it. I thought I was dreaming to be honest.”

“I felt the same thing. Well, I’m glad I didn’t do anything you didn’t want to.”

“You did do something I didn’t want you to.” Kaz face was serious and Ocelot didn’t know what he may have done to upset him.

“What did I do to you? Did I hurt you?” The Russian was fearing the worst, he sat on the bed and looked at him, trying to find bruises or cuts... or something in his expression that could tell him what happened.

“I didn’t want you to stop.” but Kaz smirked.

“Huh, you scared me.” He touched his leg, not daring to go further. “We have to get ready.” He said reluctantly while he stood up.

“If you wanna go get Snake I won’t stop you. If I could, I’d be already out there in the field looking for him.” That was probably true, too.

However, deep inside him, he wished Ocelot would stay at his side.

 

It wasn’t as if Ocelot never went out, he actually did go to aid Snake and Code talker when the Skulls attacked their chopper. Kaz didn’t want to admit it at that time, but not only he was worried about Snake, but also about Ocelot.

This time, as the Skulls had been eliminated, or so they thought, Kaz couldn’t understand what happened. Even after having reviewed every intel, every radio conversation with Snake, they couldn’t find anything.

 

What the hell was happening on Zanzibar?

 

* * *

 

That morning at 6 am, it was rather cold and foggy, but visibility was still good enough for them to depart. Ocelot and a group of soldiers were on the landing zone waiting for the chopper to arrive. Buffalo was also prepared with a serious look on her face.

 

Kaz stood next to Ocelot, he felt so useless without his limbs… now more than ever.

He grabbed the Russian’s shirt and pulled him closer, eye to eye, face to face, so close they could almost taste each other’s lips.

 “Я тебя люблю”

Ocelot didn’t know how to react to that. Miller, in front of his guards, admitting his love for him. Hopefully the guards who were there didn’t know Russian… or Kaz pronunciation was so bad that only Ocelot understood him.

What if he never saw him again?

“Miller, let me have a word with you.” He took Kaz away from everyone’s eyes, to a quiet corridor. “Why Kaz, why now?” He kissed him roughly while he felt Kaz’s hand on his back, pulling him closer.

“Come back in one piece. And bring Snake safe, we still have to give him the curry you cooked.”

“That we cooked.” Ocelot grinned while he pushed Kaz to the wall and whispered. “Too bad now it’s not the time for this. あなたのこと好き.”

Kaz let go a small laugh. “Say that to me in English”

“Maybe when I come back I will.”

“Bastard. Just go already.” Kaz smiled softly.

They returned to the landing zone wearing a poker face. Ocelot jumped into the chopper with Buffalo and two members of the Combat team.

 

Zebra and Raven were also there to say goodbye to Buffalo. Kaz thought this was ridiculous, this was a military base for God’s sake. What were all these people doing, saying goodbye to their loved ones as if they would go on a pleasure trip, or a business trip maybe? What was he doing then? Watching how his lover was going away? Kaz turned his back to the chopper and left for his office before the rescuing team would depart from Mother Base.

 

He had the feeling that everything would change.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Too tired to edit this any further, sorry for the mistakes. 
> 
> And just a heads up, I think some angsty chapters are coming soon, sorry :(  
> I hope I can make it to the good ending


	26. Loyalty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ocelot finds Venom, but he's not prepared to find someone else there, too.
> 
> Time to prove your loyalty.

 

There was silence while they traveled to Zanzibar. Buffalo was ignoring Ocelot, not because she was mad at him, but because she felt ashamed about all the harsh things she said to him. 

"Hey, we'll find them." as if he had been reading her thoughts, Ocelot talked to her. He knew that the girl must be feeling terrible, and he wanted to make their trip more enjoyable without any hard feelings. 

She sat next to him on the chopper, asking another of the soldiers to trade places with her. The man looked at her with a questioning look but did as she asked. Once she was sitting next to the Tactical Instructor she whispered to him "I'm sorry, I really encourage your relationship with you know who."

Ocelot cleared his throat and said a 'thank you', hoping his face wouldn't go red. 

It was as if she was trying to make up with him, so she added a "He loves you." to his ear before grinning and leaning back on her seat. Ocelot smiled at himself and passed a hand through his hair, before reaching to her and whispering back "She's crazy about you, you are no match for the Boss. Don't worry." and leaned back to his seat watching this time how her face went red while she tried to cover it with her hands.

 

The rescue team arrived at the destination point. They were in the middle of the jungle. It was strange for Ocelot to be out again, he missed the sounds of mother base, like the crashing waves of the sea, the laughing of the men and the giggling and gossiping of the women, and some men too… After all this time he had to admit that he never felt so at home. He even had friends, a rare thing for him who was always alone. And he could even feel what’s like to be in a relationship, he couldn't fool himself, the only thing he really missed about mother base was its commander. But he couldn’t think about that now.

Once the rest of the team got off the choppers, they started searching the zone for possible dangers. But they stopped, as their Boss was leaning on a tree smoking. He didn’t look like himself… He had one or two scratches but nothing serious. 

Pequod and Quiet were on the opposite side, sitting on a big trunk of an old tree. Buffalo ran to them and they all hugged. Ocelot slightly smiled but then focused his attention on Snake.

“What happened Boss, this is not like you. You don’t shut yourself away and disappear.”

“Something happened.”  Venom Snake gave him a faked smile and looked at the jungle.

Ocelot looked at his Boss, his expression was different from always. But of course, deep inside him he had always known the truth.

“Come on Ocelot, stop pretending. You know I’m not him. He told me it was time you woke up too.” Now Venom looked at him with a different expression on his face, so unlike him. 

And then something clicked inside Ocelot's mind.

“Venom Snake, you’ve finally awoken too…” His words came faster than his thoughts. This was too much, all his memories mixing inside his head, making him remember everything.

The hospital, John, Venom… How he worked with Miller all those 9 years and all the things he felt for him, all the things he felt for John. John’s expression when he finally woke up, emotionless and cold. Venom’s eyes, so full of fear at first, but then so full of understanding…

After all it had been so easy to pretend, so easy to fool himself.

 

“You know what will happen soon, we will still work for him while he’s building his real Outer Heaven. That was Big Boss’s plan all along.” Venom talked, looking at the sun which was beginning to fall between the trees at the distance. It would be night soon.

Ocelot felt a fool. He let himself fool him by going as far as hypnotizing himself…. What for? For John? He hasn’t contacted him, but apparently he did contact Venom. Should he feel jealous?

 

Venom continued talking as if he was a completely new person.  
“I needed time to think, that’s why I left. Time to think about my new mission, you, Kaz… and about who I was.” 

His new mission, Ocelot knew about it. It was as if his brain had opened a door with old memories, making him remember everything. The mission Venom Snake, Miller and himself had: continue to make Diamond Dogs stronger till it got absorbed by Outer Heaven. When this was done, there would be no more use for the Phantom.

"I see, there was no accident after all, the chopper didn't crash."

"No, he called me here. And he knew you would come to rescue me. He wants to see you Ocelot. He won’t stay long so you’d better hurry.” Venom’s words were gloomy, even though Ocelot knew he tried to sound emotionless.

“What do you mean he’s _here_?”

“Just follow that path, you’ll reach a clearing. I told him you were coming, but you need to go alone or he’ll leave. But I don’t have to tell you that, you already know Big Boss.” Venom puffed and looked at him with a still strange expression, his blue eye glimmering while the sun continued to go down.

 

Ocelot went through the path slowly. His mind was so overwhelmed that he didn’t want to think or feel anything anymore. His body was going on his own, while his mind was trying to shut down.

The sound of the Diamond Dogs’ choppers was dying as he went through the path, the birds were stopping their singing and giving place to the night creatures of the jungle who started to make themselves present.

 

He reached the clearing, but as the sun was almost down he could only see a dark figure standing, he wasn’t sure if it was his imagination or a large animal.

He stood there and watched how sparks of fire flashed on the figure, it was him indeed. Trying to light a cigar. 

“Adam, come over here and help me”.

His voice was familiar yet it wasn’t. There was this confidence in him that he never heard in Venom. This was John, it really was him.

He took a lighter from his pockets and got closer to him. Then, with a quick, powerful motion of his thumb, he rolled the sparkwheel down into the ignition button. He didn’t move and kept holding down the ignition button to keep the gas flowing, while watching the flame getting bigger.

Big Boss got closer and lighted his cigar. His perfect, unscarred face glowing with the flame’s light. He puffed and smiled, reaching Adam’s face with his free hand, touching his cheek.

“It’s good to see you again.”

Ocelot never felt so disarmed, except when he was with… he couldn’t even think about him, now John was invading all his thoughts, the only thing he could do was say his name.

 

“ **John** ”  he almost gasped.

 

“You did an excellent job with Venom, he’s truly my phantom . I trust everything else is going well?” Now he removed his hand from his face and watched him while he smoked. “I heard my phantom and Kaz defeated Skull Face and his Metal Gear, Sahelanthropus. It was Zero’s strike force after all...” This business-like talk was so odd… Wasn’t he going to ask about Miller? About all the things they had to endure while putting themselves on the spotlight? How they were the most wanted PF of them all? All for his revenge. All for you John. 

For a moment, Ocelot felt angry, Venom and Kaz did everything, they nearly wiped down Zero’s strikeforce while John was doing his business somewhere else. But no, he couldn't blame John, it was his blame too. His past self allowed this, this encounter was arranged by his past self, he was sure, that's why his memory triggered, this happened because Ocelot himself wanted things to be this way. 

But his past self never considered falling in love with another man…. Giving up his own laments, he just smiled, he couldn’t help but beg for John’s gratitude and he answered him back using the same business-like tone. He even faked a smile.

“They did a magnificent job, they are a pretty good team. Venom Snake and Miller. Or should I say you and him? are a good team…”

“Kaz still doesn’t know anything about this I presume.” Big Boss’s smile faded.

“No, he still believes Venom Snake is you. But he does has his doubts…” He couldn’t tell him that it was precisely because of his phantom’s flaws, or differences, that Kaz fell for another man. And Ocelot himself hadn’t really been interested in Venom Snake at first, he found the Diamond Dogs’ Commander more attractive to tease and seduce…

“Good, but now it’s time for him to know the truth too. Outer Heaven is almost ready, but I need Kaz. He knows how to run things alright, he did an excellent job in both MSF and Diamond Dogs, no doubt about it, he’ll make great things at my side again.”

Ocelot looked away, he didn’t understand why he was feeling so angry. Was it because he was jealous of John admitting that he needed Kaz? was he jealous of Kaz? Or was he mad because he loved Kaz and didn’t want John to take him away from him?

However,  every minute he watched John, it seemed as if he was taking over his heart, casting everyone else away... casting Kaz away. Even though Adam knew John just use him, just as he was using Kaz… His head was still a mess, everything was so confusing.

While he was deep in his thoughts, he didn’t realize John approached him and grabbed him by his waist, pulling him closer to him.

“I know you miss this Adam, so I’ll make an exception and give you a reward.” Big Boss put his cigar away and pushed Ocelot to a tree. He kissed his neck and grabbed his ass with both hands. Ocelot didn’t have time to react and just let John take advantage of his body. If he needed a proof that he still had feelings for John, with this he could say that he missed him, it had been too long since he was with him, more than 10 years. He took John’s face with his hands and kissed him. At first he didn’t kiss back but he eventually did, slipping his tongue inside his mouth and grinding him to the tree. The kiss was wild and hard, just as the man himself.

He tasted so different from Venom, so different from Kaz… he was not sweet, His kiss tasted bitter, but it was like a drug he couldn’t stop consuming. It was like a shadow, consuming him and leaving him empty inside. Numb.

 

Snake deepened the kiss, his tongue tasting him slowly this time, then he bit his lower lip twice before kissing him once more. He left him breathless before pulling back. The kiss was sloppy and wild, as always he wasn’t the best kisser but it was enough to make him feel aroused.

“So impatient as always Adam.” He smirked and touched his bulge. It was as if he was mocking him, but Ocelot didn’t care. He never did.

Without taking his hand off his crotch, Snake talked.

“I need you to talk to Kaz and make him take my offer. Tell him that he did an excellent job with managing both Diamond Dogs and my phantom. Huh… Kaz always knew how to handle me, it wouldn’t be a surprise that he got his way with my phantom as well... Soon, he’ll join me in Outer Heaven as my XO, just like old times. I expect you will know how to handle Kaz, right Adam?”  
  
Big Boss was seducing him with his low voice. He was so full of himself, so cool and collected as always. So emotionless, but he still got a glimpse of a rare smile on his face which Ocelot never thought he’d see on John’s face. It was a nostalgic feeling, the longing for something… Or rather someone, to come back to him.

Ocelot knew that feeling very well.

“Boss, I…” he didn’t know what to say but he knew he was going to have to play the messenger again. What was he to John? It was evident that Kaz was all he wanted, but Adam didn’t care.. it had always been like this, he had already accepted his place as the second. If only he could make John happy… that was all that mattered. Even if he had just kissed him because that’s what Ocelot wanted, what he needed, and John gave him just that… it was not what John felt… Adam was no fool, he knew he was John’s shadow, and he accepted it.

‘ _To me you are my number one’_ Kaz’s words still lingered in his head. He never was the important one, always the second. Would he sacrifice his selfish love for Big Boss’s dream?  Would he give Kaz away?

“Kaz's not easy to handle, and I know you don’t like him, so you won’t bend to his whims. That’s why I need you Adam, my phantom is loyal to me, but he has a flaw when it comes to Kaz. You need to convince Kaz to join me. I don’t care if he’s ‘infatuated’ with my phantom, after all, he thinks he’s me.”

Don’t do that John, don’t touch me… He thought while he let Big Boss corner him again, his face so close to his.

 

John’s eye then looked down, to his chest. He caught a glimpse of red, the scar Kaz gave him was still fresh and healing. Ocelot covered his chest with his scarf but Big Boss grabbed his hand and put the scarf away, displaying the scar. 

“What’s this Adam? It’s so rare to see you with a scar.” His voice had a slight tone of annoyance and Ocelot shivered.

“You know it’s not easy to handle a private army, it keeps growing and the recruits not always agree with you… so these kind of things happen.” He couldn’t let John know about this, it will definitely screw things over. 

Snake trailed a finger through it and Ocelot flinched. “You work so hard for me too… I don’t forget about your loyalty. Still, when I see this scar.. it’s so well made, it looks like it was made on purpose. Who was it? Was it my phantom?”

Ocelot could feel Snake’s breath, so close to his mouth. That mix of tobacco and musk… he felt a mixture of arousal and repulsion. He had longed for this moment and now he wasn’t sure if he wanted to get away or beg John to fuck him.  

Snake continued talking, his voice husky  “Did my phantom… fuck you?”

Was John testing him? 

“No, he… he only has eyes for Miller. I did this to me. I needed to feel something, so I gave myself a scar.” It was incredible how a good liar he was, even with John. 

Snake kissed his scar and then kissed him again. He was definitely trying to prove who the boss was. ‘ _You belong to me_ ’, that’s what he was trying to prove. But Big Boss.. probably belonged to Kaz.. or rather, he didn’t belong to anyone really. They were all pawns in his ultimate goal, and he wasn’t interested neither in sex nor love, but he knew what other people wanted, what Adam wanted.

It was so fake, but he let himself be kissed by him while he felt him growing harder in his pants. He let Snake pull his pants down and flip him on his back, facing the tree. He then felt John’s tongue on his entrance, licking him while he spread his cheeks.

Adamska had to grab to the tree while he breathed hard, trying to forget that this really meant nothing to John, he was doing it just to please him.

But it was ok to just let himself go and made himself believe this was real, that Big Boss only had eyes for him and that he actually wanted to make Adam his. Truth was, his tongue was making him grow harder. He removed his glove to touch his own dick.

“John…" 

Then he felt Snake’s breath on his nape. “Hn, this is weird. You smell like him, Adam. You smell like Kaz.”

Of course, less than 12 hours ago he had sex with the Diamond Dogs’ Commander on his own bed.

 

“Don’t make fun of me John. You know I’m forced to see his face everyday. It’s natural that we smell alike.” He had forgotten how sharp John’s senses were, it would take great mind control and spy skills to deceive him, and Ocelot was clever enough to do it.

“That’s true, you got me there. There’s no way you two can be together, I know you despise him. But Adam, you are a handsome man, don’t forget where your loyalties lie.”

A shiver ran through his spine while he felt John’s cock slowly entering him. He couldn’t help but whimper, and a strange feeling of loneliness invaded his thoughts. He could not think about John anymore, he only thought about Kaz and that he was cheating on him. Big Boss entered him fast and started to fuck him raw and fast, harder and stronger.

Adam removed his hand from his cock and leaned on the tree, John’s movements were leaving him breathless and he was losing his strength. His body was not used to being taken like this. John’s cock was so big in his hole that it hurt and he couldn’t stop the tears running through his face.

He was having John, finally. But he was only thinking about Kazuhira Miller. How pathetic.

Trying to think about what he was feeling at the moment, he concentrated in feeling John until he got used to the intrusion and only when his mind blocked Miller he began to enjoy this. His hips moved in rhythm with John’s, he parted his lips and moaned lowly.

 

“Adam, are you loyal to me?” Big Boss’s voice was seducing him, and all Adam could hear was his own moaning, John’s low growls and the sound of his cock pounding his ass. He felt such a slut.

“I... I am loyal to you.”

“You feel so good… I needed this as much as you did. You were always so good at pleasing me. So obedient… Don’t forget this.” Snake bit his neck while he continued to fuck him until he came inside him while gripping his hips. 

As soon as he did it he removed himself from him and zipped his pants. Ocelot didn’t care that he couldn’t come, he was just too overwhelmed to concentrate on that so he just fixed himself and pulled his pants back on. He didn’t feel like jerking off…and Snake couldn’t care less.

Many years ago, when Ocelot was still young and naive, he’d just demand Snake to either suck him or watch him jerking off. It all made sense at that time, specially because Kazuhira Miller was not in the picture. But he wasn't a kid anymore, and he had too much going on inside his broken mind.

“You have my complete trust Adamska, but I still need to confirm Kaz’s loyalty, if he doesn't… well, you know what happens to those who betray me…" Snake wasn't smirking and his tone of voice made it clear he was warning him.

"That won't happen. Leave it to me." Adam couldn't help but fake a smile, he needed to show Snake how little he cared about Kaz, but how much he cared about him joining Snake or not. "I'll deal with Miller."

"Good. Ask Venom for my radio frequency. I expect a satisfactory answer soon.”

He placed a hand in Ocelot’s shoulder as a ‘thank you’. He didn’t care about the dry tears in Adam’s face… Of course not… He just took what he wanted and then disappeared into the dark jungle.

 

Ocelot let himself fall to his knees and rested his hands on the ground with his eyes closed… Thinking….

He had to make a choice. He knew that if Kaz didn’t join Snake, they would become enemies, and worst case scenario… John would kill Kaz.

But how could Snake doubt about Kaz’s loyalty to him? After all, he gave an arm and a leg for him… And John just fucked Adam just because he wanted to show him who the Boss was. His motives were just business. There was no such thing as love in all this. John couldn’t possibly love Kaz if he just fucked him as if it were a business transaction… Or was he the only one who was wrong? Was he the only fool who was being too romantic? Since when?? Hadn’t he fucked a subordinate just because he needed release and just because he looked like Kaz?

Still, he couldn’t continue his 'thing' with Kaz. Absolutely worst scenario… Snake would kill them both… and Ocelot didn’t want to try his luck.

 

He had to go back to his previous self, when he was cold and didn’t care about anyone but John. As Kaz said to him once, their relationship was a mistake. There were at war, there was no time for romance. How stupid.

 

* * *

  

He made his way back to the chopper. Venom was sitting on a rock listening to one of Buffalo’s stories. Quiet was holding her hand and for a moment Adamska felt bitter and jealous when he looked at the happy couple.

“Boss… We’re ready to go.” He walked past Quiet and she looked at him confused. He ignored her and jumped in the chopper.  “I need to talk to you, alone.”

“Buffalo, Quiet, go to the other chopper. We’ll stay in touch by radio if needed.” Snake placed one hand on each of the women, he knew Ocelot wasn’t friendly with them, and he needed to talk to him. The meeting with Big Boss may have affected him. “Quiet… don’t take it personal, Ocelot, he… I need to talk to him, Ok? And also, thanks for worrying about me, sorry Buffalo for making you worry too...”

“Oh Boss.. don’t mention it!” She smiled and hugged Quiet, while they walked to the other chopper.

 

Snake jumped into the chopper, Adam was looking at the window. It was dark and there was almost nothing to see, but he kept on staring at the window, at his own reflection. 

The chopper took off, and Pequod concentrated on the controls. He had been working for Ocelot and Kaz before he was assigned to Venom and he was one of the men Ocelot most trusted as the pilot knew where and when to shut his mouth. He could speak without filtering anything, it was his word against his anyway, and he was determined on letting Miller know about this eventually. 

He decided to talk to Venom, his voice was still cold.

“Vincent Guevara, MSF’s best man after Big Boss himself. I never knew you in person but I know the person you are now. I can now see the difference between you and John.” 

Venom smiled weakly, he was still not used to that name and it sounded so foreign to him.

“You are right, we never met in person. I only heard from you when Big Boss and Kaz talked about you.”

Kaz… He didn’t want to think about it now. But Venom, he had him in front of his eyes. It hurt a little that Venom’s love for him was the result of him hypnotizing Venom and thus he had all of John’s memories. Hadn’t it been weird? John never told him that he loved him, and yet Venom Snake did, many times. It felt so real…

“Sorry Vince, I made you give me a blob job. Sorry about that.” Ocelot smiled, what was that remark for? couldn't he think in something more interesting to say? but truth was, he felt ashamed. How much had he corrupted this man. Not only he messed with his memories and mind, but also he got involved with him.

“Ocelot….” There was silence…. Adam thought Venom was regretting this, but he continued talking “You know, I thought I felt something for you because of Big Boss’s memories. Truth is that after all my own old self ended up liking you too. I realized that when I let you seduce Kaz. I understand that I may not be what you were expecting, and that’s ok. I could never really treat neither you nor Kaz the way he did, that’s why Kaz is so cold to me... ” Venom tried not to break, but he really wanted to tell Ocelot his real feelings. 

“I… he isn’t cold to you. But he still doesn’t know the truth.” For a moment Ocelot's voice was soft. 

How would Kaz react to this? What would happen with what they built so far? Would Kaz still love Venom? Would he love him? What if….?

 

Would he leave Kaz for John?

 

“He loves Big Boss, he doesn’t love Venom Snake” Vincent passed his flesh hand through his face, he was tired, and … sad?

Ocelot didn’t know what to say to that, but the show must go on.

“I don't care if he loves him or not, he needs to prove his loyalty to him. We all have roles to play, and Miller has to return to Big Boss. That’s the second part of the plan. Do _you_ understand Vince? I mean, Boss?”    
  
Ocelot was now facing him, his face expressionless. For a moment, Venom did not recognize him. “To me, and to all Diamond Dogs, you are still Big Boss. You still have to play your role, as well as Miller, he has his role to play in this too.” 

“Are you going to tell him?” Venom asked, hesitation and fear on his voice. 

“Yes.”

This was Ocelot’s fault. He had agreed with Zero on excluding him from the plan. There was no way he could have disagreed. He didn’t even believe in himself and had to use self hypnosis, no way he could have trusted in Kaz at that time… even if now, Kaz was the person he most trusted in the world, but that was about to change.

 

Just one small talk to destroy everything they had.

 

“He’ll not like it.” Venom said slightly grimacing. 

“He doesn’t need to _like_ it or not. He just needs to agree with Big Boss’s plan.”

This is how things are now. Time to put his mask back on, for the sake of John.

“What about you and him?” Venom hesitated. “You seemed to be so… in lo-.”

“Look Vince, I’ll only say this to you once, and you have to promise me you won’t tell Kaz. I’ll have to make him hate me, that's the only way we can both focus on our mission. I know lately we've been 'distracted' and I'm gonna fix that. And you can’t stop me.”

I need to make Kaz hate me. It’s the only way to protect him, Ocelot thought while he let all those emotionless words come out of his mouth.

“You’ll break his heart. He really lov-” 

“Don’t say it. - he pointed at him with his index finger. - If Big Boss finds out _you_ let us play the _happy couple_  right under your nose, you are doomed too.”

Venom closed his eye and leaned on the back of his seat. “Alright. If this is how things are going to be now…” He didn't sound convincing, he was somewhat angry. Ocelot didn't care, he couldn't allow himself to care about that.

“As soon as we set foot on Mother Base, Phase 2 of Big Boss’s plan will commence. You’d better get used to it, _Boss_. ”

Venom frowned and looked at the night sky reflecting his face... Big Boss's face... his new self. 

 

The only sound which could be heard was Pequod touching buttons on the chopper's flight controls and its buzzing sound. Neither Ocelot nor Venom speak for the rest of the trip.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How to destroy your OTP in two chapters... Every word I type is like an agony lol
> 
> Anyway... I tried so HARD to write Big Boss, I only wrote about him when he was still somewhat naive for one of my unfinished stories/drafts, I've never written a post TPP Big Boss. 
> 
> Next chapter will be hard too... (why did I even got myself into this AU? lol)  
> For those of you asking me, there's gonna be a GOOD ending, but the road to it will be difficult D:
> 
>  
> 
> About Venom's name, I'm using my own headcanon. I made a little research because I'm using him on a bbkaz/medic draft I'm working on (tbh it's been on a hiatus since last year till I finish other stories first). I realized I chose the same name as kawaiibooker (Vicente is a common name in Argentina) so I decided to change it for its English version Vincent. And it really fits what I thought about his background story, Venom belongs to the Che Guevara family and he decided to escape his identity as Guevara (ironic, huh?) so he ended up being recruited by Kaz and Big Boss (who are Che guevara fans xD )  
> I still need to research on that, but did u know Che Guevara was a medic too? 
> 
> Last but not least, my apologies if you didn't like my sad bosselot xD (I think post TPP BB really doesn't care about anyone. He doesn't care about neither Ocelot nor Kaz (in a romantic or sexual way), I see him too focused on his own war)
> 
> Feel free to tell me what you think! I nearly died writing this lmao


	27. Scar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ocelot decides to tell the truth to Kaz. He's aware that he'll destroy everything there ever was between them.
> 
> But he never expected Kaz's reaction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another hard chapter :(
> 
>  
> 
> I'm adding little hints of what's going on with Kaz, I've spoken to some of you who already know what's coming, if you guess what's happening with Kaz's body I hope you enjoy it! 
> 
> (it's one of my headcanons)

 

 

_We will forsake our countries. We will leave our motherlands behind us and become one with this earth. We have no nation, no philosophy, no ideology. We go where we're needed, fighting, not for government, but for ourselves. We need no reason to fight. We fight because we are needed. We will be the deterrent for those with no other recourse. We are soldiers without borders, our purpose defined by the era we live in. We will sometimes have to sell ourselves and services. If the times demand it, we'll be revolutionaries, criminals, terrorists. And yes, we may all be headed straight to hell. But what better place for us than this? It's our only home. Our heaven and our hell. This is Outer Heaven._

 

* * *

 

Kaz remembered the words Big Boss pronounced as if it were yesterday. All these years, Big Boss's war had been his war, even when Big Boss was in coma. Kaz never forgot those words. That's what Diamond Dogs was for. To follow Big Boss's ideals, to follow the dream they had. 

"I'm indeed a revolutionary, a criminal, terrorist, even a murderer... all for you Boss..." 

He threw himself on the couch of his office and grabbed his temple. He was losing his focus, Big Boss was not at the center of his world, he had replaced him with no other than Big Boss's Russian right hand man, the sometimes triple agent, spy, Interrogator Specialist and what else? tactical instructor, Revolver Shalashashka Ocelot. 

How little did he really know about this man, and how crazy he was about him.

Last night he had sex with Ocelot while he was half asleep and half conscious. How desperate he was. And how irresponsible too… Snake was missing and his subconscious only wanted to fuck the Russian.

Why was he so infatuated with him? was it because he was different from Snake? was this only a temporary infatuation or did he really think he could actually have a relationship with the Interrogator Specialist? Was he so stupid to even think that they could be a happy couple? What about the dream he and Snake had? 

Still, lately Snake was not being himself. He just obeyed Kaz's every command. Where was that spirit of him? Where was that Big Boss who wanted to have his own army without borders? 

He couldn’t understand what could have happened that lead Snake to Zanzibar. Was he following a lead to Cipher? Something else?

His head hurt, he didn’t sleep well… But he slept so well when he shared the bed with Ocelot, he wasn’t sure if the man had some sort of special powers that made him feel that way, but definitely Kaz sensed there was more to their relationship than just argue, tease and fuck each other.

But the feeling he’d leave him still lingered… making him close his eyes and forcing himself not to think anymore.

His head was spinning and he felt as if he was drowning. He was losing consciousness again… at least he was on the couch and wouldn’t fall to the floor…

 

How long has it been…?

 

_He dream he was running through a jungle with both legs again, feeling the rain on his face and the water on his feet while he ran jumping the water puddles. Wind and dirt on his face. He came to a halt suddenly, it was dark but his eyes burned. He saw two eyes glowing, a blueish spark coming from them. The figure stepped forward revealing himself._

_Just as if he was facing a mirror, he was facing himself. The weird blue eyed blond smirked and pushed him to the ground. Then he jumped to him and grabbed Kaz's neck with one hand, gripping it, while he grabbed Kaz's right arm with the other, and spoke to his ear in a perfect Japanese._  
  
_"Kazuhira, sono teido ka? Kono shoubu o katsu no wa, kono ore da.!  ("Is that all you got? I am the one who will win this game.")_

_"Anta wa dare?" Kaz asked who he was, his hand was still gripping his neck and he had hard time talking._

_But the blond only laughed and gripped him harder. His eyes, right arm and left leg burned. The pain was unbearable, as if he was bleeding to death._

_"Nigasenai!"  He didn't care and seemed to gloat at Kaz's suffering. I won't let you escape, were his words._

_Despair invaded his mind. No one would come and rescue him. Kaz wondered if he was in hell and he was facing his own demon... he had it coming... Snake couldn't help him, he had his own demons to deal with.. and Ocelot... well, he was the demon himself. No way he'd come and help him..._

 

He heard the door opening slowly and he wasn’t surprised, after all he didn’t bother in locking the door.

He opened his eyes and saw one of his bodyguards, Lizard with Raven and Zebra.

“What is it?” He asked with a soft voice, he was still trying to wake up.

“We… we wanted to check up on you Commander.” Lizard spoke  softly.

 

Kaz felt really tired anyway, maybe it was this stressful situation making his body react this way.  
“I’m fine. I just closed my eyes for a moment.”

The three glanced at each other.

“It’s almost 6pm, Sir. You’ve been here for more than 12 hours.” The man spoke again, fearing Kaz would snap at them.

Kaz sat up surprised and touched his head trying with no luck to fix his messy hair. He didn’t have his aviators on and he covered his eyes, the light was killing him.  
“12 hours?”

“We tried contacting you and we didn’t receive any reply so we got worried.” Zebra talked with a soft voice, she knew how this was affecting all of them. Specially their Commander.

Kaz regained his posture, sitting on the couch straight and putting on his aviators.  
“Any news?”

“No, we thought you may have something.” Zebra said a little too low.

Kaz glanced at his iDroid, a blue light was flashing on the screen so something must have happened. He grabbed it growling and checked the messages. How the hell did he just missed the message alert? What the hell was happening with him?

 

 _‘Found him. Returning to base. ETA 2100’_ read the message. It was from Ocelot.

 

“They found the Boss. They’ll arrive at 9 pm” Kaz said but for a strange reason he wasn’t happy. Yes, he was relieved but still uneasy.

“Let’s go to the Command Platform, we’ll try to contact them.”

Kaz tried to stand up but he suddenly felt dizzy and his left leg burned, he even felt his left foot's fingertips touching the floor. But… he didn’t have a left foot anymore...

Lately he’d been having strange episodes of passing away. It was as if… He had all his limbs again, but his right arm hurt like hell. Just like being in a constant pain.

He had been ignoring the requests from Code Talker to have a meeting with him. Truth was, Kaz used the hamburgers story to cover his real motive. Everytime he saw the old man he tried to tell him what was going on with him, but he always ended up with some trash talk about junk food.

He was feeling the pain again, but he couldn’t show any weakness to his men, he wouldn’t allow himself to do it, so this was rather bothersome.

“Let’s go Commander. I won’t tell anyone, I can keep your secrets.” Lizard put an arm around his waist and joked, hoping he could make Miller feel better. He had realized Miller was in pain and was trying to fake he was actually alright. Lizard learnt to read him, after all this time being close to him.

“You’d better keep your mouth shut then.” Kaz barked.

“Hey, don’t touch him too much or Ocelot will get mad at you.” Raven joked but maybe her comment was too much. But even Kaz smiled, at this rate he couldn’t hide it any longer, there was no use in denying the rumors...

Truth was that he had also been skipping meals again as his pain was stronger than ever. At least physical pain was distracting him from his tormented thoughts...

Kaz realized that the 2 female staff members were part of Ocelot’s inner circle. And Lizard was his bodyguard so they all practically knew about him and Ocelot. This was unprofessional, yes, but also… Nice, to have people to rely on.

  
He gave them a weak smile and let them walk him to the Intel platform.

 

* * *

 

At approximately 10 pm the rescue team came back. All the staff who was not on guard duty was there to welcome the team and congratulated them for the great mission.

Kaz watched them with a serious look on his face, he was not smiling… Something happened, he could tell by the gloomy look on Ocelot and Snake.

Ocelot didn’t look at Kaz, he just left the landing zone. Snake approached Kaz and held him in his arms, his embrace was strong, but he was somewhat shaking. Did they have a fight?

“Boss, I’m so glad you are back.” Kaz could relax but just a little.

“Kaz, I … Missed you so much.”

Nobody else heard him but Kaz wondered why this was so sudden. Snake changed and after the coma he did tell him his feelings, but not so suddenly.

“Snake, what happened?”

“Go to your office. Ocelot is waiting you there. He’ll tell you everything.” Venom’s voice was soft but it had a hint of anger. There had been an argument between them indeed.

 

While Kaz walked to his office, he could feel Snake following him. Why was he escorting him? He was going to meet Ocelot, not some enemy... this was bad. He turned on his heels and faced Snake.

"Boss, are you going to be at this sudden meeting? If you are, why aren't you walking next to me?" Kaz spoke slowly while he watched Big Boss approach him. "Why so serious Boss?" He tried to joke but he wasn't smiling, he had a bad feeling about this. 

"You need to talk to Ocelot. I'll be outside." He just said lighting a phantom cigar.

"Whatever Boss." Kaz snorted and turned his back on him  

 

He arrived and opened the door of his own office.

“I’m here.” He was serious and exchanged looks with the man who was sitting at his desk looking gloomy. For a moment Kaz didn’t recognize him, he looked like someone else. Just like a demon.

This was not going to be a ‘welcome back’ party. This was business talk.

“Miller, sit down.”

Not even a nice word to him… Kaz had the feeling that he’d never hear that ‘I love you’ the Russian promised to say to him before setting off with the rescue team.

"Glad you are inviting me to have a seat at my own office."

He sat down and waited for Ocelot to talk.

 

The Russian seemed to be hesitating, or rather he was calculating his words.

“Whatever this is, just go straight to the point. I don’t like that look on your face.” Kaz counter attacked with his Hell Master voice. Ocelot smirked.

“You always wondered why Big Boss had been acting different since he woke up from the coma. Clearly, there were times when he didn’t seem like himself, and there were times when he seemed to go back to his old self. But most of the times, he was someone else with Big Boss’s appearance, and you noticed it.” Ocelot talked as if he was explaining something technical like the recoil effect of a gun to the recruits. His voice was emotionless.

Yes, Kaz did notice the difference. He was not the same person he met many years ago.

“I don’t think I understand your point.”

“Venom Snake is not the real Big Boss…” Ocelot continued as if he was talking about the weather.

Now everything made sense but… He couldn’t believe it. All this time he had been dealing with an imposter?

He slammed his fist to the table. “What the fuck are you saying? Then who the hell is Venom Snake? Another clone?”  
Kaz’s hand was shaking and he couldn’t understand if it was fear, disappointment or... it was just extreme rage at the fact that he had been fooled.

“Calm down. Let me explain it to you. When Zero took Snake away from you and placed him at that hospital in Cyprus, he also took the Medic who saved the Boss. He… Made the Medic look like Big Boss himself and…” His voice was failing, he had to breathe and continue.

_Come on Adam, you are losing him already, hit him with everything you’ve got._

“Zero made me transfer Big Boss’s memories to the Medic. After all he was more dead than alive. His final move was to protect Snake from the explosion. He wanted to die for him.”

There was silence for a couple of seconds… So he is- no, was still alive and Zero and Ocelot erased him… Kaz didn’t want to say his name, his best friend… He had already mourned his death long ago. And Ocelot was the one who helped him accept his death back then. What a hypocrite, why now? Had he been lying to him all this time? Even when they admitted their feelings for each other? Had that also been a lie?

“What was this all for? If the Boss has some plan, what is it?” Kaz didn’t want to look weak, he chewed up all those emotions and feelings… And continued, unaltered except for his face.

“The real Big Boss is working separately from us, to create his new nation.”

“New nation…?”

“A military nation above and apart from all, the true ‘Outer Heaven’ Something created to maintain world balance. Independent of the struggle for supremacy for personal profit, the cycles of revenge between countries. It will be an army all right, but more. Big Boss is building a nation. But.. until it’s complete, we support the other Big Boss. The phantom carries on his legend… his meme. That, is Big Boss’s plan.”

Ocelot had memorized this while he was on the trip back to mother base. His mind thought of every possible reaction of Miller and how to counter attack. But what was he saying? The words came to him so easily, this was a made up speech. Did he actually believe every word? It didn’t matter, he had to finish his mission and take Kaz to John.

That had been his ultimate goal, guide Venom Snake and make sure Kaz would follow Big Boss when the time came. But he screwed up and let himself be weak, let Kazuhira Miller enter into his life. And himself deliberately made Kaz love him. How could he?

If he didn’t make Kaz hate him now, he’d fail his mission. He’d fail John.

“So that’s the way it is…. Nine years ago, I thought everything has been taken from me. But now I really have lost it all. The Boss, the future we were building together… _you_ …” Kaz couldn't hide his emotions any longer, he was breaking down in front of his now former lover.

_Ignore him. Ignore him and just keep talking. Keep playing your role Adam._

“One day, the age of Big Boss’s sons will arrive. They’ll likely want to settle the score with him. We have to shape that age. We’ll each have roles to play. Building the foundation for a revolution held by Both Big Bosses, the true one, and the phantom..-”

“No… Big Boss can go to hell.”

Ocelot didn't expect this, didn't expect Kaz to defy John.

_No Kaz, this is not your call. You have to hate me, put the blame on me, not on him._

 

“This is how things are gonna be Miller. You were right, I was just using you for fun. I couldn’t fuck Snake because he left me for you, so I got to fuck you instead. No hard feelings, huh? Can’t you see? Truth is, Big Boss _wants you._ ”

Time to make Kaz hate me, he thought. Time to make him go back to John.

“I’m not sure what to believe anymore, you are such a liar that even when you tell the truth you are lying but I don’t think it matters to you anymore.”

 _If you wanted to break me down, congratulations, you made it_ , Kaz thought but he wouldn’t tell him that, never.

“No, not really. I don’t care what you think of me, I only care about my mission.” And he had to do it, that well-acted smirk, the one he saved for his worst enemies he was now giving it to the person that was once (still was) his number one.

“Well played, Ocelot. You are the winner of your own game, congratulations. I’d clap but I only have one arm. I gave my other arm away for the sake of your beloved Big Boss.”

Kaz shoved his hand in the air while he smiled back.

He was on the verge of breaking down and he felt his body going hotter, a strange adrenaline rush flowing through his veins. Ocelot was not worthy of seeing Kaz’s weakness. Not anymore.

“Big Boss was very pleased with your outstanding performance on leading Diamond Dogs. And if we don’t mention him our _little fling_ , then I can tell you that he has an offer for you. That is, in case you change your mind…” Ocelot smirked and continued to act as if nothing had happened between them. 

‘ _Little fling_ ’... Wasn’t Ocelot the one who forced a love confession from him? Weren’t they _dating?_

Kaz was now gripping what was left of his right arm and looking at him with a killer look. He could feel the phantom fingers from his right arm gripping into a fist, this pain was unbearable. This physical and emotional pain, was just unbearable.

And Kaz was fed up with this bullshit.

“Little fling you said? That was your goal all this time? Did you seduce me and fuck me just to test my loyalty to Big Boss? If that's the case, you already know my answer.” Kaz opened his shirt, almost ripping the buttons off and showed him the scar Ocelot himself gave him. “Do you remember this? I sold my loyalty to Big Boss for _this_. Pathetic, huh?”

Ocelot tried with all his will not to react to that. It really meant a lot to him what they did back then. In his own way, it had been like giving Kaz a ring. Back then he really thought he had it all, Big Boss and Miller, and that stupid idea that they could be partners for life. All that belonged to the past, now that he knew the truth he had to stick to his mission.  
_Keep talking Adam, ignore the fact that he’s telling you he still loves you…_

“When the time comes, Big Boss wants you to be his XO in the real Outer Heaven. That’s in Zanzibar. That’s why his Phantom went there, to meet Big Boss…. Venom Snake knows he doesn’t get to choose, he was made to follow Big Boss’s orders. But, what about you,  Miller? Will you follow Big Boss too?”

The more he lied to himself and kept playing his role, the easier it became. Everything fell apart so there was no use in trying to pick up the pieces.

“ **Fuck you!** and Fuck Big Boss! I’ll make his Phantom and his sons stronger to send him to hell. For that, I’ll keep playing my role.”

Kaz straightened his shirt, hiding the scar Ocelot gave him and made up his mind to keep his word. Ocelot could not do anything at the moment but to play his role as well.

“Huh, you know… sooner or later there will be only one Boss. There’s only room for one Boss. His sons are fated to face each other someday too. If the day comes that you go back to Cipher, I’ll aid the other son. And you and I will be enemies too. One of us will have to kill the other.”

Final blow, _hate me Kaz_.

“Fine by me. I’ll be ready for the new age. I don’t need liars like you at my side.”

For a moment Ocelot thought he saw Kaz’s eyes glowing through his shades and his face grew darker. Just like hers… this was a surprise, was it his imagination?

“You have to understand that-”

“No, this is it. Stop messing with me. I knew you’d someday leave me for Big Boss. Funny but I never imagined you would leave me for _another_ Big Boss. I don’t care what you do till you leave this base, we can get used to coexisting, but _stay out of my way_.”

Kaz stood up, he needed to run away, to think. If not he’d take his gun and kill Ocelot, or put the gun on his own head and kill himself.

“It’s all said then.” Ocelot extended his hand to shake his. So cold, so unfamiliar.

Kaz saw that gesture as an insult. This man who had told him he loved him the day before, was now completely denying and throwing away everything that had ever existed between them.

 

Without thinking it twice, he drew his gun and pointed it right at Ocelot's head.

 

“Will you kill me Miller? Really?” Ocelot gave him a cold look and a defying smile.

Kaz shot a bullet which slightly brushed his right ear. He was serious.

Ocelot's smile faded and he drew his own revolver and pointed back at Kaz.

“I advice you to pull the trigger now, _Adamska_. Kill me now before I kill your beloved Big Boss.” Kaz had nothing to lose at this point, it was the same for him if he lived or died.

“I won’t kill you now. I told you, Big Boss needs you.”

Maybe he shouldn’t have said that.

Kaz pointed his own gun at his temple. “Then maybe I’ll kill myself and you can then run to him and describe him how you saw me blowing my brains out. I’d rather kill myself than had anything else to do with Big Boss or you. I won't be your goddamn puppet!”

Ocelot moved slowly, lowering his revolver, walking like a cat, trying to reach Kaz. He couldn’t lose him. This was not supposed to end like this. Kaz was supposed to be mad, not suicidal. Just what the fuck Kaz?

“Why did I even bother in trying to learn Russian, what a fool I was huh? … How do you like the view of me now? IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT? ANSWER ME DAMMIT!”

Kaz was now shouting and his eyes glowed with a strange blue light. Tears were rolling through his cheeks and he was shaking. 

 

At that moment the door opened and Venom threw himself over Kaz, disarming him and grabbing him.

Ocelot watched in shock as Kaz struggled in Venom’s strong grip while he put away his revolver and stepped back until his back touched the wall at the opposite side of the room.

2+2=5 right?

He concentrated on breathing and tried hard to use all his mind power to endure this. If his mind broke down now, everything would be in vain. Kaz must hate him, and he must join Big Boss.

“Kaz, stop it. Please. I’m here.” Venom hugged Kaz, who had now surrendered and did not struggle anymore, he just let himself be hugged by Venom’s strong arms.

How did they come down to this? Ocelot kept his poker face, telling himself this was not happening. But it was.

 

He had just dumped Kaz for John.

 

* * *

 

_Big Boss took everything away from me. The future we were building together, my arm,  my leg… You._

_He left me with my vengeance and my phantom pain._

_And you, you left me a scar. But not the one on my chest, that’s the worst part._

_My heart can’t break any more than this._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How to destroy your OTP in two chapters..... D:
> 
> I'm dyiiiiing slowly and painfully ;_________;
> 
>  
> 
> The title comes from Marilyn Manson's song ["Leave a Scar" ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xG7DoUR93yk). I always think about Ocelot and Kaz's relationship when I listen to it. 
> 
> Okay, let's see how this story continues? What would Kaz do? What about Venom? 
> 
> I'll try to show you my version of this AU on the following chapters. Thanks for reading and let me know what you think so far! 
> 
> There's another surprise coming for Kaz on the next chapters too! Hope u guys enjoy it!


	28. Bad Guy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wondered why he always ended up trying to mend Kaz’s broken heart, always because he fell for the bad guys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who wanted to keep reading Angst? 
> 
> This chapter is... interesting. On one hand you have Ocelot's feelings, but on other hand, you have Venom's feelings. Ocelot is leaving, but will this be Venom's chance to win Kaz back?

He watched how Venom hugged Kaz, protecting him.

Was the phantom trying to jeopardize his plan? He shouldn’t be holding him _that_ way… His chest hurt, he should be the one holding him, but he needed to forget about Kaz, the only one who should have the Diamond Dogs commander was John.

However, now it was not his place to try and separate the phantom from Kaz… he didn’t want to admit how much he wished to be in Venom’s place... He walked slowly to the door.

“Think about it Miller. I’m leaving Diamond Dogs tomorrow night, so I expect an answer by then.” He walked past them and out of the office, without looking back.

 

They were never meant to be. He should never had played that stupid game… His own feelings betrayed him and he was not being himself. This honeymoon-like time he spent with Kazuhira Miller made him forget his true objective, to follow Big Boss’s ideals.

But what he didn’t want to admit was that he never felt so free and truthful in his life. Maybe this was because he blocked a part of his brain that had the memory of Big Boss and what he became.

Venom Snake was his own creation, almost the perfect copy of John, but at times his real self could be seen. Ocelot could recall many memories like the long talks about animals and plants they shared while they both enjoyed each other’s company, sitting on a bench at the animal conservation platform. How Venom looked at Kaz, that look which he inherited from John’s memories in him, how Ocelot longed to be the receiving part. But both John and Venom Snake only had eyes for Kazuhira Miller. John and Kaz’s bond had been so strong that it was passed to the Phantom as well. But why did Venom allow Ocelot to seduce Kaz?

And why did he end up having feelings for Kaz as well? Adam went from being Miller’s rival, to be his lover. And from loving Snake, to consider him a rival. His mind was really fucked up.

Probably John would have also allowed him to seduce Kaz, but the moment he detected that feelings were involved he’d break them apart. Not that he cared about feelings, but when they were involved, that’s when loyalties were threatened. His loyalty to John was being threatened by his feelings for Miller.

Venom, on the other hand, accepted that Kaz fell in love with Ocelot and let them enjoy each other’s company. Which version of Big Boss was right? Venom Snake or John?

 

Nothing mattered anymore, now that everything shattered. Because of himself. Because he didn’t trust himself enough and would never trust anyone. Maybe the person he most trusted in his life was the one he ultimately deceived the most, Kaz.

What if he tried to forget Kaz? No, that’d be just too easy. He had to live with his broken heart, deal with his own mistake. That would be his punishment.

Would John be the one to mend his broken heart? Probably not. But one thing was certain, he couldn’t remain on Diamond Dogs any longer.

 

* * *

 

Kaz sat on the floor with his eyes closed, his body being protected by the strong body of Big Boss…. No, he wasn’t Big Boss… This man was just a phantom… Did he had a soul of his own? How could Snake possibly thought this was a good idea? A body double?? And Ocelot… That son of a bitch, he really believed him and he _really_ meant everything he said to him. Even confessing that he loved him and preferred him over Snake. All this had just been a game for him.

He should had known better…. The months after Skull Face’s death had made Kaz lower his guard and let himself be dragged into Ocelot’s game.

At first he was ok with this being a game, but it really helped him revive all those unresolved feelings he always had towards Ocelot, back then on those 9 years without Snake. He never really trusted Revolver Ocelot completely, but everything changed when he saw him again after Snake rescued him from Afghanistan, how Ocelot seemed to be always by his side. He had been the one who would take every blow each time Kaz was angry, he was there to catch him when he was about to fall, or when he was feeling completely fucked up, he even helped him with his daily chores and was the one who taught Kaz many tricks with his guns so he could shoot better with his left hand.

When he had those dreadful phantom pains, he was the only one who seemed to know how to calm him, what would he do now?

 

“I’m here Kaz.” Venom held him closer. Kaz felt so broken hearted that he didn’t know what to do. All his thoughts were irrational, such as beating the hell out of Ocelot and Big Boss, wherever he was. But here he was, with Big Boss’s phantom… Suddenly Kaz felt as if he didn’t know who this person was but at the same time he felt he knew him.

“Boss…. please tell me you didn’t know either… tell me you haven’t lied to me all this time….” Kaz was whispering, his voice was shaking. This seemed like a nightmare.

“I didn’t know anything. I found out while I was on the field…” Venom tried to keep his voice low but strong.

“How?” Kaz was curious, how did he find out he wasn’t himself?

“I received a call from a place in Zanzibar so I went to investigate… when I got off the chopper and walked around the area I saw him… It was as if I was looking at myself in the mirror, and I understood who I was and what my mission was… Big Boss just stood there smiling and handed me a tape. Then he told me that I did good and that I needed to contact Ocelot to hear the rest of the plan. He then disappeared in the jungle and left me alone with my head full of questions.”

Now, Venom sat on the floor leaning his back on the door and Kaz sat next to him, looking at the floor. He didn’t dare to look at his face.

“So you saw him” Kaz felt his heart stopped beating.

“Just for a moment, then he disappeared.” Venom tried to limit his words, he knew how this could affect his XO after all.

Kaz didn’t want to ask him how he looked like, if he also suffered any wound from the plane crash, if he had new scars or a shrapnel too… if he had all his limbs…

“We don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to. I think you had enough for today.” Venom’s prosthetic hand touched his cheek and Kaz couldn’t stop his tears. “No, Kaz...whatever happens, I’m here for you.”

Kaz gripped Venom’s shirt  “No Boss… you are his phantom after all. Eventually you will leave me too. He robbed me of my dream, robbed me of having a partner… and eventually took Ocelot away from me too… No, I don’t think that’s entirely Big Boss’s fault, it was Ocelot the one who played with me all this time. He played with you too, Boss or… whoever you are, can’t you see he’s the bad guy?”

 

Venom smiled softly. “I’ll tell you who I was, but not today. You need to rest.”

“That’s funny, that’s what he always said to me, that I needed to rest. And because of him I’ll probably won’t sleep tonight.”

“Is there anything I can do?” Venom looked rather ashamed, but he really wanted to make Kaz feel happy.

“Yes, Venom Snake. I want to know who you really are.”

“You know who I am. Ocelot told you.” Venom looked down, feeling ashamed. He didn’t want Kaz to hate him. “I’m sorry I wasn’t the Big Boss you wanted me to be. I understand why you fell for Ocelot instead.”

“Don’t mention him. Not now. Yes, he told me who you are. I still can’t believe it.” Kaz touched Venom’s face with his hand. “I saw you die that day. I mourned you and I cried you. I never thought I was gonna see you again….”

There was silence, Venom didn’t know what to say. He helped Kaz to the couch and let Kaz cry on his chest.

He wondered why he always ended up trying to mend Kaz’s broken heart, always because he fell for the bad guys.

 

Eventually, Kaz grow tired of crying and relaxed his body, his exhausted mind wanted to shut off so he fell asleep in his arms.

Venom knew that Kaz didn’t agree with Big Boss’s plan and he felt betrayed. Even Ocelot betrayed him, Venom couldn’t understand why the Russian had to break Kaz down, why after all these months of going back and forth with their relationship, even Venom decided to step away when he realized things were serious, forcing them to stop teasing each other and have sex. The way they looked at each other, now that he thought about it, made him remember how Kaz would look at Big Boss. Back there when they were in Costa Rica.

He always wondered what did Big Boss see in Kaz. Yes, he was good at running MSF business and training recruits, but on his personal side he was a mess. Always fooling around with women. The womanizer commander even tried seducing him more than once, but after Venom got to know him better, he realized that there was more in him than just a silly vain blonde, even though he tried seducing some of the men too, but truth was he never slept with a man before. It was all a show, orchestrated for only one person. For Big Boss to notice him.

They grow closer and closer, and once he got Big Boss’s complete trust he was assigned as Commander Miller’s bodyguard. Kaz didn’t like it, he was too stubborn to admit that he would need protection but Snake seemed to really care about him.

And that’s how the closer he got to Kaz, the more he got to see into the relationship he had with Big Boss. Everyone seemed to notice it but Kaz himself. After the fight at the sauna everything became so clear that Kaz stopped messing around with everyone.

After all, he only had eyes for Big Boss. Vince could now visit those private memories that Big Boss shared with Kaz and which had been implanted into his mind. They felt so real, just as if the one kissing and being inside Kaz would have been himself. But real as it was, it was also extremely painful. Because now he was beginning to separate himself from Big Boss, and it was so disappointing to feel it was all an illusion.

Not only that, but he failed at being Big Boss, he could never truly be him and he lost Kaz when he let Ocelot seduce him. But how could he not let him? He knew Ocelot thanks to Big Boss’s memories in him and he knew that no matter what happened, the attraction the Russian felt for Kaz would still be so strong that he’d end up getting what he wanted anyway. And the attraction was mutual.

Kaz always had a thing for bad guys.

 

* * *

 

**1974 - Costa Rica**

 

Vincent was staring at the sea reflecting the lights of MSF’s Mother Base. It was late at night, but everyone was up celebrating the end of the Peace Walker incident

He had a rough day, having to check on some patients which require special cares and then dealing with Big Boss’s battle wounds, he didn’t feel like staying at the party any longer and he needed to get some sleep.

Who was he trying to fool? The only reason he left the party was because he couldn’t stand seeing Kaz and Big Boss together. He had accepted how things were, he was Kaz’s best friend, but still… Every Time they were together, it seemed as if Kaz’s world consisted only of Big Boss.

He even kissed him in front of everyone much to Big Boss’s complaints. They could always blame it on the alcohol.

“Hey Vince! There you are!”

Speaking of the devil, Kazuhira Miller walked towards him with two glasses and a bottle of what seemed to be vodka.

“Kaz…” He turned his attention to him and without thinking accepted one of the glasses.

“I need you to help me test this. It turns out that Snake has this totally annoying Russian friend and he sent him this ‘ ** _From Russia with love. Ocelot._** ’” He read the card on the bottle with a faked voice trying to imitate a Russian accent.

“ _Ocelot_? Is that a code name?” Vince took a drag of his cigar and inspected the bottle. He knew he shouldn’t be smoking but tonight he decided he needed a smoke.

“Well, it seems so. I don’t know the guy but he gets on my nerves. Snake talks about him from time to time, but he doesn’t want him to come and visit. Fortunately.” Kaz grinned and closed his fingers into a fist.

“I can’t imagine what would happen if he decided to show up.”

“Let him come, I told Snake. Let him come that I’d beat his Russian cat ass and send him back to Moscow or wherever he may live.” Kaz was frowning while he shaked his fist up in the air.

“You seem jealous of this Ocelot guy.” Vincent took another drag of his cigar and smiled at Kaz, giving him a soft poke with the hand which he was holding the bottle.

“No, not at all, he’s just annoying.” Kaz pushed his lips out while he spoke, he was clearly spouting out of jealousy.

“Well, if Big Boss dumps you for him, you still have me.” He said joking but Kaz hit him on his head. “Ok, in case he shows up, what if I try to seduce him instead?”

“No way, why would you do that? You are my best friend.” Kaz placed the two glasses on a wooden box and grabbed his waist with one hand and placed his head on his chest. Vince was aware he was taller than both Kaz and Big Boss. He always felt the need to protect them, no matter how jealous he was, they were his two important persons. And Kaz was jealous of him now… who understood him?

“If you hate this Ocelot guy so much, why are we gonna drink his vodka?” Vincent put the cigar away and grabbed Kaz’s hand, removing it from his waist. Kaz was very affectionate with him and Vincent didn’t mind it, on the contrary, from where he came from, it was usual to see friends hug each other. But being so close to his commander was affecting him, even if Kaz didn’t realize it.

“Heh, I need someone to test it with me in case the bastard tried to kill us.” Miller did not smile, he was serious.

Vincent grinned, he was trying hard not to laugh but the more he tried, the more Kaz got mad so he burst out in laughter.

“Really? Come on aren’t you the Commander here? Do you think Big Boss will let his lov- I mean, Commander die like that?”

“Then you’ll be the first to try it.” Kaz now grinned and opened the bottle. “Here, one for you, one for me.”

“You know that I’d die for you Kaz.” Vince didn’t know why he said it, but he did. And Kaz blushed.

Their faces were too close. The commander backed up and raised his glass. “Cheers! _From Costa Rica with Love_!”

Vincent clank glasses with him and they drank almost at the same time.

“Pheeeb thisssis stronng” Kaz cleared his throat and poured another drink.

 

Vincent did not follow him and watched him take the second and third shot. When he was about to pour on the fourth he grabbed his hand to stop him.

“Enough for tonight. Now tell me what happened?” He put on a serious face as he knew Kaz was hiding something.

“I… Nothing happened. I’m alright you see?” Kaz was swaying drunkenly as he leaned on the wooden box he was using as a table.

“Did you have a fight with him?” Medic held him by his shoulders.

“I… I may have snapped at him when he received the package from this Russian guy and we had an argument. He told me that he was an important friend and I shouldn’t be worried but then… We kept on talking, I kept on asking him questions about him and… He…” Kaz buried his head on the broad shoulders of the Medic.

“He what? Que pasó?” Medic held Kaz’s face with his hands.

“He told me they had been lovers, I couldn’t stand it so I grabbed his vodka and left”

“You know he loves you, no matter what happened in the past.” Vincent carefully removed Kaz’s aviators, folded and put them on the blond’s breast pocket. Then he wiped off the tears from his face.

“Vin, I know I’m drunk, but I have the feeling that Snake will someday leave me for him, he’ll leave me and what would I do without him? Soy un idiota..” Kaz continued crying while he placed his hands on his best friend’s waist.

“No, no eres un idiota. Realmente Big Boss es muy afortunado en tenerte. Si yo fuera él, nunca te dejaría. Pero si él te deja, yo nunca voy a dejar de amarte.”

“What.. did you say?”

“I won’t stop loving you Kaz. No matter what.” He didn’t meant to say it but Kaz was drunk so he took the chance, it could be his only chance.

Then Kaz kissed him, and why not? he kissed him back. He was dying for this chance to come, so he kissed him hungrily, tasting the leftover vodka from his lips and mouth.

 

If only he hadn’t shown up...

“Sorry to interrupt you guys, but I need to talk to my Second in Command.” Big Boss voice was calm, but with a hint of annoyance.

Vincent broke the kiss and softly pushed Kaz away from him.

“Boss, I’m sorry, I-” How could he be so stupid? He had just ruined everything.

“ _Guevara_ , come here for a sec.” Big Boss used his last name. He used it on only two occasions: when he was mad at him, or when he wanted to tease him.

Vincent left the drunken commander leaning on the box while he walked slowly to Big Boss, trying to think about all the possible outcomes. He knew his boss, he would either teach him a lesson by knocking him off, putting him on the brig, fire him or..

“Boss, listen”

Snake placed a hand on his shoulder. “No, you listen Vincent. This is important.”

Vincent watched his Boss’s face, he was calm and collected and he wasn't angry but rather, he looked sad, worried.

“I need to talk to you about something important. I know I’m not supposed to ask you something this personal but, this is really important to me.”

“Go on Boss, I’m listening.” Medic crossed his arms over his chest while he carefully listened to his Boss.

“Well, huh, … - Snake now seemed to hesitate, what was so important? He continued-  “If anything happens to me, can I trust you’ll protect him? Will you protect Kaz with your life?” Snake was really serious.

“Hn, You don’t have to ask me that Boss, you know that’s what I’ll always do.” This time, Vincent smiled at him and Snake smirked back

“I knew you would say that, I just wanted to confirm that you won’t let me down.” Snake removed his hand from his best man’s shoulder and grabbed a cigar. “What’s with that face Vin?”

“No entiendo Boss. You know about my feelings for Kaz, and you won’t do anything about it? Why don’t you reassign me to somewhere else instead of being his bodyguard? Isn’t this too risky for you?” Instead of shutting his mouth, he thought it better to warn his Boss about this. If they remained together, he wasn’t able to guarantee that he wouldn’t kiss him again. Why couldn’t he just be the bad guy and shut his mouth?

“I know that. That’s precisely why you are just what I need. You love him and you won’t hesitate in protecting him with your life. There’s no one else in here whom I can trust such responsibility. You understand me more than anyone here and I know you’d also give your life for me if I asked you to. That’s why I need you to be with Kaz if I’m not here to protect him. Puedo confiar en ti, verdad?” Snake looked in his pockets of his fatigues but couldn’t find a lighter.

Vincent let go a heavy sigh “Claro que sí Boss.”

“Hey, Guevara. Light my fire.” Snake said grinning at him while he put his cigar between his lips.

“Very Funny Boss.” Vincent smirked and glanced at Kaz who was now sitting on the floor leaning on the box before lighting his boss’s cigar. “Go and talk to him, he told me you had a fight. If you don’t make things up with him, te las verás conmigo.”

Snake took a long drag and patted his back. “That’s the spirit.” He said before approaching Kaz and kneeling, placing a hand on his shoulder. Kaz clung to Big Boss neck and they hugged.

Vincent watched them for a moment before going back to the party, this time he needed a drink too.

 

Venom looked at the sleeping Diamond Dogs' Commander... How things changed, but his will to die for him would never die. 

 

* * *

 

The next day Kaz remained locked in his office. Venom only went to check on him a couple of times and also to leave him food.

That night, Ocelot decided to leave for good. He didn’t want any farewells so he met with Venom at the highest LZ on the Command Platform. He actually spent the whole day up there, thinking… and wishing Kaz would just show up and beg him to stay.

 

If he begged him to stay, to choose him over John, what would he do?

 

It was almost midnight, and the chopper landed. Venom got off the chopper, he had arranged a few things for his trip and asked Pequod to take Ocelot to Zanzibar.

He stood in front of Ocelot, who was still on sitting on the floor with one knee folded and his arm resting on it. His face emotionless.

“Kaz won’t come. He told me you knew his answer.”

Of course. Everything went as he planned. Kaz was mad at him.

“Then I guess this’ll be it. I may contact you again because Miller’s answer is still not clear to me and I need to tell Big Boss about this.” The Russian stood up and looked at Venom's eyes. The gentle side of John, something he probably wouldn't see again.

“Are you sure you are ok with this?” Venom asked, a little reluctant about Ocelot’s sudden departure.

“I need to see him. Now that I recovered my memories I think it’s time. They were triggered for a reason, so I’ll go join Big Boss.”

“What about Kaz? You made him hate you.” Venom was upset, he could tell by his voice. And he knew that Kaz probably ran to Venom after their last conversation.

“I’m sorry Boss. You told me not to hurt him. I should have never asked you to let me play my stupid game.” Ocelot faked a smile, Venom looked at him with a serious face, a hint of anger in his voice, so much like John’s that it made him shiver...

“I can’t guarantee that I’ll make Kaz wait for you. You know I’ll try to win him back if you are not here.”

“That’s fair.” Ocelot was accepting his defeat. He thought that once he saw John, he’d forget about Kazuhira Miller forever and would be able to bury all his feelings deep inside him, so he’d never had to feel that way for anyone but John. After all, John was the reason he and Miller’s paths crossed.

 

And John was the one who broke them apart.

 

He was determined to forget about Miller. But what happened next, broke his heart.

“Hmp… Take this.” Venom gave Ocelot a lunchbox. “I know you and Kaz cooked this for me. Too bad we never got to eat this together.”

Ocelot looked at the box and put his best cold bad guy face.

“Thank you Venom Snake... Boss. I’m sure we’ll meet again.”

He got closer to Venom, and hesitating a little, placed a kiss on his scarred lips. Maybe this was a goodbye for good. He reluctantly took the lunchbox and got on the chopper. His destination: Zanzibar Land. Big Boss’s nation.

He didn’t cry, but tears rolled through his cheeks anyway. Putting the lunchbox away, he closed his eyes.

 

Time to concentrate on the bigger picture.

Time to destroy his dream.

  
Time to make John’s dreams real.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes on Spanish words:
> 
> Que pasó?: What happened
> 
> Soy un Idiota: I'm an idiot.
> 
> “No, no eres un idiota. Realmente Big Boss es muy afortunado en tenerte . Si yo fuera él, nunca te dejaría. Pero si él te deja, yo nunca voy a dejar de amarte.” : No, you are not an idiot. Big Boss is so lucky yo have you . If I were him, I'd never leave you. But if he leaves you, I'll never stop loving you.
> 
> No entiendo, Boss: I don't get it, Boss
> 
> Puedo confiar en tí, verdad? : I can trust in you, yes?
> 
> Te las verás conmigo: you’ll have to deal with me later.


	29. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ocelot realizes the mistake he made and he remembers when he truly felt at home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 29 done! This time Ocelot centered with some ocelhira and bosselot (though it really doesn't feel like it, that's why there's no tag about this)
> 
> At last Ocelot is beginning to realize the mistake he made...
> 
> Thanks to all of you who leave comments, kudos and cheer up on me. I love hearing your reactions and comments about this story. Without you I probably wouldn't be writing this anymore and everything would remain inside my head, so THANK YOU! :)

 

Two weeks passed since he left Diamond Dogs. It felt like it’s been years…. He could still remember John's mix of disappointment and disgust when he saw he arrived alone. He couldn't understand why Miller wasn't with him.

"Adam, you are back."

"I'm back. But Miller has to think it over, he needs time to process the plan in his head." Ocelot tried to keep his voice as cool and collected as possible, if he was a spy, then this was a test where he had to show his Boss that he couldn't care less about Miller's feelings, but he had to care enough as he was an important asset in Big Boss's plan.

Snake closed his hand into a fist and hit the wall of steel. Ocelot watched him without saying anything.

"So, Kaz needs time to think about it... don't you think it's weird?" Big Boss was still facing the wall while he spoke. His fist still on the wall.

"He's mad John, mad at me because I told him I was the one who left him out of the plan. It wasn't hard to make him hate me, we always hated each other anyway. But he will come to you, or I'll make sure he regrets it." There was a slight annoyance in his voice, yes, he was annoyed, but not precisely about that.

"Are you sure? I'd think that you don't want him here. Are you still jealous of him?" There was a half smirk on his lips, like he was mocking him but at the same time he was angry.

"No, I'm not..." he was jealous, but not of this. Things had changed.

Big Boss grabbed his chin and pushed him to the wall. "Good, you can’t waste your time with such feelings, there are more important things to do."

If he was 20 years older, he’d definitely have argued about that. He’d have demanded Snake to kiss him or fuck him. He would have wanted to be the center of his world. But now he didn’t feel like that anymore, and Snake wasn’t 20 years younger neither. They had both changed, war had changed them.

Ocelot became softer, he didn’t know if it was because he was getting older and felt lonely, or if it was because he had been... and still was infatuated with John’s (former?) lover. Maybe his self hypnosis fucked his mind up and made him weak.

Either way, it seemed John only cared about his dream, or was it obsession? Of building his own nation without borders. But was it John’s fault? After all he had been used by The Patriots, Zero and by Ocelot himself.

 

The only person in this world who had been able to tame his soul was the man who won John's heart... He still remembered that phone call he received from John, a year after he left The Patriots. That was the second time John broke his heart.

The first one was when he left him, and the second one was when he told Adam that he found a rather interesting Japanese-american mercenary and he was going to help him build his dream. Ultimately John chose another man to build his future with. Ocelot had never been so mad, but still, he accepted that he still had a place in John’s heart, even if he wasn’t his lover anymore and he decided to follow him everywhere, no matter if he was only his shadow.

Ocelot leaned against the wall and watched Big Boss while he stood with his arms crossed over his chest, looking at crimson sky.

Snake looked so tired, so unlike himself. His tone of voice was still annoyed. “I will wait a couple of weeks, I can handle things by myself. But if he doesn’t contact me then I’ll have to start looking for a second in command. I trust you will help me find another one, won’t you?”

“Of course”

So, he was going to replace Miller after all.

“Diamond Dogs will eventually be absorbed by Zanzibar Land when it’s full operational and complete. Venom Snake will have his job to do… as for Kaz.. if he doesn’t want to cooperate by then….” Snake paused, still considering what to do.

“He will, Boss. When the time comes, he’d have to choose and I can… do something about it if you want.” He smiled and stood next to John. He needed to think what to do if that moment came, break his will by force? Torture him? No.. that was out of the question, no way he could torture Kaz… But he had to do something or else Big Boss would kill him.

“No, you’ve handled enough. Next time will be my turn to talk to Kaz.”

Ocelot knew he wouldn't precisely 'talk' to him...

 

The following days, Ocelot practically spend his time alone as Big Boss was busy organizing his _own nation_. On times like this, he tried to train his mind to forget about Miller, but almost everything reminded him of the Diamond Dogs's XO, and he began to compare what he was in the past with the person he was now. He felt lonely, homeless.

* * *

 

The sun was slowly setting, giving room for the night. Big Boss was using an old airport for his temporal base of operations. Ocelot was still getting to know all the details of the running of Outer Heaven, or as John called it, ‘Zanzibar Land’. If Miller were here, he’d definitely mock John on the name. ‘ _Couldn’t you have put more effort in choosing the name?’_ Yes, he could definitely picture the grumpy Commander saying that.

  

**197X - Greece, 2:30 a.m.**

Ocelot remembered the nights he spent with Kaz on the different apartments they used to rent. One particular night, Kaz was talking about names and trying in vain to find one which may have some sense. Ocelot placed his nearly empty cup of tea on the table and leaned forward putting his two elbows on the table, resting his head on his hands.

“I’m getting bored just by looking at you write and scratch names.”

“You could help me instead of complaining.” Kaz didn’t looked up and continued to focus his attention on the sheet of paper in front of him.

“Alright, tell me what you’ve got so far.” This was better than closing his eyes, he thought, besides he didn’t want to admit it but he was really enjoying Miller’s company. He was getting used to his complains, terrible jokes and bad mood. And to … the kisses they stole from each other from time to time.

“What about ‘Dogs of War’?" Kaz looked at him with hope in his eyes. Tough luck Miller, thought Adam while he smiled back at him.

“Miller, that name looks like the title of an action movie. No offense, but if you are talking about Big Boss’s army, it should be something _indomitable_. Just as the man himself, huh?” Yes, he could definitely picture John being indomitable. 

“Like ‘indomitable dogs’ you say? Wait a minute. That’s it.” 

Ocelot looked at him with curiously, waiting to hear what he had come up with.

“Diamond Dogs.” Kaz said while using his pen as a microphone.  
  
"Well... it doesn't sound like a private army name but... it definitely suits your 'personality'" Ocelot sneered at him, getting an instant reaction on his apartment buddy

"What are you trying to say?" Kaz snapped and stood up suddenly.

"Nothing." Ocelot grinned, he loved it when Kaz got mad at silly things.

“Anyway...This is our new home” Feeling this argument wasn't going anywhere he let go a long sigh and sat down again.

“Home?” Now Ocelot was confused and Kaz was the one grinning  

“Hum technically you are helping us, I mean Snake and I, so it’s your home too.”

“Sharing a home with you? Not in a thousand years.”

“Ocelot you are a pain in the ass, you know? For your information you’ve been sharing apartments with me for… How many years now?”

"You got me there." Ocelot was also getting tired of this argument, it wasn't going anywhere, just as every argument he had with this brat. How could John endure his annoying personality? he wondered while he closed his eyes and yawned.

There was silence and they both enjoyed it, they didn't want to admit that they liked to be together, and they needed it. It was a huge need as they had both lost the person they loved the most. They were alone and they seemed to be always drawing each other close.

Kaz broke the silence.

“Drink this. You are practically falling asleep over my reports.” Kaz passed him what he was drinking.

“The famous south american drink, huh? The mate.” Ocelot lazily took the mate with one hand and inspected it.

“Yeah, my friend Vince, he… we used to drink this all the time back in Costa Rica. He said it helped to keep you awake, just like coffee.”

“I have to drink from the same straw?” Ocelot made a weird face and smelled the strange drink.

“Come on, it’s not as if we haven’t kissed before… Even if it was a mistake.” Kaz blushed and looked at his reports, evading the cold eyes of the Russian.

“Hn, sure Miller. I think I can’t count with my fingers how many times I tasted your lips.. By mistake.”

“Shut up. This is as far as we’ll ever get.”

“Right. Someday you’ll beg me to fuck you.”

“That will never happen. Stop dreaming.”

“You are cruel Kazuhira Miller. And still, you dare to say that this is my home too.”

 

He would never feel Miller’s kisses again, nor the scent of his skin, nor the warmth of his body. He even missed their arguments… Miller really wasn’t lying when he said Diamond Dogs would be his home. He thought his home was with John’s… But he never felt so far from home now.

* * *

 

**Zanzibar, 1985. A month after Ocelot and Venom's awakening.**

Ocelot sat on one of the leather armchairs of the abandoned office. The shutters kept the last rays of sunlight from entering the room and a tiny lamp gave a dim light… it was rather gloomy, but Ocelot loved the night and was used to seeing in the dark. Big Boss didn’t have enough men to guard the place so they had to keep the lights out as much as possible.

He had one leg crossed over the other, his elbow resting on the armchair while his head rested on his palm. There were no papers on the desk, just a few weapons placed on the floor and ammo on the table.

There was a radio which looked like an old version of the iDroid developed by Diamond Dogs’ R&D team and Ocelot suspected this one dated from MSF times.

This old building was once part of a guerrilla operations but was wiped out by, Ocelot suspected, Big Boss himself. No sneaking mission whatsoever.

Big Boss was fixing his dark grey uniform while he talked through radio with one of his new recruits. So far, he was doing all the work alone but soon he’d need to start delegating tasks. Adam knew Big Boss was made to be on the battlefield and not behind a desk dealing with other mercenaries and convincing soldiers to join him.

Probably John would have still done it himself, if he were 15-20 years younger, when he was still fresh and somewhat naive. When he still carried the spirit of a hero and savior, just as Zero had envisioned.

But after he woke up from the coma, it was as if something snapped in him, he was… too emotionless.

Or maybe he had always been like this, and the one who changed was Ocelot. That’s what he got for spending too much time socializing with recruits on mother base, dealing with Venom and Miller…

 

Big Boss put the radio on the table and grabbed a cigar. “I’m still lacking manpower and there are a few things I need to arrange. Any news about him?”

“He’ll come to you John.”

“Why are you so sure? You didn’t seem so happy when you got here after leaving Diamond Dogs. You told me he needed time to think.”

“Don’t forget that I spent the last 9 years with Miller. I know him, his loyalty to you is unquestionable.” Ocelot realized that maybe he was getting too personal with this, and decided to calm down. He shouldn’t show his true emotions to John.

“You are aware that he went to Afghanistan on purpose so he could be a distraction for XOF while you were at the hospital? Thanks to him, Skull Face had to split his forces in two in order to cover both situations. This allowed us to escape.”

“Huh, Kaz is still the same hot headed guy I met back in Colombia.” Snake smiled and took a drag of his cigar.

Ocelot watched him, Snake was thinking about Kaz, and he was sure he wasn’t picturing ‘ _Kaz , his XO_ ’, but rather ‘ _Kaz, his lover_ ’. He knew very well that smile on his face.

Ocelot inhaled and exhaled slowly, before continuing. “When he was captured I sent Venom Snake to get him. You know perfectly well that I could have gone and rescue him by myself. But on one hand that was a risk. The Soviets knew me as _Shalashashka_ , the Interrogator Specialist working for the GRU.”

“Since when that was a problem for you Adamska? I thought you were the best when it came to deceiving people.” Snake was now looking at him with a mocking smile.

Ocelot frowned but smiled.

“If they saw me I wouldn’t had had it easy, I’m not like you John. I’m a mere human after all… I can’t handle a full army of Soviets by myself like the legendary Big Boss.”

“Huh, you know that’s bullshit.” He took another drag and watched his right hand man.

“Anyway… The other reason was to allow you - Ocelot pointed at him with his index finger - that is, Venom Snake to rescue Miller and build your army again. But you also needed to rebuild your bond. Venom Snake needed to earn Miller’s complete devotion after that.” Ocelot closed his eyes while he spoke, a smirk on his face.

That was true, but what neither Miller nor Ocelot expected was that the two of them would become so attracted to each other that they wouldn't stop. Those 9 years had an effect on him, they went as far as kissing, but nothing more. Both of them didn't want to admit it at that time, but that attraction was so difficult to avoid, so difficult… If Adamska would had just endured the temptation of kissing the commander and just mind his business, now he may probably be on this room with both John and Miller.

But wouldn’t it be ironic? He would have to see the object of his desires and the love of his life together again. This was his decision anyway, either way he was going to lose.

The silence which made him dwell on his thoughts was broken by Big Boss’s voice closer to his face, his gloved hand grabbing his chin.

 

“Then tell me why isn’t Kaz here? If he’s so devoted to me, where is he?”

Ocelot gasped and slightly moved his head in surprise at the sudden touch.

“I know Kaz, something happened. What did you tell him exactly?” Big Boss continued, his voice had a slight tone of annoyance.

This never happened before, this man who was the love of his life, or so he thought, was making him nervous. Fear was clouding his perfect and composed mind. Why was he fearing John? Wasn’t he the only person in his world who mattered? Where was that young soldier whom he fell in love with? Naked Snake, John, who was so confident, cool and who cared about others? This man he had in front of him…. Who was this man John had become?

“I told Miller the truth as you wanted. He… Wasn’t exactly convinced at the plan. He’s mad that he was left out of it so he needs time to think.”

“But didn’t you tell him the reason?” Now Snake walked through the room like a lion lurking his prey. “I gave him my phantom, that should’ve been enough.”

 

Then he stood in front of Adam’s chair. “And I gave him _you_.”

What was that supposed to mean? Ocelot looked up to him, but his face was covered in shadows.

He placed one hand on Ocelot’s shoulder while he held the cigar with the other. “Kaz had everything, an army, my phantom, and you. I’m no fool Adam, I know that Kaz and Venom had their fun, that’s what I’d do with him anyway. But what about you?”

Ocelot was no fool. He knew what Snake wanted. It’s been too long since he saw John like this, somewhat _needy_.

Snake’s hand went to Ocelot’s face and his rough hands touched his lips. “Now that I see you like this Adam… you are so beautiful… I know you had your fun too, it wasn’t hard for me to be inside you after all.”

Ocelot was caught by surprise. The only one who fucked him before was Kaz, so it was evident he knew someone took him.

“Well, as you said it, if they had their fun, why couldn’t I?” Ocelot smiled and leaned his head on the armchair.

 

“We are talking business here, but I can make an exception. Do you want to have fun Adam?” his voice was low and lustful.

Ocelot smiled weakly. He was waiting for this, John was too obvious, it was clear what he wanted. And he’d obey.

He unzipped his pants while John’s hand caressed his hair. He touched his dick through the fabric, he was getting hard and he wondered when was the last time John had any sex besides their reunion. He was not a man interested in sex, he never was. What he was doing here was another display of his power, John could really live without this… But he was so hard already, that made Ocelot think that he himself got John aroused.

He took his cock out and licked the tip. He watched him puff again while a soft moan escaped his lips. Trailing his tongue along he continued to lick him while he cupped his balls with one hand.

“Come on Adam, you know I can’t stand your teasing.” Big Boss voice was soft.

“But you like it.” He smirked. It has been so long since he gave John a playful smirk. This got as a response Snake gripping his hair, pulling him to his cock.

Ocelot opened his mouth and took him in. He wasn’t like Venom, no matter how perfect the surgery had been, and he wasn’t like Kaz. Snake was bigger and it was hard to take him all into his mouth. He concentrated and pushed him even further, feeling the grip on his hair and Snake moving his hips to push him further inside his throat. It was too much.

Ocelot backed down and coughed, saliva trailing down his lower lip.

“Don’t tell me you haven’t had a dick in your mouth for a while?” John mocked him.

Ocelot smiled. If only he knew he had just too much fun with both his phantom and his Kaz….. Kaz, how he missed having his dick in his mouth instead, at least it had the perfect size for him. Thinking about this made him grow hard.

He took Snake again, this time gripping his lips around his cock and sucking him faster. He really didn’t know what was John expecting of this, but if he needed release he was gonna give it to him.

He moved his head at the rhythm of his hips, letting him fuck his mouth, while John continued to smoke and moan. How could he smoke and fuck at the same time? Ocelot concentrated on taking him in without gagging and felt him close to his climax.

“Adam… Tell me he’ll come back to me… I need Kaz back…” Snake was whispering, almost pleading.

Ocelot hummed before removing his dick from his mouth and pumped him with his bare hand. “You will have him. Kaz will come back to you John. I promise.”

That said he took him in his mouth again, trying to make him come fast so he could finish with this. He should be enjoying this, but he was jealous. He realized he didn’t really want Kaz to go to John, he couldn’t stand seeing them together, couldn’t stand watching John use Kaz…. stop it, stop… he felt John coming inside his mouth and he drank it all.

Snake pulled himself out of his mouth and knelled, facing Ocelot and caressing his cheek. “At least I have you back Adam.”

It was incredible how John could make him forget about everyone and everything with just one phrase, one compliment, a little display of affection and he had him at his feet…. It’s been like this all his life, there was so much lack of love and affection in his life, that if someone showed him some love, he’d follow them… John was the first one who did it. And he was still the only one who could make his knees go weak, his breathing stop… but hasn’t his heart stopped the moment he got Kaz’s note with the rice balls?

‘ **I miss you** ’

 

When he came back to reality, John was putting his cigar away while he fixed his pants.

“We’ll continue this talk later.”

He watched Snake leaving the office and he was left alone.

Ocelot grabbed his head with his hands and crouched. He thought that being with John would erase his feelings for Kaz, but it was worse every minute. He touched his eyes and tried not to cry, he had to be strong dammit, this is how things were, there was no turning back. Even if he did want to go back to Kaz, no way he’d take him back.

If he just closed his eyes and imagine he was with him again… He grabbed his semi hard cock and touched himself. What would Kaz say to him if he saw him crying?

 

 _‘I thought you were stronger than this_ ’

 

Yes, you are the one who’s always bitching and making drama for everything… You think that’s weak, but truth is you are stronger than me Kaz, I watched you at your worst so many times… and every time you stood up stronger than last time. You don’t have to lie, you are true to yourself and there’s no need for you to hide who you are…

I envy that. I hate you for being so strong, for enduring Zero taking Snake away from you… and you being forced to work with me for 9 years… for enduring a 10 day torture… I despised you, and yet I ended up…

* * *

 

**1979 - Italy.**

“Jesus Miller! what took you so long in answering the door?” Ocelot was not feeling so good and it was cold outside, he wanted to deliver the Intel to Miller and get the hell out of there fast. He could have sent someone to do it… but for a strange reason he always wanted to make the delivery to John’s partner himself. The perfect excuse to keep an eye on Miller. They used to share apartments from time to time, but now Ocelot needed to be close to Afghanistan, there was a war coming and he was working with the GRU as their Interrogator Specialist. The best way to keep an eye on John too, he was closer to everything. But... he did miss Kaz's company... he had to admit that it wasn't  _close_ enough.

  
“What the fuck? calm down, ok?” Kaz frowned the moment he saw Ocelot on the door. The blonde was wearing a long sleeve shirt and jogger pants. He didn’t look bad at all… he had to admit that he looked hot.  
  
Ocelot made his way into the small apartment. On the table he could see a list of papers and missions. Diamond Dogs was getting bigger and bigger and he had already talked to Miller about getting a definite base of operations.

“Buona sera” Joked Kaz while he leant his ass on the table. “What do you have for me this time?”

“What’s that smell?” Ocelot wanted to but was not feeling well to follow Miller’s attempts at seducing him. He handed him the files and looked around, trying to find out what was Kaz cooking.

“Hey, are you alright? You look paler than usual.” Kaz folded his aviators on his shirt and put his hands on his face, what a strange thing to do… he had never felt Kaz’s hands on him like this, so soft. Kaz made him lower his head and touched his forehead with his lips. What was he doing?

“How were you able to get here? You have really high fever, you should be resting.”

He watched Kaz’s eyes, they were a mix of blue and grey, so beautiful. Why was he always wearing those stupid sunglasses? “You have beautiful eyes, Miller” he whispered and brushed his lips with his lips. Kaz didn’t move as he was either surprised or shocked, and Ocelot took that moment of hesitation to kiss him, pushing his tongue inside his mouth, feeling Kaz kissing him back slowly… He rested his hand on his waist and then lowered it to his ass.

Kaz pushed him away softly, his face red, laughing nervously.

“W-wait! You are really fucked up, you know? You don’t know what you are doing, that may be the fever speaking. I-.. I guess it can’t be helped, you are staying here tonight.”

Kaz led him to his bed, removed all his clothes except for his shirt and underwear. “Don’t worry, I won’t take advantage of you, I don’t want you killing me when you get better.”

“Don’t lie to me, I know you want to fuck me…”  his voice was too seductive and inviting… But his body was tired .

“You are probably right. And it’s not as if you’ll remember any of this tomorrow, so.. yeah, I’m dying to fuck you, Ocelot…” Kaz was going to kiss him but backed off and cleared his throat. “Heh. Lay down, you can use my pillow, just don’t drool on it.”

Ocelot let Kaz cover his body with the bed sheets and watched him grabbing an extra cover and placing it on top. He closed his eyes and fell asleep feeling Kaz’s perfume on the pillow.

 

Is this what feels like to be home?

 

The next thing he remembered was Kaz sitting on the bed and slightly touching his forehead to check on the fever. “Man, you scared the shit out of me yesterday.”

“What... am I doing.. Here?”

Kaz chuckled. “You passed out, too much fever. Here, eat this.”

Kazuhira Miller, why are you so kind to me? I always treat you like shit, it was your chance to finally kill me and instead you put me on your bed and made me some .. what’s this, curry?

“This is… did you cook this?” Ocelot sat up slowly on the bed and grabbed the spoon while he looked at the steaming hot curry. He felt his hands warm while he held the bowl and had a strange sensation, it was like feeling at home.

“Yeah, it’s my family’s special curry recipe. It’s getting colder so I felt like cooking hot curry for myself, you can feel yourself lucky, you’ll have the pleasure of eating my wonderful food and-”

Kaz shut up the moment Ocelot’s lips touched his, giving him a small kiss. “Thank you Miller, now shut up please, my head’s killing me.”

Then Ocelot continued thinking to himself... or rather, regretting...

After that, there wasn’t much more going on, we never said anything about that. Probably Kaz, you thought I was still feeling delusional. Truth is, it meant so much for me… I was so mean to you, and yet, with one act of kindness, you stole my heart.

I can still see your eyes looking at me, and only me. When I was finally inside you, when I was the center of your universe, and when you told me you loved me too…

 

Why did I give you away?

 

Ocelot let go a forced laugh and fixed his pants. He couldn’t do this. This was so pathetic, he couldn’t even jerk off. It was not the same if he wasn’t with him..

There was no home for him if he wasn't with Kaz. 

 

* * *

 

Flaming Buffalo was cleaning the guns after a shooting practice. They didn't know what happened to Instructor Ocelot, neither Kaz nor Big Boss wanted to talk about him, but the classes had been cancelled. That's why she and couple of recruits had been going to practice at the shooting range by themselves. This time, she was the last one to leave. It was almost midnight, she hurried up to clean everything before going back to her room.

She thought about Ocelot and how weird he had been the moment he showed up between the jungle of Zanzibar. She wondered what did he see, or rather who, that made him change so much. Quiet noticed it too, she had been always very close to him but Ocelot pushed her away too. According to their Boss, Ocelot had other business to attend to, that's why he had to leave immediately. 

Commander Miller seemed to be colder than usual, he never spoke about Ocelot and acted as if he didn't care. But Buffalo knew that something happened between them and they probably split up. Miller was broken inside and she was sure he cried a lot too. She tried to approach him but he pushed everyone away from him, even Big Boss. 

Lost in her thoughts, she felt a soft hand on her shoulder, it was her, Quiet. Holding her and leaning her head on her back, she waited for Buffalo to finish so they could go and have some rest. 

"Quiet, I know it's late. Just let me finish with th-" Buffalo couldn't finish her sentence because Quiet pushed her with such a force that she was thrown and rolled to the floor a few meters away. She thought she heard the sound of gunfire.

"HEY WHAT THE HELL-" She sat up and was about to stand when she saw a figure walking towards Quiet. 

"I didn't want to interrupt, but you are blocking my shooting practice and... I just had to move you away." The man stopped, there was blood on his right arm and left leg and he was dressed with a green uniform and a red tie. His blue eyes seemed to glow in the dark while he aimed at Quiet's body.

Quiet's face grew dark and she grabbed her rifle, threatening to shoot at him. The blond didn't seem to mind.

"Move bitch, are you deaf too?"

Buffalo stood next to her girlfriend and withdrew her gun. 

The man laughed wickedly and withdrew a second gun, pointing each gun at them. 

"I'll count to 3, if you don't move, I'll kill you." He was not even amused, there was no emotion in his cold voice.

"Wait! Are you..." Buffalo lowered her gun and felt a shiver going down her spine.

 

"One......"

 

"Two...."

  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who's that bad guy? you know who! lol
> 
> Thank you for following this story with me! we are close to a new awakening...
> 
> BTW, about the mate, it's mentioned on Peace walker, you can google it. In Argentina it's like our official beverage and we can't live without it, we drink it anytime of the day lol xD


	30. Awakening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaz struggles between dream and reality, he can't help but fall into madness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm planning on finishing the story at chapter 34/35, but lately work is being a bitch and I'm so mentally exhausted that I can't concentrate on writing D: I need vacations!!!
> 
> some parts of this were written in a rush, I'll go over them if I realize something looks odd.
> 
> And YES I DO WANT to see Ocelot and Kaz together!! Can't wait for it to happen ;__;

 

“KAZ MILLER!” Buffalo shouted, she knew it was him though he couldn’t explain why he was behaving as if he were… One of them, almost.

For a moment he flinched and looked at her, confused. The blue flame on his eyes disappeared.

Quiet took the chance to appear behind him and shot a tranquilizer bullet in his neck so he fell on his knees to the floor and felt numb. His right arm and part of his left leg vanished.

“Kaz! What happened to you?” Buffalo held him by his shoulders but he fainted.

 

* * *

 

**1984 - Mother Base, Seychelles. A week after Kaz is rescued by Venom.**

Kaz emptied the magazine of his gun, it was the 5th one and he still hadn’t hit on the center of the target. He was about to give up when he heard him, lazily walking while his spurs rang with every step.

“I’m gonna ask you again, don’t you find it inconvenient?”

“And I’ll tell you to mind your own business Ocelot.”

They had already talked about Snake’s prosthetic and Ocelot suggested he could try to get one for Kaz, but he declined. He wanted to have the pain fresh in his mind.

The Tactical Instructor approached Kaz and studied the hits on the targets. They were not bad, but still…. Kaz could do better.

“So, you were right handed after all.” Ocelot was not taunting Kaz, he was serious and curious.

“Yeah, I mean it’s not as if I can’t shoot using my left hand, but … I have to admit that I do find this inconvenient when shooting.” Kaz lowered his head and gun, he was feeling so useless he just wanted to run away. Ocelot would definitely mock him.

“Huh, and you’re just gonna give up? It’s so unlike you, Miller.” Ocelot did mock him this time.

“I want to see you shooting when you’ve had your arm chopped, Revolver Ocelot.” Kaz was hurt and it was the expected reaction.

Ocelot showed his hands in the air looking disappointed. “I only wanted to help you”

“Sorry, I just…” Kaz knew Ocelot was not to blame. This time, the tactical instructor didn’t deserve it.

But the older man just ignored it and got closer to Kaz.

“Alright, show me your aim…. - Ocelot watched how Kaz reluctantly aimed at the target who was in the middle - If you stand that way, you have to bring your head down to see the aim. That's not good.”

Ocelot studied Kaz’s posture and Kaz could swear he saw a little blush on the Russian’s cheeks.

“Stand correctly, you are putting all your weight on your right leg. Try to compensate it with both.” Ocelot stood in front of Kaz and grabbed his waist, pulling him closer to him.

“What.. what are you doing?” Kaz didn’t know if he should be mad or ashamed at how Ocelot was handling his body, as if he was about to kiss him…

“Helping you, see? I’ve got you, you won’t fall. Try to distribute your weight on both legs, trust in your right leg and in your left one. This prosthetic should be strong enough to handle it.” Ocelot’s hand moved slowly through Kaz’s left thigh. “I can see that you are tensioning your thigh, try to relax, all these movements have a considerable influence in how you aim.”

Kaz tried to ignore how he always felt when Ocelot was close to him and once he had his personal space back, he pointed with his gun at the targets again.

“Why would you want to shoot in a stance which is not natural? You have to trust your body.” Ocelot stood right behind Kaz and his left arm covered Kaz’s left arm until he reached the gun, he could feel Ocelot’s body scent, so unique and irresistible.

He didn’t remember when was the last time they were this close, probably before Snake woke up from the coma, he had forgotten how much he missed this close contact… Him.

“Just bring your hand up to the center of your head, aim and shoot.” Ocelot continued with a cool and husky voice…

Kaz snorted but obeyed, he was not going to miss having a private lesson by no other than Revolver Ocelot, he hated to admit it but the man was really good at it.

“Alright, _Instructor_. How do you like this?” Kaz joked and stressed the word Instructor, standing just as Ocelot wanted him to. Why was he smiling at him?

“Good, keep it simple.” Ocelot smiled too, for real this time while he crossed his arms on his chest, watching Kaz.

Kaz shot and he hit right into the target, where he wanted.

“Pretty good.”

“Thank you”

Kaz couldn’t help but smile and continued to shoot for a while, not bothered by Ocelot’s presence, on the contrary, he was enjoying it.

 

After a while of feeling Ocelot’s eyes on him he commented, trying not to sound as if he was seducing the older man which in fact was true.

“So this is how you teach recruits? I may have to supervise your class instructor. You get somewhat unprofessional.”

Kaz lowered his gun and watched while Ocelot got up from the bench he’d been sitting on, and approach him.

“I only get unprofessional with you, Commander. Haven’t you noticed?” He took the gun from his hand and placed it on his breast holster. Then he took Kaz’s hand and slightly massaged it, before doing the same with the rest of his left arm. “You need this or else your arm will hurt like hell.”

Kaz watched Ocelot massage his arm. He didn’t need to do it but he did anyway, and Kaz wondered if he was just caressing his arm out of courtesy or something else.

“Ocelot….”

“Hm?”

Kaz growled and blushed “Thanks again, I guess.”

“Anytime”

* * *

 

All those memories hurt. He couldn’t help but fall deeper and deeper… He was even scared of being alone and didn’t recognize himself anymore.

The next morning he woke up in his bed. Venom was sleeping on a chair next to his bed.

Kaz tried to look for his aviators but they weren’t on its usual place on the nightstand next to his bed. He growled in both pain and disgust at the morning light which was blinding him.

Recently his eyes had started to ache and hurt, he thought he saw ghosts… The ghost of himself with blood on his body, all his limbs intact.

“Boss…” Kaz watched Venom sleeping, he looked so peaceful, so different from Big Boss… Big Boss never really slept, he had a light sleep and would wake up easily.

Venom opened his eye. He wasn’t sleeping after all. “How are you feeling?”

“Do you really want to know?” Kaz smiled weakly at him and when he was about to sit on the bed he realized he didn’t have his right arm. Was it all a dream?

Venom leaned to him and touched his temple “you still have high fever, I guess you’ll have to rest today.”

Kaz didn’t argue and just closed his eyes.

“Boss, what happened to me?” Kaz had his eyes shut and didn’t want to look at him, he knew something was wrong, he saw it in his face.

“Buffalo told me… you were acting strange and you attacked her… You've been under a lot of stress lately, let’s talk about this later, you need to rest.”

They didn’t talk anymore about the incident, Venom thought Kaz needed space. He wasn’t really sure about what happened and according to the Intel team, it was difficult to know what was happening when they saw the security tape. They were still analysing its content and Venom had to wait to talk to Kaz about it. But he could still remember running to the Combat Platform, and finding Buffalo holding an unconscious Kaz. His body was covered in blood so the first thing he did was kneel next to him and examine him.  
For a strange reason, his brain remembered he was once a medic so he checked that he didn’t have any injuries, but he couldn’t explain the blood… until he took him to his room and undressed him, that’s when he saw the stump on his right arm was still bleeding so he had to bandage him.

The following days Kaz was back to his normal self, but he avoided talking to Venom about the episode. But he couldn’t avoid Flaming Buffalo.

Someone knocked at his office’s door while he was trying to read a map of Zanzibar. He had asked the Intel team to get all the information available about that place, he had to find Big Boss.

The unwelcome guest entered directly.

“Hey”

Kaz looked at her. She seemed mad and he didn’t know why.

“Okay, what did I do now? What’s up with that face?” Kaz placed the map on his desk and leaned back on his chair.

“You really don’t remember anything.”

“What are you talking about?” Kaz tried to pretend nothing happened.

“About the other night… You…. Attacked us.” She spoke softly and crossed her arms over her chest. “I thought you were going to kill us”

So it wasn’t a dream after all. Kaz tried to remain calm even though he was dying to have an answer to this.

Putting his best poker face he smiled and talked waving his hand.

“It may have been the stress… or maybe I sleepwalk… I’m sorry if I attacked you, it won’t happen ag-”

“Bullshit! You know it’ll happen again! Quiet told me that you… you are like her…” Buffalo didn’t know how to say this, but she had been holding this to herself for way too long and needed to make him open his eyes. “She can help you! She told me she wants to help you”

Kaz stood up abruptly and grabbed his crutch. “I don’t have anything to talk about with her, nor with you. This meeting is over.” He walked past her and felt her words were true, he felt he was like the woman he considered a freak and felt his blood was going to boil so he left the office as fast as he could.

Buffalo followed him “Kaz! Listen to me!”

Miller stopped and giving his back to her he warned her.

“Buffalo, stay away from me ok? I really don’t want to hurt you again. What are you doing here anyways? Don’t you have other things to do?”

Kaz left and Buffalo remained on her spot, feeling hopeless. She decided to contact the Boss, she’d tell him everything she knew.

* * *

 

Kaz needed this. Needed to get away but chose the worst place to be.

The shooting range was silent, after all it was 12 am and no one should be here at this hour.

Once again he was haunted by the memories of him, of the man who finished him off.

Six soldiers escorted him quietly and remained on guard. It was Venom’s idea in case he passed out, but Kaz didn’t think that. The real reason was that Venom didn't trust him and knew there was something off with him.

“You don’t have to stay here, you can leave if you want.” Kaz casually told them while he reloaded his gun. Even if they were there to do their job, watching the Commander shoot was a spectacle. Not because he was the best, they knew Ocelot and Big Boss were much better, but they were sure that if he had all his limbs he’d be a tough match for both men. The day he got mad at Panther was still the topic of talks between the recruits.

He didn’t realize he had been shooting for an hour, his arm hurt. He couldn’t see the guards so he thought that they decided to leave him alone.

He couldn’t care less so he continued shooting.

His shots now were perfect just like then, when he got so jealous and mad at Ocelot for getting involved with Panther. He got surprised at how mad he was, he felt like killing the subordinate who dared to lay his hands on him…..

Kaz felt a blue flash of light reflect on his aviators which blinded him for a moment.

_How does it feel now, Kazuhira? He’s with Big Boss now and neither of them give a damn about you. かわいそうだ, you are so pathetic._

“Who’s there?” Kaz reacted by pointing his gun at the figure approaching him.

“Hey, it’s me.  I wanted to know how you were.”

Venom walked slowly to the Diamond Dogs’ XO. They had been evading each other for a couple of days, both needed time alone to think. It was an unspoken agreement, both assumed one would go to the other eventually. And it seemed it was Venom’s turn to approach him.

He felt Kaz wouldn’t be able to recover from this so easily and would continue to shut himself. It was time to open his eyes.

Kaz put his gun down. “Boss” Kaz shot him a cold glare but then he remembered he wasn’t the object of his hatred.

“I know why you are here Kaz.” Venom sat at the bench where Ocelot would watch him shoot.

“How come you never came to see me shoot?” Kaz tried to change the subject so he wouldn’t have to think about himself.

“I was on missions, or sleeping. You got me pretty busy with expanding Diamond Dogs.” Venom smiled and Kaz blushed in embarrassment. “And besides, I didn’t want to step between you and him.”

Kaz sat next to Venom and placed the gun on the bench. “He won’t come back, and I have to take a decision. I suppose you are going to follow him too, that was their plan.” Kaz frowned and he got mad the moment he remembered both Ocelot and Big Boss.

Venom looked at Kaz, he looked so tired, so unlike himself. Skull face and Big Boss were the main responsible for this. Ocelot, he was to blame too, but Venom had to admit that the Russian was the only one who was able to take Kaz out of his own hell, even if it had been only for a while.

He hated that, hated not being able to realize what Kaz was going through. Until now he had been doing everything he was told to, obeying like a perfect machine, obeying the Big Boss from his head, but now was different. Now that he had awoken, he wasn’t really sure if he wanted to follow the fate that was imposed to him.

Follow Big Boss? Or follow Kaz?

“It’s hard when you realize you are not who you thought you were. It’s like starting over, or worse. Having to live two lives, bear with both Big Boss’s and my memories.” Venom decided to open to Kaz, he was the only real thing he had left… he was all he had.

Kaz sighed and watched the stars for some minutes, trying to forget about his own problems and think about Venom. He’s been through a lot too, and even if he was still insecure of himself, he looked stronger than ever. How could he stand it? How could he bear all the weight the name Big Boss carried?

“You are two men, but you have only one soul. Don’t forget it.” Kaz looked at him while he placed his left hand on his arm.

“Most of the times you saw Big Boss taking over my mind. Sorry that I forced you and Ocelot to… You know. I’ve been too pushy with you.” He was really sorry, worst part of all was that thanks to him pushing them, they became inseparable. How ironic, he thought. Big Boss helped them to be together, and ultimately, Big Boss broke them apart.

“Yeah, that’s definitely him. I was surprised, though. There are times when you are kind and times when you are cold. But still you are not cold enough as that bastard.”

“I’m softer, huh? That’s why you… Never mind.” Venom didn’t want to push the subject, now it was not the time.

“Me what?” Kaz laughed nervously.

“Come on Kaz, you always fell for the bad guys.”

Kaz laughed nervously “I remember you telling me that more than once.”

“Because sometimes Big Boss was a dick to you.” It felt strange saying that since he looked like Big Boss and talked like him.

Kaz laughed for real but then he got a little melancholic.

“I won’t disagree on that. I have a tendency to fall for the wrong people.”

There was some awkward silence where they just sat there watching the stars.

“So Kaz… Do you…  remember me?”

“You? Of course… I… I remember you. Almost everyday. I had to bury you… Well not physically, you know. I even went to pay my respects to your family… That was a long time ago.”

“My family... well they are better off thinking I’m dead. They wouldn’t recognize me anymore, now that I’ve become this.” Venom passed a hand through his hair and touched his shrapnel.

“I think that’s kind of cool, Boss. Didn’t you always want to be the bad guy?” Kaz gave him a pat on his chest as his way to be friendly with him again. But truth was, Venom only wanted to be the bad guy so Kaz would fall for him.

“I’m still the bad guy. And I’ll die like a bad guy, like him.”

“You are wrong!” Kaz sat closer to him and touched his face. “All these scars…this horn-like shrapnel you have, this is you now. And you got these scars by protecting a friend. By protecting me as well.” Kaz trailed his fingers through his scars and Venom closed his eyes. "You are not the bad guy, you are not him."

“I have one mission left and that’s to be ready to die for him.” Venom closed his eyes and spoke softly.

“You won’t fucking die like the bad guy, I won’t let him take you away from me. You are free to choose how you want to live your life. We already gave him too much, don’t you think so, Vincent?” Kaz got closer to him and he almost whispered his last words. There were so many emotions going through, was Kaz beginning to acknowledge him?

It was the first time in a long time that Vincent heard Kaz saying his name. Tears escaped his eye and he gritted his teeth not to seem weak in front of Kaz. He should be the one protecting him.

“It’s not easy, sometimes I forget you are two different people, but every time I’m with you, those differences become clear. Is the… hypnosis wearing off?”

“I asked Ocelot about it. He said it would take time for me to remember my old self.” Venom dared to bet that Ocelot didn’t really want to erase him completely, or did he try to do it and failed somehow? He couldn’t picture Ocelot failing at something… well, he did fail at one thing, that’s why they had come down to this. He probably wasn’t expecting to fall for Kaz. According to the memories he had of Big Boss and Ocelot, they were pretty close, and Ocelot hated Kaz, so he wondered what did he miss? What happened in those 9 years without Big Boss between Kaz and Ocelot?

“I can’t believe I fell for that son of a bitch, all this time he’s been lying to my face…” Kaz buried his face in Vincent’s chest.

 

This was his chance to make Kaz forget about both Big Boss and Ocelot, words were a powerful tool at this moment, if he could only run away with Kaz, forget about everything and start over… But it was too late, it had been always late. The moment their paths crossed, Kaz’s heart was already Big Boss’s property, and even if Venom himself was Big Boss now, Ocelot stole Kaz’s heart and smashed it to pieces. This is what he had now, a broken down man who once used to be the one who would cheer everyone up, who would make silly jokes and who believed in love. Vincent knew from the beginning, even if Kaz would fool around with women at first, he knew who was the only one who could be able to claim Kazuhira Miller’s heart. What he never ever imagined was that there would be another person who would be able to make Kaz forget about Big Boss.

Still, he knew what both felt, the Ocelot he remembered would had never made Kaz hate him to protect him. He did it to protect Vincent too, it was true that Big Boss wouldn’t like them to be playing the ‘love drama’ game. No, his game was far from being a game at all.

He decided to keep Ocelot’s promise and didn’t tell the truth to Kaz. If he could only make him forget about everything, if only he could forget about it too..

Suddenly, he grabbed Kaz’s face and kissed him. This was something he would never had done, so it must be Big Boss acting for him, his desire to have him was greater than anything else. His lips tasted the tears, he knew this was wrong, but this is all he needed at this moment.

 

That night they went to sleep together. Venom kissed Kaz slowly while he undressed him. Kaz didn’t stop him and let him take the lead. This seemed like the first time with him, now that he had awoken, he didn’t feel like he was Big Boss, though he never really was like him, he didn’t feel like himself either.

He carried Kaz to the bed and undressed himself. He didn’t want to think, he just wanted to feel him, his best friend, the love of his life. Kaz kept his eyes closed, maybe he was still seeing him as Big Boss and that was OK, he couldn’t blame him.

He kissed his neck and caressed his skin, he never realized how beautiful he was. How could Kaz be jealous of Quiet, if he was always his everything. His life truly didn’t have any meaning without him.

Kaz hugged him and kissed his scars. Venom went down on him and took him in his mouth, he wanted to please him and show him how much he cared about him. He felt Kaz’s hand on his hair, grabbing him softly while he moaned.

There was no one who could stop them now, no one to interrupt them. Big Boss was far away. All of Vincent’s love for Kaz awoke that night, he didn’t care about Big Boss’s plan for him, the only thing he wanted was to be with Kaz forever.

Kaz touched his shrapnel and held him. Maybe it was his way to remember who he was with. Definitely not Big Boss, nor Ocelot.

“Boss... ” Kaz moaned his name… that wasn’t his true name but it was his new identity, which he was going to accept and fight for it.

Venom decided to take things further and put a finger inside him. His moanings told him to continue so he shoved another finger.

Kaz grabbed his hair while he tried to suppress the moans. “Please… Make me forget…”

Venom removed his fingers and slowly entered him. Kaz grabbed his back while he felt him going deeper.

Even if he had been with Kaz before he still believed he was Big Boss, but this time he was conscious of who he was.

He continued to fuck Kaz while he jerked him off with his flesh hand.The blonde was covering his eyes with his hand. Venom knew who he was thinking about.... But he accepted what he had and wanted to make Kaz feel good and forget.

The younger man growled and came on Venom’s hand, who then joined him after a couple of thrusts coming inside him.

“Kaz…”

“I… I’m sorry… I can’t stop thinking about him” Kaz was still covering his face with his hand, ashamed. He broke up to tears and Venom could not do anything but hold him.

“I’m here with you. It’s ok..” He kissed his forehead while he held him closer.

“I don’t deserve you... Vincent.” Kaz wiped down his tears and tried to push him away, this time he was getting upset. But his hatred was not directed to Vincent, but to Kaz’s himself.

“Even if you love someone else, I’ll always be here for you, you are all I got. Don’t push me away.” Venom’s voice this time was strong and assertive. No matter what happened, he was going to be with him until the end, and he wouldn’t let anyone else hurt his loved one.

 

* * *

 

The next night Venom didn’t sleep with him. Since Kaz pushed him away the other night, things grew a little colder. Kaz was too ashamed, Venom didn’t deserve this, didn’t deserve someone like Kaz, who fell in love twice with a wrong man. He should have known better before falling in love with Big Boss’s former lover. He always knew this was gonna happen, he had been waiting the final blow but he never imagined it would be like this.

That night he dream about crimson gloved hands on his neck, his teeth and tongue on his skin… this man would kill him. He closed his eyes and let the Russian choke him, this was going to be his end, and who else better than him to finish him? If he had given himself to him already, he had already dumped Big Boss before knowing the truth… if only Ocelot would be at his side, this would be so different… but the way he looked at him, killing him with his indifference and cold words.

‘ _One of us will have to kill the other_ ’

You got me there, I’d never be able to kill you.

He couldn’t breathe, his survival instinct made him open his eyes and fight for his life, but when he saw the face of his murderer, he saw his own face... he lost consciousness.

He ran away, he never felt so afraid in his life.

 

“Kazuhira! stop running!”

「目を覚ませ！」

"Open your eyes!"

Kaz woke up abruptly. He couldn’t breathe well and was panting. It was still dark, he was alone. Venom was not with him. There were still many things that they needed to talk about, but Kaz didn’t feel like talking yet. He was still drowning in hatred towards Big Boss, Ocelot and towards himself. This self hatred was making him have nightmares where he would beat the shit out of himself.

Kazuhira Miller vs Kazuhira Miller. Every night he would watch himself taunting him, it was irritating.

But he was alone, not that he minded that before, after all he had been alone almost all his life with the exception of… The three men whom he had shared a bed with. Snake, Ocelot and Venom Snake. What a mess….

The one who spent the less time sleeping with him was the one he missed the most. When he was sleeping beside him, whether it was on a bed, couch, chair… Whenever… He felt at home. It was curious because he thought he used to feel that when he was sleeping with Snake, the true one.

Still, their first nights Kaz had to admit that he feared Snake would wake up and kill him. Maybe that fear lingered from the fact that Snake didn’t give him much choices when they met. Join me or go get yourself killed. When they started sleeping on the same bed, he thought that at least Snake would show him another side of him. He did, sometimes, hug him, he would put his arms around Kaz waist and pull him closer.

He was able to sleep deeply when he was with Snake, though the older man didn’t sleep much. It seemed he was always ready for battle. When Kaz was younger, he couldn’t understand how little he could sleep, but now he understood him. He slept so little nowadays, and even if he slept, he felt he was still awake. Was he going mad? It was difficult to distinguish between dream and reality.

Venom Snake was beginning to make him feel at home again, but it was still complicated, sometimes he forgot who he really was, sometimes he wanted to love him instead. And sometimes, well, most of the times, he missed the one who dumped him.

 

Without thinking it twice he got up of the bed and went to the bathroom to wash his face. But something was different….

He glanced at his reflection. He was in his underwear, no shirt and his scars visible… Specially the one he gave him. But he was seeing it too on the person in the mirror who was watching him.

“You…”

“Konbanwa Kazuhira.” The reflection replied back and smirked.

Kaz didn’t realize that it was dark, very dark and he hadn’t turn on the lights.

“Anta no kotae wa?” The man in the mirror continued.

“What answer? What do you mean?”

“Your answer. He’s waiting for your answer.”

“Who?”

“You know _who_ . And I’m not talking about your lover…. Don’t search your feelings, you had only _one_ lover, and he left you…. He left you for him, you owe him an answer…. けど、痛ましくてたまらねえでしょ？...... It hurts so much you can't bear any longer, right?”

“もう良い、やめて! Stop it… Stop… It…” Kaz grabbed his head with his both hands. Both? He must be dreaming again, but why was he so conscious in his dream?

“He left you for him. You knew this from the start, he was never yours to begin with…オセロットに捨てられた、痛いでしょう？” that smirk on the man on the mirror, it was as if he was gloating on his suffering.

Ocelot dumped you, it hurts right?

Of course it does.

Kaz gripped the sink with his right hand and let the water run on it… It was cold but it was a relief for his right arm. It felt as if it was burning and no matter how much water he put on it, it wouldn’t stop burning…. Bleeding….. His right arm was bleeding.

The blue eyed blonde continued mocking him but Kaz stopped listening him for a moment. He concentrated on watching the blood run through the bathroom sink. Why was there blood?

“Snake took everything away from you, your dream, your future, your lover… But wait, didn’t you want more than you had? You already had Snake, why did you fall for his former lover too? Haven’t you learnt your lesson? It’s your fault for always wanting more Kazuhira. That’s why everyone abandons you eventually.”

“I won’t listen to you anymore. This is a dream and I can make you disappear whenever I want. You can’t hurt me with that.” Kaz tried to control himself, this was a dream, he was stronger than this...

“結局あんたはみんなに捨てられてる、しょうがない、あんたのせいだ。It’s your fault, you were always a freak, the kids casted you away… Even your father left you…” the figure continued to taunt him. The right side of his face was covered in fresh blood.

In the end everyone leaves you. It can’t be helped, it’s your fault after all.

“Not everyone… My mother didn’t leave me….” Kaz voice was soft, as if he was remembering his mother’s smile.

“What happened to your mother? She ended up forgetting about you, didn’t she? In the end, everyone leaves you. Your mother, Snake, the man who gave you that nice scar you wear on your chest... ”

Kaz didn’t feel his arm burning anymore. It seemed as if the water soothed the pain. But he wasn’t feeling angry anymore. He wasn’t happy either.

“I’m the one who’ll win this game. I told you, didn’t I? Snake, Ocelot, everyone will get what they deserve. We will win, together. I’ll make my dreams come true, but first… I need to get rid of the ones who betrayed me….”

It was not clear who was speaking anymore.

 

Kaz went to the room and took his iDroid. Going through the menu, he stopped at Ocelot’s last message. ‘ _Found him. Returning to base. ETA 2100_ ’

There were older messages and he caught a glimpse of another message from Ocelot, ‘ _let me show you how much I lo-_ ”  

He tossed the iDroid on his blood stained sheets. He didn’t mind that he was wet and bloody and put on his shirt anyway. When he was about to button it he felt she was at his door. He had apparently forgotten about his crutch, which laid on the floor next to the bed.

When he opened the door she was looking at him with caution, as if he was the enemy.  It was strange, as if he knew what she would say without her having to speak. She couldn’t speak anyways.

 

“What do you want?” He talked with a cold voice and stepped out, getting closer to her. She backed up and closed her fingers into fists, ready to attack him if necessary.

 _I know what you are going through. Let me help you._ He seemed to understand her, but how?

“Help me? You don’t give a shit about me… you never did. Why now?” Kaz faked a smile but he still looked evil, he knew that she got scared by his appearance. “What, you never seen a man in underwear?” He showed both hands in the air before grabbing her neck with his right hand.

She looked at him with understanding in her eyes… and it made him lower his guard for a moment so she kicked him on the stomach and broke free. She was about to get her sniper rifle but Kaz stole it from her hands.

“I won’t let you do it again” Kaz unloaded the rifle and threw it to the sea, but Quiet didn’t seem scared, she frowned and put herself in a defensive stance.

The blonde walked slowly to her and CQCd her, throwing her to the floor.

“Why do you keep on getting on my way? You are a pest!” Kaz grabbed his gun and pointed at her.

“Kaz, stop!” Venom held Kaz from behind. He couldn’t believe this was Kaz…

The blonde struggled in his grip until he escaped and kicked Venom to the ground. “You! You did this to me! This is all your fault Snake!”

He jumped to Venom but he dodged him by rolling to his right so Kaz stood on his spot and pointed his gun at him. 

“Kaz, it’s me... “ Venom still found it so hard to tell him his real name… but he knew Quiet would not say anything… Still it was so strange.. “It’s Vincent, don’t you remember me? Please Kaz, wake up…” He walked slowly with his hands up watching how the blonde struggled, his right arm pointing his gun at him, but he was trembling.

“You stole him from me, don’t you? Give him back! He’s mine!” Kaz right hand trembled so much that he dropped the gun, but that didn’t stop him from charging against Big Boss again. “He’s MINE!”

 

Venom knew who he was talking about, and for one hand felt pity for Kaz, because he had come down to this, Big Boss destroyed both his body and mind, just like him. Both were just tools in Big Boss’s game. He also felt angry, because Kaz could not forget about Ocelot, not even when he was driven by his madness.

He dodged Kaz’s hits, though some of them hit him hard. He had to stop Kaz, so he grabbed him and tried to disable any further advance, but he was strong. Just when Venom was about to release him, someone shot Kaz a tranq bullet on his neck.

Buffalo walked slowly to her Boss while she put away her tranquilizer gun. Code Talker was with her.

 

“I need to talk to Kazuhira. This is important, he has awoken.” the old man spoke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know there are parts in Japanese, but I repeat the same in English in the same sentence so basically he's telling the same both in Japanese and English. I thought it would be a good way of showing Kaz's madness by going back to his mother tongue. My Japanese sucks so there may be errors...
> 
> Next chapter, my version of what happened to Kaz...


	31. Demon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I wonder what’s easier? To control parasites, or to control a demon? Looks like I’m screwed up.” 
> 
> Kaz's life keeps on getting worse.
> 
> Guest appearance of Code Talker to explain what happens to Kaz.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm leaving for Japan on 1st april for 3 weeks so I don't think I'll be able to post new chapters until the end of April  
> But don't worry I have chapter 32 and 33 almost ready except for the fact that I still have doubts regarding the upcoming character's interactions, it's SO HARD,... but I'll get there eventually, and I hope you like how it ends.  
> Thank you for reading :)
> 
> PS: again, if there's any error I'll try to correct it 
> 
> I hope you don't get confused by how I imagined a parasite-infected Kaz

That night Venom took Kaz to his room and let him sleep. He would eventually wake up and wondered what happened so he stayed with him again.

With the Diamond Dog’s commander on that state, Venom had to run the base alone, assigning new missions and combat deployments. It was hard but he finally learn to do it by himself without having to bother Kaz.

While he kept an eye on the sleeping blonde, he worked with his iDroid. After two hours he closed his eye for a moment as he was feeling tired…. He didn’t dream about anything in particular but he felt someone holding him and he opened his eyes.

Kaz was kneeling on the floor holding him with his two hands and his head resting on his thigh. Venom examined him, his right arm was bleeding again, if he was really like Quiet, he didn’t remember her bleeding.

He took his iDroid and sent a message to Buffalo so she could bring Code talker there. Poor girl, he thought. But she was really the only one he could trust. He caressed Kaz’s hair and thought how would the rest of the staff react if they found out their commander was… If there was something wrong with him, it would break Diamond Dogs’ morale for sure.

 

An hour later there was a knock on the door. Venom didn’t want to move Kaz from his lap as he seemed to be sleeping peacefully, but he had to wake him up.

“Kaz, wake up.” He whispered softly and he opened his eyes abruptly.

His body started to hurt and he gripped Venom’s body. “Boss… I feel I… I’m losing my mind… Stay away from me…”

Venom held Kaz’s face with his hands and looked at him with a serious face.

“No, I’m here to help you. You have to trust in me.” His voice was strong and confident, he knew that one way or another, he would save Kaz.

Venom has changed drastically since the truth triggered in his mind, he didn’t recognize his old self, or rather, the Big Boss in him, which was losing strength day by day. He felt a completely new person and gained self confidence each day.

Still, what didn’t and would never change was his love for him, the broken man who now turned his back to him and leaned on the bed.

“I- I didn’t want you to see me like this…” Kaz gritted his teeth and growled while he was trying to deal with his pain.

“There’s someone here who can give you answers, you have to trust him.”

“I know he’s outside… I guess I don’t have any choice.”

Venom opened the door and carried the old man’s wheelchair next to Kaz.

 

“Kazuhira, I know you didn’t want to talk to me, but now you must. It’s not too late for you.” Code Talker was looking down at him.

“Sorry I didn’t go to see you…” Kaz glanced at him for a moment before burying his head on the blood stained sheets again.

“Boss, leave us alone.” Code Talker asked and Venom looked at him rather worried.

“I could barely hold him last night, are you sure you’ll be ok?”

“He doesn’t have the strength to attack anymore, his parasites have calmed down, he lost too much blood and is weak. Let me talk to him.”

Code Talker’s voice never changed, he was still calm and collected. Even when he was at Kaz’s now messy room, surrounded by blood. The old man watched the blood stained, broken down Diamond Dogs’ Commander while he tried to understand his situation.

“Boss… I.. I’m sorry... “Kaz apologized again gritting his teeth and shaking while he grabbed the sheets with both hands.

“Kaz, it’s OK. I’ll be outside if you need me.” Venom touched Kaz’s shoulder softly before exiting the room.

Kaz did not look at Code Talker, he just remained in his position trying to calm down, he was tired.

“Your parasites take control of your mind and body. That’s why you have all those dreams, am I not correct?”

“Parasites? I don’t.. Have parasites…” The blonde turned his face and glared at him.

“You can’t fool me Kazuhira. You know it’s true. You, me, and Quiet. We all share a connection. Haven’t you ever wondered why you were the only one who could see her? Even when she hid herself, you were the only one who noted her presence.”

“That doesn’t mean anything…. I just happen to have good eyesight” Kaz laughed nervously, trying to evade the question.

“But your eyes are damaged. Even the Boss, who has one eye can detect odd things can’t see her like you can, even the Ocelot who has a flawless sight, he cannot. Neither of them can see her like you can.”

Kaz sat on the floor and kept his mouth shut. He really didn’t have any objection to that. It was true, he could see her… Sense her. He could even sense Code Talker, that’s why he could always escape from having a conversation with him. The old man knew this all along.

“So what if I have parasites? Will they destroy me? I feel I'm losing my mind.” It was no use, he couldn’t hide it anymore so he’d better talk about his feelings.

“They won’t, if you control them. Right now, they are trying to take over you.”

“It's as if they were demons, haunting me…”

 

“Let me be clear, Kazuhira. The parasites are just parasites. Every human has demons inside, and in your case, the parasites are being controlled by your inner thoughts, those thoughts you’d never thought you had, they are your inner fears and wishes. They are controlling the parasites and that’s the reason your demon is controlling you.” Code Talker continued, his tone of voice didn’t change, but he was examining Kaz’s with great interest, trying to figure out more about this unique body reaction.

“I wonder what’s easier? To control parasites, or to control a demon? Looks like I’m screwed up.” Kaz looked at his hands and touched his right arm, it burned and ached.

“Once you control your inner self, or as you said,  your demon, you’ll control the parasites.”

“Easier to say, harder to do… unless you have any magic trick to do that… I guess the Boss will end up killing me, before I kill him…”

Kaz gripped his right arm and lowered his head.

“Think of it as taming a beast. I was aware of it, but my children told me you were not ready to talk… I did not worry, for I knew there was still someone who could tame your demon. The man you call Adamska. No wonder he could tame a wolf and made him a dog. He has something which can be both an asset and a threat.”

Kaz sighed, feeling upset at the sole mention of the name of his former lover. The old man continued talking.

“He can play with people’s minds, and he can make them lose their minds too, that’s why they also call him _Shalashashka_. But he’s a man after all, and he has his flaws. His own feelings are his biggest flaw. But we are not here to talk about him, are we?”

“Huh, of course not. He’s not here anymore. So you say he could… Tame my demons… how? by hypnotizing me?”

Kaz didn’t know if he should laugh at the fact that it could had been possible that Ocelot went that far as to hypnotize him… What an extreme way of playing with his mind.

“No, that’s not enough. It’s not the same to tame a man than to tame a demon. To tame a man, yes, one way is by hypnosis, another way is by physical force, restriction… by imposing fear on them or seduce them giving them what they want. But to tame a demon, that’s a different thing.”

Kaz closed his eyes and touched his temple with both hands.

“Then what exactly did he do to me?”

“Nothing” the old man showed him his hands.

“What?” Kaz frowned.

“Your mind recognized him as your sanctuary. His sole presence at your side was enough for your demon to not take control over your body. I think he knew it all along at some point. He understood that if you had any episode he had to be with you, that’s all that mattered to him.” Kaz swore he could see a smile on his face.

“So he didn’t hypnotize me? That would had been the wickedest thing someone would do to make the other person…..”

He couldn’t even say the L word.

"But he’s not here and If you do not do something, you will end up like the ones who gave you the parasites to begin with."

“Great so how am I supposed to ‘ _do_ _something_ ’ if he’s not here?” Kaz sat on the floor with his back resting on the bed and his arms resting on his folded knees. He hadn’t realized it but the talk kept him distracted from his pain.

"You can still do it without him but it will take time. It’s not advisable but we don’t have any other alternative. In order to tame your demon, as you call it, you need to learn to coexist with it, just like with the parasites. Until now, your body has been containing them because you were with that person whom you felt safe with. When humans encounter another human being that makes them feel that way, they call it a soul mate, in a romantic way."  
  
"Soulmate you say?" Kaz let go a nervous laugh trying to diminish his words.  
  
"Don't laugh at me Kazuhira, you know it is true. Your mind and body knew it even before you had any conscious of it. That's why you were always drawn to the Ocelot."  
  
"Enough of this bullshit, I'm not here to listen to a lecture about love, I want to know how I can be myself again." Kaz was losing his patience and his eyes flashed with a blue spark.  
  
"You won't be your old self again. You must face this alone now that the one you considered your soul mate has left."

Kaz felt his heart shrinking at the sole mention of Ocelot leaving him… and looked at Code talker with an angry face.

“You need to learn to speak with those living inside you, learn to enhance one another and once you are successful you will enjoy a harmonious growth.”

“But how am I supposed to-” Kaz stood up and felt his head spinning, he had to sit on his bed.

“I will ask your Boss to give you water.”

“Water? I don’t think that’ll-” Kaz’s eyes widen, he understood now.

“You are weak because the parasites use your blood, that’s why you have your limbs back, thanks to them. But the disadvantage is that it takes time for your body to control this… Until now, your body has been functioning with enough blood to irrigate to your remaining limbs, that’s why you usually faint, because the parasites try to use your blood to reconstruct your body. Water can help hydratate the parasites but you are more human than Quiet and me. You don't need to rely on water except when you really need it. ”  
  
Kaz remembered times when he put his right arm on water and it helped soothe the pain... that was the answer, it was so simple... but at the same time it was weird, if he had to rely on water, he wouldn't be human anymore.  
“But, I won't be able to eat again?" 

"As I explained, you are... let's say, hybrid. You are more human than us. You still depend on food for your body to function. Yes Kazuhira, go on, smile, I know you love food."  
Code Talker laughed and made Kaz laugh too. 

"I see... but are my new limbs real or will they disappear?” He didn't want to get used to being with all his limbs again as he feared this was only temporal. 

“No, be patient. I’ll help you control your parasites, but you’ll have to tame your inner demon alone. Unless there’s someone else who can stop you… like the Boss.”

“Ocelot wasn’t the only one, huh? Great, I don’t need him.” He did need him, but he wouldn't admit it to the old man. 

“He’s the only one who can stop you and you know it. The Boss’s help is temporal because he’s strong enough to stop you, but it will take more time and will be dangerous, either you or him could kill one another.”

Kaz threw himself on the mattress and closed his eyes. “Why do I even bother then? Why don’t I just…”

What if… he lost his mind and killed Venom? What if Venom killed him? He surely had it coming… Ocelot leaving, Big Boss in the picture, and now this… the confirmation that he was a freak, did he really want to go on?

Code Talker didn’t give him the chance to continue with his depressing thoughts.

“Kazuhira. Your training begins tomorrow.”

 

* * *

 

Kaz spend one month training his mind with Code Talker. Apparently, what Kaz had was a mutated specimen that supplied its host with adrenaline and power in response to pain, whether it was physical or mental. He had to learn to control his emotions, it was hard and definitely not possible to achieve in just a month, but Kaz was making a great improvement. Venom was always there to stop him if things got out of his control.

Still, Kaz was a human, he didn’t have super powers nor he could disappear like Quiet, and definitely he didn’t have the abilities of the skull unit that Venom fought, but he was a worthy opponent and it helped Venom to test his strength. 

One night after dinner, Kaz walked slowly along the Medical platform with his crutch in his right hand. He never knew when he’d need it and he wasn’t ready to let it go. There were rumors that the Commander had gotten himself a high-end technology prosthetic, others would say he had an arm transplant, and others simply couldn’t explain why he had his limbs again. Neither him nor Big Boss would talk about that.

 

Kaz sensed Quiet was close and he decided to go back to his room.

“ _Please don’t leave”_

It was coming from his head. It was the way of the parasites to communicate with their own kind.

He sat at a bench and placed his crutch on the floor.

She sat next to him.

Kaz cleared his throat and spoke. “Uhm, sorry for attacking you…”

_"I know what you are going through, but I was a demon myself before I was who I am now."_

It was hard for him to notice that Quiet was talking to him about her feelings. He never really cared for her, but she was slowly gaining his respect and trust.

That night he could get to meet a different woman, she taught him a few things about his body and for the first time since she set foot on mother base, they could share a talk. But soon, the talk turned to the unavoidable and painful subject, Ocelot.

 _"I know what he feels for you and I can't believe what he did._ " She pouted and touched his shoulder. She couldn't believe he let her touch him.

"I can't believe it either...."

" _He's special to you, and you'll be together again. I thought my special someone was Big Boss._ "

Kaz looked at her confused and she continued. " _But sometimes that special person is hidden and you find it in the last person you'd ever think about._ "

"But you have her, you are together."

" _There's something that draws you together, you'll see. And you'll be whole again._ " She smiled and stood up. " _Good night Commander Miller_ " She patted his head and walked away. 

"What am I? a dog?" He wondered and laughed. 

But her words somehow, gave him confidence. Even if his body was now complete, he didn't feel whole. If he could just have him back, would he be whole again? 

 

The next days were difficult for him, he ended up everyday exhausted, but it was worth it. Code Talker promised that he'd soon feel the change and he was now used to his new limbs. They didn't bleed and he could live a normal life. But he still had nightmares and would wake up crying... 

 

 

It was stupid. So stupid. He wanted to get away, to forget. But here he was, at the door of what had been Ocelot’s room on mother base.

He felt so strange, even if he could now stroll through all the base without limping with his crutch, he still felt empty. He didn’t know what was hurting him the most. The never ending phantom pain, or the fact that he felt his heart was constantly being torn apart and there was nothing he could do to fix it. No one could do it. Not even Vincent.

He opened the door with his spare key, smiling to himself. He was the Commander after all and he had access to everywhere on base.  

He was surprised to find the room exactly as always. Just as if he had never left. He must have left in a hurry because he took almost anything with him.

Kaz sat on the bed and didn’t move. Over the bed there was still that stupid book that Ocelot was reading once. He should definitely ask any of the Russian recruits about it.

Then he did what he didn’t want to. He laid on the bed and buried his face in Ocelot’s pillow. He felt at home, but at the same time the sense of loss and despair invaded his thoughts, making him remember one episode where he had also felt that way….

 

**Mother Base, Seychelles 1985 - a couple of weeks ago.**

After one heated argument with Ocelot regarding one of Snake’s missions, Kaz left the office but suddenly stopped. The phantom pains had been escalating lately and they usually caught him off guard.

Why is the phantom pain betraying me now?

 

Why just now that Ocelot seems to be slipping away from me? I can’t catch him… he could picture the figure of Ocelot giving his back to him.

He was losing strength due to the pain and he was shaking. He had to call Snake… But his mind played him tricks and he saw stars, his sight was becoming blurry and he’d pass out in any moment… probably Ocelot would be far from here, somewhere else… after that argument…

Okay, he’ll just let himself fall.. And he’d find out soon what happened with him, he’d probably wake up with his face on the cold floor… Or any of the staff would find him.. What a shame…

 

Then he felt strong arms holding him.

“‘I won’t let you fall. I’m here for you Kaz”

Was it Snake? No, his voice was different…

 

“Don’t close your eyes, focus on me. Look at me.” Looking at his steel cold eyes, he passed out.

 

Kaz woke up in a bed. He recognized the scent, Ocelot’s. He was dressed with his shirt and pants but without his shoes and prosthetic leg. His aviators were on the nightstand, he looked at his right and there he was. The silver haired man was lying next to him reading a book which seemed to be in Russian.

It was too strange, after all the first and last time Kaz woke up in the Russian’s bed was a while ago and they were both naked. But nothing happened at that time.

“What are you reading?”

“That’s a secret”

“Don’t tell me it’s a love story” Kaz smirked and placed his hand slowly on the Russian’s arm.

Ocelot couldn’t help but laugh. He didn’t answer Miller’s question.

Kaz continued talking.

“How did you find me?” He thought Ocelot was far from him, how could he had been so close?

“That’s a secret too.”

“So you were really following me, huh? That’s ok, I understand that you can’t get me out of your head.”

“And you like it”

Now it was Kaz’s turn to smile awkwardly. Did Ocelot just admit he can’t stop thinking about him?

“Did you tell him about my…” his attacks had been getting worse and Kaz didn’t want to tell Snake about it. There was no need to worry him, not yet.

“No, he doesn’t know you passed away. I was waiting for you to wake up and decide if you wanted to tell him.” His voice was serious. He sounded worried about his health.

Kaz opened his mouth to speak but then decided better not to “… No, forget it.”

Ocelot closed the book with one movement and focused his full attention on Kaz.

“What is it?”

“Nothing” there was frustration in his voice. How could he tell him what he really wanted? No way.

“Now you’ll have to tell me” Ocelot faced him.

“I… It’s stupid…” don’t insist… you are being so fucking emotional, thought Kaz.

“Do you... want me to hold you?”

Kaz didn’t answer immediately but got closer to him and growled “What are you saying?”

Ocelot put the book on the nightstand and shifted his body to hold the broken commander.

How could Ocelot guess what he wanted?

“Thank you” Kaz buried his face on the other man’s crook of his neck.

“You don’t need to thank me.”

Kaz felt at home and could close his eyes.

“This is why I love you” Kaz said and then realized he said it out loud, he was still sleepy. “Shit, I didn’t mean…”

“I love you Kaz” Adam answered, feeling a little ashamed looking away.

Kaz now frowned and looked at him “You are serious about this, right?”

“What do you mean?” Now Ocelot raised one eyebrow.

“I mean… Are we dating?” Now it was Kaz turn to blush.

“I guess so… I told you already, I don’t know how to be in a ‘ _romantic_ relationship” he made sure to stress the word romantic.

“What do you do when you are dating anyways”

Kaz let go a laugh but he didn’t want to tease Ocelot. Not for now anyways. Ocelot was still holding him while Kaz tried to remember any relationship he had in the past, besides Big Boss. He realized all his previous attempts at normal relationships had failed so he thought about his ideal relationship.

“Well…. You share things… And you cook for your partner, have fun together, have sex…”

“But aren’t we doing that already?” Ocelot smirked.

“Except for the fun part” Kaz frowned but smiled anyway

“Don’t you like playing my game Kaz?”

“What do I win if I let you win?”

“You mean what happens if you lose? Things’ changed… I was supposed to win when I could fuck you on my bed.”

Kaz let go a small laugh. “And here I am. Right into the wolf’s den, or Ocelot’s den.”

Ocelot chuckled “Well, that was the idea. If I could gain your trust, I could definitely take you to my bed.”

“But only for sex? If you only want that then-”

“No, I never expected to fall- To like you. I don’t mind if we don’t fuck, I just want to... I need to be with you, ok? Go on, make fun of me, you are making a fool of me already… Making me admit my feelings, you are cruel Miller.”

Kaz cleared his throat nervously and slightly touched his arm “Technically you have me on your bed right now… I think you are about to win.”

“I won’t take advantage of you after you passed out.” Ocelot grinned and blushed, caressing Kaz’s hair while they shared the hug.

“Maybe you’ve already won the moment you kissed me and made me kiss you back. I… I couldn’t stop thinking about you since then…” Kaz confession was true.

“You are sleepy, Commander.” Ocelot placed a hand on his cheek, caressing it slowly.

“Forgive me then, for saying silly shit about love. See? You can make fun of me too.” Kaz frowned but didn’t move.

“No, I like it when you are sleepy. It’s the only time when I can see you coming undone. Except of course when I’m inside you...” Ocelot kissed his lips slowly.

“You are just… teasing… My eyes are closing again… I have to get back … to work” Kaz tried to get up but Ocelot pushed him to the bed.

“You are going to take a nap in my bed, I’ll be watching over you. You won’t have another episode, trust me.” Revolver Ocelot looked into his eyes and Kaz felt he was drowning into his icy cold eyes, this man promised no pain.. not another episode, huh?

We’ll see that. But, you are here with me so I know you’ll save me.

Kaz never took naps, but he just relaxed and buried his nose in Ocelot’s chest, feeling safe. He smiled to himself as he felt Ocelot taking the book again to resume his reading.

He definitely needed to find out what was that book about, he thought while he let his mind shut down and sleep. That afternoon he didn’t feel any other pain.

 

* * *

 

How cruel his mind was? Making him remember this… How much more could he dwell on memories? He didn’t even want to think about Snake… these months have been a lie… However, Venom Snake was the one who rescued him and carried out his revenge.

Why Snake, why everything turned out to be different from what I thought? I thought you’d be by my side forever, that we’d have the world at our feet. And yet here I am, pining over your ex lover and wanting revenge against you.

  
This is what I’ve become, a freak. All for you Boss….

 

* * *

 

 Ocelot walked through the still under construction base in Zanzibar, when something caught his attention. A group of no less than 20 children were getting on a bus.

Then he remembered John’s words the other night.

_"Child soldiers? John what are you thinking?"_

_"I’ll build my army no matter what and no matter how. I’ll recruit men of all ages who want to join me in building The Boss’s dream."_

_"That’s rather extreme, a soldier can’t be a kid who doesn't have proper judgement yet. We had child soldiers at Diamond Dogs and-"_

_"I know. Kaz could not see the bigger picture... I’ll make sure they’re well trained. Those children need to have a purpose in life, and what better purpose than to feel the adrenaline of being on the battlefield fighting for their own ideals."  
_

That time, Ocelot remained silent and could not help it but remember Miller’s words when he was against using children as soldiers. ‘ _They'll learn how to read and write, do basic jobs. Behind a gun is what we do.’_

Snake has turned cruel and cold, no doubt about it.

I’ve been so wrong, he thought. All this time I’ve been trying to drag Kaz to John but he will destroy him.

Ocelot realized he couldn’t live without Kaz, nor he would be able to stand seeing him with John, because he couldn’t see Kaz with anyone else but him. Kaz left Big Boss for him that night he gave him the scar, and now he felt it was about time he left John… But he still couldn’t do it. No matter if he had become heartless and cold, why was he still dragged to this man? Was The Boss and Big Boss’s dream more important than his love for Kazuhira Miller?

He had to admit that he was also scared. All he knew about relationships was the time he spent with Kaz. All he knew and all that he was raised for, was war.

But the moments he spent with Miller were unique. It was not only sex, it was something more. The connection was both physical and emotional.

 

_‘This is what I am when I’m with you.’_

 

He could still remember Kaz’s words and expression. His light eyes shining at him while he blushed. They were doing more than just fucking, it was a connection he never felt before. He never felt his love would be reciprocal. Big Boss never really loved him like he wanted him to, so they never had a deep connection, but with Kaz he felt as if he was complete.

Would he leave everything to follow the man whom John was so obsessed with? What if Venom Snake had already made him forget about him?

‘ _I can’t promise he’ll still love you. I’ll try to win him back_.’  Were Venom’s words.

Miller is better off without me, he concluded.

That morning, while Adam was looking at Big Boss training new recruits, who were just too young to fight, their hands too small to hold a weapon… He received a message from Venom. It was a reply from a desperate message he didn’t want to send but he ended up sending anyways.

‘ _How is he?_ ’ Was the message.

 _‘I made my choice. What would you do? V.’_ Was Venom Snake's answer.

Ocelot deleted the messages as soon as he saw the answer.

Time to play my game, he thought.

 

It was midday when he got to see Big Boss at his office. He had just took a shower and he was without his shirt, showing his perfect muscles after having trained all morning. He wasn’t the same man he saw at the hospital when he woke up from coma. He was back at his full strength and, Ocelot thought, he was unstoppable. .

He tried to be the most cold and neutral but at the same time trying to look worried when he delivered the possible bad news.

“John I don’t think Miller will come. It’s been two months. Why don’t you find another XO? I can help you find the perfect man, just let me-”

“Did you hear what I said before Adam? Kaz is the only one I want.” Big Boss sat at his desk and lighted a cigar.

“I worked with him for many years and I think I know how he handles things, I can help you until we find someone suitable for the position.”

“No, I need you to do other job. You’ve been advising me too much. I need you out on the field, blend with the Soviets again and see what we can use against them. But before that, I want you to contact Kaz.”

Ocelot’s eyes widened in surprise and John noticed it. Was he planning on taking Miller here by force?

“You contacted Venom Snake several times and he said Kaz-I mean, Miller wasn’t ready. I don’t think that’s entirely true. Face it John, he doesn’t want to come. Why do you keep on insisting? He’s just a brat and I bet there are others who can do-”

Ocelot didn’t notice when Big Boss left his seat and crossed all the office to grab him by his neck.

“I didn’t ask your opinion. I don’t care if you hate Kaz, that’s none of my business. You have to talk him to come here.”

Snake released him and he coughed. This man was not the John he met, this man was a demon.

He just nodded and left the office hating himself for being such a fool.

He made a choice that day.

He wouldn’t let Big Boss have Kaz.

* * *

 

Kaz was sleeping on Ocelot’s room, hugging his pillow.

The beep of his iDroid woke him up. It was a message from an unknown sender.

' _Don't go to Zanzibar. Forget about Big Boss.'_

He definitely knew who this _unknown_ sender was.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's coming next?
> 
> Kaz vs Ocelot? Kaz vs Big Boss? Ocelot vs Big Boss?? 
> 
> Who will Ocelot Choose? Kaz or Big Boss? 
> 
> What will Venom do?
> 
> Who will have their happy ending?


	32. You Versus Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Was it worth it? Does Big Boss make you feel loved?” 
> 
> “I suggest you turn back and leave before it’s too late.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After a month hiatus this continues. This began like a romantic comedy story which I didn't really mind so much but the last chapters are really hard. It's becoming a challenge.
> 
> Probably this will end on chapter 34 (or 35)
> 
> Thank you for reading!

According to Venom, Big Boss was building his own private army. His base of operations was Zanzibar, and the name of his new organization, Zanzibar Land. _You put a lot of effort in that name, huh?_ Thought Kaz being sarcastic. But of course, he was full of anger already so anything related to Big Boss was enough to make him snap.

He was on the chopper with Venom. A lot happened between them and Kaz knew who the man sitting next to him was, at last. Even if he had Big Boss face, he wasn’t him. There was that special look that Vincent always had, that spark on his eyes whenever he looked at him.

He had to thank Vincent, he was the one who saved him this time.

 

The previous night he met with Venom at his office.

_“I need to tell you something. It’s about Ocelot.”_

_Kaz didn’t say anything. He was extremely angry but at the same time sad, he wanted to know about him so he let Venom talk. After weeks of denial, he was now ready to talk about him without feeling extremely upset._

_“There’s a reason why he left you. He didn’t want Big Boss to know about your relationship with him… I understand why he did that, he knows Big Boss and from my memories, I know he will get pretty mad if he finds out that you… You left him for Ocelot.”_

_“Boss, what are you saying?” Kaz glanced at Venom from his desk._

_“I know you left me for him. Even after you promised you wouldn't leave me... or him, that is. You left Big Boss for his right hand man. How do you think he’d take it?” Venom’s voice was low and soft, there was no anger now, just understanding._

_“I never imagined I could feel this way for him. I… I told you already, this was not supposed to happen.” Kaz stood up and walked towards Venom, but the older man made a gesture with his hand to stop him._

_“But it did and I feel responsible for pushing you two to admit your feelings. I think that it was a mixture of my own personality and Big Boss’s. At that time I knew I was being both aggressive and pushy, that must have been Big Boss acting in my place, huh. I know he probably doesn’t care if you... how should I put it, have fun?  but if there are feelings involved, he won’t be happy about it.”_

_“I know. That’s why I found it hard to believe that you’d actually approved our relationship.”_

_Venom placed his hands on Kaz’s shoulders._

_“Kaz, feelings involve being capable of doing anything for your loved one. Anything. Even if that means betraying Big Boss.”_

_“Betrayal? Vincent, you know he betrayed me first, he betrayed you and-” Kaz raised his voice and grabbed his Boss's jacket._

_“Do you really think he cares about that?" Venom's voice was hard and strong, just like him... it made Kaz step backwards. "_ _Huh, I guess the Big Boss side in me sometimes is stronger, sometimes softer… I only want you to be happy Kaz. That’s why I made my mind, I’ll go get Ocelot for you. I know he still loves you and you love him.”_

_“I don’t think so. It’s easy to say it, hard to show it. To me his words mean nothing, they are empty. I’m so tired of being deceived, he lied to me, to us,  all this time making us believe you were the real Big Boss.” Kaz punched the wall with his hands while he looked at him frowning. Venom slowly grabbed his hands to stop him._

_“He thought I was the real one. He hypnotized himself into believing that.”_

_“I don’t believe him.”_

_“I saw him Kaz. The moment his hypnosis went off, I saw fear in his eyes. He met with Big Boss and after that he changed completely. I think you fell for the real Ocelot, the person you saw when he came back with me from Zanzibar is not the real him.”_

_Kaz released his hands and gave his back to him. He was trying hard not to lose control, his right hand was aching._

_Venom continued talking._

_“I shouldn’t be telling you this… I could have made you run away with me. But even in your madness you miss him. That’s when I realized you really love him, you deserve to be happy Kaz.”_

_“You are way too kind to me, Boss. I don’t deserve you.”  
_ _This time the blonde lowered his two arms in defeat and lowered his head. “I’ll go and kick his ass, for leaving me. And I’ll have a talk with Snake.”_

_“I’m going with you.”_

_Venom placed his flesh hand on Kaz’s shoulder._

_“No, this is something I have to do alone.”_

_As soon as Kaz finished his sentence, Vincent grabbed him and made him face him._

_“No, I’m going with you. You are all I have and I won’t give you away to Big Boss.”_

 

He had to find Ocelot, if what Vince said was true… He just wanted to beat the hell out of him and make him come back to him. He now understood the meaning of his dream, he HAD to be the winner of the game. Once again he had to face Big Boss, just like old times.

They’d probably be on opposite sides too, just like the first time.

And this time he’d be the winner.

* * *

 

The chopper landed. Kaz and Venom exchanged looks, Venom took his face with his hands and felt the warmth from his hands, calming him in the cold night.

“Let’s go Kaz”

“Yeah”

They got off and landed on the ground, Kaz was carrying his now old crutch on his right hand while he and Vince slowly crouched on the ground and waited for Pequod to take the chopper out of the hot zone.

Kaz took his time to breathe while he studied his surroundings. It’s been so long since he’d seen a green landscape. He wondered if the idiot of his ex lover felt it too. What would he had felt when he came here alone? Was Big Boss waiting for him? Or did he have to go through this jungle alone? Just like the lonely person he was...

He had to admit that being his new self gave him some advantages, he had an excellent night vision and his movements were quicker. But he still needed his shades on daylight, his eyes were, after all, damaged and too much light hurt. Skull face’s present, this was what he had become, just for the sake of Big Boss. He felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Glad to be with you, Vince...” That phrase seemed so painful, but so true.

“Always with you, Kaz. Follow me.”

Venom made his way through the clearing until they reached the tall trees. Kaz followed him until the older man made him a signal to stop.

“This is the place.”

“Just as the Intel team advised. An old airport… but why? this doesn’t look heavily guarded. It is after all abandoned, it must have been used by the arms dealers a couple of years ago. Maybe he wiped out the other PFs?” Kaz realized his own vision was enough to have a general view of the surroundings.

Venom took his binoculars to inspect the zone.

“Kaz, this was on purpose. Make them believe no one’s here, then attack them when they least expect it.”

“Sounds just like something he’d do.” Kaz looked at him. Venom was serious and made Kaz shiver, he thought that for a moment he was back with Snake… Even if he had acknowledged that they were two different persons, sometimes it was hard to separate Big Boss from Venom Snake. It made Kaz wonder how long it would be for Big Boss to call him at his side. How long?

 

They continued to advance slowly while he was having these grim thoughts but suddenly he fell down and grabbed his stomach. Code Talker was right, his body needed time to get used to his new self and he was still lacking blood since his new limbs consumed more blood than an average person, he warned him that he could feel nauseous and low blood pressure. He gritted his teeth while he twisted his body trying to make the pain go away.

"This is not good, I can't use my right arm. Not not, this will be my triumph card." Kaz said to Vincent while he watched how his right arm bled and his arm disappeared, leaving his right sleeve empty and bloody. 

They had discussed this before, when the time came Kaz would decide how he wanted Big Boss to see him and, being without his arm seemed like the best option to make him look weak. 

Kaz took from his backpack a spare jacked and put the bloodied one on it. "Alright, here's where I leave all this. If they have guardposts, carrying too much will be dangerous, I'm sure they'll shot anybody who shows up loaded with weapons." He left his rifle and decided to carry a single gun. 

 

“I can take your place if you ask me to. You know I’d give my life for you.” Venom was serious, he couldn’t watch Kaz go through this by himself.

“No… I’m sure they had prepared a trigger for you, I know them too well. Ocelot must have put a trigger on your head which will make you obey Big Boss… This sounds crazy, I know. But if the bastard went that far as to erase your memories, I wouldn’t be surprised if he also left you a little present, one of his final tricks to drag you to Big Boss in case you rebel against him.”

Venom remained in silence, thinking.

“Then tell me something. Tell me something only I will know, not them. I don’t remember much but… I’m sure we kept secrets from Big Boss.”

Kaz sat on the ground, still gripping his stomach, thinking and Venom crouched next to him.

“Secrets from him? Well, we were best friends… At that time you were the only one I could talk to about my relationship with Big Boss. Do you remember that time when I got so drunk that you had to carry me to the Medical Bay? It was late at night, don’t remember the time, but it was really late. The monthly party was still going on and Snake had already gone to sleep. He got mad at me because I..”

“You pulled your pants down in front of everyone. I remember”

“Yeah… but do you remember what happened next?” Kaz suddenly smiled, forgetting his pain.

Vincent knew what happened, but thought Kaz didn’t know. “I… I remember… I kissed you.”

“That’s right. And I told you ‘Too bad I didn’t fall in love with you, my life would have been so much easier’.” Kaz tried to smile even though he was in pain.

“I remember. Always falling for the bad guys, I told you.” Venom smiled and touched the blonde’s face.

Kaz’s face changed when he heard that, maybe ‘bad guys’ made him remember them, the ones who stole his heart.

Venom stood up “I can still make your life easier, if only you let me.”

“No, I told you I don’t want to lose you too. I have to face Snake and put a closure to this. Stay close to me, just in case something goes wrong, will you?”

"Of course." Venom smiled and took the rifle Kaz discarded.

 

They went on separate ways. Venom was going to infiltrate and cover Kaz in case something wrong happened, though the idea was for Kaz to have a talk with Big Boss. The other objective was Ocelot. Still Venom was unsure about Kaz’s feelings for the Russian and he feared they’d end up fighting each other.

He also feared Big Boss would do something to Kaz, but if Venom was correct and the Big Boss in him was right, that wasn’t likely. Still, Vincent knew that he had Big Boss’s memories up to the accident, what he did when he woke up that was unknown to him. How his mind could have changed after the accident, that was completely unknown… Vince was a medic and he himself knew how people could change after a coma.  
His own change was drastic, because Ocelot messed with his mind. Though he was still trying to pick up the pieces of his broken mind, his and Big Boss’s personalities were mixed and his own personality was rather cyclotomic, he knew it but he couldn’t do anything about it other than try to identify which was his own will and which was Big Boss’s will.

He watched how Kaz disappeared between the fog of the night. It was so hard not to go with him and protect him. More than his mission, or rather, the mission imposed by Big Boss, in this moment the only thing he wanted was to make Kaz happy. He adjusted his equipment and he also disappeared into the jungle.

 

* * *

 

It hurt, this phantom pain hurt more than never, though Kaz knew now that it wasn’t just phantom pain, it was the parasites in him, trying to make him lose his mind and take over his body. In a month he made great progress but it wasn’t enough, he didn’t know when his mind would betray him again. He wondered who would he see first, Big Boss or Ocelot?

 _Don’t come to Zanzibar?_   _Just watch me, Ocelot. Watch how I’m here, ready to take you and Big Boss down._

The more he walked through the grass and mud, the harder it was. He had to hid his new arm so it was difficult to advance. No need to hide his leg, it could pass as a prosthetic and he was able to control his body so the parasites could keep his new leg in place, but he was conscious that this implied more blood and he felt a little nauseous, but he wouldn’t let this stop him. Not now that he had come so far.

His idea was to just walk through the gates and wait for someone to welcome him. It wasn’t his intention to infiltrate like Venom. Part of the plan was for him to act as a decoy, so Venom could infiltrate and try to find out what was Big Boss up to.

There were two guard posts and Kaz stopped to look at them. One of the guards pointed his rifle at Kaz and he raised his hand in the air.

“Tell Big Boss Kazuhira Miller is here.” He didn't’ hesitate, his voice was determined and strong.

His eyes could let him see the guards surprise. Kaz was sure that they were alerted that they had to let their boss know if Miller decided to show up there. They couldn’t believe he was alone.

The gates opened and someone walked to greet him.

Kaz never expected to find him so fast, but maybe Ocelot was expecting him already.

 

“Why are you here Miller?” Ocelot looked at him, there was a mix of anger and angst in his steel cold eyes.

Even after his warning message he decided to come, naturally. Still, Ocelot couldn’t help it but feel furious that he was here.

“What, Wasn’t I invited? I thought you told me Big Boss had an offer for me. Did he have second thoughts about it?” Kaz was going to spit venom at him, Ocelot was expecting that. But he never expected to see… Something more than anger in his eyes. Did he still love him?

He couldn’t tell him that the offer was cancelled because that was not true. Big Boss already knew Kaz was here and was obviously unaware of Ocelot’s message to Kaz to not to come.

There was silence while they studied each other. Ocelot noticed Kaz was still using his crutch, but his body posture was different. Had he finally gotten himself prosthetics?

“You’re lookin' good.” Ocelot smiled. He couldn’t help but feel both happy and angry that Kaz was here. Big Boss was gonna break him apart.

“Can’t say the same about you.” Kaz didn’t have the intention to mock him, he really meant that. It looked like Ocelot hadn’t slept for weeks… Maybe since the day he left Diamond Dogs.

Still, Kaz appearance wasn’t the best. His hair was messed up and he was wearing his green uniform and his trademark glasses. The right sleeve of his jacket waved lightly, clearly highlighting that it was empty… no arm prosthetics?  

Still, that blue spark on his eyes was strange, it may be because of the lights, but...

“Sorry for not being as handsome as you Commander.”

Ocelot smiled while he threw his hands in the air, slowly walking towards him.

What did he expect with that compliment? Why was he doing this? The only thing he wanted was run to him, beat the hell out of him for daring to come to Big Boss and then kiss him. Patience, he told to himself.

“Cut the crap will you? Where’s he?” Now the spark he saw in Kaz’s eyes disappeared.

“He didn’t know you were coming. It’s rude to show up here uninvited. I told you not to come here.” Ocelot stopped and stood closer to him with his arms crossed on his chest, watching his former lover. It was so hard to keep his cool posture in front of him when all he wanted to do was take him.

Why did he have to come here? Ocelot was was trying to get used to live without him and now he had him face to face, looking at him with anger in his eyes.

“Besides of being his bitch, what else do you do exactly?” Kaz knew he was being bitter, this was all Ocelot’s fault after all.

“Making sure idiots like you don’t come to bother him.”

“Yeah, I forgot you hated me. Too bad I really don’t need you to tell me if I can see Big Boss or not. I have the fucking right to demand a meeting with him, this is the least he can do for me. After all, he never officially broke up with me.”

Kaz leaned on his crutch, gripping it and looking at the ground. He had to control himself, he couldn’t run to Ocelot, he couldn’t kiss him. The man in front of him didn’t love him anymore… Or rather, had never loved him in the first place. No matter what Vincent had said, he couldn’t believe him.

But, no matter if his love was unrequited or not, his chest hurt and he felt the parasites in him making his blood boil. How much he wanted to beat the man in front of him, just as much as wanting to tell him he still loved him.

 

“Where’s Venom Snake? Don’t tell me you came all the way here by yourself.” Ocelot scanned his surroundings, trying to spot anything weird, like Venom hidden and ready to attack.

“I’m alone. Use whatever method you want to confirm that, I just want to get over this so I don’t have to see your faces again.” Kaz now made a disgusted face and looked at him.

“So your answer is still no.” Ocelot’s voice was cold and collected, as if he was talking to a random recruit.

“I want to tell him my answer right into his face.”

 _Kazuhira, you are a fool._ Ocelot thought. _You know that Big Boss won’t let you escape alive. You join him, or die. There is no grey here, nor black or white, yes or no._

Ocelot walked to him, he felt his heart was going to break from his chest. Kaz didn’t move any step backwards and just watched how he approached him.

 

They were facing each other now.  

He had to do it, he had to stop Kaz even if a disabled man didn’t seem like a threat, Kazuhira Miller always had a trump card. Big Boss had always admired that from him.

Kaz felt the air leaving his lungs as he was pushed to the ground. It all seemed to happen in slow motion, the look in Ocelot’s eyes was telling him ‘I’m sorry’ but his body attacking him, hitting his stomach hard.

He closed his eyes and tried to recover the air from his lungs. He felt Ocelot sitting over him and gripping his throat.

“If your answer is no, then I suppose you are ready to die, aren’t you?” Was it a threat or did he really mean to kill him?  he was not playing any games anymore. Kaz grabbed his hand, trying to break free from his strong grip.

 

“Y-you really… Hate me…” Kaz looked at him, his clear eyes were reflected on his shades and he sounded disappointed for a moment. “Even… e-even if I still love y-you.” His voice sounded like a hurt puppy.

Ocelot’s eyes widened in surprise at his words and he removed his hand from Kaz. “Miller what are you say-”

For a moment Ocelot believed him.

 

Kaz took his crutch and hit him in his ribs, making him fall to the floor next to him. Then he crawled to him and pointed his gun between his eyes while he whispered, emotionless.

“You don’t mean anything to me, I was playing your game all along.” It was his voice but it didn’t sounded like him, more like the person in his dreams, thought Kaz. The Kazuhira Miller he had been fighting all this time in his dreams.

“Really?” Ocelot grabbed Kaz’s hand. “Then, what are you waiting for? Kill me.”

His hand was ready to pull the trigger, but something stopped him. He remembered something...

 

_“I still don’t get it, why does it have to be him? How come he’s the only one who can stop me?”_

_“We can go through this life without knowing who our soulmate is… Many people die without even meeting them and they’d have to wait till they meet again. But If you find your soulmate, don’t let him go…” Code Taker’s words still echoed in his head._

_“Are you a scientist or a psychic? Why is it so important that I don’t let him go?”_

_“Not only he can stop you. He’s the only one who can give you peace, Kazuhira.”_

_“Peace’? Are you sure? I feel like he’s dragging me to Hell.”_

_“No, right now you are in Hell. He’ll be the one who can save you.”_

 

Was this man really his soulmate? Why was he unable to kill him? He hurt Kaz so much, by lying to him and dumping him, and still he was all he could think of…. He still loved this bastard.

There was a silence and both looked at each other. For a moment Kaz’s expression softened and his hand trembled, giving Ocelot the perfect chance to revert the situation. He pushed Kaz to the ground, punched him to his face and grabbed his shirt, pulling him closer to his mouth.

 

“You missed your chance of killing me”

This was too much, he couldn’t keep on hurting him but he had to make him go back, he was going to get destroyed here. He grinded Kaz hard on the ground and grabbed his neck again.

Instinctively Kaz’s left hand tried to shove the older man’s hand away but he saw he was holding a syringe on his other hand. This was bad.

Kaz wiggled to get free and tried to kick him with no luck. he then grabbed a handful of dirt and threw it to his eyes, blinding him for some seconds. he stood up with the help of his crutch and watched Adamska touch his eyes, annoyed.

Kaz held his crutch like a weapon and ran to him, swinging it near his face, Ocelot dodging many times.

How could he stand without his crutch? New prosthetic on his leg? No time to think, he had to take him down.

 

“Were you really capable of hypnotizing yourself to believe your lie? Were you under your own spell when you seduced me? What was this all for? What did you gain by fucking me? Did you have _Fun_?”  
Kaz was shouting at him while he swinged the crutch like a sword, forcing Ocelot to walk backwards and continued his bash on him.

“Did you want to get rid of the competence? What a sick way of doing it though, making me fall in love with you….”  
Kaz stuck the crutch to the ground and touched his head. The pain was getting bigger and if he didn’t control himself his parasites would take control over his body, even though he had his left leg complete now, thanks to Code Talker’s training. But the arm required more mindpower, and his body would wear off quickly, he had to save his strength for Big Boss.

“Yes, I hypnotized myself into believing Venom Snake was the real Big Boss. I didn’t do anything else to my mind. What you saw back then is…” No, he couldn’t tell him that what Kaz saw was his real self, no mask.  
“I wanted to make you love me, so you could feel what it feels like when your loved one leaves you for some stupid blonde. I could get you out of Big Boss’s way when you confessed you loved me…” these words should be enough to provoke Kaz.

The blonde jumped at him and punched him in the face hard. Ocelot staggered but didn’t fall, he grabbed Kaz’s wrist and held him by his waist.

“Was it worth it? Does Big Boss make you feel loved?” Kaz was tired, he loved him and was tired of pretending

“I suggest you turn back and leave before it’s too late.” Ocelot continued with his cold attitude.

“Tell me one thing, what did I do wrong? Is it me? Am I the problem?” Kaz’s eyes watered and he fought the tears back. His jaw trembled and he was fed up with this.

“Everyone leaves me, all the women I dated when I was young and stupid left me... I gave everything for Big Boss and he left me. I thought I could give you my everything, but you ended up leaving me too.”

Kaz eyes flashed with a blue spark again and he closed his eyes. He had to control himself or he would ruin his own plan. He didn’t expect that it was going to be so hard to face Ocelot.

“I loved you, and you left me” it was no use hiding his emotions.

 

Ocelot looked around one more time and grabbed his face with his hands, looking into his eyes.  
“Miller, run, go away. You can’t win against him. He’s already won.”

“He didn’t win me, nor you. I know it Ocelot, now that I see you… and I’ll be the winner of the game, you’ll see.”

Had Miller gone mad? Showing up here with nothing more than his broken body and his crutch? And only one gun.

He wanted to take him away, to disappear, go away together. He knew this man was the love of his life and he couldn’t let him go… Not now… Not again.

But will he forgive him?

 

He had to take him away NOW, now was the only chance...

 

“You’ve finally decided to show your ass up here, huh? You’ve kept me waiting.”

A familiar voice laughed quietly. It was Big Boss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Kaz, you can't help it but be emotional... 
> 
> Chapter 33: Choose - coming soon -


	33. Business talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "How does it feel like to dominate Venom Snake? Did you really think I’d bend to your every whim?”
> 
> “You used to bend to my every whim if I’m correct. But that was a long time ago, when you were still the Legendary Big Boss. What are you now? tell me Snake, what do I see when I see you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was so hard to picture Kaz and Big Boss's relationship. Being a die hard bbkaz fan, this was hard... I'm still not convinced but... This is close enough. 
> 
> I want to finish this story, I still have many more to write but I'm having fun with this one! I hope you'll enjoy it as much as I do! 
> 
> Thanks for your support so far :) see you on next chapter

**Chapter 33**

**Business Talk**

At last.

At last Kaz was face to face with the man who betrayed him. The man he once called the love of his life.

  
“You’ve finally decided to show your ass up here, huh? You’ve kept me waiting.”

Ocelot, who was grabbing Kaz’s chin, backed off immediately at hearing John.

“Snake” Kaz’s eyes flashed and Ocelot remembered what he saw that night when they had their last talk, the night he destroyed the Diamond Dogs Commander.  
Does he have her eyes? But how…? He thought for a moment but then he discarded the idea, Miller was one of them? it was impossible.

Big Boss walked past Ocelot and placed his hand in Kaz’s face, replacing Ocelot’s. “You decided to join me”

Ocelot watched John touch his lover and suddenly felt furious. They were very close, as if John was about to kiss him.

Kaz pushed him away, trying to keep his balance. “Impatient as always Snake. Where are your manners?”

Come to think about it, Ocelot never truly witnessed John and Kaz interact.

John smirked and took the crutch from the ground and passed it back to his owner.

“Come then, let’s talk.” There was a strange smile on his face, Ocelot couldn’t read his true intentions but he certainly knew he couldn’t step between them.

Kaz glanced at Ocelot who remained on his spot before following Big Boss, who didn’t even bother in walking slower and disappeared inside the building.

It was time, at last after thinking it over and over again in his head, after all the possibilities and what ifs, Kaz was going to put an end to Snake’s abuse.

Not even an apology, or ‘I missed you’. Clearly he wasn’t the man he knew back in Costa Rica.

 

Ocelot stopped him by grabbing his arm and whispered, closer to his mouth. “I know you won’t join him, why are you here?”

Kaz didn’t answered and his eyes were fixed on the building’s entrance. Ocelot continued.

“You _do_ know what he’s capable of, don’t you?” He was worried and scared. He never imagined Kaz would actually come here alone, even if there was a strange aura of confidence in him, he still looked so fragile, it made Adam worry.

“I’ll ask you the same thing. Why are you still here?” Kaz took his aviators off and looked at him with fire in his eyes, he had a strange look which pierced his soul. It made Adam shiver, this was indeed the only person in the world who understood him completely, this was his soul mate.

Why he did it? It was so risky… But he pushed him to a wall and attempted to kiss him but backed off. He was so _needy_ , lonely and sad, he needed to feel that Kaz was still his and he really regretted how much he hurt him. Now he could see it clearly, he wasn’t just an obsession, he was the love of his life.

“Miller, you…” it was so hard to find the words, if he could just tell him the truth, would this be different?

Kaz gripped his shirt and whispered. “Ocelot. Tell me, which one is the real you?”

For the first time, Ocelot was speechless.

But Kaz could see the answer to his question written on his face.  
“You can’t lie to me anymore.”

He touched his face before walking away from him, putting his aviators back and smiling for a moment.  
He held on his crutch and went inside to meet with Big Boss.

Ocelot leaned his back on the wall and touched his eyes. Water… Was he crying?

 

Ocelot was right, thought Kaz. He had his decision taken, he wasn’t going to join Snake. Now he knew he needed to claim Ocelot back, and see Snake for one last time…  
A part of him wanted to surrender to him, but he realized his feelings for Snake weren’t as strong as he thought, Venom Snake helped him realize that. Even though Venom and the real Big Boss were different, Kaz had been all the time comparing what he had with Snake with what he had with Ocelot. Hands down, Ocelot drove him crazy and no one else would be able to make him feel what he did. Those 9 years he spent with him and the time they spent together at Diamond Dogs were the proof.

He was madly in love with no other than Revolver ‘Shalashashka’ Ocelot. If his younger self could look at him now, he wouldn’t believe it. Once the thin line between hate and love is crossed, there’s no turning back.

  
He could still remember one of their usual arguments in which Ocelot would try to seduce him to take him to bed.  
Kaz never admitted it but he wanted to give up, why he never did it? Oh yes, because he was still obsessed with Snake and his revenge. He still wanted to be loyal to Snake, he was his partner after all.

 

“ _Someday you’ll be mine you know? You’ll love me and not him.” Ocelot wouldn’t give up on him, he never did._

“ _Keep dreaming. I’ll never be yours._ ”

 

At that time Kaz was confident that he could control the infatuation he had for the Russian spy, it was so hard… but his mind still belonged to Snake.

But how could he’d been so stupid to believe that Snake wouldn’t betray him?

With the time, that changed. Kaz loved attention, even if he wouldn’t admit it, and Ocelot was all the time getting on his nerves, arguing with him, teasing, challenging and seducing him. But he also showed Kaz a different side. He never thought Ocelot could be the romantic type who would prepare him food or follow him everywhere just to make Kaz admit his feelings for him. He even stood in front of his entire class and defended him from a stupid punk who wanted to diminish him.

Yes, Venom Snake also protected him and Kaz wouldn’t know what to do without him either but he couldn’t explain why he had that strong attraction for the Russian spy. He was sure he was the one who could tame his demons, just as the Old Timer said.

The old man was right, damn him.

He needed to have him back, he was going to claim what was his and if Snake didn’t like it, he’d have to fight.

 

* * *

 

Snake was waiting for him at the door of his office with his arms closed. “It took you long, huh? I was about to go after you and carry you in my arms.” There was a grin on his face and he talked with his usual husky voice.

“This is not a honeymoon, this is a _business_ _meeting_. Don’t forget that.” Kaz entered the room and sat at one of the chairs. Snake followed him and sat down.

The room was somewhat empty to be a regular office. Snake always hated paperwork, of course. If Kaz was to work here, he would definitely fix this, but he wasn’t planning on staying.

  
“Alright, Diamond Dogs XO.. Or rather _Commander_ , right Kaz? You practically manage Diamond Dogs alone. But still, Venom Snake is a huge asset to the organization and he’s the one who’s on the field doing your dirty work.”

Kaz was not surprised, Big Boss would try to provoke him. He touched the wooden desk, scratching with his finger the dust of the surface while he tried to stay calmed.  
“Don’t get the wrong idea. You always ended up doing what I wanted, wasn’t that what you liked? At least back then, in Costa Rica, remember?”

Big Boss let go a false laugh.  
“How does it feel like to dominate Venom Snake? Did you really think I’d bend to your every whim?”  
Big Boss sat at the other side of the desk and smirked at him. He was testing him, clearly. Was he trying to pick up a fight with him?

“You used to bend to my every whim if I’m correct. But that was a long time ago, when you were still the Legendary Big Boss. What are you now? tell me Snake, what do I see when I see you?” Kaz hit the wooden desk with his crutch before leaning it on the furniture.

“What you see is the real me. The real Big Boss, who will make _our_ dreams come true.” Snake showed his hands in the air while he looked at Kaz, amused.

“That’s curious. I only see someone who played with my loyalty and feelings, threw me away to wage a war with the most wanted man in the world, Big Boss, or Venom Snake. I took every blow for you. Every drop of blood from my body that I bleed, for you, every finger and limb that I gave away, just for you” Kaz tried not to raise his voice, he didn’t want to be emotional and this is not what he planned on saying, but things never turned out the way you expected.

  
Big Boss said nothing, he was probably expecting his partner to rant about everything, so he just leaned on the chair at the opposite side of the desk and looked at him with a poker face, though he couldn’t help but grin.

Kaz continued.

“And how do you pay me? By sending off Ocelot to tell me that I’ve been deceived all this time, that I’ve been working with an imposter. That I’ve… _fucked_ an imposter thinking it was you. And yeah, after Venom Snake and I fought a war against XOF, took everyone down and made Diamond Dogs one of the strongest PFs in the world, you decided to appear. What a coincidence.”  
There should be more anger in his voice, but his voice was so collected and his mind seemed to have calmed down. He had lost Snake that night when MSF fell… the real Snake, the one he was in love with, died that night. A part of him died that day too, this time he had nothing else to lose, Snake couldn’t give him anything else.

The man in front of him was indeed a phantom of who his lover used to be.

Big Boss’s smile faded as he listened to Kaz and counter attacked.

“Don’t forget that I was the one who gave you your revenge. I gave you my phantom and my right hand man, I’m sure they helped you make Diamond Dogs what it is right now.”

“Yeah, your phantom, whom I thought all the time it was you, and your right hand man… better not to talk about him. But hey, I thought I was your right hand man Boss.” Kaz was beginning to feel his blood boiling, he had to keep calm, this talk was still a talk, it wasn’t a fight.

“You are more than that, Kaz. And you know it. But you can’t deny that Venom did a good job. How did you like my phantom?” It pissed Kaz off how Snake would talk about Venom as if he was his own creation, as if Venom Snake would be the perfect man, just like Big Boss.

But his words… ‘ _How did you like my phantom_ ’ … Kaz had to think about that for some seconds. At this time, thought Kaz, Snake could be referring to anything. From Venom’s capacity in the field to… His capacity in bed. Of course, he was probably referring to sex. He wouldn’t fall for that.

“Well, he did save me, or at least managed to save what was left of me before I bled to death in that shithole in Afghanistan.” The XO was getting mad but he tried to control himself. He couldn’t help but growl.

Snake said nothing and stood up, going to his seat and then kneeled next to him. For a moment Kaz thought this was not happening, he did not trust him. He watched how Big Boss placed his gloved hand on his thigh and went up to touch his right shoulder “I know, and I’m sorry about this. I know you did this for me.”

You’re so vain Snake.

Kaz looked at him, he thought he would fall for him like he did back in 74’, and honestly his appearance hadn’t changed much. His face had one or two new wrinkles but he didn’t have any scar except for the one on his right eye. No shrapnel either. He looked much more well preserved than Venom. Indeed, the medic did take all the damage, and how did Snake pay him was so wicked and twisted that Kaz couldn’t believe it.

The man he had most loved in the entire world was before him, but only his appearance remained. His mind had changed and Kaz wasn’t sure he knew him anymore.

  
Kaz needed to consider how things really were. Snake needed him, that’s why he was doing this. Snake knew him well and he knew that with a little teasing, he’d have Kaz at his feet. And judging by Ocelot’s expression, he didn’t look quite happy to be here with Snake, even though Kaz always knew that Ocelot’s love for Big Boss was bigger than what he felt for Kaz. But that look he gave him, so full of something. It implied a ‘run away with me’. But he couldn’t run away.

Snake’s face was closer to him and he felt tempted to kiss him, just to remember old times and taste his lips for one last time.

Before he could think further, Snake pressed his lips on his and kissed him. Kaz’s body reacted on his own and kissed him back hungrily. This was not good, this man was going to destroy him.

He tasted like always, tobacco and something more, something which Kaz found extremely attractive, his sole scent which was painfully familiar, a memory of good old times.

His lips were rough but his tongue soft while he caressed his. His calloused hand touching his jaw, slowly pushing him deeper into the kiss. He felt breathless and trapped.

“Stop.” Kaz stood up and pushed him away. “You knew that I was being tortured and you didn’t fucking care! I had to wait for Venom to save me, if it weren’t for him I’d be dead already. You did nothing for me, all of this was for your own selfish whim.”

Snake stood up and grabbed him by his jacket.  
“Don’t you understand? This is _our_ dream and I’m building it right now. All you have to do is come back to me.”

“Not in a thousand years.”

“Why did you kiss me back Kaz? If you don’t want me anymore.” Snake didn’t give up and kissed him again this time rougher, grinding the blonde to the desk. He grabbed his left arm and carried it to his back, disabling his movements and kissing his neck. “I can’t think of my world without you, can’t you see? You belong here with me.”

If only he could believe him…

This time the kiss was softer and slower. Kaz felt his body melting and shivered. Why? Why now? Snake touched his neck and lowered his hand to his chest. Kaz flinched when his hand touched the fresh scar on his chest and it made him wake up.

This was not real. This man knew what he wanted and he would win him if he continued kissing him like that. So soft and romantic, so… _fake_.

‘ _Kiss him, seduce him, open your legs for him come on, make him lower his guard and then… Come on Kaz, don’t you want to win this game?’_

_Didn’t you say you were gonna kill Snake?'_

His inner self was talking to him again while his left hand was still numb under Big Boss’ grip.

But he had enough of this. This was not the man he wanted anymore.

With a fast and sharp flick he freed his hand and kicked him to the floor. “This is it, Boss. It’s over.”

He couldn’t recognize his voice, it was as if someone else was speaking, but...

He had just broke up with Snake.

_Tell me, how does it feel like?_

 

Snake stood up with a smile on his face. But he was furious. He was about to sit down but he just leant on the desk. He had another way to make Kaz join him.

“I see. Then you need to submit your resignation from Diamond Dogs and hand over the commanding position.” His voice was cold once more.

“What? Don’t make me laugh. You? Commanding MY army?” Kaz touched his chest with his fingers and growled. “My answer's still… Guess what? _Not in a thousand years_.”

  
No way he’d hand him over his army. This was HIS army. It took him hundred of hours of scouting jobs, making deals with both governments and smugglers and… it was something he built with Ocelot and Venom. Even the name, ‘Diamond Dogs’, it was theirs.

“Tsk, it seems you are not getting it, _commander_ Miller. You know I can go to your home sweet home and proclaim myself the new commander. What I just told you was the easy way.” Big Boss was smirking now, pleased that he finally got Kaz cornered.

Kaz sat down and thought about his options. Venom Snake should be closer, but it was unknown whether Snake would use it against him, Ocelot… Kaz couldn’t trust him yet so he had to rule out the idea that the Russian could rescue him… Not now that Big Boss was in the picture.

Kaz laughed, first slowly but then louder while he adjusted his shades. His demon was laughing and Kaz tried to stop his hand from grabbing his gun.

“What’s so funny? Tell me so I can laugh too.” Big Boss grabbed a pen and tapped it on the wooden surface.

Kaz grabbed his head and gripped his hair, trying to calm down, he looked out of his mind. Finally, he sighed and his face relaxed, he wasn’t smiling anymore.  
“Even if you go, you won’t have access to the money and the confidential files.”

Now he got Snake’s attention and his smirk faded as the Diamond Dogs Commander continued.

“I’m the only one who knows the password. As you see, I don’t trust _anyone_ , not even Venom Snake. I can take all the money with me and build a new army to retake Diamond Dogs. How’s that?”

“Very clever Kaz. I should have imagined.” Big Boss took his radio and talked with a soft and sensual voice.  
“Adam, come to my office. I need you.”

Kaz’s heart stopped and his mind went blank, hearing how Snake called Ocelot, with that level of intimacy, was like a dagger to his heart. _Ocelot is mine_ , he thought as he felt an uncontrollable anger.

“Why are you calling him? I thought this was between you and me.” He was raising his voice while he breathed hard, his heart was beating so hard it could break his chest.

_Will you let him win? You are a coward after all, Kazuhira. How did we come down to this? Kill him, kill him now._

Calm down Kaz… Don’t listen to him, don’t listen to your demon… Kaz gripped his right arm’s stump, he was feeling the ghostly fingers from his right hand gripping into a fist.

“You see Kaz, unlike you, Adam never betrayed me. He’s the person I trust the most and… He does everything I tell him to, though I have to admit that his blobjobs are nothing compared to yours.”

Kaz wasn't sure if Snake continued talking, his lips moved but he wasn't listening. He could only listen to the ringing on his ears and to his demon, taunting him. 

  
_They both cheated on you, you deserve it. Everyone left you, you are alone. Did you really think Ocelot loved you? What a shame… We’ll lose because you are afraid of unleashing me… Why don’t you just beg Big Boss to kill you?_

  
“You… You SON OF A BITCH!!” Kaz’s eyes flashed again, a blue flame burning on them and adrenaline rushed through his veins. He raised so fast from his seat that his aviators fell to the floor before charging against Big Boss, who couldn’t react when he hit him hard, crashing on the wall, his eyes widened in surprise and body ready to attack.

What a stupid thing to do, to try to take on Big Boss with only one arm. He threw himself at his ex lover again, punching his face hard and listening to the crack of the older man’s nose probably breaking.

But once that adrenaline rush was over, Snake stopped him by giving him a quick blow on his stomach and Kaz felt the air going out of his lungs before passing out.

 

* * *

 

 

...

_'Wake up.'_

...

_'Wake up Kazuhira...'_

_'If you don't wake up, well... Better for me. I don't need you, I can kill Big Boss myself, it's better if you dissapear...'_

_'What do you want from me?'_

_'What kind of question is that? I'm you. Remember?'_

_..._

 

_'I'm you, but **stronger**.'_

 

How long has it been? He wasn’t sure if it had been minutes or hours…but it was still dark. Kaz woke up tied to a wall, his left hand chained. This looked so familiar… Just like Afghanistan. For a moment he panicked but then he saw him…

And of course, this looked like an interrogation room.

“Hey Kaz, wake up. I have a surprise for you.”  
Big Boss touched his cheek with an unnecessary amount of kindness.

Ocelot stood next to Snake, his expression unreadable.

' _What are we gonna do Kazuhira? Kill them both?'_

_'Come on, unleash me.'_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally the three together in one room. What will happen? (Not a party I'm sure)
> 
> What will Ocelot do?
> 
> I love hearing from you! Tell me what you think, leave me a comment :)
> 
> Chapter 34 - Choose  
> Coming soon


	34. Choose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's difficult to write the interaction between Kaz, Bog Boss and Ocelot as my views about the characters changed from what I was originally going to do.  
> I'm tired of seeing this draft on my phone so here it is. 
> 
> Thank you to all of you who are still there with me reading this :)
> 
> Please note that there are dialogues between Kaz and his demon (in italics).

**Chapter 34 - Choose**

_I can’t do this... I’m losing my mind… Stay focused on your mission…. Stay focused…_

_No, when I look at him I feel like I’m drowning…_

_..._

_I can’t hear my demon anymore…_

  
Kaz opened and closed the fingers of left hand, trying to make his blood run through the veins of his arm. He was tied up to a wall, his left wrist tied up to a cold chain. Did they know about his ‘ _condition_ ’? Why did Big Boss have him restrained with this level of security?

Big Boss’s words interrupted his thoughts.

“Adam, you are the expert on this, you know him too, don’t you? You’ve been working together for longer than he’s been with me. I assume you figured out what his weakness are.”

Ocelot did not answer and just looked at Kaz with a poker face.

Snake continued, walking around the room a bit annoyed.  
“The Diamond Dogs _Commander_ is telling me that he’s the only one who knows where my money is, do you know what he’s talking about?”

Ocelot kept a straight face. Did Miller set a password? Maybe he did when he told him the truth about Big Boss and Venom Snake. How could he been so reckless? He thought as he clearly forgot that Kaz could also deceive him, he took him for granted.

But what was done, was done. He had to accept his defeat this time, though there was no time to think. If Miller had really encoded all the classified information and hidden the money, everyone was in trouble. Big Boss would not take it lightly, but he couldn’t kill Miller… He needed those assets in order to expand Zanzibar Land.

Worst case scenario, he could as well kill Miller and desist from using those resources….

In any case there was no time to think.

  
“Password? I’m not aware of that but coming from Miller... it doesn’t surprise me.” Ocelot rolled his eyes to Big Boss and crossed his arms over his chest. The older man was waiting and it looked as if he didn’t have enough patience.  
“Well then John, let me get that password for you.”

Big Boss seemed pleased, he put his hand on Ocelot’s shoulder and talked to his ear.  
“Show me then. Show me your loyalty, Adam.”

 

* * *

  **1976 - first Encounter**

_“Kazuhira Miller.”_

_Kaz looked up from his table in a dark corner of the cozy cafe they’ve agreed on meeting._

_“And I suppose you are the famous Ocelot.”_

_Ocelot extended his hand to shake his but the blonde ignored him and looked at him with hatred in his eyes._

_Such a cocky bastard._

_And the hatred was mutual._

* * *

  
The person he was at that time would no doubt had enjoyed torturing Kazuhira Miller.

How long had it been since Ocelot first laid his eyes on him, 10 years? he hated him at first for stealing John away from him. How did he end up loving the annoying stupid blonde he met back then?

Not only did he love him but he was ready to die for him. And Kaz clearly loved him too. Ocelot knew his own love for John had always been one sided and it was strange for him that his love for Kazuhira Miller was returned. Was this what Miller called a relationship? Why did he push the only man who loved him away from him in the first place? Kaz looked destroyed, both inside and outside and Ocelot wondered if it was because of Big Boss or because of him. 

Maybe... Maybe he was to blame.

 

  
“Well? What are you waiting for? You are the Interrogator here.” Big Boss was getting impatient. Ocelot hadn’t realized he had been lost in his thoughts.

The Interrogator walled to Kaz and quickly grabbed his throat. The blonde’s eyes were looking just too wild and blue. Since when did Kaz recover his blue eyes? Something was wrong here…

“Okay, as the Boss said, we can do this the easy way… Or the hard way.” The Interrogator showed him a syringe. They both knew what it contained.  
“You do remember you tried this, right? You know what this is all about.” Ocelot talked just too close to Miller, he could almost smell his scent.

  
Kaz remained silent while he gritted his teeth and tried to breathe. For a strange reason he couldn’t listen to his demon anymore, the only thing that mattered to him was the man in front of his eyes.

The blue of his eyes washed out and his eyes turned pale again.

“Truth serum? I should have imagined.” He coughed while he concentrated in breathing, this was bad. He did have a password no one ever knew about but why would Ocelot resort to this? Was he really his enemy?

He fixed his eyes on the syringe but… That color… so, Ocelot, you wanna play, huh? He gave the Russian a small smirk, only for him. They did this many times before, they could understand each other with only one gesture…

_I want to trust him, leave me alone, don't..._

“Stop… Don’t…” Kaz tried to resist, or at least tried to fake he was resisting. Of course he knew there was a 50% chance Ocelot was deceiving him, but there was 50% chance he actually cared about him and wanted to trick Big Boss. He never really witnessed Big Boss and Ocelot interacting so he wasn’t sure about what would happen.

 _I can’t kill him because he’s my..._ _Close your eyes, trust him, let him do it… go away from me._

“Take a deep breath” the Russian whispered as the needle went into his flesh, the liquid penetrating him and flowing through his veins.

He should be angry, pissed off, anxious… But this thing between them was so intimate that he was calmed when he was next to this man. Specially when he was so close to him, their lips so close he could almost taste him.

 _It had always been him, and no one else, you know it._ _He’s the only one._

_Kazuhira, you are wrong. He's the only one who can KILL you._

  
Big Boss was watching them with a curious face.

“Now, this should kick in soon.” The Interrogator grabbed his chin and looked at his pupils.

“Is this how you interrogate everyone?” Big Boss got closer to the Russian, too close for him to get uncomfortable. He was right, he needed to keep his distance or else he’d suspect what lingered between them was true.

“Ever heard the phrase keep your friends close, Boss? I don’t want Miller to fool me with any trick, that’s why I’m closer to him.” Ocelot played a fake smirk on his face while he tried to remain calm. He was already in that position so he may as well follow the plan and, acting like he didn’t care, hand travelled to the back of the blonde’s head and caressed his hair. “If you want a man to talk you must know his weakness.”

“And I suppose you know his?” John talked softly while he continued to watch slightly amused at the scene.

“Of course.” Ocelot answered just too fast, too confident.

_Of course he knows what, or more precisely who, our weakness is. Kazuhira, we'll get killed because of your stupid feelings..._

  
Ocelot touched Kaz’s face again, slowly and almost lovingly. “It’s working, right Miller? What do you think? Are you going to cooperate?” His voice was too soft.

“What do I win if I do so?” Kaz breathed, feeling still like always but weaker.

“You don’t lose your life.”

Kaz laughed softly. “This is not the game I like to play.”

“No, this is Big Boss’s game, and his rules.” Ocelot’s hand made him feel his skin burning. 

_You are wrong. My life’s not what I’m afraid of losing. Anyway... You'd be dead too... You won't make me hurt anyone else..._

 

Kaz opened his eyes wide as he felt a sharp pain going through his chest and quickly closed his eyes when he catched Ocelot's grey eyes, there was surprise in them, as if he would actually care. But Kaz knew it was the parasites inside him, his demon desperate to come out.

“A-alright... Ngg... I don't have any choice do I?” The commander’s voice now was low but collected. The sharp pain disappeared.

“Let's begin with a simple question. Is your name Kazuhira Miller?”

“What kind of question is that?” Kaz kept his eyes closed as he tried to focus in Ocelot and not in his pain.

“Just answer.” Ocelot put his index finger and thumb on his throat to check on his pulse.

“Yes”

“Are you affiliated to Diamond Dogs?”

“Yes.”

Ocelot couldn't place why his pulse was so high, his body shouldn't have that reaction, or did he get the dose wrong? After some hesitation he continued with his interrogation.

  
“Are you here to kill Big Boss?”

YES

Silence.

Kaz rolled his eyes and he met Snake’s eye, so he answered straight to Big Boss’s face with a slight smile on his face.

“Maybe”

_Liar_

“Would you really try to kill him? Come on Miller, think before you answer. I’m giving you the power to choose.” without wanting it, he strengthened the grip on Kaz’s neck.

_Yes… Yes you would. Actually you will kill him and we’ll be the winners._

_And stop thinking about the Interrogator, we’ll kill HIM too._

Kaz’s eyes widened and he gritted his teeth, his mind struggling to retake control. His demon wanted Snake dead, but was still deliberating about Ocelot. Kaz knew he wasn't under the effect of truth serum but he was on the verge of losing his mind so he focused his eyes on the steel cold eyes of Revolver Ocelot, this man was definitely his downfall.

“I don’t know.”

“Too much to think about, huh? I understand. Let’s change the question then, are you loyal to Diamond Dogs?”

“Of course I am.”

“Are you aware that Diamond Dogs is Big Boss’s army?”

Kaz was getting tired and knew where this was going at. Maybe he shouldn’t had trusted this man so much…

“I am aware that Diamond Dogs is Big Boss’s army.” Kaz repeated that sentence like a robot.

“And you are the only one who knows where the money is.” Ocelot concluded.

Kaz remained silent.

“Answer Miller.” The grip on Kaz’s neck was stronger.

“Th-That wasn’t a question.”

He couldn’t help the smug grin on his face. Ocelot slapped his face hard.

“You think you’re funny, don’t you?”

Kaz coughed and for a moment his voice gained an unnecessary amount of confidence and his eyes flashed.   
“Do I need to answer that?”

Another hit on his face, so strong that his lip opened. Kaz simply passed his tongue through his lip, licking his own blood.

_Come on, release me and I’ll fucking kill them all. 早く早く早く どうしてあんたは。。。_

“Tell me where the money is and the password.” Ocelot was also getting impatient. Maybe once John had what he wanted, he would have the perfect opportunity to run away with Kaz.

Kaz held his breath and counted in Japanese, he needed to stay calm or he may hurt Ocelot.

“... I won’t tell you.”

 

* * *

 

  
“Is Kaz too much for you, Adam?” Big Boss   stepped closer and placed his hand on his right hand man's shoulder. He was taunting him.

Ocelot sighed and rolled his eyes.

“I gave him truth serum. There’s no information I can subtract from him. He already stated he won’t tell us the password. Do you want me to just ...beat Miller up?” Ocelot showed his hands in the air and tried to sound both unimpressed and bothered at the task that was imposed to him.

“I thought you hated him. Wouldn’t you want to beat him up?” Big Boss stood behind Ocelot and grabbed his waist with his two hands. Then he kissed his neck and Ocelot shivered. He couldn’t push him away, not yet.

Kaz, who had kept his head down until now, looked at them furiously. It made Ocelot's heart shrink.

Ocelot slowly removed Big Boss’s hands from his waist and approached Kaz. “I can’t beat him up for no reason, even I have my limits.”

“I don’t care what you do to me, you already know my answer Snake... aren’t you brave enough to beat me up yourself?” Kaz began to feel his blood boil again, maybe this time he’d really lose his mind. But he was scared because once he did it, he wouldn’t be able to control himself anymore. He could kill Ocelot without even realizing it so he tried with all his will not to let his demon take over him.

“It’s more interesting to watch how someone you hate has control over you." Big Boss continued, unaffected by the blonde's taunts.

Ocelot was getting uncomfortable, finding it hard to keep up with his mask.

"I know Ocelot can make you surrender to me. Tell me Kaz, don’t you know what he’s capable of? Don’t you know he’s a monster?”  
Big Boss looked very amused. But Kaz looked into Ocelot’s eyes and saw how he reacted to the word ‘monster’.

Yes, Kaz knew that since he was called blue eyed monster by the other kids at school in Japan. He thought Quiet was a monster… And he ended up seeing that she was as human as him, even though they shared something else, neither of them asked for this, they were freaks at the eyes of the rest.

But this was different.

_Just what the hell is wrong with you Snake... What happened to you?_

_We don't care, he'll be dead soon by your hands Kaz._

“I think we all know there’s only one _monster_ in this room, and that’s not precisely Ocelot.” Kaz smirked while he challenged him and tried in vain to break the chains that wrapped his left wrist.

Big Boss smile faded and he walked towards Kaz. “Do you really want to see me as a monster?”

 

Kaz knew he was wrong in mocking Snake but he felt so furious… How could Ocelot allow such a treatment? Did he still love Snake?

“I thought that is how you’ve been behaving until now.”

Big Boss punched Kaz on his face. There was a cut on Kaz’s right eye and blood from his nose started to run through his face.

“Not monster enough for you, huh? Didn’t you think I was capable of hurting you?” Big Boss voice made Ocelot shiver in fear. He never saw him so angry.

“I… I have no doubt about that…” Kaz didn’t want to look away and he glared at his former partner’s eye. This man could break him no more. But still, it was painful to be on the other side. Even if he knew Snake wanted him back, this was how he treated his enemies.

Ocelot grabbed Snake by his shoulders and moved him away from Kaz. He whispered to him “Don’t you think you are overdoing it? You know how stubborn he is, this will make things worse.”

Snake got closer to his face while he spoke in a low voice “I know Adam. You don’t have to tell me how to treat my partner. What do you suggest doing? Treating him nice then? Do you want to seduce him?”

Ocelot looked at him surprised.  
“Why would I do that?”

“Because I see how you look at him.”

Ocelot shifted his weight uncomfortably from one leg to another on his spot, Snake  was grabbing his chin.

  
Kaz watched them discuss something in secret while he gritted his teeth. He had to control himself but was anxious and wondered if Ocelot would really torture him.

_You are already a broken man Kazuhira, release me and I'll show them. You lost, you are too involved with the Interrogator._

Ocelot backed off from his boss, who followed him as he was beginning to get anxious.

“I thought you were here to help me. I need Kaz so you have to convince him to join me.”

“I thought you wanted me to help you find another-”

“I changed my mind, I want _him_. You either do it by force or.. Whatever method you consider fit. I see how you look at him, are you sure you don’t find him… _Attractive_?”

“Well… He’s an attractive man but why would I want to seduc-” he smiled awkwardly trying to sound unimpressed.

Snake grabbed Ocelot’s jaw with his right hand.  
“Just show me that I can trust in you..”

 

Ocelot sighed in discontent and approached Kaz while the blonde taunted Big Boss.

“You’re sending him to do the dirty job? Why won’t you make me join you like old times, eh Snake?!”

Ocelot’s face was expressionless while he faced his lover.  
“Shut up Miller. You are talking to me now.”

He grabbed his neck and watched him struggle for air. Then he whispered to his ear.

“Come on, give up already. He’ll kill you if you don’t do it. Do it for me.”

どうだ？オセロットさえ俺たちを裏切ったんだ。。。

_Even Ocelot betrayed us, how's that?_

Kaz couldn't believe Ocelot was still obeying Big Boss. Was he even going to torture him just to please him? Was this a trick or was he really loyal to Big Boss? He couldn't stand seeing his lover like this and kicked him in his stomach

“You are a coward just like him.”

Ocelot bent his body in pain. He couldn’t be weak in front of John, he had to make Kaz understand that Big Boss would kill him. Why was he behaving so reckless? He knew Kaz had been a tough opponent, he had the 'pleasure' of fighting him a couple of times, but now, what the hell could he do with one arm?

Growling he tore Kaz’s shirt open and grabbed the electric pods. He heard Snake laughing.

“You’re getting serious?” Big Boss was watching with interest.

Kaz watched them with a smirk on his face as if he was enjoying this. Again, there was a strange blue flickering on his now nude eyes.

_You know this will destroy you Kazuhira. How does it feel like? The man you most love in the world will hurt you just to make his boss happy. Better for me, you'll release me sooner than I expected._

_Shut up, shut up_

"Shut up!" Kaz screamed aloud this time.

Ocelot looked disgusted and annoyed. But there was something else hidden, an unspeakable sadness behind his flawless mask and anger, because this situation was out of his control.

Big Boss lighted a cigar while he watched Kaz taking the full electric charge, he was waiting to hear his screaming but he only heard him growling in pain.  
“You know I’ve been through this and I know how painful it is. You just have to promise you’ll stay by my side as always, I know you are a man of word, you can just surrender anytime.”

Kaz didn’t reply and just breathed with his mouth opened.

“Big Boss is waiting for your answer Miller. I wouldn’t advise you to remain silent. Will you cooperate with him? You know this will get worse” Ocelot tried to keep his cool and his voice was cold, but his eyes were full of anger and it was not precisely directed to Kaz. He was angry at himself.

Another discharge. Kaz screamed this time and Ocelot had to close his eyes for a moment. He couldn’t do this anymore.

“You… you know my answer. If you don't like it, then kill me… I ...wouldn't mind… if it's you the one who kills me...” Kaz whispered so that only Ocelot heard him. He didn't want to cry but tears ran through his face even if he didn't want to.

The Interrogator Specialist threw the electric pods to the floor and slapped his face hard. “Come on Miller, are you giving up already?”

“Kill me then.”

_カズヒラ、何やってんのか？ Kazuhira, what are you doing?_

There was silence, Adam knew John was watching and waiting for his next move. His hand trailed Kaz’s chest and he pressed his finger on the scar he himself gave him a while ago and Kaz’s body trembled.  
Stop lying to yourself Adam, you will never kill the man you love, he admitted. He couldn’t do it.

“Enough. This is useless, I can’t do this John…”

Snake threw his cigar to the floor and stepped on it with his boot. Then walked straight to Ocelot and pushed him away.

“You disappoint me Adam. Okay, you want me to do it like old times” He released Kaz from his chains and when he tried to attack him he punched the blonde on his stomach.

Kaz grabbed his stomach with his hand and growled.

“Yes Snake, this is who you are, this is who you…” Kaz could not speak as he received another hit.

 

Ocelot kept playing his role, being at Big Boss’s side. He silently watched how Kaz was taken down by John, who hit the younger man again and again. It was painful to watch but he did not close his eyes, he needed to see and pretend he was ok with Kaz getting what he deserved for having the guts to rebel against John.

Big Boss pushed Kaz to the wall and grabbed his left wrist while he grinded his body against his, trapping him even more.

“Kaz.”

Kaz spit blood on his face. There were tears rolling through his cheeks and his eyes were on fire. He had blood on his cheek, lips and nose too.

John did not flinch and smirked. He glanced at Ocelot as if looking for approval, but his face remained expressionless.

Then Big Boss held Kaz’s face with his hands in a surprisingly tender way, wiping away his tears and blood. And then he kissed him.

  
Kaz wanted to pull out but he was trapped. He kissed Snake back just because his body was used to it.

“Why are you so stubborn and vengeful against me? Haven't you also betrayed me by getting involved with someone else?” Big Boss talked loud enough for Ocelot to hear him, his lips were stained with the younger man's blood.

Ocelot crossed his arms on his chest and tried not to become upset with their kiss, after all he always knew that John loved Kaz. But still, what was he talking about? _Someone else_? Of course, John didn’t mind Kaz being involved with his phantom, after all, Venom Snake was made to deceive everyone, even Miller himself. It was obvious that they’d fuck. So who else would…?

“Why the hell would you care about that? After all it was you the one who betrayed me and left me.” Kaz moved his head trying to get away from the older man’s lips. Still, he was being emotional, and that was risky.

Snake, still holding his wrist, grabbed his chin.  
“No, you betrayed me first. You betrayed my phantom, and consequently me, by messing around with my right hand man.” Snake raised his voice, losing for a minute his cool composure.

What? What did John said? Did he know about….?

Ocelot uncrossed his arms and stepped back. He had a knot on his stomach. How could he think John would be that stupid?

 

 

Of course he knew. Since the moment he saw Ocelot and Miller exchange looks, he knew what was going on.


End file.
